RE: subs and weight loss.

RE: subs and weight loss. (Full Version)

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Level -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/20/2006 9:21:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: maybemaybenot Level: Yes, A dominant often times witholds things. In this case, where I have trouble is: he is not her dominant. He is considering her. He hasn't taken the step that gives him that authority, IMO. I see what you're saying mbmbn, but I would not have an issue with a dominant telling a potential partner "in order to get here, I'd like to see you do so-and-so". If I were in the OP's situation, I would always have it in the back of my mind that if I were to lose the weight and for whatever reason, put back a few pounds, he would reject me. Re gaining weight happens often for many reasons. This would be something I hope they discuss. "If I get sick and gain back the weight, then what?" etc.... if it is soley a matter of dominance and submission, if she fails to meet his criteria, then he has every right to end things. If it's a matter of the heart, then to my mind, that needs to be taken as a huge part of things, if not the biggest.

Dv8Top -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/20/2006 9:24:05 AM)
What an interesting thread. I'm new to this site, not new to the lifestyle, and very experienced with the "on-line" community. I have to say that there are a large number of posts here, the majority as I see it, that judge the Dom, and the sub, in this exchange without knowing enough about either to make judgemental comments. Clearly the lady that started this thread has, time and again, made hereself clear about the dynamic of the relationship and her satisfaction with it. It appears to me her original post was an inquiry about whether her Doms direction was unique, not a concern as to the propriety of it. I learned early on judge not lest ye be judged, and especially in our lifestyle, which is so often judged without knowledge, I find it interesting that rather than speak to the intent of the question many have spoken to their particular issues and judged the sub and the Dom without sufficient information to judge either... just my $.02 YMMV DV8Top

juliaoceania -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/20/2006 9:25:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TexasMaam Just a question, because I'm curious, is your Sir in tip top shape, or just pretty good shape? (I usually find that men let themselves go a lot but expect their lady friends to be committed to high maintenance!) ; ) To answer your question, excercise plans are a pretty common assignment, whether from a Dom or a Domme. While they help with the subs overall health and of course help to tone and shape, I use exercise assignments to improve strength and range of motion. I can't ask a sub to hold a kowtow for an hour, for example, if his back can't take the position for that long. I exercise several days a week, and expect a sub to do the same. I've never used exercise as a condition for sexual intimacy, though. That's where I'm thinking your 'Sir' might not work out for you in the long run, perhaps. Good luck to you, TexasMaam The dom I am seeing constantly laughs at this scenario he has witnessed play out in the lifestyle time and time again... A dom/me that is more than 100 lbs overweight will put a sub on a diet and exercise program that would make Mr World faint. They yell about flabby subs as they scarf down on pizza at the local munch.... Exactly right, LEAD BY EXAMPLE! If some dom that had a higher body fat ratio than myself and had not seen the inside of a gym in his life told me to drop weight I think he would be looking for another sub, I wouldnt respect him. It is something I very much adore about the dom I am seeing now, he is more interested in the stamina/health of a sub than a dress size... As Usual my views do not necessarily reflect on collarme or their associates...smiles

maybemaybenot -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/20/2006 10:12:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level I see what you're saying mbmbn, but I would not have an issue with a dominant telling a potential partner "in order to get here, I'd like to see you do so-and-so". Basically, I agree with you Level. Lets say a potential Dominant of mine had a great love of Gregorian chants and wanted me to become familiar with this aspect of music, before we commited. I would begin a study program, begin listening to it, know the who's who of Gregorian Chants, etc, to become familiar with it. No problem, not a big deal. Lets say he said he expected me to wear yellow frequently, < i hate yellow> I could deal with that. Would buy me a daffodil yellow sun bonnet if he liked. On the other hand, let's say he said, I want you to dye your hair blonde from now on and wear blue contact lenses at all times. If I had always wanted to be blone haired blue eyes, this might be a bonus. But being quite content being a green-eyed redhead, I would decline. To me that is the same as the weight issue. mbmbn

Level -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/20/2006 10:27:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: maybemaybenot Basically, I agree with you Level. Lets say a potential Dominant of mine had a great love of Gregorian chants and wanted me to become familiar with this aspect of music, before we commited. I would begin a study program, begin listening to it, know the who's who of Gregorian Chants, etc, to become familiar with it. No problem, not a big deal. Lets say he said he expected me to wear yellow frequently, < i hate yellow> I could deal with that. Would buy me a daffodil yellow sun bonnet if he liked. On the other hand, let's say he said, I want you to dye your hair blonde from now on and wear blue contact lenses at all times. If I had always wanted to be blone haired blue eyes, this might be a bonus. But being quite content being a green-eyed redhead, I would decline. To me that is the same as the weight issue. mbmbn Even after he became your dominant, or only prior?

maybemaybenot -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/20/2006 10:52:11 AM)
Even after. LOL. I would wear a blonde wig, <perhaps dye my hair short term> and wear blue contacts on occasion. But as a permanant change as condition of the relationship ,the answer is no. My point was, he met and chose a green eyed, redhead, since he wanted a blue eyed blonde, I am not the choice for him. mbmbn

darq -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/20/2006 2:06:13 PM)
I just wonder why the only Doms to ever contact me anywhere are always body builders ... I never get to meet the normal looking men anymore. sigh And then of course they're like ... Hey, I spend 8 hours in a gym every day to look this way, you should too. Uhm, no? Not like I approached them ... lol

feastie -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/20/2006 2:25:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetsubie So, im under consideration at the moment and Sir has put me on a diet and sets excersizes for me to do each day as he isnt happy with my weight. while it upsets me slightly that Sir doesnt like my body, im happy that Sir is helping me improve myself for him but he has clearly stated that he wont fuck me untill iv lost this weight and he is happy with my size, i'm curious to see if any other subs here have experienced anything similar? thanks. Couldn't be plainer, could it? Maybe he didn't say that you're not good enough to fuck in precisely those words, but that is EXACTLY what this sentence screams at me.

Nyxalinth2 -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/20/2006 9:02:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: maybemaybenot My point was, he met and chose a green eyed, redhead, since he wanted a blue eyed blonde, I am not the choice for him. mbmbn this is where I am, too. I am 5'9" and full-figured. I will not tolerate it if a man gets together with me (chooses me) and then tries to make me lose weight. If he chose me fat, I stay fat, unless health issues occur. then we can discuss the alternatives. I asked the girl who started this topic 'If he didn't like your body type, then why is he bothering? he should find what he likes'. Interesting, no reply. that tells me all I need to know.

givemyall -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/21/2006 2:10:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feastie quote: ORIGINAL: sweetsubie So, im under consideration at the moment and Sir has put me on a diet and sets excersizes for me to do each day as he isnt happy with my weight. while it upsets me slightly that Sir doesnt like my body, im happy that Sir is helping me improve myself for him but he has clearly stated that he wont fuck me untill iv lost this weight and he is happy with my size, i'm curious to see if any other subs here have experienced anything similar? thanks. Couldn't be plainer, could it? Maybe he didn't say that you're not good enough to fuck in precisely those words, but that is EXACTLY what this sentence screams at me. It's what it screams at me too! Reminds me of a Dom that told me that I was under consideration, but he told me to remove my profile off here. So I stood up to the insecure bully, put some piccies on and told him that I would consider him. He wasn't happy but I took the risk and set the level for any further discussions..... I wouldnt say that sort of approach would work for everyone, but it did for me. I think before you expect anyone to respect you, you have to respect yourself for what and who you are. *sits back and waits for people to mail her telling her what a terrible subby she is lol

MissA -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/21/2006 10:03:27 AM)
I admit I didn't take time to read all of the posts so I may simply be reiterating something someone else has said. I think if you're trying to get healthier that's great! The only concern I had reading your replies was the fact you stated things like "I'm thankful" or "I'm appreciative he keeps me still." To me these convey that you feel you are unworthy because of your weight. I do not know if this is something he has stated or something you yourself feel but IMO true health means loving yourself and feeling deserving of love as well as taking care of your body. You should never feel unworthy and "thankful" that someone will essentially take you "as is." I wish you the best in your endeavors. ~Ms. A~

DsBound -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/21/2006 3:28:35 PM)
Probably a different point of view here... however if you are under consideration for something long term and he's willing to spend his time and effort helping you without it just being about sexual servitude, then I think I'd give him kudos. No doubt this is a change you'd like to see within yourself too and if you've shared that with him, then he's giving you extra motiviation. :)

sweetsubie -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/21/2006 4:26:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DsBound Probably a different point of view here... however if you are under consideration for something long term and he's willing to spend his time and effort helping you without it just being about sexual servitude, then I think I'd give him kudos. No doubt this is a change you'd like to see within yourself too and if you've shared that with him, then he's giving you extra motiviation. :) Thank you [:)]

ownedblackbeauty -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/21/2006 6:43:58 PM)
WOW! it brings me sadness to see that you aer going through what i went through in a previous M/s relationship. i felt the same way you feel. i was happy He was helping me better myself but i was upset that He didnt like my body... a body that i was comfortable with. what really hurt me was the fact that everytime i put something in my mouth He had something smart to say. choose wisely if that is the situation you want to be in. PLEASE make sure you are happy. it does hurt to drag on a relationship where you feel like you arent what your Master wants. please be well. best of luck! slave ty property of Master, Sir and spankingbeauty (cm.com)

bignipples2share -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/21/2006 8:03:09 PM)
I would ask this perspective Dom, what happens if I gained the weight back. I would also venture to ask him, since the look of your body seems to be of utmost importance, his feelings should you become scarred, do to an accident, or whatever, why happens should you loose a finger, a toe, your foot, your hand, etc. I agree, being blond and blue eyed for a day, might be interesting, but that is not who I am. If he can't get past my imperfections and just be able to capture the essence of who I am and what I am, then it wasn't meant to be. I'm all for self improvement, but not at the sacrifice to my self worth. Today, it may be weight, what does tomorrow bring? What about when you get a wrinkle? After all, there are proceedures that will get rid of them, but the point is, do you then become unfuckable until you do something about it? From what you wrote in your original post: quote: ORIGINAL: sweetsubie as he isnt happy with my weight. while it upsets me slightly that Sir doesnt like my body, im happy that Sir is helping me improve myself for him but he has clearly stated that he wont fuck me untill iv lost this weight and he is happy with my size This just screams at me as well. Even your subsequent posts have not dispelled the creepy feelings this brings to me. Short term, fine, you loose weight, it's just the long term...hmmmm

apb -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/21/2006 9:01:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetsubie Thank you [:)] i wish you the best of luck sweetsubie. losing weight is definitely a good (healthy) thing. only you can know if this relationship is right for you and the rest of us can give you advice until the cows come home ... all i know is that i have learned over the last 25 years of relationships that being with someone who tries to make fundamental changes to me doesn't work. i have to want that change myself. since it sounds like this is a change you want for yourself, then perhaps this is the encouragement you need. if so - i am happy for you!

truesub4u -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/21/2006 10:19:12 PM)
hmmm....... "I won't fuck you till you lose weight"...... well who in the hell said I wanted to fuck you to begin with would of been my response. IMO... any Dom that states that... is not thinking of anything... anyone.. but themselves. I believe nipples2share said it... what if something happens to you at some time that alters your apperance again.... thyroid problems... medical.... etc.... will he dump you after all the work you put into this for his benifit and not yours too? On the other side.... let the bastard know... SEX HELPS IN LOSING WEIGHT... lol.... think of the calories being burned....... energy...excercise.....tell him if he wants to help you lose weight....... then start fucking.... LOL

ElectraGlide -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/21/2006 10:55:09 PM)
I helped my ex-sub loose weight. She lost 30 pounds, then she took a withdrawl fit and went back on the sweets and gained it back. It was a sad site I helped her at her request. She got miserable again after she gained the weight back. I was proud of her at first then dissapointed after the weight gain. I did not take credit for her weight loss because I only provided the guidance and after all it was her efforts that lost the weight. The relationship folded shortly after for other reasons. I did not look down at her for gaining it back because we are only human, and weight loss is one of the toughest battles you will ever fight. By the way the health gyms are full of a bunch of sweaty skinny people smiling at themselves in the mirrors while they are working out lol.

Level -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/22/2006 3:20:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: truesub4u .. energy...excercise.....tell him if he wants to help you lose weight....... then start fucking.... LOL LOL true.....[sm=trident.gif]

bandit25 -> RE: subs and weight loss. (5/22/2006 3:32:40 AM)
Truer words were never said, true. She's gotta point.

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