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released - 8/12/2011 5:23:40 AM

Candela1

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/7/2010
Status: offline

How do you go on after being released? my Owner, past Owner, has released me after a year and a half and i seem to be having some issues with feeling lost and not sure where to begin to put things back together again...
If anyone has had this experience and would like to share what had made it easier to move on, it would be very much appreciated.
It was my first real D/s/dating relationship and im finding it a bit difficult to pick up the pieces and move on, much more so than any vanilla relationship i've had that had ended.

Thanks in advance for all advice

Post #: 1

RE: released - 8/12/2011 5:36:10 AM

SuperHappyTime

Posts: 63
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

If you don't mind me asking, how long has it been?

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(in reply to Candela1)

Post #: 2

RE: released - 8/12/2011 5:44:47 AM

Candela1

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/7/2010
Status: offline

i was released on Monday evening. But i still feel as if it happened right now

(in reply to SuperHappyTime)

Post #: 3

RE: released - 8/12/2011 6:04:03 AM

SuperHappyTime

Posts: 63
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

Well four days for any decent relationship is not long, unless you were really wanting out. Have you got friends you can go to in order to take your mind off him or at least bounce stuff off?

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I have decided to become a finsub. Message me for my amazon wishlist and 'tribute' options.

(in reply to Candela1)

Post #: 4

RE: released - 8/12/2011 6:12:33 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Make a list of the things you used to do for enjoyment and do at least one of them a day. Go out for coffee with friends, have a bubble bath, watch an old movie, order in take out that he disliked. And so on.

You should be feeling much better within a month.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SuperHappyTime)

Post #: 5

RE: released - 8/12/2011 6:18:36 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

well, it kinda did "just happen;" 4 days really isn't that much time. hanging out with friends is a good idea, or doing some of your favorite things. just be really nice to yourself and take it easy. dealing with loss of any kind isn't going to be neat and clean, and it could even take twice as long as you were together to get over it. you miss the person, you miss the relationship, you miss your hopes for the future, etc etc. there's a lot involved there.
have you ever kept a journal? those can be really helpful for getting things off your chest. the thing with relying on other people to talk to is that, inevitably, they get bored of listening. they get this "aren't you over that yet?" thing going on, and if you aren't when they think you should be, they can't really relate to you anymore.
the bulk of the "Getting over it" process is a solo mission, you know?

for me, after my Person died, the first couple of months were cycling between numbness and rage. when i came out of that cloud, people didn't seem to understand that i still needed to talk. all they saw was the passage of time, and, to them, that meant something. to me, it didn't. i'd been in suspended animation the whole time.
i did meet one girl who had the same thing happen to her at just about the same time, and we became really good friends and could talk about anything. so maybe talking to someone in a similar boat will at least help you feel like what you're feeling is normal. on fetlife (if you're there) there's a group called Submissives/Slaves/Bottoms without Dominants, and a lot of people find it helpful when they're either getting out of a relationship, or working towards being ready to start a new one.

good luck and good, glittery thoughts to you!

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to SuperHappyTime)

Post #: 6

RE: released - 8/12/2011 6:23:15 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1ScBNkXaJk

go get em tiger.

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Post #: 7

RE: released - 8/12/2011 6:26:25 AM

SuperHappyTime

Posts: 63
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1ScBNkXaJk

go get em tiger.

Thanks, now gotta go find ear bleach.

_____________________________

I have decided to become a finsub. Message me for my amazon wishlist and 'tribute' options.

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Post #: 8

RE: released - 8/12/2011 6:27:30 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

That will be something to do instead of pining.

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to SuperHappyTime)

Post #: 9

RE: released - 8/12/2011 6:55:30 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

I took ownership of myself back. I realized it was up to me to take care of myself and direct myself and I became determined to do so in the best way possible. I also cut off all contact with him, because I realized it was unhealthy for me to continue talking to him.

I cried a lot, I talked to friends a lot, and I took on the responsibility of making decisions for myself. The sadness went away in time. I took the opportunity to better my life as a result.

I do wish you well. It's not easy when a relationship ends.

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Candela1)

Post #: 10

RE: released - 8/12/2011 7:22:53 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I took ownership of myself back. I realized it was up to me to take care of myself and direct myself and I became determined to do so in the best way possible. I also cut off all contact with him, because I realized it was unhealthy for me to continue talking to him.

I cried a lot, I talked to friends a lot, and I took on the responsibility of making decisions for myself. The sadness went away in time. I took the opportunity to better my life as a result.

I do wish you well. It's not easy when a relationship ends.

This. Give yourself a few days to mourn, then start moving on and doing things for you.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 11

RE: released - 8/12/2011 7:32:10 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

Exercise. It's good for the mind as well as the body. Don't self medicate with drugs, booze or bad food. Don't make big decisions or rush into a new relationship. You have been emotionally wounded, and you need time to heal, just as from a physical injury

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 12

RE: released - 8/12/2011 8:04:22 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Some excellent advice here.

Most of the time I buy into the "BDSM relationships are like all other relationships" but this is not one of them. It really is more difficult for a submissive to break away from his/her dominant (no matter the reason for the break up). When you give your mind, body and soul to someone, a break up does have you feeling you lost your soul.

First, make sure you are doing the daily basics of eat, sleep, bathe, even if you have to enlist friends to help. Four days into a break up is not very long.

I love the "do something nice for yourself every day suggestion," it is one I make as well.

Give yourself a couple weeks to wallow in it. There's nothing wrong with wallowing, as long as you don't let it go on forever. As has been said, you are wounded, give yourself time to heal.

Exercise is great once you are up to putting the pieces back together. But please, don't rush the mourning process. It *IS* a process, so let it take it's time.

< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 8/12/2011 8:05:44 AM >

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(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 13

RE: released - 8/12/2011 8:14:59 AM

HannahLynHeather

Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline

haagen dazs!!!

hey, i'm just an old fashioned kind of girl.

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fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 14

RE: released - 8/12/2011 9:31:35 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I don't see the difference between "vanilla" and "bdsm" relationships so I'm just going to give you advice on what I have done when relationships ended.

When my husband died I grieved for years and fucked up my life. I don't even remember the majority of the years.
When my relationship ended with my former Dom I fixed myself, I worked on my life, I didn't date and instead did things I enjoyed, hung out with friends and concentrated on my daughter and work and homelife. I delved into hobbies and simply enjoyed being with me and me alone.

So my advice is find things you like to do, enjoy your life and move on reminding yourself that you have a life of your own without him.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)

Post #: 15

RE: released - 8/12/2011 10:32:55 AM

Candela1

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/7/2010
Status: offline

i want to thank everyone for their replies and great suggestions to get over the hurt. i had been in my relationship with my previous Dom for a year and a half, so i know it will take a bit of time. As well it doesn't help to see "their" profile on here looking to have me replaced already :(
This was my first M/s relationship, and that might be another reason why i feel just a bit lost as opposed to any of my vanilla relationships ending.
But as the songs says "i will survive"....

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 16

RE: released - 8/12/2011 11:12:43 AM

MissToYouRedux

Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Candela1

... As well it doesn't help to see "their" profile on here looking to have me replaced already :(

That one's easy. Use the hide button. {poof!} And then get back to all the good ideas above. :)

_____________________________

- Miss Marie

(in reply to Candela1)

Post #: 17

RE: released - 8/12/2011 11:16:54 AM

Candela1

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/7/2010
Status: offline

@MissToYouRedux, thank you, i didn't know i could do that on here, very helpful

(in reply to MissToYouRedux)

Post #: 18

RE: released - 8/12/2011 11:52:09 AM

smokegirl

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/2/2006
Status: offline

I agree with everyone, just try and make yourself happy and keep yourself busy. (That was a lesson I learned from a difficult time I've had not long ago. Being with friends and keeping busy is what helped me get out of my funk, and to grow) I hope everything works out for you :)

(in reply to Candela1)

Post #: 19

RE: released - 8/12/2011 1:11:30 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

I'm over 10 yrs into my only M/s relationship so haven't much idea of how it'd be if it ended.......other than horribly painful.

When my husband died I didn't do any of the recommended things.....I got drunk fairly often, had a go at drugs, cried, played music that made me cry and danced alone during long, lonely nights. I didn't eat, I got all skinny and scrawny, I hardly ever left the house and I only cared about my children.

I was alone in my grief and other people just annoyed me. I scooted to the surface when the bottom got old. I came up to take air when I just had to, not because other people thought my pain should be over.

Lots of great hints here for distraction but ultimately, you will get over it in your own way.....and all I'd say is to try not to fuck yourself TOO much in the process, which is easier said than done.

Best wishes for a bit of peaceful navigation.

agirl

_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to Candela1)

Post #: 20

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