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RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/24/2006 6:07:38 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		OK I'm not a submissive but I do have to say that the FBI thing I don't think is as bad as everyone is saying.  I certainly don't see it as being disrespectful to the sub.  It would be like my son who wants to be a professional wrestler.  I am all supportive of that if that is his dream but I am also realistic.  Not everyone who tries makes it, in fact, very few do.  So in the meantime, there is a lot of work to be put into getting there to make himself more attractive to the powers that be who will launch him toward that goal and you do have to support yourself in the meantime.  There is a vast difference between being unsupportive of dreams and being realistic and responsible in achieving your goals.  I took it from the OP that she has no other plans in case this falls through, no interim plans for the process of getting there, etc.  That, to me, does not sound like someone who is carefully and realistically planning for her life.  No, the FBI is not as easy as being a cop and the process for getting into it is a lot more stringent.  It takes time and effort and it is definitely not a sure thing.  As a support person, I do not think it is a bad thing to be supportive AND be realistic and try to guide someone toward thinking about the "what if's" in a situation so they are better prepared.

Now as far as the other stuff.  How long has it been since you readdressed your initial negotiations?  People change and what she might have thought was a great sounding deal may have been, in reality, too much for her once she started actually living it.  How flexible are you in what you will or will not put up with?  I would suggest discussing again in detail the boundaries to your relationship and specific rules.  Write them down.  Discuss consequences for actions.  Perhaps if you can bend a bit on a few things, she will get a better comfort zone and be able to adjust some things herself.

On the other hand, she still does not have her personal life in order.  Just out of school, no job, still trying to make her way, no personal stability.  Perhaps it is simply a case of she has not gotten herself all worked out so really, how can she give herself completely to someone else?  Each person is different and perhaps micromanagement is not what she needs but instead a lot more freedom to find her own way.  That does not mean you have to end the D/s relationship but perhaps in the meantime you need to adjust some of your rules to accommodate her for a time. 

But in the end, if you are unable or unwilling to bend a bit and she is unable or unwilling to bend a bit then you have no basis for a D/s relationship and you are essentially roommates or in a nilla relationship.  Only the two of you can decide if that is acceptable.  But you two need to sit down and do some work.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Mistressnfantasy)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/24/2006 7:19:46 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		How can you control her when she's living at home, newly graduated and not yet with a steady job? Her parents control her which is appropriate, their house, their rules. Or do you seriously expect her to tell her parents that her master has ordered her not to obey them.

She has an ambition for her career which you are ordering her to drop. This is totally inappropriate. You don't live with her, you aren't supporting her, you aren't willing to provide a trust fund to replace her future earnings, yet you think you have the right to dictate her entire future when your past shows that there's no chance you'll be together in another six months because you don't know how to commit nor how to grow a relationship.

You don't talk about anything, you're jealous for no reason, you are attempting to prevent her from learning anything about the lifestyle from anyone other than you. Yet you think you have good communication. Your immaturity is showing heavily.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/24/2006 7:40:34 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:


4) Is poly a solution or would it be just an escape?


You've got to be kidding.  You can't handle your primary relationship and are pondering whether poly would be good.  Answer:  no.




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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to BigBadVoodooDadd)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/24/2006 8:04:36 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		oh yes, missed that part...no poly is not the answer when you don't have your primary sorted.  Bad idea and it will only compound the issues. 

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/24/2006 8:50:01 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		FYI -- this thead is 2 years old so I doubt the OP is still around to appreciate any of this wise advice. Of course it doesn't hurt to swap ideas anyway -- as the Mike Myers character, Linda Richman, would say -- "No big whoop; talk among yourselves."

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(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/24/2006 9:51:56 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		dammit

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/24/2006 12:02:06 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		1) What do you do when you are in a relationship with someone that stops caring about the core of the relationship?
I think i would try to talk to the person and find out why they had stopped caring.

2) Is there any way to actually get back on track with things?
Possibly, depending on the answer to the above and whether both of you want to get back on track.

3) How far is too far before you actually cut your losses and move on with life?
For me nothing is too far, im a sufferer of coulda, woulda, shoulda. I always say i could have cut my losses but ....(insert reason). I would have cut my losses but .....(insert excuse). I should have cut my losses but .......(insert reason). Only you can decide what is too much to handle.

4) Is poly a solution or would it be just an escape?
If you want to add more problems to the mix maybe.
With the state of your current relationship i'd say no.

5) Do you have any suggestions or solutions that I have not thought about?
There really are only two solutions and both involve sitting down and talking to your partner. You either both work at it or you walk away.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to BigBadVoodooDadd)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/25/2006 4:08:32 AM   
ChaOz


Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Yeah blame bad, talk good.

OK so she questions you.. and you explain yourself and reason with her? Ok. But you need more control. Questioning you, forcing you to explain, wasting your time.. thats not good if she repeditively does that simply to force you to go on like a whiny old fart. So more dicipline and more respect. Get her to goto a career councilor, do like profile tests, talk to people on how to get into the FBI. If she wants that goal then help make it happen, be an active part of her life and jazz up hte relationship. Sounds like its gone stale but do not bring someone else into it. You need to fix this first. You may have slid a bit from being the Dom to being the nice and caring boyfriend.


< Message edited by ChaOz -- 10/25/2006 4:13:22 AM >

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/25/2006 10:12:41 AM   
slaverose442


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/25/2006
Status: offline 		I am in her shoes. Oour house sounds almost like yours. 1 difference though. You are trying to do something about it. my Master is not doing anything. He says it is on me to deal with and figure out. Which isn't happening and wont as long He doesn't show He really wants me to. So she is lucky and should count her blessings. Unless she is doing it to drive you away. Maybe she has found this M/s life is not for her.

rose442

(in reply to ChaOz)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/25/2006 5:26:47 PM   
naughtygeisha


Posts: 32
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline 		hello Sir, i have no words of advice that would make more sense than the following article i found. i find it to be profound and so clear on what i as a slave value and what makes a good Master to me ImHO.

http://www.gor.net/soa/writings/kajira.htm

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Submission is the greatest gift there is , Why throw it away, cherish it and be cherished

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/25/2006 5:55:44 PM   
ChaOz


Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		I think even though there are dicipline problems there's also real life issues going on. She's at a point where she does need freedom to find herself, and you need to give her room for that. Tell her its ok to not know what she wants to do, be supportive of her disicion of the FBI but let her know its ok not do anything for a year if she wants to just chill out and be herself, doesnt need to start on a career right off. Personally I think you should consider going on a vacation with her, let her see a bit of the world, maybe 1 month or even 3-6 around the states or better yet, into a foreign country. She's just at that point in life and if your not careful she will feel like she has out grown the relationship. You have a juggling act on your hands here, dont just dicipline her but give her space as far as her life is concerned. There's also nothing wrong with her wanting to appear normal in front of perants and friends, this is a two way relationship here. Oh, and congratulate her on finishing her majors, need to celebrate that. Its good work. Maybe stay another year to do honors or something, would help getting into FBI.


< Message edited by ChaOz -- 10/25/2006 5:59:26 PM >

(in reply to naughtygeisha)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/26/2006 7:16:29 AM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		As mentioned already, I'm sure whatever issues they had were resolved two years ago....

At any rate, the Opening Poster hasn't visited Collarme in over three months.



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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to ChaOz)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/26/2006 8:26:11 AM   
RedSavageSlave


Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline 		I wonder if she ever made it into the FBI

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to Voltare)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/26/2006 9:06:25 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Well, two years old...............perhaps we can salvage this somehow----

Can we turn this into a FatGirl thread?

LOLOLOL,
Ron Edgar Hoover

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to RedSavageSlave)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/26/2006 10:10:13 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Ron Edgar Hoover


Your eye shadow is smudged.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/26/2006 12:09:41 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Ron Edgar Hoover


Your eye shadow is smudged.



Your eye shadow is smudged AND you're fat .


(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/26/2006 12:12:40 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Now, this thread is coming around to a little sound logic again.
My mother made me a homosexual, if you have three and a half yards of gingham print, she will make you one too.

Eddie



_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/26/2006 12:16:29 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		She may just want to bottom as opposed to submit to you.

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Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to BigBadVoodooDadd)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/26/2006 12:16:57 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

if you have three and a half yards of gingham print, she will make you one too.


Dress up time!  A matching ribbon for my hair, perhaps?


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What do you do when a "slave" does not care? - 10/26/2006 2:34:14 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Now, this thread is coming around to a little sound logic again.
My mother made me a homosexual, if you have three and a half yards of gingham print, she will make you one too.

Eddie




Only three and a half yards? Cheap at half the price.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 40
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