Is there a typical day?

Is there a typical day? (Full Version)

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bennyprofane -> Is there a typical day? (8/16/2011 11:14:53 AM)
I'm still trying to learn as much as I can about this life, but I'm held back because my upbringing was extremely sheltered. What I'm really curious about is a simple explanation of how a dominant-submissive relationship works on a day to day basis. (I'm a vanilla, my gf is a submissive) Specifically, what kinds of "scenes" do couples do together? My gf loves being spanked and tied up and I am looking for ideas on how to explore these ideas safely. How are conflicts resolved? Does the dominant's will always get precedence, or is there a degree of compromise? What other rituals do dominants put their subs through? I heard of one guy who makes his wife pluck ten pubic hairs every day and put them in a plastic bag.

HeatherMcLeather -> RE: Is there a typical day? (8/16/2011 1:34:34 PM)
Day to day, it works like any other relationship I have ever seen except for one single difference. On the surface it is a small thing, but it is profound. She decides, I abide.

OsideGirl -> RE: Is there a typical day? (8/16/2011 2:32:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather Day to day, it works like any other relationship I have ever seen except for one single difference. On the surface it is a small thing, but it is profound. She decides, I abide. That was very well said. We lead quite vanilla lives for the most part.

littlewonder -> RE: Is there a typical day? (8/16/2011 3:26:43 PM)
typical day......I wake up....we call each other, maybe meet for breakfast before he heads off to work and i head off to work/college/chores, check in with each other throughout the day, see each other after the day is done, spend time together when we're both not busy with work, he makes sure that what I need to do gets done....yeah, boring huh? LOL Our relationship isn't any different than anyone else's really.....the only difference is that he is the leader, the boss, head of household and what he says goes.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Is there a typical day? (8/16/2011 3:42:08 PM)
My average day was either calling him first thing in the morning, or calling him once i was out of class, to see what he wanted to do. If he wanted me to come help him work in the yard or do something with his work, that's what i did. Sometimes he wanted to know what i wanted to do, so i'd give suggestions. Sometimes we'd just hang out and cook food together, sometimes we'd play, and he'd give me specific instructions on what to bring with me or what preparatory things to do. blah blah blah Some relationships are big on protocol, and that's fine. Others aren't, and that's fine, too. There isn't really a "typical day" umbrella that covers everyone, because relationships are different. Other than that, I'd say Heather put it pretty well.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Is there a typical day? (8/16/2011 3:49:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bennyprofane I'm still trying to learn as much as I can about this life, but I'm held back because my upbringing was extremely sheltered. What I'm really curious about is a simple explanation of how a dominant-submissive relationship works on a day to day basis. (I'm a vanilla, my gf is a submissive) Specifically, what kinds of "scenes" do couples do together? My gf loves being spanked and tied up and I am looking for ideas on how to explore these ideas safely. We don't do scenes. We have a relationship and live life. quote: How are conflicts resolved? Does the dominant's will always get precedence, or is there a degree of compromise? We're grown adults and discuss things accordingly. If he's right then he's right. If I'm right then I'm right. Egos get put aside so that the relationship can remain healthy. quote: What other rituals do dominants put their subs through? I heard of one guy who makes his wife pluck ten pubic hairs every day and put them in a plastic bag. Outside of doing what he says, I text him on the mornings we aren't together and tell him my weight and blood pressure. I'm not allowed to smoke. I'm not allowed to change my hair without permission. I tell him what is on my schedule. I tell him any info that pertains to me, my schedule, my girls schedules, etc. so that he can make informed decisions. He doesn't make me do things for the sake of making me do things. If he tells me to do something then I know that it is important to him and it becomes my top priority. If it conflicts with something to do with my daughters I tell him that and he gives me further instructions as to what to do. If it doesn't conflict...it is my top priority.

Madame4a -> RE: Is there a typical day? (8/16/2011 4:54:39 PM)
Typical day: I wake up, shower -- tell her what time it is and go down and push the buttons on the various coffee pots that she's set out. I feed the cats, pour my coffee -- pour some into my thermos and go up and get ready for work. We meet downstairs and have some coffee and I leave for work. She stays, makes her lunch and does a few chores and then leaves for work. We text and talk throughout the day. I get home first and change. She gets home and greets me as her Lady and she changes. We then do whatever we do in the evening -- I might cook, make my lunch, we spend time together. She sets up the coffee for the next day -- lather, rinse, repeat very very ordinary... weekends are different -- most weekends we have something leather to do, a meeting, a demo, a bar night, a party.. socializing... a contest or some kind of activity... the visible D/s happens mostly on the weekends, but its still there -- everyday in all that we do.. that said.. we're still a very normal typical couple for the most part -- there's just an interesting undercurrent. I don't make every decision in the house because this is also a partnership. Things like the house, the cats, her job.. finances.. family are all shared. There are some things where I do have final say -- but its still a partnership.

DesFIP -> RE: Is there a typical day? (8/16/2011 6:03:43 PM)
Make tea, take our meds, give him breakfast (I can't eat until an hour after I take my meds). Talk about our schedules for the day and see what we need to get done and if we can do stuff together or not. Go run errands. Hold hands in the car. If we have a disagreement, we try to resolve it. We talk it out more to see where the conflict is, sometimes have to do some research to solve the problem. Our focus isn't on who gets their own way, but how to fix the problem. We do some brain storming. Might ask an expert. Have dinner, clean up kitchen, go to bed. If he's on a decent sleep cycle, which hasn't been for the last few days, we try to have sex sometimes with light play. Full out every item in the toy bag is usually saved for days when we have lots of time and privacy, not that common.

lupineEleven -> RE: Is there a typical day? (8/16/2011 7:35:36 PM)
Fast Reply ^_^ Specifically, what kinds of "scenes" do couples do together? My gf loves being spanked and tied up and I am looking for ideas on how to explore these ideas safely. Well, scenes are NOT every day/day to day occurrences. Scenes are (planned or unplanned) just moments of kinky fun that can last for a few minutes to a few hours.. sometimes more sometimes less. You could think of scenes as times to have sex. You're not having sex 24/7, right? ;P Master and I are quite fond of bondage, crops, power play (I fight him, he fights back, he wins), spankins, etc etc... we scene when the mood strikes us, but it has little to do with how we live our day to day lives. How are conflicts resolved? Does the dominant's will always get precedence, or is there a degree of compromise? Master's in charge. He decides whether we need to compromise or when I just need to deal with his decision and move on. It took us a while to get to this point, of course, since we had to learn about each other, gain trust in each other, and he needed to know me well enough to know when certain decisions would negatively affect me and what I could handle. Until you know each other really well, I always advise compromise, simply because that way you can learn where her comfort limits are, and until you know where those limits are, you have to communicate and let her show you where they are. What other rituals do dominants put their subs through? I heard of one guy who makes his wife pluck ten pubic hairs every day and put them in a plastic bag. That's a weird ritual, lol! But there are plenty of weird ones out there. Master and I don't necessarily have any specific rituals in our lives - we don't need a lot of them and they would make life complicated. The biggest ritual we have is when he puts my collar on me after I've cleaned up and gotten ready for the day, and when he takes it off of me when we go to bed. Since I can't sleep with it on (night terrors) he controls when it is removed, thus in effect also controlling my bedtime as well, and the act of removing it is usually a loving moment to allow me to be comfortable in bed with him. When it is placed on my neck the next day he makes sure I am dressed/primped just to his liking, examines me, and will only place it on me once he's completely pleased to his desire, thus controlling how I look as well, since if he isn't pleased he won't put my collar back on me until I change clothes/redo my makeup/redo my hair to his preference. Other than that though, we don't have specific rituals. We have habits sometimes, that could be seen as rituals. You just have to find things that you enjoy and would like to see/do on a daily basis, and make the active decision to make them rituals.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Is there a typical day? (8/16/2011 9:25:14 PM)
Hello Benny, You are talking about two different things. The two things going on are 1. hanky spanky (fun in the bedroom - tying her up, spanking, etc.) and 2. dominance/submission outside the bedroom. They are not mutually exclusive, and the intertwining of them can be difficult in the beginning - for you and her - if it is what you all decide to do. The question is - what kind of relationship are you both interested in? There are many people who are equal partners with all the joys and foibles that come with that and then they have sexy games which are power based. If that is your interest, then it could be helpful to have a beginning and ending ritual - she hands you a particular thing (cuffs, implement, collar, whatever) as a physical manifestation of giving up her choices for the time being. At the end the return of said items can be the period at the end of the play sentence. Some people find it helpful to do something meditative to switch the headspace - dance, color with crayons, recite a piece of poetry, etc. If she is submissive as far as the relationship goes, she will notice the things that you want and try to please you. If she is not, she won't. If you are dominant in the relationship, you will have wishes, voice them, and expect them to be completed. That's pretty much how it works ime. One of the men here, can't remember which one, once said that his method of running the relationship was like this: Her needs before his needs. His wants before her wants. Seems to me the key in that is understanding the difference between a need and a want - something of a tall order. Some people would absolutely NOT be in a power exchange. Are you interested in and able to wield that kind of responsibility? Are you willing to take charge? Does it feel comfortable to you? You seem to be trying awful hard to make your round peg-ness fit into your grilfriend's square hole-ness. (pun intended) good luck and best wishes, sunshine

agirl -> RE: Is there a typical day? (8/17/2011 8:50:08 PM)
M calls, and either makes me get up or lets me get up when I need to. Crumbs, we really are quite dull. Aileen's post says it the best for me, even though I can smoke, change my hair and my health is left to the professionals (iuntil they are daft enough to let him get a foot in). I think you might want to know a few of the kinky things people may get up to ( just a hunch)..... Painful-pube-plucking is NOT my idea of fun, so I get very personal with my razor :) Conflict is resolved rather like most people tend to..... talking, getting down to the nitty gritty with varying degrees of comfort on either side. Other than that, all that's left is that he's got the veto on everything....I'd love to say that I abide, but well, that'd be a bit of a fib. I tend to abide eventually. agirl

bennyprofane -> RE: Is there a typical day? (8/18/2011 7:39:28 AM)
The biggest problem I have is that I think of bdsm as being some sort of secret society, a world where people have found happiness and fulfillment far beyond what anyone in the vanilla world will ever know. When my gf talks about her past experiences with her former dom, she glows and gets aroused. In some ways, this bothers me. The fact that she continuously talks about him shows that she is, in some ways, hung up on him. At the same time, I want to be able to make her feel that kind of passion for me, but I just don't know how. The qualities I offer her are completely different from what he had, so of course her reaction is going to be different. Their relationship was a purely sexual one, and the scenes they did together were the most exciting things she's ever done. I'm willing to experiment, but it's completely alien to me to come up with those kinds of ideas. I've posted here and there trying to fish for ideas, but it seems like people always respond by saying things like, "You need people to teach you how to fuck??!" As to the idea of conflict resolution, we have been fighting a good deal lately, and it's almost always over small, trivial household things. She has said that she doesn't want to be submissive in other aspects of the relationship (besides sexually), and around the house, she just isn't willing to compromise. Still, I believe that she would prefer to be more confident and assertive, and the lack of dominant energy on my part is forcing her to dictate things to me. I suppose she and will have to work this out over time, but in the meantime, I think it would be beneficial for me to learn more about how other couples work these things out.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Is there a typical day? (8/18/2011 8:53:11 AM)
ORIGINAL: bennyprofane The biggest problem I have is that I think of bdsm as being some sort of secret society, a world where people have found happiness and fulfillment far beyond what anyone in the vanilla world will ever know. It's NOT. Seriously. First of all, it's like any other relationship - and like any other relationship each one is different from the other. It's no better or worse, the people are no more or less fulfilled or happy than vanilla people. Anyone who tells you differently is full of nonsense. THEY may be more fulfilled because they are personally being more honest with themselves, but that's about being true to oneself, NOT about BDSM. When my gf talks about her past experiences with her former dom, she glows and gets aroused. In some ways, this bothers me. The fact that she continuously talks about him shows that she is, in some ways, hung up on him. Most people see the past with rose colored glasses. At the same time, I want to be able to make her feel that kind of passion for me, but I just don't know how. The qualities I offer her are completely different from what he had, so of course her reaction is going to be different. Their relationship was a purely sexual one, and the scenes they did together were the most exciting things she's ever done. I'm willing to experiment, but it's completely alien to me to come up with those kinds of ideas. I've posted here and there trying to fish for ideas, but it seems like people always respond by saying things like, "You need people to teach you how to fuck??!" Ok, Benny, there are a few things here. She was having an affair. By their very nature affairs (ones in which taking out the garbage and paying the bills are not regular activities in the relationship) are exciting, thrilling, passionate. We call it CRAZY love for a reason. I bet that if they had to discuss the grocery list and dropping the cat at the vet things would not have been so exciting. As for people teaching you how to ... no. What I recall people saying is "be yourself." Even if they are jerkish enough to say what you think you heard, who cares? Don't listen to the jerks. Listen to yourself. And BE yourself. As to the idea of conflict resolution, we have been fighting a good deal lately, and it's almost always over small, trivial household things. Yeah... that just knocks the crazy, wild passion out of stuff, doesn't it? She has said that she doesn't want to be submissive in other aspects of the relationship (besides sexually), and around the house, she just isn't willing to compromise. Nothing wrong with wanting to be sexually into hanky spanky and no further. But not willing to compromise? Is that the kind of relationship you want? Is that the kind of person you want to be with? Still, I believe that she would prefer to be more confident and assertive, and the lack of dominant energy on my part is forcing her to dictate things to me. I suppose she and will have to work this out over time, but in the meantime, I think it would be beneficial for me to learn more about how other couples work these things out. If she needs to be more confident and assertive, then she can go take a self-defense class, join a debate club, learn how to play poker, run a marathon. That has diddly to do with D/s in the way you are describing things. Myself? I want a partner who comes to the relationship in charge of his own baggage who already has learned certain things. Self confidence is one of those things. But that's me. Benny, you seem like a decent bloke. You want to make your lady happy. Here's the thing though... is this really the relationship you want? It sounds like you two are not particularly compatible, maybe you are at different stages of your lives. From what you've said, you want an honest to goodness 24/7 real life girlfriend. She wants a fantasy man. All of this of course is coming through your filter (and then mine) but do you really want to be with a woman who is yearning for another man? How big is your bed if you have 3 people in it? good luck and best wishes, sunshine

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Is there a typical day? (8/18/2011 9:22:53 AM)
A fast reply, having only read Sunny's post... I had a slave who was deeply into the fantasy aspect. I am...into Real Life. One weekend, I came over, we cleaned, went to the grocery, played with the parrots, made dinner, watched some Tommy Lee Jones movie on tv. He was AMAZED that we could do all those "normal" things, and still be master and slave. Duh. We have to live our lives, and that involves a lot of ordinary things. Power exchange adds another layer to the relationship, but the basic skills of communication are still necessary. Trust and transparency are still necessary. COMPROMISE is still necessary. Good luck.

xCallMeSirx -> RE: Is there a typical day? (8/28/2011 5:34:26 AM)
We are in the same boat so to speak, My current partner is sexually submissive. I don't have experience being dominant and I am unsure as what my actions should be. I have done a few things and so far they are working. The first thing to get clear is the submissive part, if she is only sexually submissive she will want to be your equal or possibly even the dominant in other parts of the relationship. Both parts of the relationship need to be worked out. Second just ask, what does she like? what does she want? what are her submissive fantasies? If she wants someone to choke her and piss on her and you don't want to do these things you will not and should not. Discuss your hard limits and her hard limits and see if you can come up with things to do that both of you will enjoy. If you are being someone you don't want to be to try and please her it will never work. You both need to be happy. My submissive and I mesh very well, we are both new to spanking and bondage and learning together what works for us. She doesn't want anything extreme like urine,scat or blood and neither do I. I hope your common ground is as easy to find, it makes things go pretty smoothly. Don't judge her if she wants something that seems odd or wrong to you, just make it clear your not comfortable doing those things. I think you will find as you push what you see as your limits you will find some of the things you once thought off limits may become of interest. I am reading stories written by submissive women to get an idea of their inner desires but not all women are the same. The one thing you need to keep in mind, she is giving you the greatest gift in the world. When she submits; she is willing to do almost anything for YOU, to satisfy YOU. If you can figure out a way to have her satisfy your dark desires while at the same time fulfilling some of her fantasies you have hit a gold mine of pleasure for both of you.

Endivius -> RE: Is there a typical day? (8/29/2011 1:58:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bennyprofane I'm still trying to learn as much as I can about this life, ..... What I'm really curious about is a simple explanation of how a dominant-submissive relationship works on a day to day basis. (I'm a vanilla, my gf is a submissive) Plenty of information on this in the forums, do a search. Plenty have given some insight here, but you are not the first to ask this question. There is more to be had on this. Day to day activities are pretty much vanilla. Just because you are into kink doesnt mean it should be the only thing you do. Go to movies, play frisbie, it isnt all about kink, it's still a relationship, and each relationship is unique. Communication is your friend. quote: Specifically, what kinds of "scenes" do couples do together? My gf loves being spanked and tied up and I am looking for ideas on how to explore these ideas safely. Again, use the search function. There is an abundance of knowledge on this topic allready. As for tying up someone, get to a munch or kink event and find someone who is adept at shibari if you really want some hands on education. quote: How are conflicts resolved? Does the dominant's will always get precedence, or is there a degree of compromise? Each relationship is different. 24/7 seems to lean more towards a "D's way or the highway" kind of mentality although this is certainly not allways the case. As for conflict, I believe I allready mentioned communication. quote: What other rituals do dominants put their subs through? I heard of one guy who makes his wife pluck ten pubic hairs every day and put them in a plastic bag. Off the top of my head : Bed's are to be made before leaving thier rooms: fourty five degree crease at the foot sides, six inch top fold, pillows alligned to the sides and even with the bottom of the top fold, sides and base pulled tight so i can bounce a quarter off it. I check this every day before either leaves thier room, their "lucky quarter" sits on a stand next to thier bed in the bottom corner closest to thier bed, heads up. They wait to be sat at every meal. They also wait for me to open all doors for them when we are in public excluding the bathroom, wich they ask to be excused for, and must go together (safety). Eye contact isnt allowed on sundays, unless we are watching a browns game, wich is rare. They cannot leave the house until I kiss them good bye, once on the forehead twice on the lips. This is also true when I leave for work. The girls check every day to be sure they have matching nail polish, earings, and shoes. This gives them something to discuss while I make us breakfast. If one is out of town they do this by phone, usually by text, they've developed a very cute code for this. All meals are eaten at the dinner table, unless one is sick. In wich case I will bring soup with a tray to thier room to eat. Dinner is served at Six. Lunch is up to them. After they finish thier homework they join me in the living room, unless we are going out somewhere. We often play Wii, the winner gets to stay, the loser passes the controller. No matter who sleeps where, every night before bed we say good night to eachother, either in person or by phone. Be creative, it's really not hard to give a s/s things to do vanilla related. Doesnt even have to be kinky, the mere pressence of what you expect is enough.

RumpusParable -> RE: Is there a typical day? (8/31/2011 3:12:55 PM)
Average day: I wake up and he's already gone to work, sometimes I wake up as he's leaving and say "bye" but usually I sleep through. I putter around the house and tidy, run errands or go to doctor's appointments, fiddle on the net, read a book, whatever. He does physical training in the morning then sits in an office all day, splitting his time between actual work and reading webcomics. He comes home around 5pm and we both chill for a while so he can de-stress from being around people he can't stand at work, then we go to the gym for 30-60 minutes, eat dinner, then fiddle online or watch tv until bedtime at 10pm... when he falls immediately to sleep and I lay in bed reading or trying to sleep for the next few hours. Then I wake up on and off all night. Then we start over. We play about every few months. Either he tops me and does impact play with me (mostly with his hands, but also floggers and such) or, more often, I top him by piercing or cutting him. As others have said, the only real difference in our life vs. anyone else's is that I get my way. Big decisions, little decisions, whatever... if I have something I want a certain way, I get it. Sometimes I let him have his way because I don't really care about the decision, sometimes I decide we'll go in the direction he wants because he's made me feel it's the best way for us, but most of the time it's "I want..." and "Okay...". That and I'm very ego-centric and selfish, but honest and he likes that. As he puts it, one of the things he loves the most about me is that I'll flat out tell him, "I want it this way ____ and you're not going to get anything out of it. It's just for me" vs. trying to make it seem like whatever I want is somehow best for him. One of his greatest frustrations at work is how everything that he hates is done "because it's best for him". He likes me for it. I may be selfish, but I'm honest, darnit lol.

phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: Is there a typical day? (9/3/2011 12:37:40 AM)
typcal day we get up if we wake up early enough have a qucik cuddle if not we jsu tgetup, i make coffee we derink it then i make breakfast get his clothes out. we get dresssed i take him to work(master doesnt drive eye problems) come home mess around on tehe pc may go shopping housework make lunch go meet him for lunch. come home carry on wiht day meet him after work cook dinner eat mess around on pc watch tv talk get cross witht eh kids lol. and go to bed have long hug and fall asleep in his arms, once weve managed to give the cat cuddles and booted her off the bed that is edited to add if you want protocal when i go out or get home i text him 5 mins rule if not replied in 5 mins i can go out. i call him master not whent ehids are around, take his boots of when hes in, make coffee tea, ask to gete in bath in bed to sleep, we play or make love depends someomtes once a week sometimes once a month sometimes once a day for a few days depends oh how we feel how he feels.

pyroaquatic -> RE: Is there a typical day? (9/3/2011 1:02:48 AM)
The typical day around here is plenty of kisses, love, adoration, romantic cheese, creating new memories, finding attraction in usually trite moments, asking politely if there is anything I may do for Her (and this is reciprocated in dire forms)... Massage is also on the menu for things I may do... Narrating funny things for her. Using my wit to entertain-much like a geisha-and a smattering of variegated activities... red palm prints, sopping translucent tears, black of sightless vision and darkness of an ignored "No more..." The white fuzzy salvation of release and care from my Lady after stress or strain. There are bouts of miscommunication and idiosyncrasies abound that we have to learn from each other of course. Triggers we have yet to deal with. Is there a typical person? Are we all typically atypical or reciprocals of one massive individual? How I would like to see it is that the synthesis of one and one is three and We Are the Sexy Borg. We are just an average nerdy couple... I swear!

phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: Is there a typical day? (9/4/2011 3:57:25 AM)
oh didnt add that lots and lots of cuddles

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