RE: Contact with Prior Doms/Mentors

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RE: Contact with Prior Doms/Mentors - 8/16/2011 9:00:40 PM

LadyHugs

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Newbie02151,

I can see that there are plenty of views on what they (in a general sense) would do and or how they see things, from their point of view. I shall add mine but, I will add that I am very old fashioned and familiar with the old protocols that were used in the early 1970's. Times were different then, didn't have the Internet, cyber this or that, cyber role play, etc.

I can only see a fella who is into 'kinky sex' with a Dom/sub theme and nothing more. However, there are those who want more out of a relationship other than focus on the sex, without including all the other parts of what makes up a human being with feelings, that have needs and desires that exceed the 'bedroom sex.' It is one sided in that area. What will the submissive female/male get out of it? A relationship doesn't end/begin at the bedroom door. It must be 24/7, 365 days a week.

Remote domination can only work if there is a commitment in the emotional, mental realms in addition to the sexual. Sex is a small fraction of a D/s relationship.

Self confessing that your interest is only bedroom, you don't want to control the rest of her life and or influence it--you have given the lack of boundaries that any relationship needs to thrive. She is on her own and in her own sphere of judgment then. If you cage two creatures only for breeding purposes then open the gates where they can go and do on their own without supervision--it can't be any fault but the one who has the ability to negotiate boundaries and or establish them. It is all a matter of personal consent anyway. What responsibility do you have to remain faithful to her? Doms should restrict themselves as much as they restrict their slaves, as far as contacts with others, etc., in my opinion.

I look at 'for sex only subs' as poor creatures who are treated like unpaid 'whores' for some man's satisfaction, rather than appreciate the woman for her total self, not bedroom performance only and then tossed in the air to float on their own and be condemed for being where the 'so called' Dom tosses her until needed again like a blow up doll, making everybody else out as the villan for keeping old communications open with others, to whom at least express interest in her, or support her when she is airborne by a Dom who only sees sex and not the woman as a whole and beyond kinky, controled, sadistic sex.

As many male Doms verses female subs/slaves -- the female has plenty to choose from. Of course, there are those to whom use the 'lifestyle' as a means to prostitute as to fulfill men's/women's fancies in a sexual manner and walk away to the next appointment at the direction of a pimp. I would have to ask myself, if I just want a kinky sex in a 'part time' status or a full time submissive--

Just my opinions,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Contact with Prior Doms/Mentors - 8/16/2011 11:34:31 PM

HannahLynHeather

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Newbie02151
blah blah blah under consideration blah blah yadda yadda She is not collared. blah blah blah yammer yammer

pretty much says all there is to say about this stupid fucking question

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RE: Contact with Prior Doms/Mentors - 8/17/2011 4:55:29 AM

Buzzzz

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sounds like the mentor isn't a "mentor". From my understanding , a mentor helps and guides. No play or bdsm whatsoever. But that is just what mentoring means to me.

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RE: Contact with Prior Doms/Mentors - 8/17/2011 6:14:14 AM

myotherself

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OK - so basically you're looking for a relationship with a bit of kinky sex. That's cool. But if all you want is INSIDE the bedroom and nothing more outside, then your relationship is going to be pretty 'average'.

So with that in mind, I have rewritten your original post.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Newbie02151

I need some advice. I have recently started dating a girl who was previously in a relationship with someone else. We are not yet in a committed relationship, although I have told her I'm thinking about it.

She has maintained email and chat contact with her ex, which was not overtly objectionable. However, I have recently discovered that he tells her how much he misses her and propositioned her once or twice for meets. This girl believes that the proposals were made in jest, but I was not born yesterday and I know better. He is ostensibly her ex and is fully aware that she is dating me, yet he persists.

I find his continued overtures to be seriously disrespectful. And while I trust her implicitly I was taken aback that she let it continue.

Advice about how to handle the situation would be appreciated . . . and "man up, Pussy" does not count as advice.

My suggestion? Talk to her, tell her you're uncomfortable about this situation and ask what it would take for you both to agree to be monogamous with each other. At the moment you're effectively casually dating and both have the right to date others if you so wish.

So I would say man up, stop pussy-footing around and sort it out before she gets tired of being endlessly considered and goes back to someone who is more up-front about telling her he wants her.

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RE: Contact with Prior Doms/Mentors - 8/17/2011 7:15:47 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Runswithlove

In my humble opinion, if she is "yours", she should be thinking only of you, listening only to you,

Did you miss the point that she's not his? She's "under consideration" which means there isn't a commitment. (reminds me of a 'pre-engagement" ring.)

quote:

has no business with her former "mentor" in her life.

Yeah, God forbid we should actually maintain friendships with people we like.

quote:

In fact, he is not her "mentor", because the very term means that one is following the advice of one who is in the same role. a "mentor" for her, would have to be another, more experienced submissive, and not a Master or Dominant.

While agree that a mentor should not be engaging in BDSM or sexual relations....The OP says it was a MENTORING/TRAINING relationship.

quote:

Dominants have been stealing subs from other Doms forever

You can't steal a human being. They either go willingly or they don't go. If the sub goes then the ownership of that moment goes to the sub.

quote:

however this happens when people are playing at the roles, and not living the role in the heart.

Yeah, cuz it couldn't possibly have to do with insecurity or anything like that. It's got to be that they're just playing at being submissive.

quote:

Another man has no place in your relationship unless you permit it.

The reality is that the only person that can prevent this is the sub, in this case. The Dom can stand there and give orders all he wants, but it's up to her to enforce. He also said that he doesn't want to control anything outside the bedroom. Oh....and again....they're not in a relationship...she's not collared.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/17/2011 7:18:34 AM >

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RE: Contact with Prior Doms/Mentors - 8/17/2011 7:31:41 AM

kalikshama

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She may be trying to make you jealous so as to move past the "under consideration" stage. If she wants you to shit or get off the pot, I'd agree.

I talk to my former Dom all the time. He'd take me back in a heartbeat. That's completely irrelevant. What's important is that I would never ever ever go back to that relationship. That doesn't mean we can't be platonic friends. I'm not chattel; I cannot be stolen.

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RE: Contact with Prior Doms/Mentors - 8/17/2011 7:35:17 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I talk to my former Dom all the time. He'd take me back in a heartbeat. That's completely irrelevant. What's important is that I would never ever ever go back to that relationship. That doesn't mean we can't be platonic friends. I'm not chattel; I cannot be stolen.

Exactly. I was with my ex for 6 years. He's a wonderful, incredible person and I'm glad to know him. We still have contact to this day. However, one month before I married Master, my ex asked me to come back and marry him. I said no.

It's not the proposition that matters, it's the answer.

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RE: Contact with Prior Doms/Mentors - 8/17/2011 7:35:55 AM

mysouldesire

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quote:

And while I trust her implicitly I was taken aback that she let it continue.

Advice about how to handle the situation would be appreciated .

Well, simply, I do not believe you trust her "implicitly" if you want our advice.

My mentor, years ago, was just that, a mentor, no play dates, nothing and certainly no contact after he realized I had found what I sought at that time.

If it were me me doing this....it would mean I was interested in "my Mentor" more than you. And I'd be deceptive.
(I've never been deceptive with any dom, btw, tis just my nature.)

Back to the title of the thread.... I am not owned or "underconsideration" so yes, I do have a frinedly conversation with former doms.
Do I play with them? No. Do I want to? No.

BTW ~~ did you make this profile just for this question?

< Message edited by mysouldesire -- 8/17/2011 7:43:59 AM >

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RE: Contact with Prior Doms/Mentors - 8/17/2011 11:29:19 AM

SailingBum

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Well dude I suspect if you dont take off your panties soon. Some other dude will be doing your girl.

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