RE: Sex vs Fetish (Full Version)

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Andryanna -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/18/2011 6:42:01 PM)

It's funny when people say they will take love over sex anyday. Not haha funny but perplexing funny.

I have a relationship based on love with no sex, and quite frankly I still want sex regardless.

Love is a good thing, and if you don't have sex, fapping is the next logical step. Realistically fapping can only go so far and there comes a time when you want to just let go and let someone else do the fapping for you.

Love doesn't control your urges, sorry.



Awareness -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/19/2011 5:23:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andryanna

I've always found sex boring
  You're doing it wrong.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/19/2011 7:03:53 AM)

^  what he said

Sex should be passionate, scary, violent and on a good day . . . it can be really disturbing, disgusting and make you feel dirty and riddled with guilt!



sunshinemiss -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/19/2011 7:43:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andryanna

It's funny when people say they will take love over sex anyday. Not haha funny but perplexing funny.

I have a relationship based on love with no sex, and quite frankly I still want sex regardless.

Love is a good thing, and if you don't have sex, fapping is the next logical step. Realistically fapping can only go so far and there comes a time when you want to just let go and let someone else do the fapping for you.

Love doesn't control your urges, sorry.


No, it doesn't.  It leads them.
best,
sunshine



LaTigresse -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/19/2011 7:48:52 AM)

Again........what Sunny said.

Seriously, I control my urges. I feel sorry for anyone that doesn't.

Not much of a defense in court........."Yeah your Honor, I just had the urge to kill the motherfucker and since I cannot control my urges, I killed him!" Or........"Yeah your Honor, I had the urge I just wanted to fuck that hot little chick so I grabbed her ass and drug her into my car, took her home and fucked her silly! Just an urge so I had to do it!"



NuevaVida -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/19/2011 12:38:54 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

No, it doesn't.  It leads them.
best,
sunshine


This. Starting with love of self.



DomImus -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/19/2011 2:13:58 PM)

Sex.



Hisfreedom -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/19/2011 4:16:48 PM)

Not sure if you were actually responding to me, but since it looks that way I will respond a bit

I agree, love doesn't control the urges, no doubt the urges would still be there and sometimes love even intensifies them.

But, in the end, I wouldn't want to fk (fap) all the time for the rest of my life, I would however want to (with a great relationship) always be involved in a loving, bonded relationship with someone I am compatible with who is the D type and where I am the s type. When he is sick or I am sick I would want us to be together; when we are old and can no longer "fap" I would still want him holding my hand and leading me (saw this with an old couple yesterday, SO beyond sweet)

I also know from having lived it, that I can't be content with a vanilla relationship. I am definitely not at my best in that situation, I become someone I do not like; so even for the sex, it wouldn't be worth it. I will also add to the vanilla thing that my drive/desire/urges are not really all that psyched for being with a vanilla relationship, like I'd occasionally desire sex but I wouldn't be all that hot for it, it would be a bore. So why bother?

(I like that word fap LOL never heard it before :) )

~freedom




littlewonder -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/19/2011 4:31:08 PM)

I will never ever for the life of me figure out what the difference is between "vanilla" and "bdsm" or "d/s" or whatever people want to call it. Maybe I'm just oblivious to it.




Hisfreedom -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/19/2011 5:36:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I will never ever for the life of me figure out what the difference is between "vanilla" and "bdsm" or "d/s" or whatever people want to call it. Maybe I'm just oblivious to it.




I can only speak for my own feelings on it.

I have been in relationships that were vanilla with domineering men and it was just beyond ugly.

I was in a really long term relationship with someone who was more equal with me but who wasn't dominant at all, manipulative yes, but dominant (not by a long shot-he tried, bless his heart but he just wasn't). The whole equal playing field didn't work for me because it left entirely too much room for confusion on decisions and left me in a position to try to exert my control over situations and things that I didn't like. It was like 2 chiefs and no indians and when faced with that situation I get extremely uncomfortable and I become the chief and I HATE IT but it is what indecisiveness and fear do to me, I end up taking control and I am terrible at it.

Now I have been in a few relationships that were completely D/s and I surrender to the man who is in charge, who wishes to be in charge and where I am safe to just be who I am inside, submissive to him. Decisions are made without much ado, if I am given the option to decide I take it as it means that he doesn't want to be burdened with it at the moment or he is allowing it from me for him.

Personally, if the lines are blurred and I sense weakness I act out like a kid without any boundaries because I have too many choices or like a person who is drowning and grasping at everything to survive.

To me the sex part of non-vanilla is MUCH MUCH hotter,but beyond the sex is the safety and security in surrendering and being happy.

~freedom



littlewonder -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/19/2011 7:59:08 PM)

still doesn't help me at all. To me it just sounds like you were incompatible with whoever you were with. But thanks for trying.




dreamofthemoon -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/19/2011 8:34:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida


quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

No, it doesn't.  It leads them.
best,
sunshine


This. Starting with love of self.

What they said. [sm=agree.gif] [:D]



Andryanna -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/19/2011 9:07:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andryanna

I've always found sex boring
  You're doing it wrong.


Maybe it's not me at all, but the other person.



cornergirl -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/19/2011 9:11:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

still doesn't help me at all. To me it just sounds like you were incompatible with whoever you were with. But thanks for trying.




Couldn't have said it better myself.



Andryanna -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/19/2011 9:15:36 PM)

Oh and please let us not all take the word "urges" so literally

If I have an urge to have anal sex while being beaten, it's not a bad thing



MissJana -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/19/2011 9:43:00 PM)

If I had my kinks without the sex that would be torture! and I am no masochist! lol. Plus my guy is sooooo good in the sack I wouldn't want to give that up! So I would have to choose sex!



MyVision -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/20/2011 4:29:29 AM)

mm I don't see sex as vanilla...I don't have a fetish...
I take the sex.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/20/2011 11:54:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I will never ever for the life of me figure out what the difference is between "vanilla" and "bdsm" or "d/s" or whatever people want to call it. Maybe I'm just oblivious to it.



Hey, I'll take a shot at this... [:D]

Vanilla = An expectation, understanding, and acceptance of a level of equality between the couple.

D/s = An expectation, understanding, and acceptance of a level of non-equality between the couple.

M/s = An expectation, understanding, and acceptance of zero equality between the couple.

*Note:  As used above, "equality" is not synonymous with "respect" -- i.e., zero eqaulity does NOT imply a lack of respect.


The above aside, I would also note, assuming I correctly recall some of the things you've stated on these boards, that the traditional/leader type relationship has been commonplace for you.  As such, the lines between a "Vanilla" and "BDSM" relationship would naturally be blurred.  For what it's worth, my history is the same... which is why it's always been so easy for me to spot those who've merely contrived a BDSM persona vs those who are the real-deal.




rulemylife -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/20/2011 12:29:48 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Again........what Sunny said.

Seriously, I control my urges. I feel sorry for anyone that doesn't.

Not much of a defense in court........."Yeah your Honor, I just had the urge to kill the motherfucker and since I cannot control my urges, I killed him!" Or........"Yeah your Honor, I had the urge I just wanted to fuck that hot little chick so I grabbed her ass and drug her into my car, took her home and fucked her silly! Just an urge so I had to do it!"



Can you possibly exaggerate any more?

Just because you don't seem to like sex doesn't mean that the rest of us are out of control because we do.



rulemylife -> RE: Sex vs Fetish (8/20/2011 12:35:40 PM)

I like the avatar.



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