LadyHugs
Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear eruditegirl1, Ladies and Gentlemen;
Wonderful topic to discuss and one issue that is most likely a no win scenerio.
Unfortunately, the people who have intimate knowledge of the situation and leave, have their version of the story. So do the ones who stay. It may be indeed a very valid warning however, the community at large views solo slaves/submissives as having sour grapes, jealousy and or possessive manipulations as a motive when they do indeed come forward. It gets to the point of giving up. Yet, there are cases of such slaves who just are out to spoil any effort of others to find their partners. You can see what is the problem. It is a case of he said, she said.
Dominants suffer in the same way. We all suffer bouts of those who have a personal agenda that is negative and or positive.
No one person is exempt in this lifestyle to be a target of a disgruntled individual. So, it really is a difficult place for a well meaning and valid concern to be raised, without sounding like it is sour grapes.
Dominant and or submissives, do not wish to appear having sour grapes, an agenda to destroy a person over mere personality conflicts. Such people who are bent on behavior to the extreme just are killjoys; as nobody suits them.
Groups are inflicted with cliques. So, it is difficult to separate the truth from the clique loyalty. So, with personality conflicts used as a means to black list someone, as has been witnessed in southeastern Virginia repeatedly, it really is not a true guage of someone worthy of caution or disassociation. It may be true in other areas nation wide and or on an International scale, as it applies to 'the scene.'
Individuals with a good reputation are also subjected to false allegations, attacks and threats to undermine their happiness. I've seen people with notable names subjected to such. Some I know intimately are worthy of a poor reputation but, are so well packaged to the public they can do no wrong, yet don't practice what they preach in their personal lives--hurting people so very badly indeed. So, in summary--Dominants and submissives are subjected to a 'no win' situation at times.
Approaching another is risky as well. Emotions are involved and that is difficult to separate from the warning. If an individual does approach me, I am interested on the behavior that is of concern to them. Perhaps taking the stance of a private investigator or detective, as Sgt Joe Friday said in Dragnet -- "Just the facts Ma`am/Sir."
In addition, perhaps approaching it as a request instead of a demand, individuals that get warnings will listen better. We all tend to bristle at having us do things as a demand but, listen when it is a request. As we all know, we're rather independent and have free will when it comes to choice.
In summary, it is indeed a fluid issue which there are no easy answers to, as each case is different from another. We all must be guided by our own knowledge, gut instincts, keen observations and not make excuses for what is manifested. Life is a risk. How we face, manage and dispose of risks is what matters.
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs
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