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avena -> RE: A strong, independent submissive. (9/2/2011 10:46:52 PM)
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Not specifically here at CM, but on many different websites, as well as a few incidents in person, I have been called a 'bad sub' so many times precisely because I don't bow down and automatically call everyone who says they're Dom/me by whatever honourific they choose to label themselves with. I'm not talking about high protocol situations here...I'm talking just general 'nice to meet you' type conversations for the most part.
Like many many many (add as many many's as you like) subs here, and elsewhere, I am strong, independant, and opinionated, with a good education which allows me to be articulate on some subjects. I have worked in a job where I am in charge. I make the decisions. I take the responsibility. And I make damn sure everyone does what they're supposed to be doing, when they're supposed to be doing it. To support myself in that job, I learned to look someone in the eyes and be assertive, even if that person was far more dominant than naturally submissive little me. And I take that attitude into most situations where I'm encountering new people in a new setting. So yeah, I got put down a lot for being too assertive (or aggressive, or bitchy, or whatever negative term you like). A few of the doms I met wanted to break me. Others dismissed me as a 'player' because I didn't fit their idea of a submissive.
But what Endivius said applies directly to me and to my relationship as well:
quote:
one of my subs is extremely outspoken and independant. And that in no way makes her less valuable or capable of being a sub, or a person. If anything it is more empowering for me as the D to know that she has an opinion, isn't affraid to express it, and has the courage to listen when someone's view does not match her own. In the begginning of our relationship having the friction made for some very intense sessions. As time has gone on, the real draw and enjoyment is knowing not that I "broke her in" or any of that b.s., but that she willingly does anything for me because she wants to, even if it is something she does not enjoy, knowing how opinionated and confident that she is.
I highlighted the really important part of that phrase, as it applies to my relationship with D. Yes I'm stubborn sometimes. And yes, I ask way too many questions. And yes, I speak up for myself, even when he sometimes wishes I'd just keep my mouth shut. But he loves the fact that even though I often have to pause and argue with myself internally before I can perform certain tasks for him, he still gets to watch the transformation in my eyes as I do willingly kneel to him. For him I will do what I will NOT do for anyone else, and that is a powerful feeling.
For every 'dom' out there who ever called me a bad sub, I just wanted to say, here and now....
THANK YOU!!
If I hadn't walked away from each and everyone one of them, with my head held high, I may not have found myself kneeling at D's feet...and very happily I might add
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