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Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 7:26:38 AM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		I have noticed several times recently people who are actively seeking younger or inexperienced submissives,  These same people then complain about meeting submissives who are either "not serious" or "do not know what they want". 

Isn't part of being inexperienced not really knowing what you want?  People often come to this with "ideas" of what they are interested in or how they see themselves interacting.  The reality can be vastly different.  Some find the fantasy was more appealing , but without exploring how are they to know?  We often find out aspects we thought we wanted to partake in  that after trying we thought, "maybe I didn't actually like that so much".  Then there are the things we thought we wouldn't dare touch afterwards we thought, "Holy Crap I've been missing out".

Mayvbe I am just dense, but the question is how can one go about seeking inexperienced people and then complain when these people act in a manner that echos the fact they are inexperienced?  Its a learning path and if you do not have the patience to work  thru these bumps with an inexperienced person  then maybe one should just leave them alone.

Just my rambling thoughts

K

< Message edited by PlayfulOne -- 5/20/2006 7:29:45 AM >
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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 7:37:15 AM   
xxmstrchasxx


Posts: 423
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		PlayfulOne,

I agree with you completely.  If you choose to look for inexperinece subs and won't take the time to teach them what they need to know, then why even look for them?

I personally don't look for inexperienced subs for two reason, one is I don't want to have to teach them from the start and two, I just like experienced subs as they know already what they like or dislike in general.

On the other hand, I have taught new subs but just don't care too anymore, I suppose I would if they asked but only a select few if any and then only if I thought it would be worthwhile in the long run and that they weren't just in it for sex alone or just a one time thing.

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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 7:59:17 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think there is a big difference between inexperience and lack of information.

You can gather information from books, lectures, people you talk to online or off. You can run scenarios through your head and see what turns you on or off.

Meatlife experience though is unique and it will likely change you.

How rigid you become though is a matter of experience, information and personality.

I don't want rigid submissives or slaves so I tend to graviate toward the less experienced who have fewer rules or positions or whatever they've learned and practiced. I actually love showing a person different SM and bondage and Ds activities and interactions -- I love the teaching energy I can get from that.

Someone with a lot of experience though could be very flexible and so I'm very open to more experience. They will not know how I want things done and thus I'd have to teach them as well.

I have to judge by what folks say and do.

_____________________________

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to PlayfulOne)
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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 8:05:52 AM   
sharainks


Posts: 499
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline 		Inexperienced people are just that.  As long as they are honest about that I don't have a problem with it.  What is odd is when you meet someone totally inexperienced and find out a few months later that he is now presenting himself as an ultra experienced old school type dom. I had several dates with someone which progressed to bondage, and a little play.  When he put nipple clamps on me the first time he stated "I've never seen a reaction like that." 

We didn't mesh for long but within 6 months he was making all kinds of claims in a R/l group and doing demos.  People who knew what they were doing knew he didn't. Obviously that didn't last long. 

What is wrong with admitting you are new and need to learn from others? 

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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 8:24:25 AM   
iliv2servher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

I have noticed several times recently people who are actively seeking younger or inexperienced submissives,  These same people then complain about meeting submissives who are either "not serious" or "do not know what they want"



PlayfulOne,
 
I have not personally encountered anyone who was specifically looking for an inexperienced submissive.  If they do happen to have that as a requirement, then I would imagine that they have their own training techniques and do not want anyone who might be "tainted" by others.
 
As far as complaints go, I see all to much of that in the scene.  People seem to want everything in one package -- that is, unless they happen to be poly.  I don't believe that one can be all things to all people either.  Just my opinion.
 
quote:

Isn't part of being inexperienced not really knowing what you want? 



Yes, and many of us are on a journey of discovery, wherein we may move from one persuasion to another in order to find out what we are most comfortable with.

quote:



Some find the fantasy was more appealing, but without exploring how are they to know?



Exactly!  Some fantasies were probably never meant to be lived out in reality.  And if we do happen to try something, and later find out that it doesn't appeal to us, that journey of exploration is all part of the learning process. 
 
Just my rambling thoughts

K.


K, I think your point of view is well-taken.

-iliv2servHer

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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 8:33:52 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		I suspect that those doing the seeking and complaining are themselves inexperienced.

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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 8:45:00 AM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Meatlife experience though is unique and it will likely change you.

I have to judge by what folks say and do.




Researching things and having thoughts and then meeting actual experience can  change how one thinks.   Which is to be expected, but I think if thats the route you choose to travel you give up your right to moan and complain when their thoughts and wishes change as reality sets in.  (Yes this whole post was generated by  a couple of recent threads)

K

< Message edited by PlayfulOne -- 5/20/2006 9:44:36 AM >

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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 8:50:22 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		mmmmmmmm sounds like those people that are seeking inexperienced people and then rant about those problems that you suggest well.... it sounds like they are inexperienced themselves

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 8:51:39 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		As someone that has little experience I feel I have a good handle on what I want and do not want. I am a work in progress, but I know some of my hard limits. I have actually gotten more limits as I have explored though too. I have been reading, talking to people, and I have dated in the lifestyle for only a couple of years though.

If someone says they will train ONLY novices when I was one, well lets just say it put a red flag up for me. I wondered why only novices? Is it because they are very inexperienced themselves? Is it because a novice would not know how to navigate the world of BDSM and then be more vunerable? (perhaps to a predator) If they said they accepted novices that did not alarm me, but ONLY novices made me skip their profile.

As far as those complaining about novices not knowing what they want, I have not seen it, and do not know who you are talking about, so I will not address that part of the OP. I do think that different novices have different needs and desires to explore themselves. I would say a large percentage of us only want one teacher/lover/dom anyways, so that exploration for many of us is only ideal in the security of a LTR. If there are some doms that think that a novice sub will be more "plastic" to their molding, well that is not necessarily true, in fact there is a resistance inside for many submissives after they first submit (I speak from my own personal experince with this and others may vary).

As usual, this is only my view and may or may not necessarily reflect the view of the collarme team inc...smiles

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 5/20/2006 8:52:36 AM >

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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 9:30:55 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I would look for one of three types ideally.

  1. An experienced Gorean slave, in which case I would only need to train her in my ways and requirements after testing her in more general matters such as serves and positions etc..
  2. A submissive with D/s experience who fiunds that what she needs is slavery rather rthan a the D/s submission and has enough information about the Gorean Lifestyle to choose to beg a collar from a Gorean Master.
  3. An inexperienced slave who may either know her mind and desires and thus should have enoiugh information about the Gorean Lifestyle to know something about Gorean Slavery. In this case, I'll have to train her from scratch and allow her time to learn properly. This can be a great joy and bonding excersise for both.


_____________________________

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Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 10:15:07 AM   
HoosierScorpio


Posts: 164
Status: offline 		Seeking some one younger not always going to mean they are in expereiince for some have had experience in the lifestyle. Matter of fact I know some who are close to my own age not having any experience in the lifestyle. I seek some one younger than my self for my own personal reason but that does not mean they are inexperience.  I am welling to help train some one with limited experience in the lifestyle and I have been in the lifestyle for about 6 years now. When I train some one or give them their experience is go slow and easy. I never have them sign a contract but some do require for them to for that shows to them they are serious about learning about the lifestyle.  The way I determine some not being serious is how rude and distressful before they take the time to get to know some first. I get so many saying they do not give respect for you got to earn it but there was a time respect was given to some one until they show they no longer have it. I am respective to you until disrespect me.   I do admit there are allot those out there who are players, seeking tail or some one they want to isolate and abuse. This is why going to munches and events is the best way to meet real people who are in the lifestyle.

(in reply to PlayfulOne)
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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 10:39:13 AM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline 		My first inclination would be to say to disguise the fact that they are unexperienced themselves...which is a very negative assumption to take.

But to think it through a little further...  Not every seasoned Dom/Domme desires to be a teacher/mentor of the lifestyle from the ground up.  Not every Dom/Domme is seasoned enough to be capable of such a position.  Those two statements alone have knocked out 1/2 the population.  With that in mind, does the remaining half that have potential to be a teacher/mentor need to advertise and then follow through with complaining?  It would seem with the availability of unexperienced subs, they would be able to pick from the cream of the crop so to speak. 

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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 10:46:20 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Apply within, no experience necessary....has always been my motto.
Everyone has to start somewhere and I have all the time in the world to teach.......after all, I've raised two teenagers on my own.
O.K., that's a terrible example, because they don't listen to damn word I say!           a sub in training would be a nice change, smiles Kevin

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 11:05:22 AM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

Apply within, no experience necessary....has always been my motto.
Everyone has to start somewhere and I have all the time in the world to teach.......after all, I've raised two teenagers on my own.
O.K., that's a terrible example, because they don't listen to damn word I say!           a sub in training would be a nice change, smiles Kevin


Tee hee. . . that just makes me think of all the times that I have wanted to use Code 13-2 on the radio at work. . .  "Yes, I copy you, but I'm ignoring you."

Selective hearing. . . like manna from heaven!


Best,

LaMalinche

I'm sorry that came across like I don't care, I don't so it probably did. 

Computer games don’t affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we’d all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive music. 

I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.



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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 11:19:08 AM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		Darkened rooms, nagic pills, repetitive music,   sounds like a rave to me,  maybe all of those days of playing pacman did have an effect.

Kevin,

no crap buddy, lol,  the sub is a lot easier to control than the kids.

K

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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 11:30:04 AM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear PlayfulOne, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
It is my belief, when someone is wishing for an inexperienced person, they really are attempting to find someone who is untainted and sour.  However, they may not know how to train and or have the patience to work with virgins to the scene.  Unfortunately, this isn't Sub's R Us and or Slaves R Us, where an unused garment hangs to be taken off the rack.  It is also the same for McDoms and McDommes sorts, where one drives through and selects from a menu.
 
I agree, that if an individual is not willing and or able to be patient and invest in a novice's journey, they should direct them to a BDSM support and education group.
 
People are molded by the experiences they gain.  Training isn't easy.  It takes time, patience, listening, showing, guiding and really an investment in them.  Even with all this, the individual may find out years down the road, the lifestyle is not for them.
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs
 
 

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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 11:41:09 AM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline 		In  theory I agree with you, but I think it's a matter of how one presents themselves.  Many of these newbies come across  as if they *do* know what they want ("I'm a twoo slave/Master and seek 24/7 M/s, no posers please!") and then when the rubber hits the road it turns out things aren't what they thought they would be. I've also had the unfortunate experience of becoming involved with someone who had lots of "information/knowledge" but precious little ability. Of course, he didn't tell me that up front, but within about 10 minutes after our first play session started it was startlingly obvious he was right out to lunch.   Now if people would just be honest and say "I'm new to this and I think I'd like (insert whatever here)" that's a whole different ball of wax. While someone who chooses to become involved with newbies needs to understand that part of being a newbie is exploring (and maybe not liking things they thought they would) the newbies also have a responsibility to represent themselves accurately. As with so many other things it all comes down to how on represents themselves. 

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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 11:43:22 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		After all, weren't we ALL inexperienced once?

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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 12:16:18 PM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		Perhaps some people just aren't happy unless they are bitching about something... bitching about not finding something... finding it and it not being what they thought it would be... bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch... just smile and nod politely... eventually, things will work out for them and they'll find something else to bitch about... LOL

- Dustyn


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Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 12:27:04 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

I have noticed several times recently people who are actively seeking younger or inexperienced submissives,  These same people then complain about meeting submissives who are either "not serious" or "do not know what they want". 

Isn't part of being inexperienced not really knowing what you want?  People often come to this with "ideas" of what they are interested in or how they see themselves interacting.  The reality can be vastly different.  Some find the fantasy was more appealing , but without exploring how are they to know?  We often find out aspects we thought we wanted to partake in  that after trying we thought, "maybe I didn't actually like that so much".  Then there are the things we thought we wouldn't dare touch afterwards we thought, "Holy Crap I've been missing out".

Mayvbe I am just dense, but the question is how can one go about seeking inexperienced people and then complain when these people act in a manner that echos the fact they are inexperienced?  Its a learning path and if you do not have the patience to work  thru these bumps with an inexperienced person  then maybe one should just leave them alone.

Just my rambling thoughts

K


I in fact highly enjoy the "bumps in the road" that come with a novice submissive. It is the detour, dead-end and pot hole that often comes with prideful and assuming "experience" that I tend to dislike.

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