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discouragement - 5/20/2006 9:31:09 AM   
eroticangel


Posts: 272
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline 		Do you get discouraged...ready to stop the search...ready to just give up??  Right now i am feeling that way in my search. They like me, but want to change me...they write, then disappear...they keep me stinging along.....for nothing. Am i doing the wrong thing? Do i need someone to badly? am i just simply too trusting?? No one here really knows me, and i know that no one can answer my questions,....but pkease please let me know that i am not alone......thank you
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 9:35:53 AM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		You are Not alone!  We all go through the same things, day in and day out.  I have my days when I want to give up too, but I can't and you can't either, because there is someone out there for us. Sometimes, waiting is hard, and fustrating, but in the end, I know it will pay off.  Don't ever give up!

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.


(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 9:36:08 AM   
petcerina


Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline 		A lot of U/us feel that way.  Currently the search for a third looks like it is a never ending process.  i'm sure all of U/us have been there at one point or another.  Just hang in there.

(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 10:21:34 AM   
Sab


Posts: 325
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Believe when I say that the waiting will be over and you won't realise it. I met my sub when I wasn't even looking - she came into my life by chance. It will happen, just don't want it so much and let things happen as they will. 

_____________________________

God blessed it and it brought me to her.

(in reply to petcerina)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 10:29:20 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		anything of value takes time, effort, research and patience---at times when you least expect it that shiny thing over there really is a dusty diamond---like a phoenix rising.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 10:33:54 AM   
MistressWolfen


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		As MistressHathor and Sab say, it will happen. I had given up and was only here to chat with friends and wreck havoc where I could *grins* and I did meet my slave. Not looking nor was he, but we hit it off and it is wonderful. Do not give up, maybe just change your focus to the wonderful people and great discussions that happen on this site. Have fun in the chat rooms and let your sparkly personality wow them.

_____________________________

Quoth the raven

(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 10:51:19 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		all of those paddles in the left hand corner aren't because I got lucky that many times....they are for persistence, I refuse to leave this site until I've clubbed me a subbie and I'm taking her to my cave by her hair.
Bison and Bootie..hmmmm, smiles Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to MistressWolfen)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 10:58:49 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		I'm not really searching anymore. I've never been one to deal with lots of emails to wade through every day so in some ways it's a moot point. If someone contacts me, then I respond. But I have learned to be very careful to check on their marital status and what they are really looking for. It's amazing how many are just looking for kinky sex. Nothing against kinky sex, but I'm looking for WAY more than that.

I understand your frustrations. I feel them myself. So, I don't look. Read the boards. Very occasionally post. Attend local gatherings. And just enjoy being who I am. If the Dom-of-my-Dreams drops into my grocery cart while I'm shopping one day, I'll be ecstatic. Until then, I'm not going to actively search.

(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 11:06:52 AM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline 		Welcome to my world...  Isn't if fun? 

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.


(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 11:18:47 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		You definitely are not alone as I am sure most people have experienced the highs and lows of looking for a partner.  I have definitely taken breaks from time to time and felt disillusioned however I always return and I try to learn something more about myself from the bad experiences.  I accept that if I am meant to have a dom, we will find eachother and also know that if this isn't meant to be then my life is no less valued. You have asked very valid questions in your post and only you can answer them for yourself, just remember you are not alone.

best wishes
wanders

ps. apologies if this gets posted twice ... have to love computers!!!

(in reply to champagnewishes)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 11:32:09 AM   
MistressLorelei


Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		Hi...  If you check out these forums, your thoughts are not at all uncommon here.  I think most of us do get discouraged from time to time, but you can only succeed if you stick it out.  It seems you have just joined in February, and as in any relationship, things usually don't happen over night.  Show your brightest side, and keep a positive outlook, have fun.. and someone will eventually notice and appreciate you just the way you are.   The NY/NJ area has a lot of people in the lifestyle, perhaps try a local Bdsm function as well.  Best of luck.

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 11:39:54 AM   
MochaMistress


Posts: 275
Joined: 1/8/2006
Status: offline 		It takes hundres of years under the constant earth pressure to turn a lump of coal into a real diamond. Now if you can also purchase laboratory made diamonds at a fraction of the cost. What I'm trying to say is dont feel discouraged it just takes time to find the right diamond for you. Once you possess that precious treasure in your life you will truly know it was meant for you and the wait was well worth it. Oh and one more cliche to add in there "Sometimes you go to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a real prince."

(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 11:53:09 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		I go through cycles with this ... right now I'm in a "don't even bother me" stage, and it will be Holly's decision as to if/when we start our search up again.  I'm so incredibly discouraged right now I just can't see myself starting the search back up on my own.

(in reply to MochaMistress)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 12:06:35 PM   
nogardthe4


Posts: 21
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline 		Don't get discouraged, eventually you'll find someone....
  In my case I suddenly found myself with several "someone's"....I first found anna, then she brought in her g/f jenny, then I found a found an old friend of over 14 years {missy} suddenly asking me to collar her as well!
  Life is like a roller-coaster, then anna left us, and missy's health took a turn for the worse. Now jenny is not doing so good, and we are looking again for someone to join the household and help her do all the things that need doing. All ya can do is to go with the flow.
   The Dragon & His brat

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 12:13:29 PM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		A patient man will sit at the edge of a river and simply wait for the bodies of his enemies to float downstream to him... life is a waiting game, frequently... patience is listed as a virtue frequently for a reason...

- Dustyn


_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to nogardthe4)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 12:24:03 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		Perhaps I will catch grief for this...oh well, it happens.  There is something I have noted in some profiles and maybe I am reading too much into what's said and not enough into what is not being said.  It seems that almost all submissives are looking for a L.T.R and not just for kinky sex.  O.K., that is reasonable.  Much as I enjoy the kinky sex, I too prefer the dynamics of an ongoing D/s relationship.  That being said, I think that a person has to keep in mind, as bearlee said on another post in another thread, that you are going to have to occasionally "kick the tires".  As MochaMistress noted, "you got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a real prince".  A full, deep, ongoing D/s relationship is not built overnight.  However, what comes across to me is that many submissives are not all that interested in "kicking the tires" or accepting "kissing frogs" (building), they want nothing other than a L.T.R. and that there will be "no go without the show".  That righattitude seems to immediately decrease the number of contacts that could pan out to something that may not turn out to be long-term but could turn out to be a satisfying, stimulating, learning, experience-filled period of time.

I am not into one night stands either...at least not as a steady diet.  But if I went to the Harbour this weekend and one of the submissives I know wanted to turn it into a weekend of D/s play, I would not turn her offer down.  But there again, these submissives are people I have become friends with first and foremost.  We like and respect each other.  We also know that while we may be compatible for awhile, we've talked enough to know that we could never be long-term.  Does that mean that neither they nor I should engage in this play?  That would be like saying every vanilla person should remain a virgin until they are married.  Sorry...I don't see it.  

Even after having been through the mill, I still want a partner despite the heartaches that I know come with the joy (maybe someone should consider shooting me?).  But, given the 'burns' I've been through, I am not going to offer up a full relationship before there's been a getting-to-know you period and, for me anyway, that period includes a certain amount of play along with the intellectual discourse, the sharing of feelings, and on and on.


(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 12:39:24 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eroticangel

Do you get discouraged...ready to stop the search...ready to just give up??  Right now i am feeling that way in my search. They like me, but want to change me...they write, then disappear...they keep me stinging along.....for nothing. Am i doing the wrong thing? Do i need someone to badly? am i just simply too trusting?? No one here really knows me, and i know that no one can answer my questions,....but pkease please let me know that i am not alone......thank you




Yes,yes and yes.
It happens and you are not alone.
Its hard to get back on the horse after a bad fall...
Sometimes the longer you wait to get back on can be good and sometimes it can be bad.
Take a deep breath and relax, re-evalute what you want,and  go from there.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 12:44:40 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Yanno, CD, you're right...except when you get an email like the one I just got. A "dom" telling me that he is demanding and controlling and "send me your picture". I said um, I don't think so. We traded a couple of emails until he finally said please and I did. Then he tells me that I ought to rethink my submissiveness...all doms are different but they all want to be obeyed. He then told me that he wasn't sending me his picture as he didn't want to offend me. So I told him that in my experience all doms kept their word and he ought to rethink he domliness. So he sent the picture with a nasty note telling me that he didn't appreciate criticism from me or any other sub. And you should have seen the pix. I won't say that I was ready to play but I was certainly willing to listen and I get accosted by that jerk!

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 12:48:56 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

That being said, I think that a person has to keep in mind, as bearlee said on another post in another thread, that you are going to have to occasionally "kick the tires".  As MochaMistress noted, "you got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a real prince".  A full, deep, ongoing D/s relationship is not built overnight.  However, what comes across to me is that many submissives are not all that interested in "kicking the tires" or accepting "kissing frogs" (building), they want nothing other than a L.T.R. and that there will be "no go without the show".  That righattitude seems to immediately decrease the number of contacts that could pan out to something that may not turn out to be long-term but could turn out to be a satisfying, stimulating, learning, experience-filled period of time.



I'm willing to try. I'm willing to meet people who contact me, after I've been reassured that they aren't just looking for some kinky sex on the side. I have started attending local events. I'll "kick tires" and "kiss frogs"....carefully. I want to learn and experience a variety of different things. But I'm not going to assume that whoever contacts me or talks with me or spends time with me is looking for anything more than a friend. It's too difficult on me emotionally.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: discouragement - 5/20/2006 12:50:16 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		Why on earth would you catch ‘grief’ for this, CD, Sir?  First of all, it is your opinion, secondly it’s quite thoughtful…and besides; you agree with some pretty sharp women!  <giggles wildly>

I agree it takes time to build a relationship…and that time can be LOTSA fun!!!  <weg>  Doesn’t everything last longer when ya go slow?

Personally, I imagine after a post like that one, you’ll have a mail box of notes asking where is the Harbour.  Heh heh heh  …maybe I shouldn’t tell you the club has a new name and try my luck at catching you there myself!  

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 20
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