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ClassIsInSession -> RE: Genuinely puzzled (8/24/2011 5:48:02 AM)
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I think really the bottom line here is that while we may find it convenient to label ourselves, Dominant, Submissive, Slave, Master, or whatever, there are nuances in interpretation, coupled even further with particular kinks, habits, turn ons and turn offs that make each of us unique. I think that is why it is so very critical to have open and honest communication with one another in this type of relationship. And there too, every relationship I've had has been a bit different simply because. I've been involved with submissives and slaves, one on one and poly at various times of my life, and each relationship had it's own parameters, that were set and negotiated prior to fully engaging in the relationship. Because I've always been more of a "lone wolf" and a "non-conformist" I never let anyone try to nail me down with terminology, nor would I care if they did... it just doesn't have any bearing on my reality.
Personally, I like foreplay, and while I don't do it every time I am sexual, just as well, sometimes I have foreplay without having sex. The same is true with other particulars like discipline, sometimes it goes with sex, sometimes not. There isn't a hard and fast rule. If you want to know "real" torture, trying spending a whole afternoon in bed with your lover just passionately kissing like you did before you lost your virginity, with no expectation of going further than that. Another thing on my end is I won't be involved with anyone sexually unless I do have feelings for them, even in the Master/Slave dynamic. I know that might not be the usual for Dominants, but it's the way I'm wired. But with the reciprocity of feelings, anything from D/S to totally objectified slave with Master is possible, just depends on the particular dynamic with the particular person.
To a large degree too, it really does come down to how much you care or don't about the partner/s you're involved with. And that varies with the particular people concerned as well. I can be incredibly affectionate, or down right sadistic regardless of how much I might actually love someone because I'm 100% internally ok with being wired differently that the vanilla people of the world, and I don't tend to involve myself in anything resembling a vanilla relationship.
As to Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus....I often thought of writing a parody, Men Are From Mars, Women Want My Penis....))) No, I'm not that arrogant, but you have to admit, it is pretty funny.
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