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Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 1:43:24 PM   
jessimae


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/19/2011
Status: offline 		Ok so I recently started seeing a guy and we are both interested in a sub/dom relationship which is great. However, I have a stubborn streak to me and have not been able to 100% give into him and be completely submissive. We are both new to this so maybe it is the blind leading the blind. But I need help thinking of ways to break the stubbornness and discipline/punishment ideas. If anyone can help it would be greatly appreciated.
Jess
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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 1:53:58 PM   
ladynlord


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quote:

ORIGINAL: jessimae

But I need help thinking of ways to break the stubbornness and discipline/punishment ideas. Jess



The ideas you will find here are as broad and varied as there are people on this site. Consider looking for those things that YOU consider as punishments. What is punishment for one person may be reward for another, so in the end, ideally what you want are things that are tailor made for you.
I know you didn't ask, but don't feel like you have to go 100% right away what with both of you being NEW. Submission for many people takes a great deal of time and trust. Don't expect to much to soon. It is just fine to slowly ease yourself into the level that you and he are comfortable with. Again, just my opinion.

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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 2:04:19 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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Personally, I'm not a fan of punishment dynamics.  If someone who belongs to me is behaving in an inappropriate or undesirable way, I think it's much more effective to have a mature, rational conversation about what our expectations of each other are and try to determine why s/he is misbehaving.  It could be miscommunication or it could be that we're incompatible on some level. 
 
There are people who prefer a punishment dynamic and it works just fine for them.  However, I believe the punishments are tailored to the individuals involved.  This isn't one-size-fits-all and I don't think you're going to find the solution on a message board.  You'd do better to look within an determine the underlying cause(s) of your misbehavior.  It could be as simple as you need to grow the hell up and do what you're told or it could be that he hasn't yet earned your trust to the degree necessary for you to obey.  Whatever the case may be, it's a question only the two of you can answer.

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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 2:43:56 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
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From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		A 15" long piece of 1/4" plumbing hose is apparently very effective.

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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 2:54:36 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Here's a great way to fix the problem.

Get somebody who wants to obey in the first place.


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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 2:55:54 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		The worst punishment i ever received was my dom telling me he was disappointed in me. Reduced me to tears in no time flat, and never did that behaviour again...... he might give that a try.

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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 3:00:32 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		best punishment for someone that refuses to obey....tell them to either behave like an adult or the relationship is over.




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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 3:14:07 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The ability to submit completely comes with time. It takes time to see if someone is dependable in various circumstances. To learn about each other, to slowly adapt to each other. There really is no way to short circuit that. If there was, then you could submit to anyone instead of just the right one.

Tell him to slow down. He may be hitting emotional triggers, baggage from your past. Your stubbornness didn't come out of thin air, it comes from something in your past. Why not share that with him?

Using punishment instead of communication is like using only a hammer instead of the appropriate tool. Sure if your bludgeon it enough, you may get the screw out, but you'll have ruined what you were trying to fix in the meantime.


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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 3:37:41 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I like a stubborn submissive for a number of reasons, but certain types of stubborn or stubbornness with me is an indication that I am either wrong in something or he doesn't wish to be with me and do what we agreed to do. Since you both are new, you might take it easy, talk it all through and pace yourselves as you grow and change. To punish at this point, I would think, is defeating the whole purpose. It can often become a game of sorts or rip apart trust and cause resentment.

Lots of communication, exploration and working it through to find your dynamic's works better than deciding you will be and do this or that and then finding yourselves in over your heads.

You can always have punishment scenes or decide to have punishment dynamic's... but trying to get it all down... whatever it is, right from the start could be problematic. There have been a number of newbies that did that, that used to post around here. Things did not go well if I remember correctly.


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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 3:46:41 PM   
ricken


Posts: 261
Joined: 1/11/2010
Status: offline 		After reading your post a question comes to my mind, are you seeking a Dom/sub relationship just so you can be punished ? Maybe it's the pain of the punishment your seeking? And your using being stubborn as a reason to be spanked or hurt.

Thinl carefully about what you both seek and learn and explore....

(in reply to Lockit)
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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 4:01:51 PM   
SweetieinControl


Posts: 24
Joined: 8/20/2011
Status: offline 		Quick response:
Punishment tells us what not to do.  It doesn't tell us what to do.

I suggest asking yourself what sort of behavior can you use instead of 'stubbornness'?  Find a more desirable approach, and try to act on that more and more.

....and maybe you need to gain more trust in your partner and security in the relationship. You said you just recently started seeing him.  Don't be afraid to take it slow, because maybe that's just what your submissive self desires.



(in reply to ricken)
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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 4:56:42 PM   
DecadentDesire


Posts: 234
Joined: 6/18/2011
Status: offline 		Stop being stubborn.


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(in reply to jessimae)
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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 5:40:10 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		I"m scratching my head here.. you're looking for ways to punish yourself?

If you don't want to obey then why bother?

If you're looking to get spanked, find someone who likes to spank...

punishment is for disobedient children

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(in reply to jessimae)
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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 6:10:04 PM   
hangemhigh1953


Posts: 245
Joined: 7/8/2011
Status: offline 		Punishment isn't going to work too well at making you obedient, at least according to BF Skinner. Have him reward you for obedience instead, a simple "good girl" should do. Have as much funishment as you want though, nothing wrong with that.

(in reply to Madame4a)
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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 6:13:09 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hangemhigh1953

Punishment isn't going to work too well at making you obedient, at least according to BF Skinner.


Wot?  Young, cute and well-read?  Be still my heart. 

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 6:28:37 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		You're both new to this.  Be patient with yourselves and each other, and go with the flow for awhile.  Figure out what the mental block is that's stopping you up (re: stubbornness) and work on that.  You may find it doesn't require punishment, but introspection.

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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 6:34:58 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

best punishment for someone that refuses to obey....tell them to either behave like an adult or the relationship is over.




Ding ding ding....we have a winner!

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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 7:25:51 PM   
MissToYouRedux


Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

quote:

ORIGINAL: hangemhigh1953

Punishment isn't going to work too well at making you obedient, at least according to BF Skinner.


Wot?  Young, cute and well-read?  Be still my heart. 


And offers free guitar lessons because he has passion for the instrument! It's a damn shame that Cali is such a big state!

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RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 8:55:06 PM   
jessimae


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/19/2011
Status: offline 		(To LadyPact) I really think that you do not know either of us so it is very hard for you to say that he just needs to go find someone that wants to obey already. We really do care about eachother outside of the dom/sub relationship so it is not in any of our best interests to just get up and walk away. 

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Need help thinking of Punishments. - 8/22/2011 9:02:16 PM   
jessimae


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/19/2011
Status: offline 		Thank you to all of you that have given me positive feedback. But to those of you that have just talked down about me saying I'm not acting like an adult. You really don't know me or my situation so it is not fair for you to say that I am immature just because I am stubborn. Also yes I do enjoy to be spanked and he enjoys to spank it is not seen to us as a punishment because we both enjoy it. So obviously I am not stubborn because I want that. It is just really hard for me to give up my control. I have been hurt in the past and have been promised many things that never came to be. So yes it is hard for me to let go and give into his control. We are taking it slow and getting to know eachother. there is so much to talk about but on the plus side it is very easy to hang out with him. We could be a perfect match. 

(in reply to jessimae)
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