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RE: Am I right?? - 8/22/2011 9:49:09 PM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		so fucking what? what the fuck does it matter? i'm a switch, it doesn't matter to heather that i'm a switch, she submits to me because in this relationship i am the fucking dominant. you define the label, it doesn't define you.

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(in reply to oddlots347)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Am I right?? - 8/22/2011 10:18:02 PM   
winspiritsbaby


Posts: 141
Status: offline 		This:
quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

quote:

I answered him no because I am a dom and if I did wouldn't that make me a switch and not a dom?
If anything, this mindset makes you a submissive. You are allowing others to dictate what you do. You wish to be seen and known as a Dominant, so you won't do certain things. You are submitting to their ideas of what is and isn't appropriate for a Dominant. The whole point of being a Dominant is to lead, not follow.
You set the rules, you decide the parameters of what you do based on what you want. You are confusing Dominant/submissive with top/bottom. While it is true that normally the Dominant is the top, it doesn't always have to be so, the words are not synonyms.

Dominant = The one who decides what is going to be done
Top = The one who does what the dominant decided is to be done.

Submissive = The one who goes along with the Dominant's decision.
Bottom = The one who has whatever it is that the Dominant decided is going to be done, done to them.




(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Am I right?? - 8/22/2011 11:46:46 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Being flogged or a masochist doesn't make someone submissive.
Buuuutttttt.....for me, personally, I cannot be attracted in any way, shape or form to any man who is a switch, masochist or submissive.
And I could not ever be attracted to him if he told me to flog him.



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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Am I right?? - 8/23/2011 12:00:42 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Being flogged or a masochist doesn't make someone submissive.
Buuuutttttt.....for me, personally, I cannot be attracted in any way, shape or form to any man who is a switch, masochist or submissive.
And I could not ever be attracted to him if he told me to flog him.




This applies to me too.

Master did once try out a flogger on his arm, and did not enjoy it one bit! He tends to rely on me to tell him whether it's good/bad/terrible

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RE: Am I right?? - 8/23/2011 1:25:50 AM   
MyVision


Posts: 102
Joined: 3/30/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kelleyskinky

No, submission is the heart, you can be get flogged and not submit....



allowing it in this situation....is submitting..not?


< Message edited by MyVision -- 8/23/2011 1:26:11 AM >

(in reply to kelleyskinky)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Am I right?? - 8/23/2011 1:49:44 AM   
chastityslaveFE


Posts: 23
Joined: 5/23/2010
Status: offline 		In my opinion yes - it does make you a switch because you are switching between the sadist and masochist roles (switch doesn't just refer to Dom/sub).

I don't think that trying a flogger out on your arm makes you a switch, or even getting someone to give you a few whacks with it if your purpose is just to see what it feels like.  But if you are doing it to enjoy it then there is a definite element of switchiness to it.

chastity xxx

(in reply to oddlots347)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Am I right?? - 8/23/2011 6:41:16 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Top/bottom have no intrinsic relationships to dominant/submissive. There are plenty of people who happen to be dominant and tops, or dominant without any desire to top, or dominant who enjoy bottoming. Same with submissive and bottom. I've known some very sadistic submissives who get great pleasure out of hurting others but without any desire to lead in their relationship.

If you want to be flogged, do so. If you don't want to, then don't do it. Just make sure your decision comes from your own desires and not fear of what others will say.

However, like many of the others, I also cannot submit to someone who bottoms. Intellectually I understand it has nothing to do with dominance, but my intellectual understanding has nothing to do with my emotional response.


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Am I right?? - 8/23/2011 6:52:11 AM   
SirLucifer


Posts: 37
Joined: 1/22/2010
From: Alaska, FL, Wherever.
Status: offline 		That's always been somewhere in the recesses of my mind. I got scratched pretty hard one time, I'm pretty sure I was bleeding, and it hurt like a motherfucker, but I went from normal-hard to super-hard pretty quick. It may have been the situation, we were having some epic rough sex, though, but it hasn't happened ever again.

I'm not worried it makes me a switch or w/e, (I seeing the Seinfeld episode, when George got a massage from a guy and "it moved" haha), but moreso pondering if a sadist can also be a masochist (beyond the word "sadomasochist", is that what it really refers to?).

My take is that it's kind of like the yin-yang, but that's just speculation.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Am I right?? - 8/23/2011 7:11:02 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chastityslaveFE

In my opinion yes - it does make you a switch because you are switching between the sadist and masochist roles
Every person has elements of both in their personalities. No person entirely one without the present.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MyVision

quote:

ORIGINAL: kelleyskinky

No, submission is the heart, you can be get flogged and not submit....



allowing it in this situation....is submitting..not?

If I change the oil in my car, I'm still not a mechanic.

If you decide that you want to be flogged, you're not submitting your will to someone else. You're simply engaging in an act.


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(in reply to chastityslaveFE)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Am I right?? - 8/23/2011 8:26:04 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I see being flogged as a massage, and I am a submissive masochist. Flogging is just activity that feels great. It does not trigger anything that says to me "this is a submissive act". So a dom wanting or getting a massage (flog) is not anything which will make me see him as submissive. But, it can have that result when a submissive partner views it as defining personality.
That's like saying if you wear blue you must be a boy.


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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Am I right?? - 8/23/2011 9:36:48 AM   
MyVision


Posts: 102
Joined: 3/30/2011
Status: offline
quote:

If you decide that you want to be flogged, you're not submitting your will to someone else.


you submit to his wishes..why else would you do it?

quote:

If I change the oil in my car, I'm still not a mechanic.

in theory yes....you are. You are just not a professional one.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Am I right?? - 8/23/2011 9:50:53 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

you submit to his wishes..why else would you do it?
Because you want it? Perhaps the flogger is submitting to the wishes of the floggee. Have you not read the responses on the thread? Ah excuse me, a silly question, when clearly you have not.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Am I right?? - 8/23/2011 10:06:08 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

In my opinion yes - it does make you a switch because you are switching between the sadist and masochist roles (switch doesn't just refer to Dom/sub).
Sadist and masochist are not roles one assumes. They are inborn sexual proclivities divorced from actions one may or may not take. Many a sadist in this world never act on their desires, yet they remain sadists.

I have been caned, I wondered what it was like, and the girl I was talking with wondered what it was like to do it. So I decided why not...give it a go.

I didn't like it at all. I am not a masochist. It doesn't matter how many times I am caned or flogged, I still won't be a masochist.

She didn't like it at all. She was not a sadist. It doesn't matter how many times she canes or flogs somebody, she still will not be a sadist.

And so what if it turns out you are a switch? Does your self appointed title of Dominant mean so much to you that you will allow it to dictate your actions? That is not what I would call a very dominant attitude, to enslave yourself to an essentially meaningless title. I can accept that people like Aileen and the myotherself have their prejudices, I have some of my own. But they are prejudices, and like all such prejudices, they are irrational.


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Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

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(in reply to chastityslaveFE)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Am I right?? - 8/23/2011 10:07:44 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyVision

quote:

If you decide that you want to be flogged, you're not submitting your will to someone else.


you submit to his wishes..why else would you do it?


Because you felt like it.  Or in the case of a buddy of mine, because you want to show off how tough you are and make your friends look like wimps. 
 
A friend of mine and his pals were making floggers and one of them made a particularly nasty one.  They wanted to test it out, but this was a bunch of dominant military guys and no subs in sight.  No one else wanted to volunteer to be the guinea pig so my friend told them they were all a bunch of pussies and he bet none of them could swing hard enough to get a sound out of him.
 
He won the bet.

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(in reply to MyVision)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Am I right?? - 8/23/2011 10:52:56 AM   
MyVision


Posts: 102
Joined: 3/30/2011
Status: offline 		ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

Ah excuse me, a silly question, when clearly you have not.


Then why ask. Indeed silly.

quote:

Perhaps the flogger is submitting to the wishes of the floggee.


what do you say more then I say?
the person submits. I say it, you say it.

< Message edited by MyVision -- 8/23/2011 10:53:24 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Am I right?? - 8/23/2011 10:54:37 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyVision

quote:

If you decide that you want to be flogged, you're not submitting your will to someone else.


you submit to his wishes..why else would you do it?


Because you enjoy the physical sensation and order your sub/slave to give you that sensation. It's no different than if the Mister says "Rub my feet" or "Cook my dinner" or "Shave my face."  He would be telling me to use a particular implement to make him feel good. 

Further, granting me a wish is not "submitting to my wishes."  If I ask him if I can have a glass of wine and he says yes, he is not submitting to my wishes, he is allowing me something.  If I ask him if we can see a particular chick flick movie that he's not all that interested in, and he says yes, he is not submitting to my wishes, he is allowing balance in our relationship, so that we are both fulfilled.

A lot of people end up limiting themselves because they are trying to live according to a label.  Just be. Enjoy who you are, as opposed to being a slave to your labels.


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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Am I right?? - 8/23/2011 10:58:33 AM   
MyVision


Posts: 102
Joined: 3/30/2011
Status: offline 		Looks more like word play.
I know submission...is close attached to "submissive" ...but it also means "letting/allowing something happen"
from submit?

(perhaps I make a mess of my english now...appologize for that. If so..I am wrong.)

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Am I right?? - 8/23/2011 11:03:06 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Word play, huh? 

OK let's try again.  He allows me to do certain things.  This does not make him submissive, nor is he submitting, nor is it an act of submission.  It's him, leading us to a healthy place, and understanding that to do so, there needs to be balance and he needs to make some allowances for me.  He's still the deciding factor. What he allows is entirely up to him.

It's his intention behind the situation that determines what is going on here.

This is why I think it's ridiculous to structure a relationship around labels.  Like Hannah said above, don't let labels define you.  I did that in the past, and missed out on a lot of good living, because we boxed ourselves in.  The man has authority over me.  He decides when I can do something and when I can't.  That's all I need to know. If someone wants to slap a label of "submit" on that, slap away!  I find it silly, but hey whatever floats your boat.


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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Am I right?? - 8/23/2011 11:08:44 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		About 20 years ago, when I was a rank newb, I was fortunate to have an awesome mentor. She suggested (Not told me) that it might be a good idea that I knew what a crop felt like before I used it on a sub. I agreed that it was a good idea. 1. Face it. some of the things we play with can cause real damage and. 2 WTF, Im a big strong man I can handle it.

Bout 30 seconds later, I was gently reminded that "FUCK that hurt" isn't a safe word as her sub (a damn cute little bint) gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek and said "You wimp, I take 20 of those".

I now try out any flogger, crop, cane, etc on My thigh or forearm before using it on another.

Was I submitting to her? No. She was asking if I wanted to learn a skill and I decided that yes, it was a good idea to learn that skill.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Am I right?? - 8/23/2011 11:13:21 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		I was like that with the cane... heheh
Ive bottomed to my mentor and others to feel cane and single tail, and flogging was a huge surprise for me, I can take an intense amount, unless its november, windy and outside, then I might just say my GTFOH phrase, damn that bites.
Fire cupping was another one I wanted to know how it felt before I did it
yummmmy stuff. I hope the OP enjoys whatever they are up to feeling:)

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Profile   Post #: 40
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