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recognition and transition - 8/23/2011 1:44:18 AM   
shadow1990


Posts: 5
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		I've been playing with a few sub/slaves over the years yet I have been unable to find someone local, what would be the way to transition to not be obvious to any except others in the lifestyle that I am a seeking master without being obvious to those who may be opinionated? I've got a nice guy reputation necessary to uphold for work so any help would be appreciated
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: recognition and transition - 8/23/2011 2:58:34 AM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		Be discreet and use the community. Go to munches, google your state for some nearby. You'll find the general public is very taboo, so most of the people who practice this lifestyle are discreet most of the time, although not allways. Meet people. Everyone knows someone else in the lifestyle. It's about putting yourself out there. Fetlife is also a good tool to use in tandem with CM and BD. AFF can be successful, however I dislike it. You just have to put yourself out there. Look, if you are serious about the lifestyle you will put in the legwork. There is no shortage of Masters looking for Slaves, but you have to keep your head about you when searching. Be weary of people who will scam you, never give out money unless you are willing to consider it a loss with no gain to begin with.

(in reply to shadow1990)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: recognition and transition - 8/23/2011 6:33:15 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Why do you think a nice guy can't also have the lead in his relationship? Not to mention, that talking about sex in a work environment is grounds for sexual harassment suits. So what you do in bed is not something that should be talked about.

Date. Once you feel some chemistry but before you have sex, explain that you prefer a relationship where you get more of the decision making. Explain very matter of factly what you like in bed. "I like a traditional relationship where the man makes most of the decision" is not a sentence that will get you burned in effigy.

Unless you work for the Baptist Church, neither is "I like to tie girls up in bed and tease them till they beg me to cum".


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Endivius)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: recognition and transition - 8/23/2011 6:42:39 AM   
shadow1990


Posts: 5
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		I work as a medical professional, the immage I present to my coworkers and patients is extreamly important. Sexuality comes up quite ferquently, and when it comes to the sexuality its not just I want the decision making capability. I tend to perfer bdsm in the true form regularly aswell as some equality when not in the bedroom.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: recognition and transition - 8/23/2011 6:43:50 AM   
shadow1990


Posts: 5
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		I work as a medical professional, the immage I present to my coworkers and patients is extreamly important. Sexuality comes up quite ferquently, and when it comes to the sexuality its not just I want the decision making capability. I tend to perfer bdsm in the true form regularly aswell as some equality when not in the bedroom.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: recognition and transition - 8/23/2011 6:56:29 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shadow1990

I work as a medical professional, the immage I present to my coworkers and patients is extreamly important. Sexuality comes up quite ferquently, and when it comes to the sexuality its not just I want the decision making capability. I tend to perfer bdsm in the true form regularly aswell as some equality when not in the bedroom.

So you're a man who prefers to take the lead. Big deal? I don't see how this image is going
to trigger some red flashing neon sign over your head declaring that you are some freak.

As for discussing your sexuality with your coworkers? That's on you. It isn't something
I would ever involve myself in regardless of whether I were kinky or not.
If you feel its so important for you to fit in at your workplace, and somehow feel
that being a dominant man will be looked down on, then you work with a bunch of immature people.
Look for another job.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to shadow1990)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: recognition and transition - 8/23/2011 7:00:21 AM   
shadow1990


Posts: 5
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		I'm not necessarly looking for a new immage, more of a piece of jewelry, perferbaly a ring, that is somewhat universal to the bdsm community

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: recognition and transition - 8/23/2011 8:17:02 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Apart from the traditional bdsm symbol there is no such item which will label you a member.
It isn't as if you can wear a ring and any random sub will know that you are to be obeyed. There are no shortcuts
quote:

ORIGINAL: shadow1990

I'm not necessarly looking for a new immage, more of a piece of jewelry, perferbaly a ring, that is somewhat universal to the bdsm community



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to shadow1990)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: recognition and transition - 8/23/2011 8:30:38 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		What Missokyst said. Since you have a professional life, I'd be really hesitant to bring up your sexuality by wearing a piece of jewelry or mentioning it, even if as you said it comes up frequently. Remember that hurting people isn't legal. Even if they consent. All you need is for a stray statement to get somewhere you didn't anticipate and your job is toast.

I guess I don't get why this outward symbol is so important to you. Belonging to the BDSM 'club' is more likely to bring you negative consequences than positive ones if  you are amongst the general population. The triskelion is probably the most common symbol for BDSM, but it's not like an instant connection. Plus....a submissive woman may not even know much about D/s. That's kind of your job to suss out who might fit your needs. Shoot, I didn't figure out there was a name for people like me until I was 45. What I'm saying is a woman who might fit your needs would see a ring with a triskelion on it and not think anything of it.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: recognition and transition - 8/23/2011 10:24:34 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

somewhat universal to the bdsm community

There is NOTHING even remotely approaching universal in the BDSM community, including the community itself.

There are no secret handshakes, or iron rings, or anything else. There just isn't. There is no way to do what you wish to do, even the so-called traditional BDSM symbol that Missokyst refers to isn't any such thing. There are people sueing each other over ownership of the supposed symbol. It is like everything else to do with WIITWD, a point of contention. To be honest, if I saw somebody displaying a triskele symbol I wouldn't think they were into BDSM, it wouldn't cross my mind.




_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to shadow1990)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: recognition and transition - 8/23/2011 12:27:42 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I like the saying...

either lead or get the hell outta the way



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: recognition and transition - 8/23/2011 12:33:18 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		You kow its not everyones bizz about your sex life etc...

I remember putting a bdsm symbol on my 69 VW bus...-L-

Not once was I asked what it was or meant...

Maybe try a meet and greet?

Good luck, we have more or less all been there...

(in reply to shadow1990)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: recognition and transition - 9/11/2011 2:49:20 PM   
seasnail


Posts: 54
Joined: 8/30/2011
Status: offline 		Just saying is all but why do you want to 'collar' yourself

_____________________________

What can i say... i love these boots!

i know not very subby - what can i say?

(in reply to ThundersCry)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: recognition and transition - 9/11/2011 4:09:11 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shadow1990

I've been playing with a few sub/slaves over the years yet I have been unable to find someone local, what would be the way to transition to not be obvious to any except others in the lifestyle that I am a seeking master without being obvious to those who may be opinionated? I've got a nice guy reputation necessary to uphold for work so any help would be appreciated


I'm just gonna assume from your screen name that you're all of 21 - 'cause that's about the level of sense your post makes.

While I understand the importance of image, esp in the work place, there is nothing illegal or shameful in being D or s. So if you're not comfortable with who you are and what your needs are (and it sure looks like you ain't), then you're just not ready to be doing this.

Crikey, I've worked with people who just wanna talk about sex - but I've never once felt obligated to reciprocate. Hell, I'm having difficulty even imaging a Dominant who can be shamed with peer pressure or a need to share personal details to fit in at work etc.

And btw, "those who may be opinionated" are also known as the human race. Personally, I think you need to learn a bit more about life in general, and especially *you*. And I think that of practically all "dom/mes" of your age and life experience. Come back when you're comfortable with being you. And I don't mean bravado; I mean the kind of self-confidence that comes of having experienced life's challenges.

At least work on your spelling - if "medical professional" means you're gonna be writing scripts or reports that affect people's lives.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to shadow1990)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: recognition and transition - 9/11/2011 4:13:00 PM   
Mr4sg


Posts: 99
Joined: 9/2/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50


quote:

ORIGINAL: shadow1990

I've been playing with a few sub/slaves over the years yet I have been unable to find someone local, what would be the way to transition to not be obvious to any except others in the lifestyle that I am a seeking master without being obvious to those who may be opinionated? I've got a nice guy reputation necessary to uphold for work so any help would be appreciated


I'm just gonna assume from your screen name that you're all of 21 - 'cause that's about the level of sense your post makes.

While I understand the importance of image, esp in the work place, there is nothing illegal or shameful in being D or s. So if you're not comfortable with who you are and what your needs are (and it sure looks like you ain't), then you're just not ready to be doing this.

Crikey, I've worked with people who just wanna talk about sex - but I've never once felt obligated to reciprocate. Hell, I'm having difficulty even imaging a Dominant who can be shamed with peer pressure or a need to share personal details to fit in at work etc.

And btw, "those who may be opinionated" are also known as the human race. Personally, I think you need to learn a bit more about life in general, and especially *you*. And I think that of practically all "dom/mes" of your age and life experience. Come back when you're comfortable with being you. And I don't mean bravado; I mean the kind of self-confidence that comes of having experienced life's challenges.

At least work on your spelling - if "medical professional" means you're gonna be writing scripts or reports that affect people's lives.

Focus.


Oh please. Not the age card again.
Peer pressure exists. And yes it involves willpower and resolve to resist that. It is a whole different aspect of life to deal with sentiments of a group or to deal with personal one on one sexlife.



_____________________________

Don't argue with idiots. It lowers you to their level where they beat you with experience.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: recognition and transition - 9/11/2011 4:21:15 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline 		Funny thing Focus you seem to be the only one who doesn't understand him. Maybe the problem isn't his young age or his post but you.

_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

Team Troll Trollop
Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Subbie Mafia
Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: recognition and transition - 9/11/2011 8:33:10 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		To the OP:

Don't worry about advertising yourself in 'public' no one cares or will recognize what you're silently trying to scream. Instead put on your 'normal people' hat and just go to some local events oriented towards BDSM fans and kinksters and you'll meet some folks. If there's some secret decoder ring or radar for pegging other kinksters I totally missed that in orientation class.

There are a lot of people who consider their kink to be a matter of private and personal sexual orientation, and advertising anything about what gets you stiff is inappropriate in a lot of places. Not saying it doesn't work for some people, but I can honestly say in my personal opinion I like to go after partners who don't advertise their private preferences for everyone, and don't make themselves about those sexual preferences first and 'all the rest' second.

Just be you, no tags or secret society necessary. Your personality alone will attract (or not), I can honestly say I never met any of my dominant partners while looking for a BDSM partner, or even knowing they WERE into BDSM when i agreed to first dates with them. I was naturally attracted to something in their personalities as they were to mine, it's how you find a nice fit without trying to cram yourself or someone else into a pre-designed mold.

(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: recognition and transition - 9/11/2011 8:42:07 PM   
Epytropos


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline 		but... but what if I don't have a personality? How can you exclude me like this??


_____________________________

They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: recognition and transition - 9/11/2011 8:44:13 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos

but... but what if I don't have a personality? How can you exclude me like this??



I don't consider zombies in my dating pool, and clearly if you have no personality you must be a zombie!

(in reply to Epytropos)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: recognition and transition - 9/11/2011 8:55:39 PM   
Epytropos


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline 		That's discrimination!

_____________________________

They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 20
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