RE: do i really fall into the sub category?

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/25/2011 2:10:57 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: makmesubmit

Im new here. i finally decided to pursue these thoughts and feelings i've always had. But when i look around, all i see is subs who want to obey commands and do as they are told. The thing is, thats not me. I want to be made to obey via punishment and discipline. So im just not really sure how to classify myself.

Aprreciate the help.

What is the crucial thing for you: the idea that the dominant has the right, and the potential, to punish you - or the act of the punishment (flogging, writing essays, whatever) itself?

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/25/2011 2:21:34 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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I agree that I would classify you as a brat, but then I think many new fem subs are bratty. (Just like many new male subs get all grovelly and think they have to act "like a worm".)

You're being made to obey just smacks of newness to me. But, as others have pointed out, very high maintenance newness. Some doms like that and actually look for it, others can't be bothered (I would be one).

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/25/2011 3:16:12 PM

MissToYouRedux

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quote:

ORIGINAL: paulmcuk

... The Domme takes control through force rather than having it meekly surrendered to her....

Personally, I've never associated "meekly" with the males who have given me their submission. Nor "gift", now that I'm thinking about it, lol, though I do think of them as discerning giving human beings.

I agree with "force" = "high maintenance", and personally I don't see the point of having to work to get submission. I either inspire submission from an individual or I don't. I can live with that.

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/25/2011 11:32:02 PM

makmesubmit

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Hi, thanks for all the replies, let me try to clear a few questions or misconceptions.

Only reason im asking about a label is since im newly exploring my desires, i dont know how to introduce myself or classify myself when seeking a domme.

Im not looking for this 24/7. It would fall into the category of play time. I really dont know what classifies as high maintenance or bratty.

The reason im looking for this type in particular is because i dont feel dominance over me should be assumed, it should be taken. It isnt the willingness that causes obedience, its the punishment already received that you would rather obey than feel again. I've always been a proud and stubborn man, and perhaps since i'm normally in a position of power by day i feel i need a domme capable of taking it from me. Does that makes sense? I dont know if im any good at describing it.

ChatteParfaitt
Your post stuck out because you mentiond that new male subs act grovelly and act like a worm. I dont fit into this typical mold because i dont feel that authority or superiority are assumed. Why be afraid of the crop if it hasnt yet been used against me?

< Message edited by makmesubmit -- 8/25/2011 11:40:44 PM >

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/26/2011 3:41:37 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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I did not realize until you replied that you are male. My bad, I didn't look at your profile.

The being forced into submission idea is not a new one, that is the impetus behind those who want to be blackmailed into obeying. Same with the interrogation scene roleplay and many other roleplays: cop and prisoner, captive and abductor, etc. As a general rule, it is those who are uncomfortable with the idea of submitting that truly need to be forced into it (not roleplaying).

As you say you are new, and as I now know you are male. Judging from your profile I'd say you have many unresolved feelings about your submission. Sure, you crave it, but on some level you think it's wrong. You also at least appear to be quite the masochist, at least in your own mind.

Have you ever been beaten into submission? It might be an erotic fantasy that does not play out well in reality.

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/26/2011 7:08:20 AM

makmesubmit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
Have you ever been beaten into submission? It might be an erotic fantasy that does not play out well in reality.

Truth be told, no. its very possible this plays out different than imagined, but as long as my limmits (and there are very, very few) are respected im not worried.

This also isnt the first time i've been reffered to as a masochist. Maybe there is somthing to it.

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/26/2011 8:59:42 AM

fitnfunsub

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bratty painslut?

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/26/2011 10:43:43 AM

Lockit

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makemesubmit, I have a question for you. How would a dominant make you submit?
What does that require? Do you know?

You are placing expectations upon a person and situation that are right in line with a lot of fantasy and porn. In real life, someone that must be forced, goes against what a lot of us believe is consent. I do not take... I will not break... he either knows what he wants, knows me well enough to want to submit or we do nothing. I will not be trained to break him his way or force him like some porn queen or dominatrix young chick that thinks she's got something the others do not. I won't spend the time and effort on someone stuck on a fantasy I am not and thinks because he is all domly in every day life, someone has to take what he's got. Why would I want it? What a struggle... what a pain. It isn't a challenge... it is fruitless in most cases because the men that want this are not reasonable, may have underlying issues with their submission and are ready for a kinkfest... their way. That isn't a challenge... that is drama.

It's your life of course and you can do what you will, but you might want to consider, slowing down, not trying to direct how a dominant proves they are dominant to take your submission or will and learn your target audience. You keep going as you are and the next thread you could be starting could be... damn the fakes... there are no real domina's here... they don't know how to treat a submissive, won't play just to play and break a real submissive that only wants to play. You're headed down a path you have no idea about. You want to direct your submission... you better get out your wallet.

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/26/2011 11:01:30 AM

makmesubmit

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Lockit

You referenced porn several times, but im not talking completely sexual, sex doesnt have to have anything to do with it. How would a dominant make me submit? A dominant gives me a command, and if it is somthing that i feel like disobeying (not a hard limmit, just somthing i dont want to do), then i would be punished until i obey, and perhaps even more so that i dont disobey in the future.

By submitting right off the bat to everything, it is almost as if I have the power, because i am giving the dominant power over me, and i can take that power back for myself at any time. By having a dominant who will turn my disobedience into obedience (while acknowledgeing hard limmits and boundaries) then the power truly has shifted to the dominant, and i must submit, because i am at their mercy.

I really am grateful to everyone who has taken their time to chip n their 2 cents.

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/26/2011 11:09:26 AM

Lockit

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Is that so? Well young man... you have a lot to learn. Stick around, read, do searches and be teachable, because I can tell you right now, you have a lot to learn about dominant women. Most of us just don't work like that.

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/26/2011 11:09:54 AM

subtlebutterfly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: makmesubmit

Im new here. i finally decided to pursue these thoughts and feelings i've always had. But when i look around, all i see is subs who want to obey commands and do as they are told. The thing is, thats not me. I want to be made to obey via punishment and discipline. So im just not really sure how to classify myself.

Aprreciate the help.

Question:
"do i really fall into the sub category?"
No you do not. - NEXT!

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/26/2011 11:25:10 AM

makmesubmit

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I have discovered during my short time here that most submissives are just that through and through (which is why i started this thread, actually). I very well may never find a dominant who would accept me in this manner. But i know myself enough to know that without some sort of discipline/training, the only thing that gives a dominant authority over me is my allowing her to have it.

Also, im open to teaching. I have said before im very new so i may very well, and very quickly, change once i actualy have interaction with others from the community. I just dont have much knowledge on where and how to meet others.

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/26/2011 11:37:51 AM

Lockit

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Are you a child that needs to be punished to do what a parent says? Darlin, children are born cute, so we will love them when they are not so cute. In an adult, it is simply unattractive and uncalled for.

We can help an adult structure things or do things the way we like them, but if punishment is needed and is more than a kinky thing... there can be drawbacks and it can take certain people. Most the dominant's that I know in person or respect a lot... do not use punishment of the kinky kind to get good behavior. They tend to pick adults right out of the gate.

Just my opinion...

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/26/2011 11:55:55 AM

makmesubmit

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I cant argue with your expertise, but no, im not a child. I think ive outlined pretty well what it is i am seeking, and its possible that there are no and never will be any dominants who are interested in taking me on knowing what i need, which is a swift use of authority to ensure obedience. I cant just change who i am Lockit. I'm not just trying to plan a party with whats possible, im trying to come to terms with myself. So if it never happens, oh well, guess it wasnt meant to be. I'll still be looking.

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/26/2011 12:10:12 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

I just dont have much knowledge on where and how to meet others.

I perved your profile to see where you live. Looks like your city has a very active local scene. Google and fetlife.com are your friends for events.

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/26/2011 12:24:02 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: makmesubmit
the only thing that gives a dominant authority over me is my allowing her to have it.

Bingo! Now you're starting to understand. That's why they call it "power exchange". You allow another to have power over you.

The reality is that most (but not all) men are bigger and stronger than the women that they submit to. We could physically stop them from punishing us if we wished. But to me, it's no different than what happens when you are in the presence of your parents, or a teacher/professor, or your pastor. You do as they say out of respect for them (and for their position), not because they physically force you to. If they had to inflict punishment to get you to comply with their requests, the relationship would probably be viewed as dysfunctional.

Likewise, you do what a police officer tells you to do out of respect for his position. You don't refuse to obey his commands until he takes out his club and beats you with it. As a masochist, you might enjoy the beating, but the police officer is likely to tire of having to beat your ass to get you to obey even the smallest command.

Similarly, a Domme is likely to get fed up with having to beat you to get you to do what she asks. Wouldn't it be much easier for her if she had someone who simply obeyed her without hesitation?

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 8/26/2011 12:26:22 PM >

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/26/2011 12:29:07 PM

Lockit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: makmesubmit

I cant argue with your expertise, but no, im not a child. I think ive outlined pretty well what it is i am seeking, and its possible that there are no and never will be any dominants who are interested in taking me on knowing what i need, which is a swift use of authority to ensure obedience. I cant just change who i am Lockit. I'm not just trying to plan a party with whats possible, im trying to come to terms with myself. So if it never happens, oh well, guess it wasnt meant to be. I'll still be looking.

I am in no way trying to say you cannot find someone and wouldn't want to discourage you like that. What I am trying to say or do is point some things out to you, in hopes that you will see things that you may not see now. There are dominants that will work this way and giving room for misinterpretation here, some that would see someone they could work with. I, by no means, mean to say you are a hopeless case of any type.

Right now, you find yourself in a place that will evolve. You are no different than a lot of men that move on to become really great submissive partners. They had to listen, learn, experience and grow. Just as we women have. We weren't born all knowing old folks.

and

What this thread can be used for is to see how people respond to the things you have said. Your turn comes in deciding what you can learn from it at this point. Later on, it will serve as an example of where you came from. Whether you become this or that or however it goes, you will surely evolve.

What you are saying is you don't want a 24/7 and do want some play-time experiences and how you see things being done. That will require focus and time and it may be challenging to find someone that is willing to invest the time without any expectations. Few want to force or take something and that is where you will need a good fit and someone that works like that and that should be discouraging because it is a road fraught with pits and holes most of the time.

Like I said and many others have pointed out... you have a way to go and most wouldn't choose to walk it with you under your terms. So look at things from others view... that will go a long way in the successful outcome of your evolution.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 8/26/2011 12:40:23 PM >

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/26/2011 12:33:59 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: makmesubmit

I have discovered during my short time here that most submissives are just that through and through (which is why i started this thread, actually). I very well may never find a dominant who would accept me in this manner. But i know myself enough to know that without some sort of discipline/training, the only thing that gives a dominant authority over me is my allowing her to have it.

Also, im open to teaching. I have said before im very new so i may very well, and very quickly, change once i actualy have interaction with others from the community. I just dont have much knowledge on where and how to meet others.

You aren't alone. You're new and as you say quite clearly, you haven't actually met anyone that you've given authority to.

I did give that without being *submissive through and through*. The man I've been with for years knows how to make me WANT to submit........it isn't rocket science, it isn't hard work and it isn't high maintainance.

It's knowing.

agirl

< Message edited by agirl -- 8/26/2011 12:35:29 PM >

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/26/2011 5:28:32 PM

poise

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quote:

ORIGINAL: makmesubmit

You referenced porn several times, but im not talking completely sexual, sex doesnt have to have anything to do with it. How would a dominant make me submit? A dominant gives me a command, and if it is somthing that i feel like disobeying (not a hard limmit, just somthing i dont want to do), then i would be punished until i obey, and perhaps even more so that i dont disobey in the future.

I would love to have you offer us an example of such a command. I am trying to
imagine it as you explained and here is how I see it playing out.

Her: Id like you to make sure you have all the floors washed before I get home.
You: I’ll think about it, but I really don’t feel inclined to do so. Unless of course
you whip me into obedience.

What if she turns the tables on you and instead of demanding/beating you into
doing this task, she hires a housekeeper? Wouldn’t you then just feel like a
worthless piece of shit, but without the punishment?
It’s a power exchange, not a power struggle.
I think you would benefit by focusing on finding someone that can inspire
submission in you. Everything else you describe is just vanilla.

quote:

ORIGINAL: makmesubmit
By submitting right off the bat to everything, it is almost as if I have
the power, because i am giving the dominant power over me, and i can take
that power back for myself at any time.

The above statement leads me to think that you believe you are expected
to be submissive to any dominant woman you come in contact with, and that’s
just silly.
If you are hoping to have a relationship in which you can express your submissiveness,
then focus more on creating that connection first.
Also know that even if your submission is given freely, you still have the power
to take it back at any time. That’s called incompatibility.

quote:

ORIGINAL: makmesubmit
By having a dominant who will turn my disobedience into obedience (while acknowledgeing hard limmits and boundaries) then the power truly has
shifted to the dominant, and i must submit, because i am at their mercy.

Not really. There is always that option of one of you walking out the door.

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RE: do i really fall into the sub category? - 8/26/2011 8:38:08 PM

makmesubmit

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In your example my first thought is 'what would happen if i was given a task and did it poorly?' also, punishment comes in many forms, and if being replaced by a housekeeper makes me feel like shit, that may be a form of it. There are many different options and its not my call to choose.

I've seen the words 'inspire submission' more than once. im not sure i understand exactly, this may be what im looking for in a more outside the box way.

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