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Vanilla TPE - 8/29/2011 10:54:42 AM   
MrAlias


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/15/2011
Status: offline 		Hi CollarMe people,

Just a question about a different kind of slavery. I am not a bdsm style Master, I am a vanilla slave Owner. I don't knock others kinks, if flogging gets you off or if degradation makes you feel more submissive, fine by me. However, I find that the more slavish a woman is the more she will be into the whole whips and chains sort of lifestyle.
Are there slaves who want Ownership and service who don't desire endorphin play? Would being led, controlled and trained to please be enough for some women, or is time in a dungeon kind of a requirement for obedient types?
Some slaves will post that they will endure anything their Master desires or that the kind of life they live will be up to their future Owners, but I think that a slave who is going to be signing up for long term service should know about and genuinely desire the life they are signing up for.
So, are there vanilla slaves? What label or heading should an Owner like myself identify as to let such women know the situation I am looking for?
Thanks for your comments,

Mr. Alias

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/29/2011 11:03:38 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Every pot has a lid.

I wouldn't worry about the label too much. Mostly those are just conversation starters anyway. Using submissive or slave will get you the right side of the kneel pool then just go from there in conversation. It's not the labels which have to match.. it's the people who wear them.



< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 8/29/2011 11:04:21 AM >

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RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/29/2011 11:09:59 AM   
Zzozze


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/25/2011
Status: offline
quote:

Would being led, controlled and trained to please be enough for some women,


Yes.
You'll have to find the right person(s)

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/29/2011 11:10:35 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I don't label myself as vanilla or bdsm. I'm simply in a relationship with a man who a dominant personality and is the head of the household. He calls me his slave. I call him Master. Sometimes we play since he is a sadist and sometimes we don't. I'm not a masochist but I get off from the power and so does he. But if the playing came to an end tomorrow we'd still be together. For us it's not the endorphins from playing, it's not the pain persay...it's the power. He leads, he orders. I follow. I obey. It's that simple.



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RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/29/2011 11:15:13 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I don't know about that part where you say the more slavish a person is, the more they are into the whips and such. I have known all types of people, with all types of situations and have known the more slavish types that liked the whip and those that didn't. I've met fewer slaves that were male... but that is my own experience. I know many that say they are slaves, but I wouldn't consider them slaves. Just as you have your take on things, so do others.

I tend to go with the person and where they are coming from. Everyone is different. Because I know fewer male slaves doesn't mean they aren't out there in many flavors. I just haven't met them.

I am not sadistic. There are many that like that. Many would call me vanilla, but am I? I don't think so, but if I am... okay. I just don't worry about it. When I find a fit... who the hell cares what we are into or not into or what we call ourselves? It is a fit I look for, not a title or position or how it is supposed to be.


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RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/29/2011 11:35:11 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I don't know if I'd call it "vanilla".  I would call it M/s without the kink and/or BDSM element.  If I were you (and I was once) I'd be very specific that I was *only* interested in the power exchange aspect and seeking only others that were interested in the same.  You might want to specify that you are not a sadist and are not wanting a dynamic that involves any form of BDSM play.  For some reason, a lot of folks think the two are synonymous.  They're not. 

What you may be looking for is what a lot of people will call a service based dynamic, with or without emotional attachment depending on your preference.  (I'm not meaning to sound condescending there.  Most folks with a level of experience are familiar with the term.)

There are a good number of folks out there who don't do the whips and chains bit.  There is, however, a lot of cross over, so it's just a matter of being specific.  Being a masochist, willing to endure pain for an owner doesn't make one 'more of a slave' than one that doesn't.  It's just people finding their proper compatibility.


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RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/29/2011 12:12:04 PM   
coookie


Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline 		I would call it 1950's relationship dynamic. Do not confuse masochism with slavery. I have met masochistic dominants and i have a slight sadistic edge to myself.

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/29/2011 12:42:15 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrAlias
I am not a bdsm style Master, I am a vanilla slave Owner.


Wow!  I can't say that I've ever heard anyone described as a "vanilla slave owner" before.  In fact, I would have assumed that the terms "vanilla" and "slave owner" were mutually exclusive. 

But I think that you'll find that anytime that someone asks questions like "Is there anyone who would like to do XYZ?", or "Is anyone else into XYZ?", the answer is always "yes".  The odds are extremely low that you are the only person on Earth who enjoys a particular activity.  The key is finding those other people who are into what you're into.

IMO, the best way to do that is to have a detailed profile that fully describes exactly what you're into, and exactly the type of partner that you're seeking.  Moreover, be careful with the terminology that you use.  Using ambiguous terms like "vanilla slave owner" is more likely to confuse potential partners than it is to attract them.

As far as the specific kink that you described in your OP, it's very common.  Lots of people enjoy TPE without adding elements of S&M or humiliation into the relationship.  Frankly, what you described is very similar to the type of relationships that I have enjoyed (only I'm on the other side of the kneel).  The way that I describe myself is as "a service-oriented sub who enjoys TPE and sensual domination within a female-led relationship". 

Obviously, you're looking for a woman, but that type of description may at least give you a template for creating your own description of the sub that you're looking for.  I fear that "vanilla slave" might be confusing to potential partners who are exactly what you're seeking.

Good luck in your search.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 8/29/2011 12:45:04 PM >

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RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/29/2011 2:02:55 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrAlias

Are there slaves who want Ownership and service who don't desire endorphin play? Would being led, controlled and trained to please be enough for some women, or is time in a dungeon kind of a requirement for obedient types?


The thing that turns me on is being controlled and ordered; belonging to her (in some sense), serving as though she's my superior (even though we both know she isn't).  I don't need floggings or to be beaten up in general, though that could be fun too.  I'm the wrong sex for you, MrAlias . . . but I reckon if a male can be this way, so can a female. 

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RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/29/2011 4:10:55 PM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrAlias
Are there slaves who want Ownership and service who don't desire endorphin play? Would being led, controlled and trained to please be enough for some women, or is time in a dungeon kind of a requirement for obedient types?

Yes. I am all about serving, obeying, and respecting my Master's leadership and control. I love it. He is in charge, I follow. He is my Master, I am his pet and slave. We don't do degradation, humiliation, or anything to do with pain or beating or spanking--we don't see the point and we're not interested in it. In fact, as far as our sex life goes, it's pretty "normal" save for the fact that he always gets what he wants, when he wants it (I don't get to say "no"), just like everything else in our relationship. So yes, dynamics like this exist. As others have suggested, instead of worrying about a label for yourself, to avid confusion you should just try to describe what you mean in your profile, make it very clear what you are looking for and what you are into. Good luck to you.

(in reply to MrAlias)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/29/2011 4:38:22 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		Rule 34.

If you can think of a kink, someone already has a website devoted to it.

The answer is that there is always someone, somewhere, that will match you. "1950's household" seems to be the closest match with what you stated.

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/29/2011 5:10:56 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Um.  You say that you want to be a vanilla owner, no whips and chains and such.

What's left?  Do you envision a relationship in which you give orders and get obeyed?  How will she serve you - housework?

You've described what you don;t want.  Now tell us what you do want.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/29/2011 7:00:13 PM   
Hisprettybaby


Posts: 781
Joined: 4/13/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		~FR~
What the OP says makes me think "1950s Household" style....

~Hisprettybaby~

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/29/2011 11:02:07 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

Are there slaves who want Ownership and service who don't desire endorphin play? Would being led, controlled and trained to please be enough for some women, or is time in a dungeon kind of a requirement for obedient types?



Of course there are women like that. However, a lot of them wouldn't label themselves as slaves or subs, and wouldn't identify with BDSM. And many of them wouldn't want you to explicitedly say that they were being led, controlled and trained; they would simply want you to do it. In fact, if you started talking about controlling and training, they might easily get offended. If you started to use terms like "50s household," they might get pissed off, even if the term applied.

So my suggestions for what it's worth:

1. Focus on what you want; don't get hung up on labels.

2. Meet people as individuals; don't expect them to fit into some tiny box that you are fantascizing they'll fit into. Even people who call themselves "slaves" aren't really slaves, and they'll be times that they might tell you to go F yourself.

3. Since collarme is largely a fetish site, it might not be the best place to find what you seek.

(in reply to MrAlias)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/29/2011 11:08:46 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisprettybaby

~FR~
What the OP says makes me think "1950s Household" style....

~Hisprettybaby~


Yeah, I think so too.  But I want him to confirm.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Hisprettybaby)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/29/2011 11:28:39 PM   
Epytropos


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline 		It absolutely would. I know an extremely submissive girl who has no desire whatsoever for kinky sex or pain or any of that. Hell, I'm half convinced she wouldn't have sex at all if it wasn't expected of her. It's a pretty good rule of thumb that if your question is "Are there people who like ____" the answer is yes.

ETA: As others have said the closest you'll come is the 1950s household bit. Personally I'm betting you'd have more luck dating nillas and finding one that matches what you're looking for than you would trying to do it in the BDSM world. Certainly the girl I mentioned has absolutely no association with that community, nor would she ever.


< Message edited by Epytropos -- 8/29/2011 11:30:25 PM >

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They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/30/2011 5:23:40 AM   
0ldhen


Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline

You need to search M/s or D/s relationships. Also perhaps 1950's households.

If you can ask"is it possible", yup it is.

There are plenty of folks around who are only looking for the M/s without the kinky stuff.

_____________________________

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't.

Za'beeta Regal, Et Vogo O' Lurwadra'd Wyka Go Abosh Inunsey.

(in reply to MrAlias)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/30/2011 7:15:56 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I have friends that engage in D/s and never engage in BDSM. Heck, there's even a branch of "Christian D/s".

If it works for you, go for it. There's someone out there for you somewhere.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/30/2011 7:26:35 AM   
coookie


Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline 		Another good idea is to check out takeninhand.com

It is all about male led relationships. OP i hope you are still reading this ...

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Vanilla TPE - 8/30/2011 8:10:13 AM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrAlias

Hi CollarMe people,

Just a question about a different kind of slavery. I am not a bdsm style Master, I am a vanilla slave Owner. I don't knock others kinks, if flogging gets you off or if degradation makes you feel more submissive, fine by me. However, I find that the more slavish a woman is the more she will be into the whole whips and chains sort of lifestyle.
Are there slaves who want Ownership and service who don't desire endorphin play? Would being led, controlled and trained to please be enough for some women, or is time in a dungeon kind of a requirement for obedient types?
Some slaves will post that they will endure anything their Master desires or that the kind of life they live will be up to their future Owners, but I think that a slave who is going to be signing up for long term service should know about and genuinely desire the life they are signing up for.
So, are there vanilla slaves? What label or heading should an Owner like myself identify as to let such women know the situation I am looking for?
Thanks for your comments,

Mr. Alias




I am guessing you are going to have to look at this from a different perspective. There are plenty of women who like to be submissive and please who don't care about BDSM. Typically, these women aren't going to call themselves slaves. And if you start yammering on that you want them to sign up for "long term service" they will run for the hills. If you call yourself an "owner," they will lock the doors and call the police on you.

And keep in mind that most of these women want something too -- they want to feel protected, cherished, respected and cared for. (Or they want to be psychologically abused, but that's a whole different thing.) A lot of them will want marriage and all the things that come from that. So if you're just looking for a free housekeeper/sex partnner/chaueffer who you can turn on and off like a remote control, you'll have a hard time finding that.

So I'd say you have to think as much about what you are giving as what you want to get.


(in reply to MrAlias)
Profile   Post #: 20
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