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valeca -> RE: Coping with Double Lives (5/21/2006 7:35:30 AM)
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I don't think of it as hiding. It's as feastie said, keeping my private life private. I don't openly discuss all aspects of my vanilla self either. I've broached the subject of BDSM with my mother in the last couple of years, and although we didn't get farther than the typical, "Isn't that about whips and chains?", she probably wouldn't be shocked to find Masters toys. My ex-husband is well aware of my lifestyle as well, so that wouldn't make much of a difference. Master's brother is also aware (somewhat) of our lifestyle. If the unthinkable were to happen to us, we'd probably be past the point of caring what others thought anyway...lol. There'd probably be some family/friends who'd be shocked to learn that side of us, but oh well. I don't know every intimate detail of their lives, so I don't feel compelled to share every tidbit of ours with them. Everyone is entitled to their privacy.
If you think of it as hiding, you're likely to have some form of guilt over it. Who you are is with you always; it doesn't go away simply because you're in different company. So, in that sense, you aren't hiding it...you're just not being flambouyant about it 24/7. Not telling all and sundry that you're into BDSM isn't living a double life. It'd only be considered that if you were saying you weren't while secretly slipping off to 'get your BDSM groove on'.
If someone you didn't want knowing found out, and you behaved in a guilty manner, they're much more likely to think of what you're doing as 'wrong', as well. If you display dignity, they're more likely to be less condemming.
I am not ashamed of who or what I am. If my relationship with Master were to become public knowledge, it'd be difficult, but we'd deal with any possible backlash with pride in us, our relationship and who we are as people.
Edited for typo's and to add:
Our 3 children are not privy to our activities. When we feel they've reached an age to understand, and if they ask, we'll discuss the foundations of our relationship with them. If we do our jobs correctly, they'll be able to look back and see a loving family unit, a united front and always open arms. They'll remember a mother and father who could make each other smile with a look, a touch or a word. They'll remember a warm environment and sunday dinners and movie night and water fights...and a million other details we wish for them in any future stable, loving relationships they have. And if we can show them that all that stemmed from a BDSM marriage, we've done something right. We don't look at it as 'coping with children around'. We're just living our lives. Then again, our life isn't based on trying to find the time to enjoy our kinks. For that, we do like even the most 'nilla parents out there do...we wait 'til they've gone to bed, or find a sitter and get busy. ;)
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