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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/31/2011 5:17:14 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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In the getting to know phase, it's best not to make too many assumptions about what the other person is thinking a/o doing. Since you don't know the person well, the chances of making a correct assumption are not that good. Which means you get it wrong and look like an asshole, when your intention was to put your best foot forward.

Try starting out with zero expectations, it will keep you from being disappointed.

Also, it's hard to get to know someone via email (to me). I prefer phone a/o in person dates. But until I'm fairly certain the person is one I want to get to know, I don't give out my phone number.

So there is that iffy beginning time when you are sizing each other up, and seeing how you fit. During that time, I would not have expectations that my messages had to be answered, or make assumptions about what it meant if they weren't.

The OP did both those things, which smacks of needy, clingy passive-aggressive behavior. Coming onto a message board and whining about it doesn't just smack of passive-aggressive behavior, it *IS* passive-aggressive behavior.

Now, I am assuming that the phrase "devotional test" came from the OP. If it came from the "domme," they appear to be perfectly suited, as she's as much of a passive-aggressive drama queen as he.

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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/31/2011 2:13:30 PM

DesFIP

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If she got hammered by Irene, then yes, you're being an ass for expecting her to drop everything to attend to you.

In general though, I don't believe in making someone else a priority who makes me an option.But real life has been known to intrude.

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RE: The Devotional Test - 9/3/2011 10:20:21 AM

mistudeMM

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I think the idea of this "devotional test" is kind of an excuse...Why would she test your devotion without telling you, and why would she do it by ceasing contact with you? And then, why would she start out by saying, I've just been so busy, but I was testing you too...

Those are a few questions I would ask her. If she was testing you, maybe finding out the reason why, and the proper way to respond, would be helpful in rebuilding your communication.

If she can't answer those questions, perhaps she isn't the right one for you. It is not fair when you invest time and thought into your responses, only to have that not reciprocated, or even ignored. I hope that maybe there was just a break down in communication, it happens after all...But if it doesn't seem to be that way, I would consider moving on.

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RE: The Devotional Test - 9/3/2011 11:18:59 AM

igor2003

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tebo

This question is primarily for slaves. Not that submissives or dom(m)es wouldn't have meaningful input, but I think one that is a slave now will have probably gone through this.

I exchanged e-mails with a domme and mine were generally 3 to 4 times longer than hers. To be expected, as after all, she had questions she wanted answered. Does this mean that you didn't have questions of your own you would have liked answered? If I am going to get into any kind of relationship with anyone there are going to be things I will want to know about them. If they want information but won't give any themselves, then move on. Even a 2.5 hr conversation on the phone was in the mix. My last e-mail was almost 800 words and was responded to with a single sentence, not particularly relevant to anything we had talked about. I interpret this, or no response at all as "it's over". Then a little more than a week later and e-mail, "I've been so busy with all kinds of shit, just no time to be on the internet". I'm paraphrasing slightly as I don't have the messages anymore, but that was the general theme. Nonsense. If I have a genuine interest in someone I will find the time to let them know it. Sometimes it might be just a quick note to say that I'm really busy at the moment, but that I am thinking about them and will write a longer message soon. If they don't have that kind of courtesy, then that tells me a lot about their character. It turns out though that I had failed the devotional test. I was to have interpreted that as, let's get with the program again. A test? Tests are bullshit. Life throws enough problems at most relationships without someone creating some kind of extra obstacle course to try to maneuver through. Once I know someone is purposely creating some kind of "test" for me they are out the door and on their ass. Period and good riddance.

My position was simply, no problem, I'm sure you'll jerk my chain when you have time. In a subsequent message, her statement was, if I don't want you to communicate, I'll tell you.

I realize there are a lot of genuine dommes and domes on this site, but reality is, there are far more that are just intent on mind f'in. So the question becomes, would you have carried on under similar circumstances. Absolutely not.

All relationships, vanilla, kink, gay, straight, D/s....it makes no difference which, if it is going to be successful then the needs of all parties involved need to be met. It sounds to me like neither of you was having your own needs met. Tally it up to experience and move on.

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RE: The Devotional Test - 9/3/2011 12:47:58 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistudeMM
Why would she test your devotion without telling you,

Because that is how the game is frequently played. "If he really loved me he'd just know what to do with me asking....."

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RE: The Devotional Test - 9/3/2011 2:46:22 PM

Endivius

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistudeMM
Why would she test your devotion without telling you,

Because that is how the game is frequently played. "If he really loved me he'd just know what to do with me asking....."

Relationship games are for the insecure. It's one thing to do a kink game in a scene or setting for the purpose of the actual scene. Playing games in a relationship to test a person's devotion to you is just petty insecurity.

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RE: The Devotional Test - 9/3/2011 8:55:18 PM

mistudeMM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistudeMM
Why would she test your devotion without telling you,

Because that is how the game is frequently played. "If he really loved me he'd just know what to do with me asking....."

I would definatly agree with you on that. But hopefully if that is the game she's playing, maybe by him asking those questions, they can work it out...insecurities can be overcome with patience and communication.

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