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puella -> A Most Curious Phenomenon (5/21/2006 7:02:29 AM)
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Hello everyone,
This is hardly an earthshaking post; really its more just a musing of something I have become aware of and a question as to what people think of it and if they have had similar experiences.
I will preface this by saying that I really do believe that being submissive is a part of my personality, it is an organic component of who I am as a human being, and always has been.
I was released in November and came back to Rochester... I have no agenda for looking for (or even any desire for) another owner. Obviously, I do not go around the workplace or even social situations stating my various beliefs about being submissive, etc., and though I think many people eagerly utilize my desire to be helpful and giving, I do not think in anyway they equate that with the word submissive, given that I tend to be perceived as very self sufficient and capable and at times, dynamic.
Since coming back... I have been noticing some really strange things, especially, but not exclusively with men. It seems... the longer I am with some people, the more dominant they become?
A couple of examples:
My friend Richard is incredibly kind. I don't think there is anyone who I would have pegged as less dominant than him. I am not saying he is submissive, he is just not dominant.. or wasn't. In fact, as he learned about who I am, and that I just left a 27/4 collared slave relationship, he was horrified to such an extent, I think that, if he did not already form the opinion that I am intelligent, lucid and a decent person, he would not wish to continue a friendship. To say it weirded him out is to put it very very mildly. I do not apologize for what I am and didn't with him, but it is not something we really ever talk about.
Richard is very gentle, very considerate, a very soft and giving person who is incredibly intelligent and has a very good background. He is not assertive or demanding ... and yet.. as time goes on, I have noticed some very interesting things happening. He is taking control of situations. He is now completely comfortable in taking control in almost all situations where it is just himself and me involved, but also.. he is becoming more decisive and a more commanding presence with ... just about everyone. He is still kind and quite soft spoken, but he is absolutely, hands down more dominant now that he has known me for a while than he was when we met. I almost fell out of my chair the other day when he was talking to someone and (I wasn't totally paying attention to the conversation) someone commented that he was very good at taking charge of things, or taking a leadership position and he said, "I very much like to be in control."
Another friend, Tom, is also very quiet. He is a mathematics professor here at one of the universities and is very much the sort of stereotypical mild mannered, self effasing intelligencia. He has no idea of my former relationships. We are in a political discussion group that meets once a week. As time has gone on, he and I have become better and better friends, and as that has happened, he too has become more and more 'strong'. He has stopped apologizing for himself, he takes control of situations (regarding organizational business for the group, etc) and enjoys it. He has commanded more respect for himself and has gotten it in spades from everyone. Again, it has not changed his being very kind and considerate, it has just seemed to ... solidify some latent part of himself he never allowed himself to indulge before.. I really cannot explain it.
Even my boss!! He too, is quite, rather soft, very very capable and was not terribly assertive. I began as his assistant and he would rarely even have me do much for him, rather he allowed a lot of others to use me. As time has gone on and things have just sort of .. 'magically' gotten done to make his job easier, and as our relationship has progressed, he has gotten much more dominant in our relationship. He has absolutely no problem using me, no problem asserting himself with me, and I have noticed he is much more confident in doing so with others as well now (I think this is kind of funny as most 'bosses' tend to sort of lose dominance over their assistants as their relationship progresses and the assistants become more human to them.. and as the assistants learn how to weasel them a bit hehe).
There are many many more instances of this sort which have been happening, some really brief and some even more startling (like the guy who was my 'chum' who suddenly thinks he has the right to claim me.. and I mean that in the most 'club you over the head drag you into my cave' sense... he doesn't know I am submissive either, and it has startled him that he feels this way but he can not seem to stop the behavior..even when I tell him to bugger off lol. Even a couple of women who have...I don't know?? sensed a submission within me and tried to find dominance in that... that never works well... as submissively wired as I am, I do not submit well to women... for whatever reason.
Anyway... anyone have any ideas about this freaking weirdness going on? Anyone experience anything like that? I can in many ways understand the reverse situation ... someone very dominant inspiring submission in others... but this strange reversal is not something I have ever experienced and I can not figure it out or get my head around it... I certainly am not on a crusade to 'convert' anyone.
Looking forward to the responses,
Jen
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