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A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 7:02:29 AM   
puella


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Hello everyone,

This is hardly an earthshaking post; really its more just a musing of something I have become aware of and a question as to what people think of it and if they have had similar experiences.

I will preface this by saying that I really do believe that being submissive is a part of my personality, it is an organic component of who I am as a human being, and always has been. 

I was released in November and came back to Rochester... I have no agenda for looking for (or even any desire for) another owner.  Obviously, I do not go around the workplace or even social situations stating my various beliefs about being submissive, etc., and though I think many people eagerly utilize my desire to be helpful and giving, I do not think in anyway they equate that with the word submissive, given that I tend to be perceived as very self sufficient and capable and at times, dynamic.

Since coming back... I have been noticing some really strange things, especially, but not exclusively with men.  It seems... the longer I am with some people, the more dominant they become?

A couple of examples:

My friend Richard is incredibly kind.  I don't think there is anyone who I would have pegged as less dominant than him.  I am not saying he is submissive, he is just not dominant.. or wasn't.  In fact, as he learned about who I am, and that I just left a 27/4 collared slave relationship, he was horrified to such an extent, I think that, if he did not already form the opinion that I am intelligent, lucid and a decent person, he would not wish to continue a friendship.  To say it weirded him out is to put it very very mildly.  I do not apologize for what I am and didn't with him, but it is not something we really ever talk about. 

Richard is very gentle, very considerate, a very soft and giving person who is incredibly intelligent and has a very good background.  He is not assertive or demanding ... and yet.. as time goes on, I have noticed some very interesting things happening.  He is taking control of situations.  He is now completely comfortable in taking control in almost all situations where it is just himself and me involved, but also.. he is becoming more decisive and a more commanding presence with ... just about everyone.  He is still kind and quite soft spoken, but he is absolutely, hands down more dominant now that he has known me for a while than he was when we met.  I almost fell out of my chair the other day when he was talking to someone and (I wasn't totally paying attention to the conversation) someone commented that he was very good at taking charge of things, or taking a leadership position and he said, "I very much like to be in control." 

Another friend, Tom, is also very quiet.  He is a mathematics professor here at one of the universities and is very much the sort of stereotypical mild mannered, self effasing intelligencia.  He has no idea of my former relationships.  We are in a political discussion group that meets once a week.  As time has gone on, he and I have become better and better friends, and as that has happened, he too has become more and more 'strong'.  He has stopped apologizing for himself, he takes control of situations (regarding organizational business for the group, etc) and enjoys it.  He has commanded more respect for himself and has gotten it in spades from everyone.  Again, it has not changed his being very kind and considerate, it has just seemed to ... solidify some latent part of himself he never allowed himself to indulge before.. I really cannot explain it.

Even my boss!!  He too, is quite, rather soft, very very capable and was not terribly assertive.  I began as his assistant and he would rarely even have me do much for him, rather he allowed a lot of others to use me.  As time has gone on and things have just sort of .. 'magically' gotten done to make his job easier, and as our relationship has progressed, he has gotten much more dominant in our relationship. He has absolutely no problem using me, no problem asserting himself with me, and I have noticed he is much more confident in doing so with others as well now  (I think this is kind of funny as most 'bosses' tend to sort of lose dominance over their assistants as their relationship progresses and the assistants become more human to them.. and as the assistants learn how to weasel them a bit hehe).

There are many many more instances of this sort which have been happening, some really brief and some even more startling  (like the guy who was my 'chum' who suddenly thinks he has the right to claim me.. and I mean that in the most 'club  you over the head drag you into my cave' sense... he doesn't know I am submissive either, and it has startled him that he feels this way but he can not seem to stop the behavior..even when I tell him to bugger off lol.  Even a couple of women who have...I don't know?? sensed a submission within me and tried to find dominance in that... that never works well... as submissively wired as I am, I do not submit well to women... for whatever reason.

Anyway... anyone have any ideas about this freaking weirdness going on?  Anyone experience anything like that?  I can in many ways understand the reverse situation ... someone very dominant inspiring submission in others... but this strange reversal is not something I have ever experienced and I can not figure it out or get my head around it... I certainly am not on a crusade to 'convert' anyone.

Looking forward to the responses,

Jen

< Message edited by puella -- 5/21/2006 7:05:46 AM >
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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 7:34:26 AM   
iliv2servher


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Just a thought, but these men might be picking up some very subtile signals from you.  As you probably know, we all communicate our feelings and thoughts in various ways.  We also, depending upon our sensitivity to others, receive visual, auditory and olfactory cues from others.  In fact, it doesn't really surprise me when someone seems to be reading my mind.  I believe that we are all sensitive to the thoughts and feelngs of others to some degree.  So it could be that, because you are relatively close to these men, they may in fact be sensative to the changes going on within you.  Again, just a thought.
 
-iliv2servHer

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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 7:36:56 AM   
feastie


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Maybe you've just become more adept and recognizing dominance in men that is not heralded by much shouting and stamping of feet.

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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 8:04:41 AM   
puella


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Hello iliv2ervher,

Thanks for the reply.. yeah.. I had thought that too, and do not discount the idea that that might be true... I just think.. especially with Tom... I am not behaving wildly submissive in my political group, lol.. I am quite vociferously left and given in that forum I have every right to express my opinions, which I devote a lot of time to researching and making sure are not knee jerk reactions... I am VERY aggressive in my points of view.. so its really weird.. but I suppose you are right there could be subtler things... I really don't know.. it is happening enough that I have very decidedly noticed what is happening though.

Another strange thing is that when owned, a vanilla friend of my owner who knew of the nature of our relationship, was totally weirded out the opposite way.. it did not encourage him to explore his own strength , rather i definitely noticed a very strong discomfort around me because of it... who knows!

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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 8:07:07 AM   
puella


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heheh feastie,

that is definitely a possibility as well.. but I have never been one to admire the foot stamping type to begin with.... hence the dismay Capitan Caveman is experiencing in his thwarted attempts to drag me by my hair into his lair... ;)

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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 8:10:14 AM   
feastie


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Man, he gets around, doesn't he? 

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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 8:20:51 AM   
FirmhandKY


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puella,

I really don't think there is anything unusual about it at all.

In any kind of leadership (dominance) dynamic, there is two parts:  the leader (s) and the follower(s).

Often times, a good follower brings out leadership traits in another person. 

I think it also plays out in the male/female dynamic in our culture as well.  Men are generally taught to suppress their "natural" dominance around women.  But as they grow more comfortable with a particular woman, as she gives out an often unspoken acceptance of a submissive role, they may start to consciously or subconsciously release some of their inhibitions in the male/female dynamic.  (How does the domme's fit in here?  Gist for another thread.  )

Many men equate submissiveness with sexual availablity (points finger to your "chum").  A submissive women who is intelligent, and competent in assisting a man in a non-intimate relationship is what I would call a "good helpmate".  She draws out and encourages a man's dominance - makes him feel comfortable and competent himself.  As his comfort level grows, he tends to express that dominance more and more.   This plays into and reinforces the "leader/follower" dynamic.

Protectiveness of the helpmate may also become a factor, and if conditions are ripe, other emotions could grow as well - although that isn't a given.

Truly, this is what I have sought in a D/s relationship, and why I shake my head at the women who wish to totally submerge and lose their personality in a man, and men who desire that.  To me,  (notice the to me - someone else's MMV)  it's a more satisfying and healthy relationship where the mutual reinforcement of all the male/female, leader/follower and D/s dynamics converge into something that transcends the normal, everyday mundane realities of vanilla life.

FHky


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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 8:25:16 AM   
NDulgance


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Maybe it is the comfort level these men feel around you. They don't have to compete with an ego and are probably recognized when you acknowledge they have asserted themselves. Sounds like you are subconsciouly helping them along.

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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 8:35:03 AM   
CrappyDom


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One becomes hyper aware of the dynamics of power and control and you start to see how it flows all around you.  Perhaps not having seen these men in some time, upon returning you see them through a fresh perspective.

Another thing about Richard, perhaps he has always desired more than your friendship and has been doing some reading...

Oh and feastie, THANKS for the great quote:
quote:

  Maybe you've just become more adept and recognizing dominance in men that is not heralded by much shouting and stamping of feet.

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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 8:40:36 AM   
puella


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Thanks Crappy... and don't worry, this will not effect my determination to marry you.. I have already picked out the dress and the cookie tray ( I did tell you I was Italian.. it is vitally important to have the proper cookie tray at a massive Italian wedding.. don't worry, I will brief you on all the cultural protocols as the date gets nearer)!

On a more serious note though.. I shall consider the idea of hypersensitivity.

Thanks.

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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 8:42:52 AM   
puella


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Thank you for the response FirmhandKY,

You always provide insight and ideas to think about.

I am a follower of natural order so the whole gender role thing doesn't weird me out in the slightest.  It has caused me a problems in past relationships, but it doesn't weird me at all!

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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 8:44:49 AM   
puella


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NDulgance,

I must admit that that idea appeals to me, as I am one who likes the idea of being a 'helper'.  It does make me worry though that perhaps I might be helping them into  something they may not be ready for.. even if I am not consciously trying to help them to find anything at all, yanno?

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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 8:49:54 AM   
MasterNickBlack


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Good writing. I believe that you hae a good mastery of being submissive and I commend you for that. I sincerely hope you find a master to serve that makes you so happy dear lady.
Best wishes.

Master Nick Black


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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 9:01:28 AM   
smackedbyaunti


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well may i just say.. what a read that was, often reading sentences outloud, twice. all the time my grey matter swirling around with a big question mark.then with the end in sight you answer it for us in the last pgraph..... 
im submissive ... and already feel more assertive... brilliant..xx

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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 9:06:20 AM   
champagnewishes


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quote:

ORIGINAL: FirmhandKY

A submissive women who is intelligent, and competent in assisting a man in a non-intimate relationship is what I would call a "good helpmate".  She draws out and encourages a man's dominance - makes him feel comfortable and competent himself.  As his comfort level grows, he tends to express that dominance more and more.   This plays into and reinforces the "leader/follower" dynamic.


My exact same thoughts and belief.  Not surprising, my closest friends are highly intelligent men whom often come across as being almost, for lack of a better word, timid.  Around me, they instinctively step up to the plate.  I have noticed that this has begun to carry through into their everyday life.  With my friend Vince especially, he will often call me to use me as a sounding board before taking charge of a situation.       

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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 9:11:12 AM   
champagnewishes


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quote:

ORIGINAL: smackedbyaunti

well may i just say.. what a read that was, often reading sentences outloud, twice. all the time my grey matter swirling around with a big question mark.then with the end in sight you answer it for us in the last pgraph..... 
im submissive ... and already feel more assertive... brilliant..xx


There you have it puella...you have the energy to make switches out of us subs  

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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 9:16:35 AM   
puella


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Oh dear.. is that a superpower I can join the Hall of Justice with, do you think?  God only knows what set of leotards they would slap me in...

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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 9:36:02 AM   
champagnewishes


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Fishnet no doubt....rofl

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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 9:50:37 AM   
smackedbyaunti


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I really do not think its a superpower, well i hope not, im more than happy the way i am, ta very much,
i would hazzard a guess that its more instinctive than subliminal mind message gobbledigoop!.... you express such powerful submissive body messages that even the mild mannered man you call friend will automatically feel more assertive. x    

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RE: A Most Curious Phenomenon - 5/21/2006 9:53:43 AM   
Rule


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In reply to puella.
 
One of the primary functions of a slave is to enhance other human beings, to stimulate them to become all that they can be. Superpower and Goddess indeed.
 
Bless you.

< Message edited by Rule -- 5/21/2006 9:55:37 AM >

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