Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Approach or Stay Back?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Approach or Stay Back? Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Approach or Stay Back? - 5/21/2006 4:44:42 PM   
IamDifferent


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/14/2006
Status: offline 		This is one that i struggle with...as a submissive (who can be a little shy anyhow), it seemed to me that it would be a breach of protocol to approach a domme. i was assuming that if SHE did not approach me, then that automatically meant that she was not interested. However, i have also seen dommes express that they are flattered by a tasteful approach by a prospective sub. What do the Goddesses here think about that? I guess that when i think about it, i am more comfortable being more passive when it comes to the initial contact so perhaps it is just a subjective personal thing and i have answered my own question.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Approach or Stay Back? - 5/21/2006 4:54:06 PM   
forluvofmaria


Posts: 59
Joined: 5/16/2006
From: mountains of MD
Status: offline 		I have exactly what will get a response from me right in my profile...Having read yours ....Send me a smile.
Well written thoughts about what you as a subbie think would be valuable to the Goddess you seek can if nothing else bring a smile to her day.

_____________________________

Live, Love and Laugh
Life is to be enjoyed, appreciated and treasured

"Only the Heart knows how to find what IS Precious"
Fyoder Dostoyevsky

(in reply to IamDifferent)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Approach or Stay Back? - 5/21/2006 5:13:42 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear IamDifferent, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I am always pleased when a slave and or submissive approaches me in a passive manner, to which is polite and tasteful.
 
It is difficult for shy slaves/submissives, regardless if male or female, to approach a dominant.  As far as dominant women go, the submissive/slave is to pursue and approach.  It goes back to having to wear stilettos and high heels.  We are more hindered, than a woman in track shoes.
 
May I suggest that you may get a soda/beverage for a lady or offer help.  That will start a conversation in a gentle manner.  The lady may enjoy a gentle soul, with a shy like nature.  Such a passive posture will put most ladies at ease.
 
May you find the gentle path to a lady's feet, that she may enjoy such sweet company and or service lad.
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to IamDifferent)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Approach or Stay Back? - 5/21/2006 5:27:01 PM   
Oumae


Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline 		I think most Dommes are fine with and welcome a polite approach.  If you are talking about making contact online then I definitely would recommend you approach after reading a profile as many females get so much mail they have no need/time to approach subs.  It does happen sometimes tho'.

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to IamDifferent)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Approach or Stay Back? - 5/21/2006 5:50:53 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Personally, I prefer to be approached. Although there are times when I'll be the one to approach a sub/slave. I just really hate doing it because I really suck at those "get to know each other letters". I would really rather just give them my number and let them call.
 
Jewel

< Message edited by ShiftedJewel -- 5/21/2006 5:51:27 PM >

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to IamDifferent)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Approach or Stay Back? - 5/21/2006 8:13:50 PM   
HCWT1


Posts: 161
Joined: 7/7/2005
Status: offline 		 
At one time,the protocols,in as much as the way i was tought,were very black and white,(doo's and don'ts).But in the couple or so years,since iv'e been online and reading recent opinions,im not shore that its important anymore within the greater community.

I will allways remain committed to my ideals,so just sit back and let the doms contact me,to see if im interested.Its working better than i could have imagined.

It does take a little faith and patience.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Approach or Stay Back? - 5/21/2006 8:29:07 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		We have had threads on this type of thing before, and I believe the consensus is that, Domme or not, women like to be courted ... which typically means that the male makes the first move - not always, but normally. 

We fall into the catagory that prefers to be courted ... I will, on rare occation, message someone that interests me, but typically, I wait for people to message us (for multiple reasons ... mostly that I only hang out here and don't read profiles on the other side unless they post something here that interests me).

(in reply to HCWT1)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Approach or Stay Back? - 5/21/2006 8:29:09 PM   
Contessadark


Posts: 3
Joined: 12/29/2005
Status: offline 		In reality, the greatest reprocussion from taking the initiative happens in person. An e-mail is still an e-mail, regardless, but approaching a Domme in the flesh...now that can be terrifying. You can always start by asking others at the event if they know them, what they know about them or even if they will grant you an introduction to them. It takes a lot of the anxiety out of the moment if there is a mediator. If none is available, then certainly a polite approach is acceptable. The wonderful thing about fet parties is that the invite a level of free socialization that is unprecedented. I know I don't go to sit in a corner and be an elitist, self-important snob. I want to see my friends and smile and chat and greet new people, dommes and subs both, open new negotiations with possible play partners and enjoy myself as an exquisite Goddess should- surrounded by like-minded people enjoying themselves. Keeping in spirit with the purpose of play parties, goodness yes, respectfully saying hello and telling a Domme she is rapturous is certainly acceptable. 

(in reply to HCWT1)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Approach or Stay Back? - 5/21/2006 11:09:39 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel
Personally, I prefer to be approached. Although there are times when I'll be the one to approach a sub/slave. I just really hate doing it because I really suck at those "get to know each other letters". I would really rather just give them my number and let them call.
 Jewel
Jewel we are a lot alike in this regard.
I also prefer to be approached and unless someone approaches me in a retarded way, I am always kind and responsive one way or another.
I also don't know how to have 100 meaningful emails to and fro, but wonder where people are comfortable, because people are so paranoid online about exchanging personal info;  I usually stay with email for a few exchanges, and than if he cannot move to phone and have reasonable flow in conversation by phone, we're done.   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Approach or Stay Back? - 5/22/2006 4:43:50 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I prefer a respectful, well written approach--I may at times contact a submissive--but a nice approach means alot and of late, I have had more than a few nice emails---stating they know they don't meet My criteria, but they wanted to say Hi---I like those as well.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to IamDifferent)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Approach or Stay Back? - 5/22/2006 5:36:44 AM   
MochaMistress


Posts: 275
Joined: 1/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

I prefer a respectful, well written approach--I may at times contact a submissive--but a nice approach means alot and of late, I have had more than a few nice emails---stating they know they don't meet My criteria, but they wanted to say Hi---I like those as well.


I am in agreement with Mistress Hathor.
A polite respectful approach not matter in person or via email is always favorably looked upon. I might add also that no I dont want to see nude photos either.
 
MM

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Approach or Stay Back? - 5/22/2006 7:26:03 AM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline 		I prefer to be approached. I come from a high protocol background, and even then, it was the submissive who approached the Dominant (albeit in a respectful, passive, and courteous manner.) It would have come across as "taking advantage of innocence" (for lack of a better term) for a Dominant to approach a sub. (LadyHugs might be able to expand on this concept better than I.)

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to IamDifferent)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Approach or Stay Back? - 5/22/2006 8:05:59 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IamDifferent

This is one that i struggle with...as a submissive (who can be a little shy anyhow), it seemed to me that it would be a breach of protocol to approach a domme. i was assuming that if SHE did not approach me, then that automatically meant that she was not interested. However, i have also seen dommes express that they are flattered by a tasteful approach by a prospective sub. What do the Goddesses here think about that? I guess that when i think about it, i am more comfortable being more passive when it comes to the initial contact so perhaps it is just a subjective personal thing and i have answered my own question.


I think either party should be able to approach another person.

Me, I'm a straight forward kind of woman. I see you, I think you look fine, I've listened to you talk, I approach you. I have no problem with someone approaching me but they're better off taking some time to watch me, listen to me, and interact with me first so they can figure me out a little bit.

Now many women are still very much in a traditional mindset and don't want to pursue men but want to be pursued.

This entire "pursue" idea seems weird to me. I don't pursue and I don't want anyone pursuing me -- I'm not an animal you are trying to capture nor are you. I'll say "hey, I think you'll neat, want to get coffee and talk" (or just talk if its online) and if you say "no" I move on.

I'm an adult, I only do Ds and SM with other adults, and I think that means we can skip games and guessing about body language and hinty words, and just be upfront and honest about it.

I don't see romance between people as a way to pursue but a way to express feelings that are developing.

I know, hard to believe I'm a woman in America without all these romantic pursuit desire, huh? I also hate romance novels and cut flowers too. Bring me something from my amazon.com wish list or some mums we can plant that will come up around my birthday -- just an example.

Just so everyone knows, I don't intend to sound harsh toward those who follow the more traditional gender models. I'm expressing myself primarily to show that not all women (dom, sub, whatever) will fit into any neat little model. I firmly believe we'd all do much better in our searches if we approached people as individuals.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to IamDifferent)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Approach or Stay Back? - 5/22/2006 9:00:59 AM   
Beatmehrdr


Posts: 61
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		This is something about this aspect of a FemDomme D/s relationship that I find rather interesting, the duality involved.  On the one hand, the Domme wants someone who will submit to her, who will be receptive to what she wants, be available for whatever she has in mind.  In short she wants to be the aggressor.  However, when it comes to starting the relationship, it's all rather traditional.  She wants to be wooed, romanced, even seduced into taking the dominant role over the sub.  It is kind of interesting, really, how similar D/s is to vanilla in that respect.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Approach or Stay Back? - 5/22/2006 9:01:25 AM   
iliv2servher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IamDifferent

This is one that i struggle with...as a submissive (who can be a little shy anyhow), it seemed to me that it would be a breach of protocol to approach a domme. i was assuming that if SHE did not approach me, then that automatically meant that she was not interested. However, i have also seen dommes express that they are flattered by a tasteful approach by a prospective sub. What do the Goddesses here think about that? I guess that when i think about it, i am more comfortable being more passive when it comes to the initial contact so perhaps it is just a subjective personal thing and i have answered my own question.


I think we often mistake by equating dominance with sexual agressiveness.  I know several male subs who like to be wooed (i.e., approached by a femdomme).  After all, it's very flattering and you don't have to take the initiative or risk being turned down.  However, I often think that there is a double standard, in that women of all persuasions do like to have the male make the initial effort.  Perhaps it is because woman are accustomed to this, and that they are most-comfortable with it.

_____________________________

Dating sucks!

(in reply to IamDifferent)
Profile   Post #: 15
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Approach or Stay Back? Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094