Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on?

Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (Full Version)

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Toppingfrmbottom -> Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/7/2011 11:54:50 AM)
I always wanted to be a mom, when I was a kid I knew I'd make a great mom, I loved kids and I had a good repor and ability to engage them. Every body always said so, and even kids who didn't know me liked me a lot. I got oh you'd make a great mom, or you should work with kids as a career you're so good at it a lot. I wanted to be a foster mom when I grew up. Having gotten a taste of the system from being a ward of the state, and how foster moms had every moment of their lives scrutinized, and how stressful that was, growing up I changed my mind. But I still wanted kids. Just this year I started thinking I don't want kids. Why? They're just a lot of work, and a lot of stress, a lot of money, and once you have a kid they kind of take over your life. I find it hard to get by a lot of the time, let alone another person who needs me and their daddy 24/7 for a very, very, very long time. I don't want to be someone elses 24/7 care taker. So as of this year my view on kids is a no. Maybe that might change in 4 or 5 years, but I don't know. And that is frankly a downside of an 11 year age difference relationship. In 4 or 5 years I'd be 34, still a good age to start having kids, but daddy would be 44-45 and he doesn't want to be that late in starting a family.

tolovetolaugh -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/7/2011 11:59:56 AM)
I am the opposite. As a child I was a hard core tomboy, who wanted nothing to do with kids. As I got older, the maternal instinct started kicking in, trying to brain wash me. I would see a toddler and have thoughts. "awww I want one..." I would have to tell myself "no!" "bad!" Later I admitted to myself I might like to adopt... even later I might like to have one myself... But the thoughts kept coming til they won me over, and now I want two someday. Hopefully that damn voice is satisfied and doesn't try to up it.

littlewonder -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/7/2011 1:11:54 PM)
I never wanted children. Husband did though so I now have a beautiful daughter. After husband died I still did not want any so I had my tubes tied. I love my one but I am smart enough to know I make a horrible mother.

NocturnalStalker -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/7/2011 1:18:44 PM)
A woman wanting kids is a subtle way of saying, "I want to stop exercising."

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/7/2011 1:36:55 PM)
Well not wanting one and coming to want one is ok too:) Adoption is very hard though through agencies, a lot of red tape and it costs a lot. I and my brother are adopted, and they wouldn't split us up, cause you know sometimes siblings are split up and adopted out individually, so my parents were not charged a fee, cause we were considered hard to adopt kids, cause we were already 2 and 4, and came together and had some emotional issues. quote: ORIGINAL: tolovetolaugh I am the opposite. As a child I was a hard core tomboy, who wanted nothing to do with kids. As I got older, the maternal instinct started kicking in, trying to brain wash me. I would see a toddler and have thoughts. "awww I want one..." I would have to tell myself "no!" "bad!" Later I admitted to myself I might like to adopt... even later I might like to have one myself... But the thoughts kept coming til they won me over, and now I want two someday. Hopefully that damn voice is satisfied and doesn't try to up it. quote: Later I admitted to myself I might like to adopt... even later I might like to have one

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/7/2011 1:38:33 PM)
How so, if you do it right kids are very labor intensive, no pun intended. Once the start being mobile there should be a lot of running around, keeping up with them, a lot of hands on play time, walks in the stroller, outings at the park. etc etc. quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker A woman wanting kids is a subtle way of saying, "I want to stop exercising." quote: nt any so I had my tubes tied. I love my one but I am smart enough to know I make a horrible mother.

Hillwilliam -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/7/2011 1:40:35 PM)
Don't want kids. Didn't want kids. 99% sure I don't have kids. Had a close call summer before last. [8\|]

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/7/2011 1:40:57 PM)
Daddy says if I truly don't want to take care of a baby, he'd do all the care taking and I wouldn't have to do much, and I was like, you have to work I'd still be a constant care taker on call for 8 hours while you work. And you're dead tired when you get home, it's not fair to expect it and I doubt you' be up to 8 hours strait work day and all night child duty. Sweet of him to say so though. quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I never wanted children. Husband did though so I now have a beautiful daughter. After husband died I still did not want any so I had my tubes tied. I love my one but I am smart enough to know I make a horrible mother. quote: d though so I now have a beautiful daughter. After husband died I still did not want any so I had my tubes tied. I love my one but I am smart

myotherself -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/7/2011 1:43:57 PM)
Never wanted kids, except for a time in my 20s when the hormones took over and I wanted to be a mother, but without all the crap that goes with being a mother. If I'm being honest, I find very young children boring, irritating and tedious after a while. Usually about 20 minutes, lol I'm smart enough to know I'd be a crap mother. However I'm a teacher and I love my kids. I work mostly with special needs kids and they are a delight. However, it's always nice to see them go home at 3pm....lol And now I'm at the point where the choice is being taken from me, and I don't mind a bit [:D]

tolovetolaugh -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/7/2011 4:54:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom Well not wanting one and coming to want one is ok too:) Adoption is very hard though through agencies, a lot of red tape and it costs a lot. I and my brother are adopted, and they wouldn't split us up, cause you know sometimes siblings are split up and adopted out individually, so my parents were not charged a fee, cause we were considered hard to adopt kids, cause we were already 2 and 4, and came together and had some emotional issues. Awww... I hope your parents were as amazing as that snippet sounds. 2 and 4 yo would be a dream, skip most the diapers! I was around 18ish at the time and just had my cherry popped... seeing how painful that was the idea of childbirth scares the hell out of me. Adoption seemed a safer way and was a step in my maternal instincts insidious progression.

impishlilhellcat -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/7/2011 5:01:27 PM)
I'm the opposite too. I never wanted kids. I was going to go to school and be an over achiever etc.. I was going to travel the world etc... I've done a lot of things. I've gotten two degrees (working on a third), published in scientific journals, and done a tiny bit of the massive amount of traveling and now... I WANT BABIES. My husband doesn't and even though we were in agreement at one point that's become a point of contention between the two of us (he changed his mind). At some point I will either naturally have a baby or adopt. Eventually, I will start with fostering if it doesn't happen naturally first. I think having a baby with someone you love is the most amazing thing you can do. Pieces of you, pieces of your significant other put together to make one little being... Just me though.

soul2share -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/7/2011 7:32:38 PM)
I'm with the "never wanted kids EVER!!!!" bunch. I've always said that I'm the son my father never had. Now, that said, I did my share to keep the family lines alive and did have one child. I truly love my son, but I'll tell ya this....I HATED being a mother. To this day, I still can't tell anyone why I had the one. Babies, especially infants, drive me right up the frickin' wall....the sound of one crying, even an older child, will make me homicidal. And pleeeeeeze....don't waste my time trying to show me your kid's pictures...I'd rather watch grass grow. I have zero interest in kids.....always have. When I told my mother I was pregnant, the first words out of her mouth were "What the heck are you going to do with a baby?" To say she was surprised was an understatement. Now, as they get older, they are a bit more fun, but I'm talking school ages, when you can take them out and do cool things with them. With my son, we always did stuff together, even when he was an infant. We'd spend weekends at the St Louis Zoo once he understood what he was seeing. He loved it....then there were science centers, go carts, amusement parks, swimming....we had a great time! I get along great with older kids. It's getting them to the cool stage that I hated. I don't regret having my son, but I sure as hell won't ever do it again. I'm not even interested in a relationship with anyone who either has kids at home or wants them. I'm waaaaay to selfish and set in my ways to start taking care of a kid again. I don't know what it will be like once I'm a grandma, but I don't feel any thrills about the thought of it happening. I think I'm just missing the whole human maternal gene.......when it comes to baby animals, I'm all "OOOOOOOOOO, aren't they adorable??!!", but there is none of that feeling when I look at a baby. I'll be polite and make the appropriate noises when someone absolutely HAS to break out the baby pics, but I vacate the area as quickly as possible. I'm not going to be a wet blanket and ruin the new parent's or grandparent's joy in their new addition.

soul2share -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/7/2011 7:37:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker A woman wanting kids is a subtle way of saying, "I want to stop exercising." NS, Sweetie, I do like you, glad to see you back and all, but you are a dickhead! You have obviously never chased after a 2 year old. Exercise????? Raising kids is nothing BUT exercise. Try raising a kid and holding down a job and still taking care of a household. My ex always said that he'd help me out around the house, do 50% of the work.......pffffttttt....yeah, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. His idea of helping out was taking our son to day care so he could hang out around the house all day. I couldn't even get him to do dishes, or heaven forbid, dump the trash. OK, sore spot...yeah, I'll admit it.......but if it wasn't true, I wouldn't be bitching about it.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/8/2011 10:46:48 AM)
Unfortunately no they were not the greatest parents growing up, but they've kind of made up for it now cause they're great now. I think adoption is a great way to go even if you're not afraid of pain cause there's shit loads of kids waiting for someone to want them, true, you won't always get a super young kid, and every one wants babies, but you will give someone a hopefully loving home they'd other wise not have. Some kids go to the age of majority a ward of the state, in foster homes or group homes or other non home of their own living. quote: ORIGINAL: tolovetolaugh Awww... I hope your parents were as amazing as that snippet sounds. 2 and 4 yo would be a dream, skip most the diapers! I was around 18ish at the time and just had my cherry popped... seeing how painful that was the idea of childbirth scares the hell out of me. Adoption seemed a safer way and was a step in my maternal instincts insidious progression.

lizi -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/8/2011 1:46:12 PM)
I didn't want kids and then got pregnant by accident. Raising him on my own was the hardest thing I've ever done and I think those people who are cognizant of how hard it will be to have children are very wise indeed. It never ends, there is always something, it'll suck the life out of you and then some. Even with all that, the thing I'm the most proud of having accomplished in my life is raising that child and his two brothers. They've all turned out better than I could have ever hoped, and while I do have pangs sometimes thinking of all the things I didn't do when I chose to raise them instead, I don't really have any lasting regrets. I think if you are sold on the idea of not having kids, then don't do it. It's just so much harder than you can even imagine. The responsibility is so huge. It's not for the unsure or faint of heart. If you do decide to at some point, the rewards are there too...I think it's just important to see the whole picture and choose accordingly. I could have ended my first pregnancy and didn't. I'm glad I didn't, but my life would have been a hell of a lot easier if I did.

lizi -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/8/2011 1:51:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom Unfortunately no they were not the greatest parents growing up, but they've kind of made up for it now cause they're great now. I think adoption is a great way to go even if you're not afraid of pain cause there's shit loads of kids waiting for someone to want them, true, you won't always get a super young kid, and every one wants babies, but you will give someone a hopefully loving home they'd other wise not have. Some kids go to the age of majority a ward of the state, in foster homes or group homes or other non home of their own living. I think adoption is great for those who can do that. It also can be a crapshoot, to be blunt, you don't know what you are getting into. My sister has 3 biological children and 2 adopted children. Her experience has been very mixed. There are kids out there who certainly do need homes. They have had hard lives, may have biological and mental issues- it's hard to guess how things will turn out. I could never adopt, I greatly admire my sis and the others who can and do.

NocturnalStalker -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/8/2011 1:52:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: soul2share quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker A woman wanting kids is a subtle way of saying, "I want to stop exercising." NS, Sweetie, I do like you, glad to see you back and all, but you are a dickhead! You have obviously never chased after a 2 year old. Exercise????? Raising kids is nothing BUT exercise. Try raising a kid and holding down a job and still taking care of a household. My ex always said that he'd help me out around the house, do 50% of the work.......pffffttttt....yeah, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. His idea of helping out was taking our son to day care so he could hang out around the house all day. I couldn't even get him to do dishes, or heaven forbid, dump the trash. OK, sore spot...yeah, I'll admit it.......but if it wasn't true, I wouldn't be bitching about it. You intimidate me whenever you raise your voice.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/8/2011 4:07:52 PM)
I never wanted to have kids. And then my mom died when I was 27 and it seemed to start that maternal clock. I'm not a fan of babies or toddlers. You will never see me go to hold anyone's kid. I just don't have any desire to. So when I had my two girls my entire world changed. I have loved every phase of development they have gone through. I can't imaging what my life would be like without them in it. And now that they're a little older (8 and 10) they've become much more fun to hang with. I think if you aren't any form of a sociopath, you're gonna love your child to no ends the minute you know that they are growing inside of you. All of the sleepless nights and hard days become completely forgotten when they smile at you, hug you and tell you that they love you.

Rule -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/8/2011 5:59:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom In 4 or 5 years I'd be 34, still a good age to start having kids You do not know that. Your clock is ticking and there is no saying when it will stop. It may stop next day or next week or next month, or six years from now. Considering the length of time you have wanted children, my counsel is to have one as soon as possible - and to have fun doing so. Be positive.

vield -> RE: Who else had always known they wanted to be a parent then changed mind as time went on? (9/8/2011 6:11:07 PM)
Interesting. I always knew I did not want kids, I was the eldest of a large family so had plenty of experience. My siblings had plenty of kids, but they always got to "go home" after a visit. Due to the chemicals I waded around in during my SE Asian vacation in 1970, I decided not to chance birth defects, and had a vasectomy. Surprise, surprise. Kids still need care, and when one in the family needs care, one must step up to pitch in. I wish I had not retired just before the kid was born though.

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