RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies

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anniezz338 -> RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies (9/8/2011 9:58:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker I've been in mostly vanilla relationships but with the one that did last quite some time and explored this side of the coast I found that when she would present to me these ideas that they obviously meant a lot to her seeing as how it wasn't everyday your partner asks for you to do something BDSM-related such as tie her to her bed and have your way with. We both were very high on, "the thrill of being caught" and would do our intimate acts in situations where we could easily have been walked in on. Fulfilling fantasies is important to a relationship, I find. It gives trust in the first place to even relay this and that is a big deal-breaker in anything built to last. Not only that, but it really enhances the bond two people can share and introduces another dynamic to their relationship that maybe friends of theirs don't have/lack. When you look at how spur-of-the-moment most people are today with their relationships, it pays to have that extra edge of offering them an unforgettable experience they wouldn't likely find elsewhere but with you. That is all. The bond went thru the roof. His delight of me telling him and my vulnerability .... it formed a bond i have with no one else....because no one else knows. Pretty cool :)

LadyPact -> RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies (9/8/2011 10:00:00 PM)
This is actually one of the few tasks that I ever had to tell clip to do over. When he was deployed, one of the things that used to help keep him actually centered when he needed those necessary breaks from being caught up in all of the things that were going on around him were thoughts of his life back in the States. Since he is very service focused, this was really a challenge for him. Long story short, once I did get him to give Me the kind of detail that I wanted, it was something that came to be very effective and served it's purpose. As to the granting of fantasies, I think if you're inclined to do so, it should be because it's something you want to do, rather than something that is required. Dominant's have their hard limits, too, so if it's something crossing those lines, My answer would be no. If it's something that I'm willing to do, I'll consider it and do it in My own time.

anniezz338 -> RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies (9/8/2011 10:01:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Endivius , when they had a fantasy they put it on one of thier notecards and droped it in the hat, every couple of days I pull one out and if I felt like doing it. I did. If not, I grab another card or just wait another day or two. So there were a few that just were not a doable? Great idea btw

NocturnalStalker -> RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies (9/8/2011 10:06:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anniezz338 quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker I've been in mostly vanilla relationships but with the one that did last quite some time and explored this side of the coast I found that when she would present to me these ideas that they obviously meant a lot to her seeing as how it wasn't everyday your partner asks for you to do something BDSM-related such as tie her to her bed and have your way with. We both were very high on, "the thrill of being caught" and would do our intimate acts in situations where we could easily have been walked in on. Fulfilling fantasies is important to a relationship, I find. It gives trust in the first place to even relay this and that is a big deal-breaker in anything built to last. Not only that, but it really enhances the bond two people can share and introduces another dynamic to their relationship that maybe friends of theirs don't have/lack. When you look at how spur-of-the-moment most people are today with their relationships, it pays to have that extra edge of offering them an unforgettable experience they wouldn't likely find elsewhere but with you. That is all. The bond went thru the roof. His delight of me telling him and my vulnerability .... it formed a bond i have with no one else....because no one else knows. Pretty cool :) However, to play Devil's advocate, it should be noted that by exposing your vulnerability to someone you are left much more prone to crashing harder should the relationship not work out. Luckily I managed to avoid this (she moved down to California and decided a LDR is too restricting given our age/place in life) but you hear a lot of horror stories in general from other people. The nerve-wracking part isn't so much having any deviances but more finding the right person to confess them to in my opinion.

anniezz338 -> RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies (9/8/2011 10:07:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact This is actually one of the few tasks that I ever had to tell clip to do over. When he was deployed, one of the things that used to help keep him actually centered when he needed those necessary breaks from being caught up in all of the things that were going on around him were thoughts of his life back in the States. Since he is very service focused, this was really a challenge for him. Long story short, once I did get him to give Me the kind of detail that I wanted, it was something that came to be very effective and served it's purpose. As to the granting of fantasies, I think if you're inclined to do so, it should be because it's something you want to do, rather than something that is required. Dominant's have their hard limits, too, so if it's something crossing those lines, My answer would be no. If it's something that I'm willing to do, I'll consider it and do it in My own time. yes, i could see the fantasy needing to be revealed as something easily required but not the actual granting of it on the Dom's part. The core of the dynamic

RaspberryLemon -> RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies (9/8/2011 10:42:41 PM)
Honestly? My Master and the way our relationship and sex life runs IS my fantasy. He pretty much designed and created my sexuality from scratch, based only on my base level to please him and be with him. Most of the things I like, I like them because of him. As for the more specific things? I am required to tell him whatever he asks of me, and required to speak my mind, so I am simply not allowed to withhold thoughts from him just because they might be embarrassing. He loves hearing about the more specific fantasies or roleplay scenarios that I come up with. Whether or not he fulfills them is up to him, of course. If he finds it appealing, he will do it. If not and he doesn't want to do it, too bad for me--he's not obligated. So far, though, most of the stuff I come up with is (as I mentioned in my first paragraph) stuff he as well finds hot or appealing in some way... So it actually works out pretty well for both of us.

HeatherMcLeather -> RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies (9/8/2011 10:55:34 PM)
quote: However, to play Devil's advocate, it should be noted that by exposing your vulnerability to someone you are left much more prone to crashing harder should the relationship not work out. It's true that the higher you fly the further you fall, but so what, the flight is the thing. Love with abandon, love freely and wildly, and love fiercely with all you have in you to love with. Hold nothing back, that is my approach to love.

Awareness -> RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies (9/8/2011 11:49:11 PM)
Discovering her fantasies is a consequence of getting inside her head. If you're dominant and not getting inside your sub's head, then there's something missing.

TreasureKY -> RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies (9/8/2011 11:58:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Awareness Discovering her fantasies is a consequence of getting inside her head. If you're dominant and not getting inside your sub's head, then there's something missing. I beg to differ. Firm knows my mind better than anyone, other than myself. However, he does not know my fantasies, and has never asked. It hasn't diminished our relationship or his authority over me in the least.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies (9/9/2011 11:40:23 AM)
Sadly, I am not yet comfortable sharing my fantasies with my SO. ON the other hand, the relationship is relatively new, so that may well come with time.

kalikshama -> RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies (9/9/2011 1:53:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anniezz338 This was brought up at a discussion group last month. Seemed like a touchy subject lol. Is it important to you, no matter which side of the kneel you're on? S-types, do you hold back telling your fantasies because of what ever reasons? Any good examples of personal experiences with this issue? Could it be a deal breaker, even if all the other stars line up? I'm not sure why this would be controversial. For me, it's essential to good communication and adding variety to our sexual repertoire. I mentioned something last weekend that was fabulous to enact. I got an idea from a recent thread that we can't wait to try, and he's been having fun mind fucking me with embellishments. There are scenes I masturbate to that I wouldn't enact IRL.

gungadin09 -> RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies (9/9/2011 2:17:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker However, to play Devil's advocate, it should be noted that by exposing your vulnerability to someone you are left much more prone to crashing harder should the relationship not work out. That's why i'm a bottom and not a submissive, and why it didn't cost me anything, emotionally, to divulge my fantasies. i don't have that degree of emotional connection with Him, and that's by choice. i'm too vulnerable right now anyway. i don't want to be even more vulnerable by being in a D/s relationship. It sort of sucks, because without that deep emotional connection there's not much driving me, motivating me in the relationship. But i'm playing it safe for now. i can't afford to get hurt. Having said that, He asked me to tell Him some of my fantasies, and i did. We did one the other night. It involved Him throwing eggs at me. i was grateful that He made the effort to find out about me and try to fulfill my fantasy. He obviously cares about me. But without a deeper emotional connection, the physical experience doesn't mean that much. The same act might have been really sexy if we had a different level of emotional connection. i don't know what to say. It's like a catch-22. You can't get eroticism from play unless you're willing to invest your emotions. pam

SimplyMichael -> RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies (9/9/2011 2:22:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather quote: However, to play Devil's advocate, it should be noted that by exposing your vulnerability to someone you are left much more prone to crashing harder should the relationship not work out. It's true that the higher you fly the further you fall, but so what, the flight is the thing. Love with abandon, love freely and wildly, and love fiercely with all you have in you to love with. Hold nothing back, that is my approach to love. This. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all!

kalikshama -> RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies (9/9/2011 2:29:01 PM)
Speaking of vulnerability, my new guy and I have been going everywhere together and I work out of our home, so the other day when I had to actually drive somewhere myself, it was very disconcerting and we've only been living together a few weeks. I can only imagine what it would be like to have a long term M/s relationship end.

UberBrat -> RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies (9/9/2011 3:46:07 PM)
There are fantasies that I have, as, I expect, does everyone. But these are fantasies for me, and me only. My main fantasy is serving, and being submissive - and this is one my Master allows me to fulfill, and I love. Any others are not even nearly on the same level as that :)

Aileen1968 -> RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies (9/9/2011 3:48:31 PM)
Dr. Shorey made a housecall the other night. Need I say more?

DesFIP -> RE: Fulfilling submissives fantasies (9/10/2011 2:15:23 PM)
Just because I have a fantasy doesn;t mean I want it fulfilled. If I was with someone who didn;t understand that, then of course I wouldn't share the ones I didn't want to do. In this relationship I'm safe to say "Hey, I read about this, do you want to try it" while knowing he may not share it and we may never do it. Rape play isn't something I want to try. I know it would trigger a panic attack. That doesn't mean it isn't fun to fantasize about. Thankfully he knows that when I say I don't want to try something, I mean what I say.

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