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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 9:52:25 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		Kink wise, I would say I am tolerant, I can't really think of anything I wouldn't tolerate (other than kids). That doesn't mean I am going to participate or watch, but I will allow anybody to get their rocks off however it works for them.

Can we reasonably expect kinksters to be more tolerant? No, not really, we can ask it, and expect them to make an effort, but there are some thing some people just won't tolerate. I just thought of one I wouldn't. It's not really a kink, but cheaters. I have zero tolerance for people screwing around on their spouses.

So given that I do have something I can't tolerate, I'll answer #2, I don't even try. Cheaters get the full weight of my scorn.


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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 10:11:19 AM   
SuzeCheri


Posts: 483
Joined: 7/19/2011
From: Outside looking in
Status: offline 		Well this is a little fun, I am more tolerant than Suze!! Imagine that, little Catholic me more open minded.

I find I don't really have a problem with kinks, some I don't understand at all.
There's a bunch I don't want to try, but not because of any innate grossness, but because I am afraid I might like them. Maybe somewhere down the line, but for now I am going to be going in baby steps. Coming to terms with liking bondage and spankings is more than enough for me for now, thanks.

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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 11:26:29 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		1. Are you really tolerant of the things that gross you out, or are you just faking it?

No I'm not tolerant of some things and I don't fake it. I don't pretend to be tolerant of everything and if asked I will tell that person how I feel about certain things but in the end I usually just simply don't care what others do as long as it doesn't affect me. Once it evades into my space that's when I start caring and will make it known.

2. How do you get around the things that really do gross you out?

I don't hang around those people. I walk away.

3. Is it really reasonable to expect kinky people to be any more tolerant than other people?

No. Bdsm doesn't make a person more tolerant or special. Just makes them the same as everyone else on the planet.


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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 11:29:14 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

One of the things that I have heard bandied about on here is the idea of tolerance, how we should be tolerant of others' kinks and fetishes.

I think we should, and I try, but being so very brand new at all this it is really hard to do sometimes, I mean some of the stuff you guys do is really pretty out there from a total newbs perspective.

So here are my questions, answer any or all of them, as you chose.
1. Are you really tolerant of the things that gross you out, or are you just faking it?
My answer: Faking it, I really try, but some of it really does throw my head for a spin.
2. How do you get around the things that really do gross you out?
My answer: I don't, I just look away and pretend I don't know, so this is really the question i am most interested in.
3. Is it really reasonable to expect kinky people to be any more tolerant than other people?
My answer: No i don't think it is, we are just people.

Quite honestly, I don't even attempt to be tolerant of others and their kinks. What I do give, though, is acceptance.

Acceptance in the sense that I understand that everyone is different, including myself. If I wish for people to accept that my life, my decisions, and my kinks are my own; then I have to give the same acceptance back.

I don't have to agree with them. I don't have to tolerate them. I just have to accept them.

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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 11:54:36 AM   
M4S73R


Posts: 232
Joined: 9/5/2011
Status: offline 		Now i have a huge issue with some of the things that are said on here concerning the law breaking aspect of BDSM.  In the united states we have have so many laws per state concerning sex. Sodomy, adultery, taking virginity, oral sex, bestiality so on and so far. Hell in the case of Lawrence v. Texas 2 gay men were arrested and because the laws on the books are so broad they were jailed and had to fight all the way to the supreme court before it was thrown out. So lets stop bringing up the whole breaking the law bit.

For me personally, if its consensual have at it, with gusto. Even with bestiality and scat.  If you happen to be in the barn with no clothes on and the horse trots over and does the damn thing i personally couldn't give a shit. (unless said animal belonged to someone else).  Do I think its right for some gay men to put gerbils and hamsters up their ass, not really. Am i going to get up in arms about it, umm no. as long as the animal isnt dead its all good. Would I do or watch it, no. Do i think its right for 2 girls to shit in dixie cups and eat there way through the cup, hell yea I do. Does that mean i want to participate, not so much.


Edited for spelling and to say, look at my quote. Nuff said.

< Message edited by M4S73R -- 9/9/2011 11:56:17 AM >

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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 11:55:57 AM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		My dad, who was a pretty tolerant guy, always said he didn't care what other people did, as long as it 'didn't scare the horses."  I guess I feel the same way.  I don't necessarily want to hear about people peeing in other people's mouths, or about licking assholes, or whatever, but as long as it doesn't "scare the horses", I know I am free to just "walk" away.  Or in this case, avoid the threads where those topics are discussed.



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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 12:17:05 PM   
Marc2b


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quote:

1. Are you really tolerant of the things that gross you out, or are you just faking it?


I am quite possibly the ultimate "live and let live" guy... so the answer is yes, I really am tolerant and no, I'm not faking being tolerant of things that gross me out. If something grosses me out I just don't watch (read about, etc) it. Scat play grosses me out and, although I have heard of the imfamous "two girls and one cup" video, I have never watched it (and never will) but if other people want to watch it... be my guest.

quote:

2. How do you get around the things that really do gross you out?


By clicking onto another page, etc, while thinking to myself: you're sick mother fuckers but whatever floats your boat.


quote:

3. Is it really reasonable to expect kinky people to be any more tolerant than other people?


No... but it still irks the shit outta me that kinky people aren't more tolerant. It just seems to me that a sub-culture that is despised by so many would understand what it feels like to be hated and discriminated against and thus be more tolerant. Alas, when you are dealing with humans you have to learn to expect hypocrisy.

Note: my tolerance only extends, of course, to consenual activities between adults. There are something we should not be tolerant of and that include pedos and anyone who would inflict their kink on the unwilling.

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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 1:30:40 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
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You're confusing tolerance with merely being respectful of another's likes/dislikes. That's all.

Aside from actual abuse, there are things some do that I find ABSOLUTELY REPULSIVE, but there's simply no point in stating so when it has ZERO impact on my life.


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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 1:54:58 PM   
winspiritsbaby


Posts: 141
Status: offline 		~FR~
1. I would have to say by the dicitonary's definition of tolerant, I am tolerant of most kink activities.
2. I don't fake tolerance, not in kink related activities anyway.
3. If something grosses me out, I leave or ignore the activity, however there have been times where I have remained and asked questions to try to better understand the activity and what others get out of it.

< Message edited by winspiritsbaby -- 9/9/2011 1:55:56 PM >

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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 2:25:19 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline 		It doesn't enter into my world. If Hanners decides we are going to get into scat, we will. Tolerance or respect of a kink just isn't an issue for me in that way. As far as what other people do, what do I care? I do a lot of things that freak people out, remember Hanners' boob and the big needle?

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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 3:30:05 PM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SuzeCheri
1. Are you really tolerant of the things that gross you out, or are you just faking it?
  Without wanting to get into a debate over semantics, I need to define tolerance as a simple "live and let live" approach.  From that perspective, I tend not to engage with people over such things unless they raise it first and ask my opinion.  I'll be tolerant inasmuch as I'm not going to persecute them for their specific kink or value system but if they bring it up with me, then they need to realise they're going to get my unvarnished opinion and it most likely won't be a flattering one.

quote:

2. How do you get around the things that really do gross you out?
  I tend to raise an eyebrow and move on.  For me, it's not so much being grossed out as fitting their desire for certain activities into a psychological context which makes sense.  I think it'd be foolish to deny that some aspects of this lifestyle tap into the darkest parts of ourselves and that thinking about whether what we're doing is actually healthy is wise.

Generally speaking I fit their activities into my model of human behaviour somewhere and move on.  There's no requirement to find anything that a human being can do to be acceptable.  Some of the shit is sick and a warning sign of an unhealthy mind.  I'll give you an example:

A young slave I know in the USA told me recently she'd been put on a list without her knowledge.  A list for a specific kind of activity - which I'm sure some of you know, but I'm not going to mention it here - let's call it the "D" list.  Soon after, she began to receive the most horrifying kinds of emails in which supposed "Doms" would detail the things they'd like to do to her.  Without exception, all of these visions were incredibly violent.  I think it was the email that said "I want to break all your teeth and force you to swallow them" which really started the alarm bells ringing.  Then there was stuff about breaking her limbs and so on.  It scared the fuck out of her, and this girl doesn't scare easy.

I am not required to be tolerant of the men and women who want to be on either side of such an exchange.  I think the men who wish to do it and the women who wish to have it done to them are fucked up.  And I'm not going to bend my perception of the world to accommodate their sickness.  I'm simply going to fit their behaviour into my understanding of human beings and move on.

quote:

3. Is it really reasonable to expect kinky people to be any more tolerant than other people?
  Well for a start, they're not and no, it's not reasonable.  In the same way in which minority groups such as gays, lesbians, transgendered, ethnic minorities and so on are not more tolerant, neither is the kink community.  Intolerance is simply an aspect of human behaviour.  And human behaviour is very often a product of the situational environment.  For reference, see the Milgrom experiments, and Jane Elliot's brown eyes/blue eyes experiment.

A note on Jane Elliot.  She performed the brown eyes/blue eyes experiment in Australia with adults over 10 years ago.  (It's probably available online courtesy of SBS Television).  Naturally most of the brown eyed people were Aboriginal, and the blue-eyed people were white.  There's something utterly compelling about how she made a group of white anglo-saxon middle class people feel like an absolute heap of shit, simply with the way she treated them which brings a new understanding of the Aboriginal experience to anyone watching.  But I digress.....

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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 3:40:13 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I personally could care less what others do privately or even write about here on the forums.
the only time I've had an issue here was when a new poster here had a disgusting pic of a shit covered female as his avatar.
So I hide his posts and the problem was solved.
I think people need to do what is comfortable for them without imposing their ideals by blocking or hiding someone online or avoiding them in real life.

As for kinky people being more tolerant...nah. You're going to hold the same values individually whether you're kinky or not.

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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 4:30:35 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SuzeCheri

So here are my questions, answer any or all of them, as you chose.
1. Are you really tolerant of the things that gross you out, or are you just faking it?


I believe Awareness covered this fairly verbatum.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SuzeCheri


2. How do you get around the things that really do gross you out?

I don't participate in or observe them. If I've never tried or seen something, I'm comfortable pushing my own boundaries and watching it to see if it interests me, if not I move on. I wouldn't have known what I am interested in if I didn't try it first. If I allready know full well I'm not interested in something, I find something else to do.


quote:

ORIGINAL: SuzeCheri


3. Is it really reasonable to expect kinky people to be any more tolerant than other people?




No, that's ....rediculous. We tolerate things relative to our common interests. Look at the P&R thread, people go bananas over politics. A drill instructor told me in jump school :
"People come from all walks of life, from all levels of poverty, from all over the world to be here, what makes you think you're so special?" And he was right, people just are. As social animals, we need to find common things to share and be linked with in order to enjoy the life experience. If we were not into BDSM it is unlikely that the majority of us would ever have met online or in real life. But because we have a common interest in bdsm, we have something that brings us together. That shared interest does not mean that each person does not have thier own predjudices.

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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 6:23:42 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: M4S73R

Now i have a huge issue with some of the things that are said on here concerning the law breaking aspect of BDSM.  In the united states we have have so many laws per state concerning sex. Sodomy, adultery, taking virginity, oral sex, bestiality so on and so far. Hell in the case of Lawrence v. Texas 2 gay men were arrested and because the laws on the books are so broad they were jailed and had to fight all the way to the supreme court before it was thrown out. So lets stop bringing up the whole breaking the law bit.

For me personally, if its consensual have at it, with gusto. Even with bestiality and scat.  If you happen to be in the barn with no clothes on and the horse trots over and does the damn thing i personally couldn't give a shit. (unless said animal belonged to someone else).  Do I think its right for some gay men to put gerbils and hamsters up their ass, not really. Am i going to get up in arms about it, umm no. as long as the animal isnt dead its all good. Would I do or watch it, no. Do i think its right for 2 girls to shit in dixie cups and eat there way through the cup, hell yea I do. Does that mean i want to participate, not so much.


Edited for spelling and to say, look at my quote. Nuff said.


Animals can't and do not consent.
http://www.change.org/petitions/sexual-abuse-of-animals-is-animal-cruelty



< Message edited by Aynne88 -- 9/9/2011 6:26:55 PM >

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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 6:26:37 PM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88
Animals can't and do not consent.
  For fuck's sake, can we avoid this conversation?  It's not going to go anywhere useful.

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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 6:30:37 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88
Animals can't and do not consent.
  For fuck's sake, can we avoid this conversation?  It's not going to go anywhere useful.

I agree.

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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 6:34:44 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88
Animals can't and do not consent.
  For fuck's sake, can we avoid this conversation?  It's not going to go anywhere useful.


I didn't start it and it's relevant since it was brought up in the context of the original OP by another poster.  Sorry but it's fucking abhorrent and I won't be deterred from mentioning what I find as intolerant.




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As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 6:44:30 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

Animals can't and do not consent.







Attachment (1)

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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 6:45:58 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
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Bwahahah! Love it.


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 6:51:02 PM   
M4S73R


Posts: 232
Joined: 9/5/2011
Status: offline 		Oh part of me wants to pull out my stick and poke this beast.


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We often refuse to accept an idea merely because the tone of voice in which it has been expressed is unsympathetic to us.
~Friedrich Nietzsche


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