fragilepieces
Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
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I do not label myself submissive or slave. I just feel I have a submissive personality. Outside of a bedroom setting I hate having someone order me about. I certainly don't have a problem with someone asking me to do something for them, however knowing that there would be punishment for not doing something that was asked of me, probably would not set well with me. Punishments for fun are one thing but I have difficulty with punishments for serious things and I also have a problem being expected to obey outside of the bedroom. With all that said, I recently (within the past year) met someone cool on CM. We chatted for a few months before we finally met in person. We don't really speak deeply on my not labeling myself submissive or that I have a problem with taking direct orders outside of the bedroom. He just is pretty in tuned to me, understands me, and accepts me for who I am.
He knew from the beginning I was a smoker. I'd gotten that out of the way with pretty quickly. I was pretty embarrassed by the fact that I smoked though. I hated smoking around other people, there was only one place in my apartment that I smoked, I was a frequent hand washer (because I could not stand the smell), I brushed my teeth several times a day---he may not even have known I was a smoker, because at times, people who are around me daily are surprised to learn I was a smoker. I did mention on a couple occasions to him that I wanted to quit. So during out first meeting he brought it up---the dreaded--'you should quit' topic.
I pretty much had heard this before---there were several Dominants that I had met over the years who demanded I quit---and of course during those times I was a 'good little follow orders to a tee-motivated submissive' and I would say, "Yes Sir I will quit right now." Three hours would pass and I'd be saying, "I am quitting now," while putting one out in the ash tray. Funny though most of the time the Dom's never asked again how I was doing with the quitting, they just took me at my word that I had quit and that was the end of it---and jeeze what they did not know did not hurt them. One Dom in fact did eventually cause me to quit and I quit for a number of years, but we were long distance---so when I started smoking again, I never told him and he never knew I started again even though we spent 5 days together. He still thinks I started smoking again after we called it quits.
When the dreaded topic was brought up, I knew what I was up against---I already knew if I were forced to quit---I'd be lying my ass off in between smokes. I laid it all out and explained it to him. "I know me, I know I will smoke and lie about it if you order it. I have to do it my way and I have to do it on my time when I am ready." When I was ready, I called told him how many I had left and how long before I would smoke my last one. I smoked my last one---then the next day went to my daughter's house and 'borrowed' one of her boyfriend's cigarettes. I also smoked two half cigarette's I left there from a few days before and honestly they tasted awful and those were the last one's I smoked. I did promptly admit that I smoked that day. Tomorrow will be a month since I had my last cigarette. He asks me often how I am doing with it, especially on days when I have stress. (Sometimes I think he doubts me too much and I tell him that too lol.)
So along with the not smoking, he suggested eating a healthier diet and exercising . Well, even though I have not gotten that membership at Planet Fitness, I am exercising daily and although I don't consider myself on a diet, I have changed my eating habits quite a lot. I have taken off ten pounds. When I lost the first five pounds he asked my weight and I gave him some random large number. Then explained that I was not going to tell him and before I knew what I was doing, I said, "YOU ARE A JERK." and gave him my true weight. I had no idea it was coming or anything.
Even though, I do not like to follow orders outside of the bedroom, although I do not consider myself to be a slave or a submissive, I see that actually, I am doing as he requests. Maybe I am not doing it in a typical one true way fashion--but I am doing it nonetheless. I can't say I am following orders, because quite honestly if anyone else were to ask me to do something and expect me to obey it--I'd probably say, "Go fuck yourself." Unless it was a police officer, then I'd probably just think it and not say it. I kind of think this man inspires me. He has a non-threatening Dominant air that makes it easy for me to comply.
So for the s-types why do you obey? It is because it is expected, is it because you have decided to, or does it just happen---you obey even when your mind is telling you not to? Or is there another reason?
And for the D-types---why do you want your s-types to obey?
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Inspired or something else - 
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About the smoking---I know I can never pick another one up and smoke it that is what happened last time I got over confident and figured I could smoke one every once in a while. I think I will have to fight the urge forever but it get easier. Thanks again.
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