Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists.

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NocturnalStalker -> Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/9/2011 1:30:08 PM)
My question to those that are heavily into sadism is how they found out that they had that "mean streak" in them. Was it a process of desensitizing yourself steadily/unknowingly? An event that happened with a partner that really opened their eyes? While I have your attention, as a sadist, do you find yourself being much more confrontational to other people in general? Maybe you "stir the pot" intentionally? By that same token, is your sadism strictly sexual gratification? What is it about inflicting cruelty on others (be it physical/mental) that appeals most as best you can describe? In psychiatry, sadism is defined by causing pain/degradation to others while getting a sexual charge from it. Is this simply just a blurred out version of abuse? Are partners that indulge in your sadistic tendencies more prone to possessing psychological conditions such as the "battered spouse syndrome?" Alright, so it is more than a single question but I get ahead of myself sometimes.

fragilepieces -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/9/2011 1:43:16 PM)
Cool question---I am not a sadist but---years ago I remember a Sadist telling me he got excited when he treated a class mate poorly while in high school. Of course, this was a person who I basically saw as really good-hearted. However now that you mention it " do you find yourself being much more confrontational to other people in general? Maybe you "stir the pot" intentionally?" I did find this as being a huge part of his personality. In regards to being abusive---in his case yes I could see it as being abusive to a point. However, I don't think all Sadist are like that.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/9/2011 2:21:35 PM)
Sadist, in the kink meaning of the term isn't the same as the classic definition used by society first off all. I get no pleasure in hurting someone who isn't "into it" although "into it" is a bit of grey area. Some people get off on the immediate sensation, in essense, what most feel as pain, they feel as pleasure. Some people hate the sensation at the moment but then spend hours masterbating over the idea that "he did that to me"... In my case, I only date strong independant woman who I can trust to tell me "no" or "that doesn't work for me" so that I can trust that they are, on some level" getting off as much as I am. I remember the first time I got a hard on hurting a woman, freaked me out a bit as I had always been more of a "fluffy dom". It was "she who shall not be named" that really turned me into a sadist because she so got off on me hurting her that it became hot for me to do fucked up stuff and slowly I have just gotten sicker but in a good way. As for the whole "is kink abusive" the answer is "depends"...if the next day she is all smiling and the thought of doing it again makes her all goey...it isn't abuse. if she flinches at the thought of it, if the purpose is to frighten someone into obedience...again, might not be on the "good" side of things. Oh, as for the "being more confrontational"...I am much more mellow, much less confrontational, because I learned to beat women, not the other way around.

parfait -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/9/2011 2:38:45 PM)
quote: While I have your attention, as a sadist, do you find yourself being much more confrontational to other people in general? Maybe you "stir the pot" intentionally? Absolutely Not! quote: By that same token, is your sadism strictly sexual gratification? What is it about inflicting cruelty on others (be it physical/mental) that appeals most as best you can describe? Yes! its strictly for a sexual cratification and only with a willing and concensual partner! I personally hate the cruelty ( mental and physical ) towards others and also towards the animals!

M4S73R -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/9/2011 2:49:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Sadist, in the kink meaning of the term isn't the same as the classic definition used by society first off all. I get no pleasure in hurting someone who isn't "into it" although "into it" is a bit of grey area. Some people get off on the immediate sensation, in essense, what most feel as pain, they feel as pleasure. Some people hate the sensation at the moment but then spend hours masterbating over the idea that "he did that to me"... In my case, I only date strong independant woman who I can trust to tell me "no" or "that doesn't work for me" so that I can trust that they are, on some level" getting off as much as I am. I remember the first time I got a hard on hurting a woman, freaked me out a bit as I had always been more of a "fluffy dom". It was "she who shall not be named" that really turned me into a sadist because she so got off on me hurting her that it became hot for me to do fucked up stuff and slowly I have just gotten sicker but in a good way. As for the whole "is kink abusive" the answer is "depends"...if the next day she is all smiling and the thought of doing it again makes her all goey...it isn't abuse. if she flinches at the thought of it, if the purpose is to frighten someone into obedience...again, might not be on the "good" side of things. Oh, as for the "being more confrontational"...I am much more mellow, much less confrontational, because I learned to beat women, not the other way around. I can relate to this in a big way. I was never so much a "fluffy Dom" as I was a programmed. My father taught me that for no reason should you ever strike a women. Period. So laying a hand on a women was like the ultimate taboo for me. There is nothing more sexually arousing for me then using my hand. I enjoy whips chains and voodoo bells as much as the next person but there is something very intimate about just using my had that i get off on.

LaTigresse -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/9/2011 2:49:02 PM)
For me, a lot of it......depends. In many ways, I just purely enjoy being mean to SOME people. It doesn't trip my trigger sexually at all. I just want to really hurt them. It is up to me, my morality, my self control, whether I do, or not, and how. There are people I know or have known, that due to their actions and how they've treated others, I've gone to great lengths to cause great damage to and I enjoyed every moment of it. Simply because I used their own fuck ups to bring them down. Now the physical, and frankly I think more acceptable, sadism, I am much more selective, and very 'chemistry' related in my desire to do. That, much like Michael described, plays off the interests and hot factor for my partner. If she's not getting off on it, I've no real interest in it. The relationship and her trust, her sexual excitement feeds my own. THAT is the HOT STUFF! I forgot this part... Confrontational. Actually yes and no. I don't go looking for it and actually live my life in a way that tends to make it a non issue. I've fought passive aggressive behaviours that were created the first 30 years of my life. I admit it. It sucks. It's very difficult for me to even be aware of because it was such a part of my coping skills for so long. Plus I have a very dry sense of humour that doesn't always translate well, especially if the other person/s, do not share a similar sense of humour. Part of how I try to avoid the passive aggression is to be more forthright and plain spoken. Just speaking the truth, as I see it, then letting the chips fall where they may. All too often it comes across as confrontational when that is not the intent. It's all a balancing act and a lot of the time I crash and burn and pay the consequences. Such is life. It is a never ending learning experience.

IrishMist -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/9/2011 2:52:02 PM)
quote: I just want to really hurt them. sigh that is soooooo hot

Endivius -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/9/2011 5:13:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker My question to those that are heavily into sadism is how they found out that they had that "mean streak" in them. Was it a process of desensitizing yourself steadily/unknowingly? An event that happened with a partner that really opened their eyes? Had a fairly violent life, so in a way I would say I've been conditioned into voilence. I would also say that being disciplined to express my anger in a healthy way is what has kept me out of prison and maintained a fairly healthy life. quote: While I have your attention, as a sadist, do you find yourself being much more confrontational to other people in general? Maybe you "stir the pot" intentionally? I am fairly tame. I have found that expressing violence in a healthy manner has allowed me to stay fairly objective and maintain strong relationships with the people in my life. quote: By that same token, is your sadism strictly sexual gratification? What is it about inflicting cruelty on others (be it physical/mental) that appeals most as best you can describe? Deffinitely not restricted to sexual gratification. I would say it allows me a way to regain control of aspects of my earlier life I was unable to. In doing so, I am able to face my "inner demons" so to speak. quote: In psychiatry, sadism is defined by causing pain/degradation to others while getting a sexual charge from it. Is this simply just a blurred out version of abuse? Are partners that indulge in your sadistic tendencies more prone to possessing psychological conditions such as the "battered spouse syndrome?" I believe this is just an agreed upon deffinition by psychologists to define a particular aspect of behavior for legal/medical purposes. It is fairly a inacurate description of many people who participate in some form of BDSM. I also believe that people who suffer from abusive relationships are practicing a form of sadomasochism that is unwanted by one party. Wich is not reflective of people who actively participate in it out of gratification. If a person is beaten by thier spouse, it is not the same as a D hitting the s within the boundaries of the dynamic they have set. There is no "safe word" for domestic violence. edited for quote failure

LadyPact -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/9/2011 6:41:10 PM)
Two things before the response. First, I'm proud of you. Second, take into account that My insomnia is in high gear, so if I don't phrase things well here, just ask for clarification. I probably will screw this up. quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker My question to those that are heavily into sadism is how they found out that they had that "mean streak" in them. Was it a process of desensitizing yourself steadily/unknowingly? An event that happened with a partner that really opened their eyes? I don't call it a mean streak, so I'm not sure that I can address that. It wasn't a process of being desensitized, either. Quick background, when I got started in all of this, it was from the M/s angle. At that time, I had no interest in sadism, even though the person who got Me involved did happen to be a masochist. We weren't compatible. First dynamic ended and I went back to dating vanilla. Married MP who is not a submissive. At one point, we decided together that I should have one. (No behind the back shit, though "The Talk" that was the catalyst for this decision could have been handled on My end in a much better way.) Even though I started involved with groups, I stopped during My vanilla phase. When I got back in, I was doing the private thing. So, basically, I had the exposure to the S/m side of it, but I was M/s during those days. Got back in as M/s, had the s-type, but still didn't have a pull to sadism. The three of us go shopping one day and I fell in love with..... A toy. I already had knowledge of well crafted pieces from My introduction with leather. This one was pretty good, especially considering the price on it. I picked it up to check the craftsmanship, weight, balance, etc and that was My "aha" moment. I wanted to engage in sadism. quote: While I have your attention, as a sadist, do you find yourself being much more confrontational to other people in general? Maybe you "stir the pot" intentionally? I don't attribute that to the sadism part at all. I put that more to the Dominant part of Me. It's not so much that I'm intentionally confrontational. I am, however, very opinionated and, much like LaT, have had the experiences in My life that taught Me that passive-aggressive doesn't benefit Me. Also the thing we seem to have in common (from banging around these boards together over the years) I have an excellent capacity for pushing just the right buttons. quote: By that same token, is your sadism strictly sexual gratification? What is it about inflicting cruelty on others (be it physical/mental) that appeals most as best you can describe? No, it's not all about sexual gratification for Me. It can be about that, but it's not a universal truth. I didn't find this out until I topped a woman for the first time. (When sadism hit, I got My ass promptly back to the local community to learn just exactly what I was going to do with it.) I was in Atlanta, had been playing for a bit by then, and she was hoping that I would do a scene with her at 1763 because she had never made it to sub space. I did it as a favor to her as a friend. She made space and I acquired the knowledge that, holy crap, this sadism thing works for Me without a sexual element involved. On the description part, I don't have a good answer. It's the endorphin rush, the fun, the interplay between top and bottom during a scene (we old timers call that "the dance"), the trust level, the 'how far can I go' of what is happening in the moment, and all of the things that tickle My sadistic insides in just the right way. quote: In psychiatry, sadism is defined by causing pain/degradation to others while getting a sexual charge from it. Is this simply just a blurred out version of abuse? Are partners that indulge in your sadistic tendencies more prone to possessing psychological conditions such as the "battered spouse syndrome?" No, no, and no. The reason that I don't believe so is because of My experiences with different situations and having different descriptors depending on My interactions. Battered spouse doesn't apply for any of the S/m I've engaged in as a casual top. Everything from the old fashioned 'meet and beat' to long term play partners that I had at one time for a duration of five years. The dynamics that I've had have been a range. Still, I don't think kinky folks are any more or less likely to have such issues than non kinky ones. quote: Alright, so it is more than a single question but I get ahead of myself sometimes. Well, there you go. It's something of a detailed response, but even at that, it's not a complete one. It's long as hell, but probably every sentence made Me think of a dozen other things that have been associated with them.

NocturnalStalker -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/9/2011 7:50:41 PM)
Interesting. I see in the case of LadyPact & SimplyMichael it was more of a spontaneous reaction to how you discovered it where with Endivius he had a life that conditioned him, and then someone like LaTigresse that seems to just enjoy being mean to others. So allow me to present another question, this one may be more towards males but if a female believes they can share insight feel free to. Taking me, I was raised and taught to never harm a female and have stuck to honoring that quite well. However, a situation unfolded in a prior engagement I had where my partner requested that I be much more rough when intimate. This wasn't anything very extreme, but if I was to classify it, more or less, gateway activities. At first I was opposed, yet because I enjoyed her company I decided to try it and found myself becoming progressively warmed up to it. With that said, I know I'm not the only person out there raised with those values. Did you find your participation and evolution of sadism conflict with your moral compass? Some people start by scratching or pulling hair, then wind up going deeper into flogging and the like. How do you find yourself dealing with this change?

EmilyRocks -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/9/2011 8:12:06 PM)
quote: Was it a process of desensitizing yourself steadily/unknowingly? An event that happened with a partner that really opened their eyes? I just always liked making other girls cry, as far back as I can remember.It started out just teasing them, because I'm not physically big. It progressed slowly to physically hurting them, but I more or less needed their cooperation for that. quote: While I have your attention, as a sadist, do you find yourself being much more confrontational to other people in general? Maybe you "stir the pot" intentionally? Yes, I still like reducing a girl to tears verbally. quote: By that same token, is your sadism strictly sexual gratification? What is it about inflicting cruelty on others (be it physical/mental) that appeals most as best you can describe? Inflicting mental pain just makes me feel good all over, sort of a body stone sort of feeling without being stoned, just all atingle and very alive and aware. Inflicting physical pain is very sexual to me, it really gets me off. If I can combine the two it is a total rush. quote: Is this simply just a blurred out version of abuse? Are partners that indulge in your sadistic tendencies more prone to possessing psychological conditions such as the "battered spouse syndrome?" Yes, when I was younger and just discovering the sexual aspects of my sadism I was abusive. I don't do it that way anymore, I don't think that is right. I now want a more or less willing partner, but back then I didn't really think about it, I just loved it.

M4S73R -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/9/2011 9:45:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker Interesting. I see in the case of LadyPact & SimplyMichael it was more of a spontaneous reaction to how you discovered it where with Endivius he had a life that conditioned him, and then someone like LaTigresse that seems to just enjoy being mean to others. So allow me to present another question, this one may be more towards males but if a female believes they can share insight feel free to. Taking me, I was raised and taught to never harm a female and have stuck to honoring that quite well. However, a situation unfolded in a prior engagement I had where my partner requested that I be much more rough when intimate. This wasn't anything very extreme, but if I was to classify it, more or less, gateway activities. At first I was opposed, yet because I enjoyed her company I decided to try it and found myself becoming progressively warmed up to it. With that said, I know I'm not the only person out there raised with those values. Did you find your participation and evolution of sadism conflict with your moral compass? Some people start by scratching or pulling hair, then wind up going deeper into flogging and the like. How do you find yourself dealing with this change? Thats a tough one to be honest. My father raised me the same way. I didn't understand the difference till i submitted and was giving pain by a woman. I think at one point I realized that there was a difference between sadism and abuse. One being consensual and the other being abuse. For me i have changed my moral code from "Never harming a female" to "Never abusing a female". If that makes sense. Im not sure im getting it out the way i mean but i digress

Endivius -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/9/2011 9:54:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker With that said, I know I'm not the only person out there raised with those values. Did you find your participation and evolution of sadism conflict with your moral compass? Some people start by scratching or pulling hair, then wind up going deeper into flogging and the like. How do you find yourself dealing with this change? I have never hit a woman outside of a BDSM environment. My parents were....deeply conservative. I would say I was weary of doing any kind of physically agressive behavior until I dated a girl in my teens that flat out told me to choke her and slap her tits while we were fucking. I had allways stopped at hair pulling, because I was not sure how far I might go, sort of like a pandora's box scenario. As for how I learned to trust my insticts and control myself, War.

LadyPact -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/9/2011 10:50:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker Interesting. I see in the case of LadyPact & SimplyMichael it was more of a spontaneous reaction to how you discovered it where with Endivius he had a life that conditioned him, and then someone like LaTigresse that seems to just enjoy being mean to others. So allow me to present another question, this one may be more towards males but if a female believes they can share insight feel free to. Taking me, I was raised and taught to never harm a female and have stuck to honoring that quite well. However, a situation unfolded in a prior engagement I had where my partner requested that I be much more rough when intimate. This wasn't anything very extreme, but if I was to classify it, more or less, gateway activities. At first I was opposed, yet because I enjoyed her company I decided to try it and found myself becoming progressively warmed up to it. With that said, I know I'm not the only person out there raised with those values. Did you find your participation and evolution of sadism conflict with your moral compass? Some people start by scratching or pulling hair, then wind up going deeper into flogging and the like. How do you find yourself dealing with this change? Foot in mouth disease headed your way. Without making this overly complicated, let's say that a number of folks are taught that in general, people in a civilized society don't run around smacking each other about. While some males do go through a growing up period where, in certain timelines, if you have a physical altercation with another male, it's considered part of "growing up" or an act of chivalry or whatever. The rules changed for you when <here's the foot in mouth part but people will understand the phrase> using physical strength against the 'weaker' sex is something you're never, ever supposed to do. (Don't send Me hate mail!) That stuff was ground into your brain (unless you did happen to be a person who was abusing - real abuse - the spouse at home) and you were taught that's how decent men act. In other words, I'm giving you that one. (Somebody out there is going to be so pleased.) There's a greater stigma attached to it. On My side of the gender fence, we get taught to only use physical force against someone of the opposite gender in situations like self defense. There's another part in there about how we're "supposed" to act as a female and all of that noise, but it doesn't relate to sadism directly. We're still all taught that we're not supposed to hurt people. When I first started wanting to, I had to go through something of an "unlearning phase" about those things that I had been taught. Part of this was progression. Starting small and working My way up. Do activity X or go to pain level Y, see that the world didn't end, and then try a little more the next time. It was important for Me to see that the world didn't come to an end. I'll admit that some things weren't quite as easy as all that. Two steps forward and three steps back kind of thing. At first, the comfort zone that I was acquiring was with masochists or people who enjoyed sensations only. It took a bit but it did click in My head that those folks were just the other side of the coin. I wanted to hit. They wanted to be hit. Went through the whole process again when I wanted to hit, they didn't really want to be hit in all aspects but gave consent to the play. The folks who didn't like the pain at the moment but wanted to go through the experience. Different kind of hurdle. Emotional sadism? Tough one at first because it was somehow harder for Me to accept that a "nice" person could interact with somebody like that for the duration and be really sure that I was a decent human being. It sounds corny as hell, but the other part of this was My perspective on the difference between morals vrs ethics. Morals were those rules that applied in a lawful society. Ethics were about the sadistic world and not all of the rules were the same. Ethics were what I (along with playmates, dungeon rules, etc) started using in relation to what was acceptable during play. Edited - typo.

LaTigresse -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/10/2011 7:27:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker Interesting. I see in the case of LadyPact & SimplyMichael it was more of a spontaneous reaction to how you discovered it where with Endivius he had a life that conditioned him, and then someone like LaTigresse that seems to just enjoy being mean to others. So allow me to present another question, this one may be more towards males but if a female believes they can share insight feel free to. Taking me, I was raised and taught to never harm a female and have stuck to honoring that quite well. However, a situation unfolded in a prior engagement I had where my partner requested that I be much more rough when intimate. This wasn't anything very extreme, but if I was to classify it, more or less, gateway activities. At first I was opposed, yet because I enjoyed her company I decided to try it and found myself becoming progressively warmed up to it. With that said, I know I'm not the only person out there raised with those values. Did you find your participation and evolution of sadism conflict with your moral compass? Some people start by scratching or pulling hair, then wind up going deeper into flogging and the like. How do you find yourself dealing with this change? Please note that I did say SOME. I clarify that because in fact, it is a very small percentage of human beings that I enjoy expressing the 'mean' factor with. I wrote what I did yesterday very quickly and while multi-tasking at work. That does not allow for much introspection. The mean factor, I know exactly what triggers it and it very much stems from childhood. It is nearly ALWAYS is geared towards certain types of people. People that have a sense of entitlement, that they are better than others, bullies, and ignorant dumbasses that are too arogant to make any attempt at broadening their minds. Totally a conditioning from my life and life experiences. No doubt about it. What causes me allowance to release the mean, full on, no holds barred.....seeing a person like I've described hurting someone I care about, or bullying someone I really like. As LadyP described, there is an adrenaline rush from hurting that person/s, like no other. Even so, in my way, per my morality, I am always fair. As for the other sadism, the 'just for fun' stuff. I was introduced to that by a woman in my life. At first it was "you want me to do WHAT?" reaction in my mind. Fortunately not voiced. There is no mean to it. It's totally sensual and absolutely MUST be consensual. Otherwise there is no interest in it for me. My total rush about it is the control and trust factors. To push mental, emotional, and physical sensations to the very limits and still be able to have the emotional and physical intimacy and tenderness I have to have in a relationship. For ME, I can completely live without sadism in a relationship, I prefer a M/s relationship, I will have the final say in all aspects that matter to me, in all of my relationships, and I absolutely MUST have trust and emotional/physical intimacy in any M/s relationship with a woman. Not sure that makes sense yet......only one cuppa espresso.

SimplyMichael -> RE: I Admit It I........ (9/10/2011 7:44:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker So allow me to present another question, this one may be more towards males. Taking me, I was raised and taught to never harm a female and have stuck to honoring that quite well. However, a situation unfolded in a prior engagement I had where my partner requested that I be much more rough when intimate. This wasn't anything very extreme, but if I was to classify it, more or less, gateway activities. At first I was opposed, yet because I enjoyed her company I decided to try it and found myself becoming progressively warmed up to it. With that said, I know I'm not the only person out there raised with those values. Did you find your participation and evolution of sadism conflict with your moral compass? How do you find yourself dealing with this change? first off, DO NOT confuse hitting a woman to control her and hitting a woman to make her cunt wet! In my youth it was still not uncommon to see a man strike a woman in public and my father was the sort to stop in the middle of the road and get out of the car and confront someone. My women have to ask very nicely to get beat. To date i have yet to have a partner not crave more pain, more suffering, that they want me to go farther, hurt them more, mark them deeper than i am usually able to go. Its both hot and scary to go there. I have to trust someone deeply before i can go to really dark places, hear them screaming Nooo or Stop. I need to know that they can stand up to me, tell me what's really going on. My entire psyche is tuned to them, all else becomes grey and distant, i am hyper aware and hyper focused on them. I think that is part of what makes it work for them. Getting here wasn't easy, i still struggle with it at times. My partner would let me do pretty much anything TO her but might only get off on the fact i did it, not actually on the act itself. Makes it hard and even in some ways less interesting and hot to hurt her. Its a lot more complex than i can get into typing on my phone.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/10/2011 7:46:21 AM)
quote: While I have your attention, as a sadist, do you find yourself being much more confrontational to other people in general? Maybe you "stir the pot" intentionally? Not a sadist by any means but I found this part interesting and I have a question. Do you see this as entirely a trait sadists/dominants have? I'm definitely in the s-type category yet I'm very outspoken and will confront someone in a millisecond.

LaTigresse -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/10/2011 8:16:48 AM)
I actually missed that part of the post. I don't see shit stirring as being either a dominant or submissive trait. It simply is. We ALL do it. Some more than others and each in our own way. The only difference is that some people, for whatever reason, will deny it.....perhaps even to themselves.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/10/2011 8:24:24 AM)
There's a huge difference between shit stirring and confronting someone. My post is on the issue of confrontation.

Missokyst -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/10/2011 8:29:01 AM)
I consider myself a sadist in the same way that I am a masochist, that is, not necessarily related to bdsm. I don't have a mean streak. In fact, it is difficult for me to be mean to anything. I am not confrontational. If I do speak up I do it with lots of thought and plenty of ammunition behind me, I think things through and research thoroughly prior to letting things fly. I will not stir the pot. As a sadist I have found it greatly satisfying to hurt someone if I think they deserve it. When I was younger it got me the reputation of being someone you didn't want to mess with, but someone who would have your back in a fight. I did enjoy taking down my opponent, there is a lot of power in that. And in a BDSM way, I find it emotionally satisfying to hurt them if they enjoy it. I get no physical jollies from hurting someone, it does not turn me on to do it. But it makes me happy that they are getting something from it in a BDSM context. I find I have an intellectual curiousity about what kind of pain creates what kind of reaction. If they didn't enjoy it I would move on to something they did enjoy.

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