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RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/10/2011 8:04:43 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		The moment I saw the word 'abandonment' I thought "how is it yours if you've abandoned it?"
I'm fond of emotional sadism, I like it far more than physical sadism, and it is very powerful.. and it will cut you just as badly as any knife if used maliciously or improperly. The band-aids for emotional injury are not as easy to put on as the ones out of a box. They also don't have cute cartoon characters on them.

You have the power of reason and independant thought.
Do you like or enjoy the feeling of abandonment? Do you want to experience it again? If so then go and keep waiting for this person. If you don't like it and do not want to experience it, forget and move on, there are so many more powerful and healthy ways to feel intense emotional heights without being damaged by it.

(in reply to tinker24810)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/10/2011 8:26:29 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		FR: IRL means in real life. Have you actually met this guy in real life? Have you spent time in his home and he in yours? If texting and emailing are working and that's the kind of relationship you desire, then I guess you just have to wait until he has time to do so. If you want more, I'd venture to say it probably won't be forth-coming from him. (but I don't know that for sure, it's just a guess based on what he's doing now and has done in the past.)

Oh, and btw, it's not a matter of being "nice". I can be perfectly nice but know what will and will not work for me and make it clear. It's actually nicer in a way because I don't waste someone's time who cannot give me what I need, and I don't waste my own time trying to convince someone to give me something they just don't have to give.

Know what you're looking for before you search, and you may just find it!

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/10/2011 8:44:34 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tinker24810

Have you considered that he may be off playing with someone else during these periods?


Good point.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to tinker24810)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/10/2011 11:36:54 PM   
lovemymarks


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/23/2011
Status: offline 		He seemed too busy while we were together the last few times. Hard to imagine him having time for others. I have his toybag, but he can have several others at home... lol

I was really looking to understand the emotional sadism aspect of D/s relationships and to see if this is a tactic most sadistic masters employ. Once I understand the psychology being used on me, it is easier to move on and close the door.

(in reply to tinker24810)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/10/2011 11:45:00 PM   
lovemymarks


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/23/2011
Status: offline 		Yes, we have met plenty of times in real life. I do not get attached nor do I play online. I feel comfortable with texting & emailing, since it offers me opportunity for review and reflection of what was said.

I made things very clear after the first disappearance, and still he opted to chase me again. I looked up "mind control" and "emotional sadism" online and feel relatively confident that it was / still being used on me. That is the only thing that makes sense.

Unfortunately, this also means that he is a major manipulator. That's what makes it a deal breaker.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/10/2011 11:45:18 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I currently have a sadistic Master. We talk every day, and every day we strengthen the emotional bond we have.

Prior to Master I was with another sadistic Master. He was aware I had some abandonment issues and that disappearing on me was a hard limit. Then one friday he texted me to say he'd been caught up in work and couldn't come over that weekend as planned. I texted back that it was ok.

And that was it. He didn't call, he wasn't online, his phone was switched off. There was no contact for a week. Then two. Then a month.

By the time he got in touch with me again 3 months later to apologise and give me some crap about a work/domestic crisis, I was in another relationship. He was totally shocked - he said he'd thought I would wait for him because "what we have is so real".

When I finished laughing I just walked away without a backward glance.

OP...you might consider doing the same.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to lovemymarks)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/10/2011 11:57:49 PM   
lovemymarks


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/23/2011
Status: offline 		I want to understand the emotional aspect of sadism and mind control and how it is able to affect me. Once I understand, it is much easier to move on, close the door and avoid people who are similar.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/11/2011 12:11:19 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		What exactly do you want to know?

Several people on this site have (or at least once had) as their tagline, "Never make someone a priority who only makes you an option." I should have had that stamped on the back of my hand from the time I was a teenager. I might have avoided several painful life lessons.

This isn't some mystical Bdsm thing the masters are hiding from the bad little subbies. It's a people thing. Some people respect you and what you have to offer and some treat it as less then. If you're under some kind of hypnotic control, it is in your own power to break it, if you so desire. If not, your other options are to talk with him regarding how his actions (or non-actions) make you feel, and hope he understands and tries to correct the problem or for you to ignore it.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to lovemymarks)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/11/2011 4:55:32 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

it strongly suggests to me that you may be smarter and more perceptive than he is - which is a real problem.


Why is her being smarter a "real problem"?












< Message edited by kalikshama -- 9/11/2011 5:52:27 AM >

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/11/2011 4:58:13 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

By the time he got in touch with me again 3 months later to apologise and give me some crap about a work/domestic crisis, I was in another relationship. He was totally shocked - he said he'd thought I would wait for him because "what we have is so real". When I finished laughing I just walked away without a backward glance.


Bravo!

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/11/2011 5:51:47 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I want to understand the emotional aspect of sadism and mind control and how it is able to affect me. Once I understand, it is much easier to move on, close the door and avoid people who are similar.


I think Mr4sg already nailed it:

quote:

Basically its about creating endorphins to make the person feel good. Then get them addicted on the good feeling. Withhold it to them, by absence or other means, and through their addiction people do strange things to get their "fix".

I really dig mindplay, but there is a thingy called ethics ..


How to avoid it? Pay attention to people's actions rather than their words. If he tells you "be secure in the knowledge that you are Mine" then disappears, the words are bullshit and the action is the truth. Don't get involved with liars.

I was in a hot and cold relationship like this last year and it was crazy-making. My friends thought that he was seeing other women and I thought he was not well emotionally. Turns out we were both right.

I know someone else who is deliberately hot and cold and uses Sun Tzu and Machiavelli in his relationship campaigns. He's fascinating...and scary.

As others have said, don't make someone a priority who considers you an option.

So, I recognized this predilection of mine for narcissists, etc., made a deliberate effort to chose differently, and now am living with a genuinely nice guy who is also a kinky sadistic bastard :)

(in reply to lovemymarks)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/11/2011 8:32:17 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovemymarks

I want to understand the emotional aspect of sadism and mind control and how it is able to affect me. Once I understand, it is much easier to move on, close the door and avoid people who are similar.


First, I don't think this is emotional sadism. Emotional sadism is about a roller coaster ride of emotions. Leaving someone alone with no communications for weeks at time would not accomplish that.

Second, emotional sadism takes a really strong bond to pull it off without doing permanent damage. I've never seen it work without a 24/7 relationship.

Lastly, did you consent to this type of behavior? Did he ever say up front that he's into emotional sadism and what it entailed?


He's either using you or deliberately trying to make you feel insecure. After all, it's so nice to have a desperate woman waiting for you whenever you want them and a bonus if they're willing to do anything you want just to see if they can get you to stay.

Personally, I'd tell him to send you a shipping label for his toy bag or you're throwing it out.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to lovemymarks)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/11/2011 9:11:23 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovemymarks

He seemed too busy while we were together the last few times. Hard to imagine him having time for others. I have his toybag, but he can have several others at home... lol

I was really looking to understand the emotional sadism aspect of D/s relationships and to see if this is a tactic most sadistic masters employ. Once I understand the psychology being used on me, it is easier to move on and close the door.


Why do you need to understand this behavior? Someone who behaves hot and cold and emotionally abandons you, does not answer texts, etc. does not deserve any understanding.

They deserve apathy. They do not even deserve hate, just indifference.

Move on and stop trying to analyze disgusting behavior.

Like someone said, actions speak louder than words. Actions are the ONLY thing that matters in relationships...oh, and trust.

Don't devote another second to this guy.

(in reply to lovemymarks)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/11/2011 9:15:08 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: lovemymarks

I want to understand the emotional aspect of sadism and mind control and how it is able to affect me. Once I understand, it is much easier to move on, close the door and avoid people who are similar.


First, I don't think this is emotional sadism. Emotional sadism is about a roller coaster ride of emotions. Leaving someone alone with no communications for weeks at time would not accomplish that.

Second, emotional sadism takes a really strong bond to pull it off without doing permanent damage. I've never seen it work without a 24/7 relationship.

Lastly, did you consent to this type of behavior? Did he ever say up front that he's into emotional sadism and what it entailed?


He's either using you or deliberately trying to make you feel insecure. After all, it's so nice to have a desperate woman waiting for you whenever you want them and a bonus if they're willing to do anything you want just to see if they can get you to stay.

Personally, I'd tell him to send you a shipping label for his toy bag or you're throwing it out.


Oh thank you for clarifying what has been bugging me about this thread!!

It isn't necessarily emotional sadism at all! Just a narcissistic dickhead toying with a woman because she is allowing it.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/11/2011 11:07:33 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovemymarks

Can an experienced sadist Master expand on the emotional aspect of sadism? In particular, how does hot and cold behavior and unexpected periodic abandonments by a Master accomplish further spiral into slavery? Is it common practice among sadistic Masters with their slaves?


This method is common in two groups, abusive insecure men and gorians.

It works by undermining someone's self worth and self esteem, makes them feel worthless and insecure. It is used by men who have no self esteem, no self worth to reduce a woman so small that the man is no longer intimidated by her.


(in reply to lovemymarks)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/11/2011 7:26:23 PM   
AuntieMame


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/6/2008
Status: offline 		I could not keep still on this one!!!! i was in a three year (on and off) such relationship allegedly as O/p. This process of emotional sadism was debilitating. Someone earlier in the thread said it was about deepening the love.... i think it is about deepening the addiction!!!! I awoke one day and was finally released from the delusion that this was anything other than sadistic. My masochism runs deep, physically but there it stops now.

(in reply to tinker24810)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/12/2011 7:10:12 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

This method is common in two groups, abusive insecure men and gorians.


I'm with you on the abusive insecure men; care to elaborate about gorians?


(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/12/2011 9:00:10 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Personally, I never go for the over analyzation of crap, but can understand your desire to do so. What doesn't make sense is your apparent need to have that understanding before dumping the jerk.

I know there are many here who subscribe to this type of behavior being appropriate in a D/s relationship, but even most of them believe it is appropriate to tell the sub why they are doing it and how long it will last.

As LaT said, you are 43 years old, presumably a competent adult. What he is doing you aren't enjoying. You also told him after the first time what you thought of it. His actions say you are not a priority. Your actions are telling him it is ok.

(in reply to lovemymarks)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/12/2011 9:13:17 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse


Oh thank you for clarifying what has been bugging me about this thread!!

It isn't necessarily emotional sadism at all! Just a narcissistic dickhead toying with a woman because she is allowing it.


And, once again, we have a winner!

Why why why fucking why must we create all these over-thought out labels and justifications for inconsiderate behavior???




_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/12/2011 10:40:09 AM   
ragereaver


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/3/2010
Status: offline 		This thread gives me more faith in people, because of the responses to ops question.  I am new to this, however I have been aquainted  for many years with extremely sadomasochistic individuals, about 50% (seriously) of them I estimate had serious cluster b personality disorders (narcissism, borderline etc) That's what I get from a music scene lol.

These crippled children had skewed my thinking and I was starting to prejudge other dominants in general as having a similar rates of childishness, My unintentional bastardness has been saved thanks to this thread though.  I still suspect narcissistic personalities will contiinue to thrive in any sadomasochistic group of my own age that I engage with, I worry that the majority of people will not be able to pierce veils of deceit effectively until in their 30's :( 
I obsessed on it.

My communication skills are not particularly good, so until then i fear it is I who will constantly be painted as the child. godamnit.
Thanks to people in this thread though, I might actually go looking for company now for the first time in a while. Cheers.

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 40
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