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RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/12/2011 10:51:21 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

This method is common in two groups, abusive insecure men and gorians.


I'm with you on the abusive insecure men; care to elaborate about gorians?




Some people have a stick up their asses when it comes to gorians and they feel the need to remind us from time to time. As to the op..this post sums it up for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: lovemymarks

I want to understand the emotional aspect of sadism and mind control and how it is able to affect me. Once I understand, it is much easier to move on, close the door and avoid people who are similar.


First, I don't think this is emotional sadism. Emotional sadism is about a roller coaster ride of emotions. Leaving someone alone with no communications for weeks at time would not accomplish that.

Second, emotional sadism takes a really strong bond to pull it off without doing permanent damage. I've never seen it work without a 24/7 relationship.

Lastly, did you consent to this type of behavior? Did he ever say up front that he's into emotional sadism and what it entailed?


He's either using you or deliberately trying to make you feel insecure. After all, it's so nice to have a desperate woman waiting for you whenever you want them and a bonus if they're willing to do anything you want just to see if they can get you to stay.

Personally, I'd tell him to send you a shipping label for his toy bag or you're throwing it out.


Oh thank you for clarifying what has been bugging me about this thread!!

It isn't necessarily emotional sadism at all! Just a narcissistic dickhead toying with a woman because she is allowing it.



_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/12/2011 5:30:18 PM   
tinker24810


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/21/2011
Status: offline 		That being true, some are so broken inside that they need someone who literally "can't live without them". They need to be worshiped and adored. Anyone with abandonment issues will crumble faced with the treatment you are "enjoying". I have a slave that would rather be beaten than ignored. I would assume he is hoping you are the same. The question becomes is that what you want to be and is this the relationship you crave. If it is, then you are on the right track. If not, then you may need to reconsider this Master.

(in reply to lovemymarks)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/13/2011 3:52:27 AM   
lovemymarks


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/23/2011
Status: offline 		I chose this man as my master, because of who I thought he was. He did live up to his image, except for one little omission - that he was a cruel, emotional sadist!

I did get clues that he wanted to be worshipped and adored... I am capable of doing both, but only with positive reinforcement. When someone is positive, I want to please. When he practices mental cruelty and I understand he is doing so with malicious intent, I walk away.

I now realize that he was trying to break me. I was a strong person to begin with, hence I was able to walk away the first time around. The only reason I came back was because he made me realize my own emotional wall. I am now aware of that wall and am a better person because of my awareness.

I am definitely not into being beaten over being ignored. My self esteem is relatively high, and I am well aware that I have options. lol

And, btw, I already did walk away emotionally, but somehow forgot to mention.

< Message edited by lovemymarks -- 9/13/2011 3:53:28 AM >

(in reply to tinker24810)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/13/2011 4:29:49 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Over the years I have learned some things about sadists. Are you ready?

They can be cruel.

They enjoy inflicting pain.

Not all sadists are ethical.

This man is trying to emotionally break you. He sees you as having too much ego, and is trying to bring you down to bind you to him. This kind of behavior, IMO, is emotionally abusive and very wrong.

Abandoning someone you claim to own does not inspire trust. Its only purpose is to bring you emotional pain and see how worked up you get and to what lengths you will go to get him back.

If this man really cared one iota about you, he would respond to your emails and texts; that would only take a few seconds out of his "busy" life.

Don't walk away, run. Then spend some time giving careful thought as to how you got hooked into this relationship and what red flags you could have missed. Re-channel all that analytical energy toward: "What is there about me that made this person think I would be a willing victim of emotional abuse?"

BTW: I know for a fact there is something, b/c after the first time he abandoned you, you went back. Please, please give some serious thought as to why you did this.

Best, Chatte

< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 9/13/2011 4:57:49 AM >

_____________________________



(in reply to lovemymarks)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/13/2011 5:25:57 AM   
lovemymarks


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/23/2011
Status: offline 		My "abandonment" issues had to do with my childhood.
I have never experienced emotional cruelty on such scale before.
I am learning volumes.

I have examined self.
I have examined him.
I have examined the situation.
I asked for rational advice from experienced sadist masters, instead of looking for emotional support.
I am a pleasant and charismatic person and have no trouble finding men.
I realize I have options.

The only way for me not to repeat history is by confronting my past, overanalyzing it, then moving on.
I have successfully resolved other past issues same way.

I appreciate the input.



(in reply to lovemymarks)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/13/2011 5:33:59 AM   
lovemymarks


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/23/2011
Status: offline 		I do not enjoy emotional abuse, hence moving on. However, one thing I have learned from lessons life keeps sending my way is that, instead of breaking, I become a stronger person each time. This is not an exception.

The problem with my aquired strength is that it is not easy to find another strong person of the opposite sex who I can have a deep and trusting relationship with without being abused.

Can't wait to see what comes my way next!

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/13/2011 5:35:30 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovemymarks

My "abandonment" issues had to do with my childhood.
I have never experienced emotional cruelty on such scale before.
I am learning volumes.

I have examined self.
I have examined him.
I have examined the situation.
I asked for rational advice from experienced sadist masters, instead of looking for emotional support.
I am a pleasant and charismatic person and have no trouble finding men.
I realize I have options.

The only way for me not to repeat history is by confronting my past, overanalyzing it, then moving on.
I have successfully resolved other past issues same way.

I appreciate the input.





You have correctly identified his behavior as extreme emotional cruelty of a type you will not tolerate (and in my mind, no one should tolerate.)

The good news is you are in the process of learning a valuable emotional lesson.

The bad news is, it's a very painful one.

I wish you the best.

Chatte


_____________________________



(in reply to lovemymarks)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/13/2011 5:40:35 AM   
lovemymarks


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/23/2011
Status: offline 		Thank you for sharing.

Yes, we have communicated daily prior to disappearance. That's the reason for disappearance not making much sense.

I do realize that one's actions speak much louder than words, and have made my emotional closure accordingly.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/13/2011 5:56:07 AM   
lovemymarks


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/23/2011
Status: offline 		I have not seen the insecurity in man, but it can be buried deep beneath the surface. If I were to see any of it, I would not be with him to begin with.

I have managed to avoid being manipulated up until this point, but this is a good lesson to learn for my future interactions.

I like me and so do 99% of the people I meet. Fuck the 1% who do not. :)

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/13/2011 6:23:22 AM   
lovemymarks


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/23/2011
Status: offline 		Thank you for sharing your story. My own sexual awakening was fairly recent, and this happened to be my first D/s and M/s "relationship" with an experienced manipulator.

If my self esteem was low, I would probably react differently. But lucky for me, I was able to move on again. Giving the benefit of a doubt in case of illness, emergencies, etc. was what I was doing. Then, after doing research and asking questions, I realized that he was fucking with my head in a manner I did not agree with.

The bottom line here is that his words do NOT match his actions, as I have already realized, and as the others on here reminded me of same.

< Message edited by lovemymarks -- 9/13/2011 7:22:09 AM >

(in reply to AuntieMame)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/13/2011 7:29:32 AM   
lovemymarks


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/23/2011
Status: offline 		Thanks to all for your input. I especially value straight to the point answers provided by the experienced masters, in response to my original post.

I now consider this matter resolved in my mind, but feel free to keep discussing amongst yourselves, if you have a need to do so. :)

< Message edited by lovemymarks -- 9/13/2011 7:32:30 AM >

(in reply to lovemymarks)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/13/2011 8:37:31 AM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		Good luck to you OP.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to lovemymarks)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/13/2011 8:47:14 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I did get clues that he wanted to be worshipped and adored... I am capable of doing both, but only with positive reinforcement. When someone is positive, I want to please. When he practices mental cruelty and I understand he is doing so with malicious intent, I walk away.


This isn't about emotional sadism in the BDSM context, this is about Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Perfect Match - The Narcissist Marries a Borderline Personality

When a narcissist chooses a marital partner, he/she makes sure that this person will adoringly follow his lead in every aspect of their lives. The narcissist expects to be mirrored perfectly---to receive from his partner: absolute loyalty, adulation, compliance, selfless service. There is an unspoken understanding that the narcissist will never admit mistakes, nor should his faults and failings ever be pointed out, even in the vaguest of terms. Narcissists often choose marital partners who suffer from borderline personality disorder. These individuals are emotionally dependent and have a fragile sense of themselves as valuable individuals. The narcissist is the master; the borderline, the servant. That is the arrangement. The partner will be constantly lied to and betrayed. The narcissist holds the threat over the head of his borderline spouse that he or she can be disposed of precipitously

The individual suffering from borderline personality disorder lives in perpetual fear of abandonment and psychological annihilation...

Read more: http://www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/borderline.html

(in reply to lovemymarks)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/21/2011 7:15:44 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		I really hate emotional sadism. I'd say that is a hard limit for me.

(in reply to tinker24810)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Emotional Sadism - 9/22/2011 4:37:03 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		WTF over she has not heard from this guy in 3 weeks...sadism my ass she got dumped plain and simple. Why she is coloring this drama as "whatever" is beyond me. The both of you had your fun now move along girlie.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 55
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