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Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 12:22:55 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Once again, this thread came about because of another thread on long term effects of S/m on the body. I know there is quality and quantity, but I'm just talking quantity on this thread at this time.. but, I also know once I post this, the thread is out of my hands.. so, have at it! ::laughs::  OK, I don't live with anyone but Himself, so I just naturally assumed that those who live 24/7 relationships.. (as in 'live' with their partner) play (S/m) fairly frequently. In speaking with some of my friends who live as Himself and I do, I've discovered that we seem to be a bit of an exception in that, medical issues/business trips aside, we play pretty much every day and a whole lot on weekends when he's not actually working. I'm not saying that we spend every waking moment outside of mundane activities and chores playing, but we probably average about an hour to an hour and a half a day.. maybe 3 or 4 on the weekend days in S/m pursuits and the M/s is just naturally there all the time. The play itself varies.. might be flogging, whipping, caning, waxing.. what have you.. but there is usually 'something' that we're doing pretty much daily and bondage is a part of .. oh.. say about 60% of those scenes. In other words, our weapons don't collect a whole lot of dust. Even on days when my endo is acting up and I'm not feeling that well.. some nice hair pulls and a simple hand spanking raise my endorphins and allow me to just feel better, physically. When the endo is really bad, it's pretty hard to be able to do even that, but that's only a few days out of the month. I guess I don't have much of a question here.. just a bit of a comment on what I'm learning from friends and the fact that it surprises me. I'm a bit curious.. if you looked for someone for a long time and then found someone, and you are also engaged in S/m of course, why wouldn't you be playing since it would seem to me that would be part of the reason to want to have a partner in the first place? Or maybe my friends are just weird and everyone else is playing except for them? ::laughs:: ::shrugs:: I don't know.. just makes me wonder is all. I know people who don't live with their partners who seem to play more often than those who do live together. Just seems odd to me. Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 4:02:42 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Much like you two the three of us live alone, that is there are no littles or anybody else for that matter. While i cannot say we do long scenes everyday the is always some form of play everyday, very few days go by without this. And again like you the M/M/s dynamic is ever present in our daily lives.

So no i do not think you are the only ones. WEG, aren't we lucky?

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 4:06:19 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Yup, both of you are very lucky.  I still have children with me which is why I cannot be in a live-in situation at the moment...at least, not one like you describe.  Can I live vicariously thru you two?

(in reply to twicehappy)
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RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 4:44:41 AM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		Has  a little one also. And day to day life just tends to get in the way at times. Of coarse right now I am not involved with anyone so my chances for play are even fewer and farther in between. I envy those who can play to some degree on a daily basis. One of these days I will find One I am ment to serve and the little one will be grown. Until then I will make the best I can out of the situation.

aurora

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RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 4:59:48 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

Yup, both of you are very lucky.  I still have children with me which is why I cannot be in a live-in situation at the moment...at least, not one like you describe.  Can I live vicariously thru you two?


Actually in my previous collar (18 years, he passed) we had three children yet still lived an M/s lifestyle (with naturally a few modifications) we were poly and had an exceptionally happy home. Nor did this diminish the childrearing, rather it enhanced it. Two of my children graduated college on time, one finished after marriage and children came along, between the three of them they posses 2 masters and 4 bachelor’s degrees.

With forethought and open communication by and for all involved including the children, on a level they can put forth or grasp, an M/s household even a poly one, is not only very realistically possible but can provide an overwhelmingly joyous life for all.

Yes you may, but would it not be better to get out there and live life on your own? Life is too short, enjoy it while you may.

My answer to the question" What do you want out of life?" 

TO EAT IT WHOLE EVERY DAMN DAY!

< Message edited by twicehappy -- 5/22/2006 5:00:25 AM >

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

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RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 5:10:18 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have a child so we tend to play when she goes to Grandma's house every other week. It does get frustrating though, I'd like to play more often but my lil one comes first.

~Lashra

(in reply to twicehappy)
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RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 5:12:39 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Obviously right now is a time in my life that is the exception rather than the rule, considering that I am currently single and still recovering from surgery. Historically speaking though (gawd I'm old) I can't remember but a handful of days in the 11 years with my ex that did not include some aspect of play. Actually the same applies for the 11 year relationship I had before that too. Guess I've been blessed.

I have tons of friends in the lifestyle though and it always surprises me when some of them say that they only play once a month....and sometimes even less frequently than that. Someone I just spoke with told me that they haven't played...as in a thought out scene...in about 8 months. Wow!!! They all live together or are married too.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 5:47:46 AM   
LL1aintbehavin


Posts: 104
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		i live 24/7 with my Dom, and W/we do not have children in the house with U/us.  i find that the quantity of play varies with what is going on with real life issues.  Sometimes there is a lot, and other times it dwindles.  There is always quality when W/we do get the time, and yes there are times when W/we would like to play more, but after a normal 10 hour work day, and some jobs on the side and eating dinner at 9 pm and bed at 10, it just isn't feasable, but the D/s dynamic is always there.  Sometimes it makes play all the more special when W/we have to wait for a good amount of time to indulge in it.
it is difficult when real lifes issues have to be taken into account first, but then again, that is real life and thats okay too.
aintbehavin

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 6:12:07 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		This question is posed to anyone with unmentionables...
 
I have been in and or around this lifestyle for better then two decades, my youngest was still in training pants when I discovered it, he is now 25 and a dad.
 
I know the natural instinct of a parent is to protect the nestlings, but I have to ask here... What is it that you are protecting them from? In your opinion is a D/s or M/s relationship so different that people, particularly younger ones, have to be "protected" from it? I can understand not exposing them to BDSM play and that sort of thing, that's a given. But what else are you concerned about? That they may see that you are completely content?
 
Ok, so you don't want your kids exposed to wiitwd... keep in mind that someday they will be grown and have kids of their own.. then you'll have grandkids you need to keep sheltered from wiitwd. I'm not bashing your beliefs, I honestly do NOT understand. My nestlings enhanced my life, they added so much to it. Many times they were my lifeline, my sanity and the grounding force in my world. But at NO time did they take away from it, never did I see them as a reason for not living my life to the fullest.
 
Shortly before my youngest was born I was told that there was a very strong possibility that I faced total blindness, before that I suffered very bad health and faced death a few times. Perhaps that's what did it for me. I started memorizing sunsets and sunrises, snowy mornings and peoples faces, all the things I loved and I was determined not to go down without a fight. How long do any of you think you are going to live? Do it now and love every minute of it.
 
Many times I've been asked how I can be so open about my life choices. It's easy, honesty feels so good and my nestlings grew up knowing wiitwd and not only do they understand but are experimenting in it as well. I always told them that I can deal with any problem they may have so long as they are honest with me about it. I'm not so hypocritical as to not be totally honest with them in return and I know that is a very big part of why my relationship with them is a strong as it is.
 
Jewel

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RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 6:22:37 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		We don't have any kids around so the Master/slave relationship can play out freely within our home. I was having difficulty with responding to this thread at first... when I asked myself.."how often do we actually "play"?" I had to work out what play meant to me. Everyday there is interaction between Master and I that wouldnt go on in a vanilla household, example, he will just whack me for no reason, pinch me, or hurry me along with his cane or switch (he's liking that new switch he made, at least it hasnt broken yet), use me to rest his feet on and just generally order me about etc..the tools of the trade are being used yet I dont call any of that play...thats just the dynamics of the relationship in action. During the week, Master is usually too tired from work to "play" with me (meaning something more than what I mentioned above)....so its mainly weekends for us.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 6:49:57 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
why wouldn't you be playing since it would seem to me that would be part of the reason to want to have a partner in the first place?

I think a lot of people let "life" get in the way, the same way that married couples don't have sex as often as they want/should.

I also think it's a bad side effect of so many people who get into relationships doing the "bdsm vacation" thing- they get together on a random weekend, the weekend becomes a play/scene-a-thon and then they go "back to the real world."  Thus, they never learn how to balance just playing AND lifestuff all together.  The "scene-a-thons" can also create unrealistic expectations for day to day life and thus the impromptu not mind-flowing fun seems a disappointment.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 8:33:56 AM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline 		I cross-stitch more than I play. :P
Although I enjoy S&M play, it just isn't very high on my list of priorities. I can easily go months at a time without play. The power exchange is much more a part of my relationships than the play time. I also tend to enjoy play more in a group setting, so playing at home with only one person isn't nearly as fun for me. I don't form relationships to get the play. If I just wanted play, I could get that at a public dungeon or with casual play partners as often as I wanted. The relationships are for completely different reasons.

To Jewel: I have an adolescent son and have never felt the need to hide my lifestyle from him or to protect him from some inherent evil of the lifestyle. He's been raised in a lifestyle home and knows a lot of the terminology and practices. He's recently begun dating. Sometimes he has "girlfriends". Other times he has "submissives". His one gal was also raised in the lifestyle, and the two of them feel very comfortable playing around with switching. Some parents think it's so cute when their kiddo gets his first "crush", writes little love letters, or blushes after that first kiss on the porch. It's a joy to see your little one growing up into a man/woman. I'm the same way with mine when he tried that first power exchange by directing her to sharpen his pencils during homework, or the first time I took him out shopping for his first collar for her. Pretty soon they'll be old enough for the TNG groups. For them, their first play party is going to be as exciting as the prom. And they will *never* feel scared about asking to learn new things. They will *never* feel alone in their journey into the lifestyle. They will *never* have the dilemma of whether or not/how to "come out" to the parents. I'm just as supportive of his lifestyle relationships as I am with his vanilla relationships.

< Message edited by Proprietrix -- 5/22/2006 8:34:47 AM >

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 8:41:14 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		If Fox were a masochist, we'd do SM more -- as it is, we do it when I have that itch or that desire (if he liked pain then that would feed my desire I know from experience with masochists).

But SM isn't my main attraction, Ds is and that I get every day, every moment of the day, because he is my slave and that doesn't change.

We do little things -- I'll smack his butt whenever I feel like it, pat my thighs and he'll crawl or bounce to me, grab his hair, block his airway, etc.

We tend to follow a more natural flow of things though so we "scene" when we plan out a session or these little things just happen. Our house isn't currently big enough to have a space that is just set up as "scene" or SM space so anything complicated takes some planning.

And there are so many choices to what I can do with Fox and limited time in which to do it so I generally choose the Ds and service and sex over SM.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 9:56:56 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

And they will *never* feel scared about asking to learn new things. They will *never* feel alone in their journey into the lifestyle. They will *never* have the dilemma of whether or not/how to "come out" to the parents. I'm just as supportive of his lifestyle relationships as I am with his vanilla relationships.


Thank you for posting this. I had a friend a long time ago that was gay, she always hid it from her son (she was "protecting" him). Her live in lovers were always "Aunt" somebody. When he hit the mid teen years he found out the truth. The result was horrible. He was extremely angry, he knew that his life had been one lie after another. Less then a year later he was arrested for gay bashing. Him and some friends hung around outside a gay bar and beat the hell out of a couple of the men as they were going to their cars. Nestlings will find out, they're inquisitive and intelligent.. the biggie for me is how they find out and what they are taught. It is MY opinion that if the parents insist on hiding they're lifestyle choices they run the risk of alienating their nestlings at some point. And no, I'm not talking about doing BDSM in front of them, that would be as bad as inviting them to watch them copulate in a 'nilla family.
 
I'm not judging the ones that choose this path, it's your life and live it the way you want, but, again, just my opinion, if someone is trying so hard to hide something (unless it's a gift) then chances are that no matter how you try explain it... it's gonna look bad. Seriously, with the exception of a gift, my nestlings never hid anything good from me.
 
Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 11:32:21 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Thanks for the answers everyone. I had a doh moment when I posted that and didn't even think outside my own perspective. My friends tend to be around my same age group and our kidlets are all grown up and gone. Thanks for the reminder of my age. lol

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 12:10:35 PM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline 		Greetings,

There are really several issues all bundled together here. How do you define play? If you are talking about a scene that is one thing, but if you are talking about how you live that is another. For me this lifestyle is about control. Truthfully I don't like the "outside" world and have little use for it, so I created a world of my own liking, I call it Ds Haven. Within the walls of my house its my rules and how I want to live. I have been fortunate to find someone who shares my ideas and is the ying to my yang. For me control is not about what I can do to someone with a whip or a flogger but what happens in my everyday life. It is much more important to me that my house runs on my schedule and according to my plans than whether or not I get to beat on someone. Since "subies/bottoms" out number Tops significantly, any munch I attend will provide me with a host of willing "victims". While walking through the grocery store today my girl was looking for a better price on pretzels for my lunch. I simply stated that those where the ones I wanted, she said yes ma'am and the conversation was over. No debate that another bag might be cheaper or larger. Since final responsibility is mine, if I wanted that bag, then I got that bag, end of story. I personally find my live much easier not having to debate or discuss the mundane issues of life. On the flip side Phoenix finds it simpler not have to make all these mundane choices. Is this play? Its a power exchange and how I live 24/7 but I don't think of it as play, its just life. If I grab a nipple or smack an ass is that play? I have two children in my house. A special needs boy age 15 so I have his case worker, therapist and his physiologist to take into account. The schools thinks it's great that the boy is kept in a structured environment and I have had the city police in my house explaining to the boy that Indiana was a corporal punishment state and that a parent is allow to spank a child. The police then thanked me for caring enough to warm the boys tush and bid me a good day. The case worker knows that I own the Ds Haven website, since the boy felt compelled to inform her. I can't be more open but I'm not in peoples faces about it. The girl is 17, soon to be 18 and recently asked that she be trained as a top when she turns 18. There is a complete dungeon in the cellars of my house and there is the odd "toy" scattered here and there. The kids are raised Ds, meaning that they are being raised to understand the structure and rules of the house. They understand the chain of command and that there are consequences for their actions. Terms like sir and ma'am are just good etiquette or manners. There father was their mothers first master so they have lived Ds their entire lives. What they HAVE NOT SEEN is the play. They know enough not to come running if they hear their mother cuss from a paddling, man I love paddles or that if she cries that is a good thing sometimes. Children should not and do not need to see the play. As the boy says, "Mel, tell mom to let me do this, she's your subie, tell her to let me do it."  We have had slaves in the house from time to time and the children understand that just like their mother, the slaves are here to do things for me. Slaves out rank children in my house and children are required to be respectful to slaves and help as asked. The kids like having slaves in the house since they have fewer chores to do and thus more free time. As for life getting in the way, well that's life! After working 10 hours, dinner, kids I really have little time nor do I feel inclined to head down to the dungeon for a work out. While a scene might be fun, swinging all those floggers, paddles and a whip or two is a workout and after spending 10 hours unloading my truck for my deliveries, I just want a drink and some quiet time with my computer and/or a few minutes of TV while waiting on the kids to go to bed. Maybe when I get my slave(s) in the house I'll have the free time to launch Phoenix into sub space on a more regular schedual, but I doubt it.The control is much more important to me than the play. Ds is how you live, not what you do. MelissaMistress of Ds Havenwww.dshaven.com

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 12:31:14 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMelissa

Greetings,

There are really several issues all bundled together here. How do you define play? If you are talking about a scene that is one thing, but if you are talking about how you live that is another.


For the purpose of this thread, I defined 'play' as S/m activities and M/s (or D/s) as a way of life (not 'play' or role.. simply who we are) because that's the house in which I dwell, but if someone wants to define the terms differently, I'm all for that.

Lovely answer to my post. Thank you. :)

Himself and I are very fortunate in that he works from a home office, so takes frequent breaks to come hunt me down and pull me away from whatever I may be doing. If he had a 9-5 outside job, no doubt the play time would have to decrease accordingly as it does when he's on a trip and has to leave me at home.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to MistressMelissa)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 1:01:29 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		We probably average one play session a week, usually when the daughter that lives at home stays at her b/f's for the night. If we were younger it would probably be more often.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 1:04:47 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Playtime in my life has dropped off to naught, partly because I'm pregnant, partly because I have serious back problems that are flaring up, and quite a bit because our lives are absolutely insane right now.  Honestly, though, we only played once a week, maybe twice before that, though.

As background, my husband is my play partner and we live together.  I have a previous back injury that pregnancy is complicating and I have to see a physical therapist for it.  I'm allerigic to Tylenol, the only painkiller I'm allowed to take while I'm pregnant, so I have to deal with the back pain and migraines as they come.  I'm planning a wedding shower and bachelorette party for my little sister, as well as helping her with the wedding.  I'm trying to get our house in order because we're moving in a couple of months.  I'm also trying to get our finances and bills in order (so much harder than it should be) because Ty (my husband) is leaving his job in August to go back to school, and there's potential the company will let him go sooner when they find out he's quitting.  So that's why life's crazy, in addition to the plethora of little things.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Quantity of play - 5/22/2006 1:07:52 PM   
Moloch


Posts: 1090
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		Quantity has a Quality of its own...

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 20
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