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limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 6:24:59 AM

ravn

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Joined: 3/16/2006
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Perhaps limits isn't the best way to describe it, ut this girl is particularly afraid of one of Master's favorite things. She has tried talking to Him about it, but He won't listen and tells her she'll get over it. Is there something she can do? Or does she sit there like a good girl and take it?

_____________________________

Masochism is a valuable job skill.
Chuck Palahniuk
Love is a sweet tyranny, because the lover endureth his torments willingly.
~Proverb ( bring on the tyranny!)

Post #: 1

RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 6:27:44 AM

kittensmailbox

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From: Youngstown, Ohio
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i feel that a true Master would take His time and respect your limites...

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~kitten

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RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 6:31:16 AM

twicehappy

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I would definitely try to have an open talk with him about it. Is it something you fear because you have yet to try it? Does it violate your moral code? Does it or can it compromise your health or safety? Does it impinge upon a deep rooted fear? Is it a limit you and he agreed upon as a hard one for you prior to you accepting his collar?

More info is needed to make a better comment on this one.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to ravn)

Post #: 3

RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 6:33:46 AM

ravn

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well, it was agreed upon as this one received her collar that she would try it-and she has 3 or 4 times even, but it's something that was trained into her as wrong from the beginning of her first relationshp with a Master. This one isn't supposed to have limits, Master is to own her completely...it's just i'm wishing there was some way to talk hm away from it

_____________________________

Masochism is a valuable job skill.
Chuck Palahniuk
Love is a sweet tyranny, because the lover endureth his torments willingly.
~Proverb ( bring on the tyranny!)

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 4

RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 6:35:00 AM

mistoferin

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On another thread yesterday you defended the "no limits" philosphy and then went on to describe permanent physical damage that you have as a result of it. Now today you are asking this question. I would suggest to you that your answer lies in your words.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to ravn)

Post #: 5

RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 6:41:25 AM

merrymasochist

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It would depend on what the limit is. Is it an absolute hard limit? Is it a soft limit? Is it something you've never tried and fear it because it's an unknown to you? Or, is it something y'all done before and you absolutely hate it? What is the thing or act that he loves but you don't like? You've not given much here to go on which makes it difficult to answer your question.

In the context of not knowing the answers to the above questions, I'd say there needs to be some better communication happening. You are entitled to your fears and it's his responsibilty to address and allay them. Telling you that "you'll get over it" doesn't cut it, nor does it promote communication so that perhaps, with time and patience, you could get past your fears of whatever it is.

Just my thoughts,
merry

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"What hath night to do with sleep?"
J. Milton

(in reply to kittensmailbox)

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RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 6:53:15 AM

twicehappy

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If this is something that has caused previous damage as mistoferin brought up i would question the entire relationship. A Dom/Domme first responsibily is the health and well being of the sub/slave.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to ravn)

Post #: 7

RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 6:54:24 AM

ownedgirlie

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It is likely that if it's something he wishes to do, you will not talk him away from it. The key here is to work yourself TO it. Ask for his help. Ask him to help you "get over it."

You agreed to it in the beginning, and he expects you to to comply to his wishes. Trust me, getting over the scariest hurdles and succeeding at the most difficult of tasks/expectations can strengthen the bond and your own esteem beautifully. Simply ask for his help. But know that his help may not be what YOU want it to be. Some--times, help means being pushed to figure it out on your own. Being spoon fed is not always the answer (much as I would sometimes like it to be).

You can always journal your thoughts on this frightening task. Go through a visualization of yourself doing it and doing it well, and write your thoughts down as you do. This may trigger you to discover exactly what frightens you about it, and whether it is a rational fear or not. You say you have been trained to think it is wrong - - but that was by another Master. You are serving THIS Master, however, and he obviously thinks it is okay. Do you trust him enough to let go of previous teachings?

(in reply to ravn)

Post #: 8

RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 6:56:11 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ravn

Perhaps limits isn't the best way to describe it, ut this girl is particularly afraid of one of Master's favorite things. She has tried talking to Him about it, but He won't listen and tells her she'll get over it. Is there something she can do? Or does she sit there like a good girl and take it?

Hello ravn,

A couple of things passed through my mind when I read this........

One was that there is not enough information for anyone to answer your questions in any depth.

Another was the idea of a Master that *won't listen*....It may well be the case that you *have to get on with it; get over it* ........but not being LISTENED to?

In my time I've experienced things that I have fears of.... or that I don't particularly like...that hurt, humiliate, frustrate and annoy.

Sometimes * sitting there and taking it like a good girl* is the manifestation of what it's like to have chosen to *bend your will* to another's.( *submitting*)

My thoughts , notions, fears, feelings are always listened to...and required..but what he DOES with that information is entirely up to him.

I'd probably be frightened if I considered I wasn't listened to, FAR more than any physical activity that may take place.

agirl

(in reply to ravn)

Post #: 9

RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 7:00:53 AM

LL1aintbehavin

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My understanding of your post is that you agreed to "try" it, and you have and you still fear and dislike whatever this is. you have done what was required, and i think that you need to communicate this to Him, that you have not gotten over it and do not see that happening. Communication is very important in these M/s D/s relationships, and if He cares for your emotional well being, He should be willing to really listen to you on this. Obviously being able to sit there like a good girl and take it isn't working for you. The only thing i can suggest is a serious discussion about it with Him.
This seems to be causing you stress, and a stressed slave is not a happy one. i feel that a happy slave has so much more to give a Master than an unhappy one.
As sub, perhaps i see this situation in a different way, but i always believe that communication and being able to speak openly and honestly about something that is causing you such distress is very important.
aintbehavin

(in reply to merrymasochist)

Post #: 10

RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 7:06:35 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ravn

well, it was agreed upon as this one received her collar that she would try it-and she has 3 or 4 times even, but it's something that was trained into her as wrong from the beginning of her first relationshp with a Master. This one isn't supposed to have limits, Master is to own her completely...it's just i'm wishing there was some way to talk him away from it

I see several issues going on. First is the issue of something being trained into you as being wrong and you still falling back on that training. While I will grant that it is very difficult to 'untrain' something out of yourself, you are no longer with that Master, you are with a Master who wants to train you to do it. It is no longer the first Master's wishes, thoughts and desires you are catering to, it is the Master whose collar you wear now.

Second, you state that you are supposed to have no limits and you accepted this when you agreed to wear this Master's collar. I am quite sure he didn't spring the "no limits" proposition on you until after you agreed to be collared. Yet, you are here looking for a way around what this Master...whose collar and limits (or lack thereof) you agreed to...wants from you.

As sum up, as mistoferin stated, you are one who defended the "no-limits" position and yet want to find a way to "limit" your Master's needs, wants, and/or desire for something. As she also stated, your answer lies within your own words and thoughts. While no limits may sound wonderful, it rarely is. Also, it is my opinion that given the way you feel about whatever it is he wants, that you and he should have come to an agreement that this one area was touchy for you and while you would allow exploration of it, if in the end you could not handle it, then that would become a limit.

Now, for the brickbats(putting up my shields): as I stated in my first paragraph, it is my opinion that if you wish to unlearn something, you can. I was trained to kill as a soldier and to do so without thinking of the consequences. I certainly did not carry that over into civilian life and if I had, I would've hoped that someone near and dear to me would have directed me to therapy. I am not saying that you need a therapist. What I am saying is that you should ask yourself if it is your belief that the "thing" you don't want to do with this Master is wrong...or if it is your former Master's belief that you are acting upon. If it is the latter, then perhaps you were not quite ready to engage in another no-limits, Master/submissive relationship.

(in reply to ravn)

Post #: 11

RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 7:10:36 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ravn

Perhaps limits isn't the best way to describe it, ut this girl is particularly afraid of one of Master's favorite things. She has tried talking to Him about it, but He won't listen and tells her she'll get over it. Is there something she can do? Or does she sit there like a good girl and take it?

How about begging to be released from His "slave" collar and petition for the role of His submissive with this particular thing that scares the crap out of you as one of your non-negotiable limits?

(in reply to ravn)

Post #: 12

RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 7:16:43 AM

Riff

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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We are working on limited information here but it seems from what's been written here that you had initially agreed something and now you are trying to move the goal posts because you're not settling in to what your Master wants. If that's the main issue in the relationship then you've really got 2 main choices a) put up with it or b) learn to like it. If you can't do either of those things you'll probably not be in the relationship for much longer from what you've described and that might be a shame.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 13

RE: boundaries in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 7:36:54 AM

ravn

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Joined: 3/16/2006
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this one does defend the no limits stance....to her Master she has no limits. However, she was just wondering if anyone had found ways to talk things out more effectively with a Dom that has His mind elsewhere. Words elude her thoughts in post, emails, just about everywhere because the thoughts run too quickly through this one's head, but hopefully she got it right this time

edited to add the main point of the whole damn post: perhaps this one titled it wrong, it should have read 'Boundaries' in a no-limit household..yet again a manifestation of this one's fingers being ahead of and behind her thoughts!

< Message edited by ravn -- 5/22/2006 7:42:00 AM >

_____________________________

Masochism is a valuable job skill.
Chuck Palahniuk
Love is a sweet tyranny, because the lover endureth his torments willingly.
~Proverb ( bring on the tyranny!)

(in reply to Riff)

Post #: 14

RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 7:42:52 AM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Riff

We are working on limited information here but it seems from what's been written here that you had initially agreed something and now you are trying to move the goal posts because you're not settling in to what your Master wants. If that's the main issue in the relationship then you've really got 2 main choices a) put up with it or b) learn to like it. If you can't do either of those things you'll probably not be in the relationship for much longer from what you've described and that might be a shame.

Well I know that I am going to come off as a brass tacks, in your face bitch here but I honestly see no reason to sugar coat this or be fluffy. I disagree that those are her two main options. I think that her main option should be some serious soul searching and reassessment of her position. I don't know if it would be such a shame if she were no longer in the relationship....but that is a decision that she will have to come to on her own and assume the responsibility for.

We can only go by the facts as they are presented and I base my opinions from that which SHE has stated. On the "Long Term Effects of Extreme Play" thread, she stated that she has already given her trust misguidedly to one man (who I will refuse to call a Master) who SHE states abused her and caused her permanent physical damage in the form of the loss of the function of her breasts. She also stated that she has a 7 month old child who I have to assume is a product of that relationship as she stated it went on for a few years....a relationship that is now over and from that I have to assume that she now has the responsibility of raising this child on her own.

This girl is 19 years old and will have to live with this for the rest of her years!

Now she is on here questioning yet another decision she has made in regards to placing herself in another "no limits" situation. I would have to say that her decision making ability in regards to her trust placement may not be where it ultimately needs to be. She has come out of one situation with permanent physical damage and she is asking today if she should just be a good girl and take it. I would think that question has clearly been answered in her history.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Riff)

Post #: 15

RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 7:44:18 AM

MHOO314

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A perfect example IMHO of "be careful what you wish for"--first of all why would one accept a collar from someone who was "coercing" you to try something you did not like---(and may I remind My peers here--that it may indeed be something so distasteful she will never get over it--how many of you would "try" scat?? ok then...)

Now, given that--if indeed Master used the words "try" that says to Me--he was willing to nix the idea if it didn't work--now either you have not been open with Him or He is renigging on the "try" scenario---either way--it boils down to communicaton.

And from what has been determined from her past history--she needs to learn some lessons--and if she is a mother now--her first obligation is to get her head out of her butt--grow up and be a parent first.

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 5/22/2006 7:48:15 AM >

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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

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Post #: 16

RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 7:45:09 AM

ravn

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Joined: 3/16/2006
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ok, before this goes any further, the action in question will NOT cause permanent physical harm no matter how you do it...

_____________________________

Masochism is a valuable job skill.
Chuck Palahniuk
Love is a sweet tyranny, because the lover endureth his torments willingly.
~Proverb ( bring on the tyranny!)

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 17

RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 7:47:30 AM

JohnWarren

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From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ravn

ok, before this goes any further, the action in question will NOT cause permanent physical harm no matter how you do it...

If you presist in vagueness, you are going to get vague answers. What's the harm in being specific?

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to ravn)

Post #: 18

RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 7:49:58 AM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ravn
ok, before this goes any further, the action in question will NOT cause permanent physical harm no matter how you do it...

That statement discounts the seriousness of possible mental or emotional aspects. Obviously you would not be on here asking if this was something that you were okay with in all aspects. Harm is harm is harm and a Master who pushes one past an emotional capablity to the point of harm is just as guilty as one who breaks your leg.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to ravn)

Post #: 19

RE: limits in a no limit household? - 5/22/2006 7:50:54 AM

pissdoll

Posts: 343
Joined: 5/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ravn

This one isn't supposed to have limits, Master is to own her completely...

i agree with what erin has said and again, you and i have both suffered permanent damage from "no limits."
no limits as a concept is great. as long as your master has your best interests at heart. as long as he doesn't harm you or cause you damage.
but if what he is proposing is a health issue or a safety issue, then i am telling you as a former no limit slave who ran for her life, that you need to get over this notion in your head that your worth comes from having "no limits."
there are people who sit in chat rooms all over the internet all day long who proclaim themselves to be the Master of Masters...and will give the difference between a slave and a submissive as being no limits.
and it sounds great. i bought into it at 16 when i entered the scene. but any slave who buys into no limits has either never had "life and limb" limits tested (and i'm NOT talking erotic threat play here) or is sick in the head and needs psychiatric help.
in addition to being a slave, you were born into the human race. you have the basic right to be alive. you have the basic right to not be maimed. to not be caused permanent damage to your body. to not be hospitalized for damage that has been caused to you. to not live in fear that damage is going to be caused to you because this person has either caused damage in the past, or because he lacks the knowledge and training to carry the task out safely.

(in reply to ravn)

Post #: 20

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