Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

When do you cross the line and its abuse ??


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 6:57:53 AM   
Dadof3inSC


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/26/2011
Status: offline 		Hey I met a new sub yesterday and she sent signels that she wants to be beat up. I feel it crosses the line as I would never punch hit a woman and I told her that. Not sure if I was reading her right but it seemed to me that somebody has abused her. Now I will spank until they scream but feel that is different. What do you think but there is noway I could beat on a woman. So now how am I to procede with her ??
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 7:00:52 AM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		what signals?

(in reply to Dadof3inSC)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 7:01:54 AM   
tolovetolaugh


Posts: 648
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline 		If it's what she wants it isn't abuse.
But you should talk with her more, maybe she just likes the violence of punching, and will settle for something less extreme that won't bother your conscience.
Practice with her maybe, hitting her softly each time and slowly getting harder, seeing how she enjoys it and gets turned on to make yourself feel more comfortable.


_____________________________


That which yields, is not always weak. —
Jacqueline Carey (Kushiel's Dart)

I wrote a porn!
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3840531

(in reply to Dadof3inSC)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 7:05:25 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dadof3inSC

Hey I met a new sub yesterday and she sent signels that she wants to be beat up. I feel it crosses the line as I would never punch hit a woman and I told her that. Not sure if I was reading her right but it seemed to me that somebody has abused her. Now I will spank until they scream but feel that is different. What do you think but there is noway I could beat on a woman. So now how am I to procede with her ??


What more should you do, other than tell her you have no interest in it?
If you aren't sure if you are reading her right, ask her for clarification.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Dadof3inSC)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 7:05:42 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		First of all, it doesn't matter what I think - If, to you, it crosses your line, then you make the call.

I've had playmates who loved a really, really, thorough beating and have been happy to oblige, and I've had others where it just felt "wrong". I make no claims to having any extra "insight" or expertise - But if it doesn't feel right, I don't do it.



_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Dadof3inSC)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 8:24:07 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		When she no longer consents.

Until that point imo it's not abuse.

If it doesn't do anything for you then don't do it. Simple.

Lots of women like to be beat up. I've had it done to me at a time when I felt I really needed it. I consented. He did it. No abuse.




< Message edited by littlewonder -- 9/15/2011 8:25:39 AM >

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 9:50:12 AM   
RexDarcy


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/23/2010
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Like others gave said, if she has consented, its not abuse. Talk to her and find out exactly what she likes about being beat up. Get to know how far is to far for her. If its something you do and its still not your thing, it will be another thing you can add to your "list" of experiences. Win / win.

_____________________________

"Don't fall away, and leave love bleeding."

"I am who I am today because of choices I made yesterday."

"To bring the pieces back together - rediscover communication."

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 10:28:26 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		A) you met her yesterday
B) you suspect a past of abuse and suspect an impaired decision making process on her part.

C) Be in control. You're the Dom, use your best judgement, and don't let her pressure you into something you have an issue with, even if it's just an issue of hesitation.


Talk to her about the matter frankly, then wait, get to know her, decide if she's sane or if she often makes choices based on skewed perception. If you think her reasoning is sound, then talk about it again, does she really want a force fantasy scene where she's beaten? Or is it something else she's looking for, some catharic experience that she doesn't know how to get without abuse?

Once you know what she wants, then decide what YOU want, if you don't want to beat on her, offer an alternative, maybe a force scene that involves spanking or flogging?

(in reply to RexDarcy)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 10:49:34 AM   
ricken


Posts: 261
Joined: 1/11/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dadof3inSC

Hey I met a new sub yesterday and she sent signels that she wants to be beat up. I feel it crosses the line as I would never punch hit a woman and I told her that. Not sure if I was reading her right but it seemed to me that somebody has abused her. Now I will spank until they scream but feel that is different. What do you think but there is noway I could beat on a woman. So now how am I to procede with her ??


Did YOU ask her if she wants to be beat? You just meet her, and your reading these signals in a few hours?

I would procede by asking very specificly "Do you want me to beat you ?" Maybe she wants a spanking, or to be pushed around and slaped a little.

Be carefull, you just met someone and your already reading signals. Just on my part I don't read signals well, thats why I use my mouth and ask


(in reply to Dadof3inSC)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 11:17:59 AM   
Mr4sg


Posts: 99
Joined: 9/2/2011
Status: offline 		Tie her up, set her on the couch, pet her like a kitten, put on a sweet movie, feed her chocolate chip icecream. Then talk about whats happening.

_____________________________

Don't argue with idiots. It lowers you to their level where they beat you with experience.

(in reply to ricken)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 11:36:10 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		First off, never assume you can extrapolate someone's past experiences and motivations from 'signals'. You're making assumptions and you know what happens when you assume - you make an ass out of both people.

If you think you two are somewhat compatible, go out for coffee and ask her to explain further. Now, it's difficult to do great damage punching a well padded rear. Hauling off and punching someone on the nose is an entirely different thing.

If she does have experience with deep impact play and enjoys it, then explain that you aren't sufficiently experienced in this to do it safely since you've never even thought about it. Don't decide to learn on her, take a workshop instead. And do other things, less edgy, in the meantime.

All this is predicated on the assumption that she won't tell you to get lost once you tell her that anyone who ever enjoys punching must be unhealthy and have a history of abuse. However, once you do tell her your assumptions, don't expect her to give you another chance.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Mr4sg)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 12:20:37 PM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dadof3inSC

Hey I met a new sub yesterday and she sent signels that she wants to be beat up. I feel it crosses the line as I would never punch hit a woman and I told her that. Not sure if I was reading her right but it seemed to me that somebody has abused her. Now I will spank until they scream but feel that is different. What do you think but there is noway I could beat on a woman. So now how am I to procede with her ??

And you could be off the mark with your presumption wrt her suffering past abuse. Way off.

If you aren't into it, then tell her it's a hard limit for you. But not every woman who enjoys being punched has a history of abuse. It's possible the "signals" you're picking up are based on your own feelings about punching a woman. I enjoy very hands on, physical play, being punched - - and have no history of abuse.

I suggest instead of making assumptions, you get to know her and what makes her tick. Why does being punched trip her trigger, etc.

(in reply to Dadof3inSC)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 1:33:26 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		What signals? Enquiring minds wish to know. This is purely because I'm not sure how suggesting I'd like to be punched and that I'd been abused could be *signalled* without actually saying something that'd be rather clear.

I say proceed to ask lots, spend time doing nothing much and actually get to know her.

agirl

excuse the repeated advice from the above post.....I read through far too rapidly.


< Message edited by agirl -- 9/15/2011 1:35:29 PM >

_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to Dadof3inSC)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 2:18:18 PM   
Epytropos


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline 		If it's mutally agreed upon by adults of sound mind it isn't abuse.Where's my consulting fee?

_____________________________

They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 3:10:07 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dadof3inSC

Hey I met a new sub yesterday and she sent signels that she wants to be beat up. I feel it crosses the line as I would never punch hit a woman and I told her that. Not sure if I was reading her right but it seemed to me that somebody has abused her. Now I will spank until they scream but feel that is different. What do you think but there is noway I could beat on a woman. So now how am I to procede with her ??


I wouldn't enter that territory until you've been with her for a while.
I think punching is seen as being more extreme than spanking by some.
You need to make sure that it's what she really is signing up for by talking to her a lot. And if she is, then go for it.
Nothing like a good punch. It's a favorite of mine.

_____________________________



(in reply to Dadof3inSC)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 5:12:29 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		The line between play and abuse begins and ends with consent. Not thats not to say there couldnt be some pretty mean raminfications for beating someone even if they asked for it but that isn't what you are asking.



_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 6:12:43 PM   
hangemhigh1953


Posts: 245
Joined: 7/8/2011
Status: offline 		"When do you cross the line and it becomes abuse?"

As soon as the safeword is called.

_____________________________

"Chains of love got a hold on me,
when passion's a prison you can't break free"

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 6:32:25 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Really good advice on this thread.  My personal guideline of when it is abuse is when the receiver believes it to be by their personal definition.  Not every person has that line in the same place.  Aileen's on this thread, so she can be used as an example.  To her, a punch isn't abuse.  To somebody else, that might be a hard limit of theirs and if you engage in that activity with them, they are going to feel differently than Aileen does. 

I get the feeling, OP, that you think it is abuse.  It's completely cool if you don't want to engage in that activity.  At the same time, there are going to be folks out there who think "spanking until they scream" is abuse.  It's all about perspective.

Obviously, if you aren't comfortable with an activity, don't do it.  Like Aileen, I'd probably be reluctant to engage in acts that might be a little more intense on the S/m scale with somebody that I've just met.  As a top, I want to make sure that I'm watching out for My own interests, too.  One of those is not going to jail because the person that I'm playing with is going to have morning after regrets.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to hangemhigh1953)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/15/2011 11:50:10 PM   
revmick82


Posts: 51
Joined: 9/9/2011
Status: offline 		Well, the only right answer is to ask her. Failing that, recognize that not everyone needs to be treated as you would want to be treated. It's not a flaw. Some want power, others peace. Touch and talk, if it's in her, you'll know. Find out what gets her. Is it pain, ownership, tourism? Once you know, you can feed her needs better. If you can't do it, make room for us pervs. Take a moment though. Close your fist. Look at your knuckles.Think about your delicate virginal little flower. Is she really?

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? - 9/16/2011 12:06:28 AM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Ask her if when you punch her repeatedly, she wants to look like this. I hear this is the new submissive fashion look this season. And have her tell you what her co-workers think about it the next day ... I'm sure she will be the "hit" of the office.

... no pun intended




Attachment (1)

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to revmick82)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> When do you cross the line and its abuse ?? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.098