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RE: About responsibility. - 9/21/2011 11:17:11 PM   
SoulAlloy


Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality
A dom should respect the sub's stated limits. Other than that, I am not sure if there are any inherent responsibilties. This can vary dramatically depending on the people involved and the nature of the relationship. If you just get together once or a few times to play, that's very different than if you have an ongoing relationship. It's up to each dom and sub to communicate their expectations, needs, and desires to the other. If you don't communicate something, you shouldn't be surprised if you don't get it.


I agree with this, only I'd add that the sub respect the dom's limits as well.

For me the main responsibilities are communication and this respect of limits. As a sub I also found it was also my responsibilty to avoid getting lost in the fantasy, to the point where my desire to please the other compromises my own well being.

_____________________________

"Better to be a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without" - Confucius

"It'll be alright in the end - if it isn't alright, it's not the end." - unknown

Kinky crossdressing Whovian

Host of the Preston (UK) Munch, 2nd Wednesday each month

(in reply to seekingreality)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: About responsibility. - 9/22/2011 5:46:24 AM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline 		My Master is responsible for what he has taken ownership and control of. It is his responsibility to apply direction and leadership, and use his authority well--to have my well-being be of concern to him and to take care of me well. It is his responsibility to make the right decisions, concerning me, concerning him, or concerning us. He is in charge, and so is responsible for his subject (me) and for his integrity as a good leader.

As his pet, it is my responsibility to obey him, to do as he says and follow him, to serve him, to please him, to care for him, and to trust his judgment and decisions.

Mutual responsibilities include loving each other, respecting each other, trusting each other, communicating openly and honestly with each other, and remaining committed and loyal to each other--in other words, partnership.

(in reply to SoulAlloy)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: About responsibility. - 9/22/2011 7:42:02 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		This is just such an enormous question.

In any relationship, BOTH are responsible for taking care of the relationship, which means taking care of EACH OTHER. We might use the framework of power exchange to interact, but at its core we are people who need to feed each other, whether romantic love is involved or not. We do not get to abdicate our needs, or our ability to make decisions.

As a dominant, I have to be prepared to think for the team, and make the best decisions--even if that best decision is not necessarily what satisfies my immediate desires. (sometimes, you have to say "no" to yourself). I have to model the behavior that I want from my submissives. I have to be worthy of their trust.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: About responsibility. - 9/22/2011 9:03:40 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It's his responsibility to make the hard decisions, and lots of the not so hard. For us, the best model is a CEO and his executive assistant. I may gather information for him, but he decides what to do.

Realistically speaking, if his decision and mine are radically at odds, it has always come down to we need to gather more info and communicate better. Because we aim for a win/win situation.




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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: About responsibility. - 9/22/2011 9:07:11 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Because we aim for a win/win situation.



THIS.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: About responsibility. - 9/22/2011 2:32:27 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		My responsibility is to tell her what to do. Her's to do as she is told. With that said she has faith in my ability to make the right decision.

BadOne

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: About responsibility. - 9/22/2011 4:59:28 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

So, peon, you don't feel subs have any responsibilitys ?


Oh yes. For some reason, I saw this q as addressed mainly to dominants. Perhaps because you yourself are a dominant. Or perhaps because my eyesight has gone to pot.

Hmm. Well, my principle duty would be exactly the same as I demand from dominants. See above. Each side has to care for the feelings of the other. Big doses of that quality in a relationship, and I'd assume nothing can go too far wrong.


< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 9/22/2011 5:03:16 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: About responsibility. - 9/22/2011 5:25:20 PM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

This is just such an enormous question.



Yes it is Hibi. And I have to admit I didn't think about it until after I posted it. I realized that I myself would end up writing a book to answer my own question.

< Message edited by MissImmortalPain -- 9/22/2011 5:39:33 PM >

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It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: About responsibility. - 9/22/2011 5:37:45 PM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Or maybe I just worded it wrong. As I said I have seen/taken part in a lot of conversations lately about how "doms" are responsible for so much. But the way I see it each side is responsible for a great many things. I wanted to see if what I was thinking was how others saw it too. Or if for that matter anyone saw it from both sides. As a dom I take responsibility for many things, but I also expect different subs(in my life) to be resonsible for things as well. It is on different levels for different realationships and varies from person to person but there are some things I expect from "all" I might be viewing it to deeply(who knows) but I have always felt that my subs expect some certain behaviors from me.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: About responsibility. - 9/23/2011 8:24:32 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		The first responsibility of both is to seperate responsibility from expectation.

I might 'expect' my Dominant to be the one who always brings the toys, but that doesn't mean it's only his responsibility. A responsibility is what you agree to, what you take on by conscious action or agreement. Some feel responsibility is by agreement only, some will argue there is often -implied- responsibility. Ultimately you're only responsible for what you do and the consequences of those actions good or ill.

I think for the trivial "who brings the dishes" type stuff, responsibilities should always be defined beforehand, expectations too. If my D expects that I am to be responsible for his laundry and his dog, then he needs to tell me that upfront, likewise if I want him to be responsible for checking my blood sugar after an intense scene, I have to tell him that.

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: About responsibility. - 9/23/2011 8:33:56 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		A Dom(me) is responsible for a sub in the same way that a carpenter is responsible for his tools.

A good, competent, ethical carpenter will get the best quality available and maintain them in top condition.

A shoddy carpenter will buy whatever kind of crap is cheapest and leave them in the rain to rust.

A submissive is a posession (hopefully prized) that needs maintenence and care. In return, you can use that posession to construct something of beauty and strength that will last for generations.

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Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: About responsibility. - 9/23/2011 8:43:09 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I am responsible for whatever I have agreed to be responsible for. That list is far too long and mostly boring, to type out.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: About responsibility. - 9/26/2011 12:33:15 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		A Domme has total financial responsibility for the sub. The sub has responsibility to carry out all tasks and chores in return for a existence and lifestyle free of financial stresses which the Domme is responsible for. Simply put the Domme looks after the financial side including the well being of the sub, caters for all the bills , pays for the food and pays for necessary medical care the sub might need, the sub does all the tasks
kevin

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: About responsibility. - 9/26/2011 1:16:56 PM   
MasterofRopes66


Posts: 16
Joined: 9/25/2011
Status: offline 		The responsibility I have as a Dom is to make sure sub is safe, secure well taken care of in general, see to her human needs and that she has her support in me 24/7, living together or not.
In a longterm view always be attentive of any "unwanted directions" in subs state of mind, quietly sneaking upon her/us that has a negative effect on subs frame of mind, slipping silently into TOO deep "serving", setting her own selfpreserverance aside in her effort to please me or performing in BDSM-play.

The subs only responsibilities that stays intact and is not negotiable over to Dom, is her responsibility to perform her best in keeping her selfpreserverance AND telling every little fault, mishap, funny feeling, problems and such. MY subs are always instructed on the risks of NOT telling/withholding a piece of information and any mishaps due to withheld information cannot be pinned on the Dom, having done HIS outermost best in HIS "more attentive" responsibilities. His responsibility does not decrease at all with "subs fault" and he is ALWAYS, undeniably the strong leader for his sub all the way through the hardship(anything in relationship!) of the unfortunate mishap due to withheld info from sub. Personally I severly punish for withholding any information and explain WHY that is punished so hard.
Generally my sub accept this explaination of respective responsibilities without hesitation and a "guilt-free" relationship forms, both trusting eachother completely in fullfilling ones respective area of responsibility and luckily I haven´t experienced any sad BDSM-play-experience what so ever this far and the communication to and fro has been working flawlessly in every single BDSM-relationship during my IRL-practice since 1997.

The subs that did not buy my "talk of responsibilities" were denied relationship/play with me totally...

All other "responsibilities" is formed together in conscent, others are said in informed conscent, everything adjusted to cooperate with the "vanilla outside world" to enjoyment for both parties...
(Same responsibilities for both in for example slavetraining, but here the other responsibilities are distributed by me only...)

MP´s 5 cents...

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: About responsibility. - 9/26/2011 1:59:32 PM   
AneNoz


Posts: 263
Joined: 4/26/2011
Status: offline 		For myself this is a simple question. The responsibility of the slave is but to obey, naught else. The responsibility of the owner is all else. It is to the owner to insure that what needs the slave has are met.

Be at peace
Aneka

(in reply to MasterofRopes66)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: About responsibility. - 10/12/2011 3:24:44 PM   
MistressLilliana


Posts: 84
Joined: 1/7/2011
Status: offline 		My opinion for my situation is that I have more responsibilities than simply giving instructions and making sure they are followed. With a 24/7 pet my responsibilities are to make sure we both have a roof over our heads and food to eat if he is not working and if he is then I'm responsible of his income of which I'd take what is needed for expenses and the rest is put into an account for emergencies. (I've heard of slaves/pets who lost their Master/Mistress due to death or they grew apart and so on and didn't know what to do when they had nothing so this account is for reasons such as this) My responsibility is to be safe with my pet and though boundaries can be tested and pushed, I must make sure not to go too far. I'm also not a "punishment all the time" type of person. I'm not abusive (play time is another thing) all the time and to keep trust and the affection of my pet I need to let them know how much I care for them and let them know just how much they please me. I can't just let them know when they piss me off.

Responsibilities vary depending on the people and the situation. I wouldn't have all of these (and more) responsibilities if I had a sub who I only saw once in a while.

_____________________________

http://patriciaschott.webs.com

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: About responsibility. - 10/13/2011 7:56:13 AM   
wolf223


Posts: 89
Joined: 3/4/2011
Status: offline 		 My responsibility is to provide care,support,comfort,direction
and anything else she needs to remain sane,healthy and productive. 

Her responsibility is to do the same for me.

After all we are just the different faces of the same coin.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 37
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