Marriage and D/s

Marriage and D/s (Full Version)

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SophiaChan -> Marriage and D/s (9/21/2011 10:50:19 PM)
Hello All! My Dom of 3.5 yrs and myself are getting married. We would love some advice.... any and all kinds! The facts are that we are from extremely different cultures, religions, races. He is six years younger and this is my second marriage. We've had lots of uphill battles, but have weathered the storm to arrive at this beautiful place. As part of the preparation for this upcoming marriage, we wish to incorporate the lifestyle BDSM aspect into our discussions. So, to get to my point, 1. Have you experienced lifestyle BDSM and marriage? What are some difficulties and joys we should expect? 2. Even if you haven't been or aren't married, but just in the lifestyle with the same partner long time, what long term / committed struggles have you undergone that have shaped you? I know this is a bit general, but 'big' is the perfect place to start. I'll come up with more detailed questions as we float along. Thanks!

HeatherMcLeather -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/21/2011 11:06:18 PM)
I don't really have a clue, but I would think that after 3.5 years, marriage would just be a formality.

Endivius -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/21/2011 11:21:41 PM)
A legal ceremony doesn't change how you feel about eachother. Stick to what you have been doing together, and work a dynamic that your are both comfortable with. A piece of jewelry doesn't make your relationship struggles any different than what they are now, or how they will progress in the future.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/21/2011 11:30:14 PM)
There are legitimate legal reasons for people to marry. It isn't "just a formality."

HeatherMcLeather -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/21/2011 11:38:52 PM)
What I meant is that I didn't see how it would alter their relationship in any significant way.

Epytropos -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/21/2011 11:51:08 PM)
A good marriage, like a good collaring, simply shows the world what you yourselves already know.

stoni23 -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/22/2011 4:43:29 AM)
Fast reply Well, from what i've experienced, if you're a sentimental person, the title of marriage does mean something to you. It can very easily solidify the bond you share with your partner. If you aren't particularly sentimental then it will be just like what everybody else here is saying: no big deal.

Greta75 -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/22/2011 5:02:56 AM)
Congratulations! Personally, I don't see why doms won't marry their subs if they are seriously commited for life. I mean, to me, marriage is a signal to others in the vanilla world that he owns you.

DarkSteven -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/22/2011 5:22:34 AM)
Sophia, there are lots of people in the Denver area that have successful relationships, including some that are married.Get out and meet them. Congratulations and best of luck!

RaspberryLemon -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/22/2011 6:00:44 AM)
My Master and I plan to get married. We have committed solely to each other for life (we are not only Master and pet, but also lovers, partners, and companions), and so we would like to make that "official" and show the world. I don't believe anything will change between us, and other than the legal benefits/changes I don't think much will be different; but we are both relatively sentimental people and thus we feel that the tradition of marriage means something important.

phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/22/2011 6:35:43 AM)
we are getting married in teh new year and it will be no difference to us and our dynamic we are Master/sub who love each other deeply. only difference is i will wear his ring and will get a new necklace (i wear one as my collar) which he will put o nme after in private.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/22/2011 7:18:46 AM)
After I thought about it, I realized that was what you meant. [:-] quote: ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather What I meant is that I didn't see how it would alter their relationship in any significant way.

littlewonder -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/22/2011 9:30:53 AM)
to me marriage is the ultimate d/s relationship. Then again I'm old fashioned and traditional about a husband being the head of the house, his home is his castle, etc... Having been married I can tell you that the most difficult thing to overcome was having to integrate our differences so that we could live cohesively as one unit, taking each other into account instead of being selfish, having to think as a family instead of the self, to compromise. If you're already living together then you've probably already been doing this and you don't have any leaps to make except for the legal aspects of documents and such.

JanahX -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/22/2011 9:39:08 AM)
It would just put legal terms to your relationship. So in a BDSM example, if you get a divorce, the judge will decide who gets your bondage equipment/toys, insted of, say, in case of a split - one keeps all and decideds the other ends up on the street with nothing but the clothes on their back.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/22/2011 9:59:09 AM)
My advice is the same advice I give to everyone getting married - do a prenup.

MagiksSlave -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/22/2011 10:43:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JanahX It would just put legal terms to your relationship. So in a BDSM example, if you get a divorce, the judge will decide who gets your bondage equipment/toys, insted of, say, in case of a split - one keeps all and decideds the other ends up on the street with nothing but the clothes on their back. Wait weren't you a blond before? Or am I just making that up? MS-who should have a much better memory than she does edited to add- I should probably add something meaningful to the thread, no? As far as I see it, others have hit the nail on the head, marriage should change very little about the relationship itself tough it does provide legal benefits and protection.

OsideGirl -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/22/2011 2:05:09 PM)
Master and I have been married for more than 10 years now. The reality is that it functions pretty much as a vanilla marriage with the agreement that he is the head of the house, makes the final decisions and we get to have fantastic kinky sex.

SailingBum -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/22/2011 2:09:02 PM)
I dont get it ... Why in the world do ppl think that because you like to tie someone up and have wild monkey sex while hanging sideways is somehow fundamentaly different than someone who doesn't like wild monkey sex??? Call me cynical but the main reason ppl get married is latch on to each others bennies. Whether it's access to health care, pension or their cash to name a few. And yes I was married. With the divorce rate hovering around 50% why bother. You don't need a ring to stay together. BTW to the OP congrats! BadOne

littlewonder -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/22/2011 2:25:57 PM)
I got married because I loved him and we wanted to make a covenant with God. Sure the benefits were a big reason we got married because he was in the military but not THE reason we got married.

Madame4a -> RE: Marriage and D/s (9/22/2011 2:53:44 PM)
FR Interesting discussion -- with what to me seemed like quite a few cavalier attitudes -- I don't have that kind oif attitude toward marriage. That is likely because its not a legal option for me. That said, I don't think marriage is compatible with a completely single focus D/s relationship. Marriage generally, among other things, implies an equal partnership. My relationship is blended.. partners, D/s... lovers.. etc... so someday.. if its legal and recognized -- perhaps and yes.. it changes things...

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