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How I find great submissives - 5/22/2006 7:13:26 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I farm raise them. Before you laugh, that is really what I do. I look at the wider S&M community (I live in the SF bay area) as my "farm". I don't collar them, hoping they don't end up in someone else's orbit, I purposely send them off to GET into others orbits. I arm them with a few books that I think distill the essence of WIIWD into an amazingly tiny space (Dossie's books primarily) and an awareness that there ARE real world sources to learn from. I push them toward groups I think would do them good. I tell them of places to learn and take classes.

I let them grow and learn in the wild and forget about them. Some find happiness with others and that works for me. Some leave the scene and while sad, it is to be expected. They realize I didn't play games with them, didn't offer them worthless collars and other entanglements. I simply offered them what little I knew with no strings and sent them on their way. So, on a rare occasion, one returns, having grown and matured in their tastes and desires to once again find me.

It isn't quick, it isn't easy, but it works, and if everyone did it, there would be tastier fish in our little pond.

YMMV!

Post #: 1

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/22/2006 8:20:21 PM

HCWT1

Posts: 161
Joined: 7/7/2005
Status: offline

As a sub,in reading this,all i get is,you like the iceing on the cake,but are not prepared to put any time and effort in to get it.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 2

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/22/2006 8:24:21 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

Hey, if it works for you, great. I've brought a number of women into the scene as female dominants. Some remained that; others became submissives. Some are actually quite famous in the scene. None of them ever looked for me again.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 3

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/22/2006 8:48:53 PM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HCWT1

As a sub,in reading this,all i get is,you like the iceing on the cake,but are not prepared to put any time and effort in to get it.

I dont agree with that at all....

CrappyDom ( I hate saying that cause from what I have read on His views and such I doubt that to be the case... but I cant say CD either cause thats what I call CreativeDominant lol damnit! ) has a good point. Its all too often that newbies come along and want to jump right into relationships because wow its something new, they're excited, want to explore, want to have all these feelings and desires met, and have NO FUCKING CLUE about any of it. I have used the same technique with a lot of the newbies I have met. I shove them in a general right direction and hope....now if they come back around asking questions I answer as best as I can, if I cant answer I send them to someone I know and trust that can answer their question/s. I'm around for support but they dont have to feel tied to me, because most often as they start to learn about the lifestyle they also learn more about themselves and its all too often that they realize they arent happy in their first relationship because they didnt understand the dynamics of it, then they feel bad about all of it and either leave the lifestyle all together or stay in a situation where they become miserable, or walk away leaving a hurt partner behind.

It has nothing to do with wanting the icing and not baking the cake.... it has to do with putting the uncooked cake in the oven and letting it raise and become the cake that it wants to be, then if it comes back you get to ice it and enjoy it.

Just because they come back doesnt mean they have learned all there is to learn, it just means they have found enough of themselves to be able to say, with a degree of certainty, that this is what they want. From that point on you build and grow with that person. You can never truly have the cake and icing too without some work put into it, because no matter how a submissive comes to you, you still work hard on building a foundation of trust and respect and if you're lucky love and devotion.

~RS~

< Message edited by Reflectivesoul -- 5/22/2006 8:49:29 PM >

(in reply to HCWT1)

Post #: 4

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/22/2006 8:52:48 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Reflective,

And sometimes an overanxious baker can ruin the cake. Better to leave it half baked than burn it, as was the case with my first dom...lol

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)

Post #: 5

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/22/2006 10:08:33 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Julia,

I think while you might be hot, you are certainly not burnt.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 6

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/22/2006 10:16:03 PM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

julia....I didnt mean for that to come across bad... it was meant more like letting someone grow at their own pace, with their own interests at heart, but also making sure they're in the right places or general direction of the right places to be able to learn and grow as well. Its also why I have used the shove em in the right direction approach as well, so that someone doesnt get burnt or end up burning someone else.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 7

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/22/2006 10:16:06 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Part of this is that when people are new they miss subtleties that they only recognize later. Flashy showboating gets the newbies all hot and bothered and for many, that is all they want and need. But for some, they find they want more but it isn't something you can tell them or show them, they have to learn it the hard way.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 8

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/22/2006 10:16:06 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

hmmm......wonder what farm raised Dominant might taste like?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 9

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/22/2006 10:17:47 PM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

erin,

hellooooooo dont ya know everything tastes like chicken???? *laughs muh butt off*

~RS~

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 10

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/22/2006 10:18:53 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul

erin,

hellooooooo dont ya know everything tastes like chicken???? *laughs muh butt off*

~RS~

oh yeah.....well it sure would give new meaning to the term "down on the farm"

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)

Post #: 11

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/22/2006 10:24:51 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

*steps in with red wine*

mist, you cooking?

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 12

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/22/2006 10:27:32 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I'm always cooking!!!! Smokin hot!!!!

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 13

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/22/2006 10:47:19 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

I have to say I agree with the OP....

Though, I think it applies to all new folks be there an inclination for Dominance or submission. I also tend to meet all kinds of new folks online, suggest some resources, and point them in the direction of the local community. Sometimes I even hang back in the shadows if they need a bit of encouragement. I do, however, have a rule that I won't play with you until you know who you are in this lifestyle and what you want from it. There doesn't seem to me to be a whole lot of sense to developing a deep and meaningful D/s dynamic when the person you are developing it with has no idea what they bring to the table or if they want to even sit at the same table.

It's great to see others who aren't predatory.

Wickad

PS - ohhh, almost forgot.... the idea that some little 'ole' submissive needs to have their hand held, ushered along, and protected from all that life is really sickens me. Dominant or submissive, these are all supposed be adults involved in this lifestyle.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 14

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/22/2006 11:01:10 PM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

pssst erin, we could BBQ Loki...... just you can taste him though..... lemme know if the chicken rule was in fact truthful again * grins n chuckles*

(in reply to Wickad)

Post #: 15

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/22/2006 11:09:26 PM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

"I farm raise them."

moo.

Hey I have no doubt it works for you and if it works for you (and them by default) have fun. Sewage.

D (owner of j)

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 16

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/22/2006 11:17:56 PM

talibahh

Posts: 389
Joined: 4/9/2006
From: NSW Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Part of this is that when people are new they miss subtleties that they only recognize later. Flashy showboating gets the newbies all hot and bothered and for many, that is all they want and need. But for some, they find they want more but it isn't something you can tell them or show them, they have to learn it the hard way.

As still a relative *newbie*, i can appreciate this. i like to think i am fairly intelligent (Tali grins, knowing some will beg to differ...), and i have found that in my journey, that those things which first brought my attention to this lifestyle, and then the recognition and acknowledgment of my *slave heart*, are no longer the prime focus for me now. i have found, the more i have learnt and grown, the more i have evolved into who i am now, and like to think, more of a *complete* (for want of a better word) slave. i have come to recognise, that even though i class myself more as a slave, that each persons definition varries, and indeed each relationship can be vastly different, so no two are either the same, nor right or wrong. It is what works best for the *couple/group* when they find each other.

Several months ago, i would not have understood the dynamics as well as i do today (tali also recognises and appreciates she still has much to learn). i guess what i am trying to say is... had i jumped into a *relationship* with one of the many *Doms* who offered in my early days, i know it would not have worked or perhaps even not been a pleasurable experience. For me, i believe i have been smart enough, to follow my *slave heart* and instincts from early on, and taken the advice of my Mentor, to take the time to learn and grow first, because what i may have percieved as a good thing to start with, may not necessarily be what i was actually looking for.

In hindsight (a wonderful thing), i now realise and appreciate, that the Doms who stood back and allowed me space to grow and learn, are the ones who i would *return* to, if we were compatible. Why? because i have come to know, that they do have my best interest at heart, in the sense of wanting me to enjoy my journey, and (unlike many), have Not wanted me to *jump in the deep end* with them, from the beginning, for their benefit, and not mine. (hmmm... tali is not sure she is making sense )...

i have learnt some valuable lessons, thus far in my journey, and some have hurt. But i wouldn't have it any other way, because these too have helped me reach the point i am at now, and i appreciate them for helping me to grow.

So yes! if i had *jumped in* early on, i would have *missed subtleties*. i for one, am glad i didn't fall for the *flashy show boating* because i know now, i need more than this (as suggested by CrappyDom). i do*want more*, and understand that this is something i have had to find out for myself and gained my own understandings of what it is i actually seek and who i really am, before i could even begin to imagine looking for what i thought i wanted.

i look back from now, to when i first started out, and i can see the changes in me, and in my desires, wants and needs. i like to think i have matured greatly. And can only hope it will help me to be a better person and slave for my Master. i also believe that the maturity gained will only help the relationship, as i am now less *fantasy* minded and more realistic.

(shessshhh... tali hopes this makes sense )

tali

_____________________________

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time" ~ Sir Winston Churchill

in giving You my freedom, i gain the freedom to be me ...
~ tali ~

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 17

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/23/2006 2:23:44 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

When I first read your post, Crappy Dom, I thought about the same as HCWT. However, it does makes sense when I think about it. That whole "sub frenzy" impulse that seems to grab all of us as we enter into the lifestyle. Who doesn't fall for the flashy tricks..the "getting their desires met" and accept a collar from the first dom who fills those desires without truly knowing that person. Mercandbeth had a thread on another post about "what's next" and I think it ties in nicely. D/s is first and foremost a relationship. Now, I'm not saying "long term" or anything like that...just a relationship. We don't play 24 hours a day...life interferes. We get headaches, PMS, etc. Now, for one who simply wants to play, there's no problem, but for those who want a true D/s relationship with one or more partners, I think you are correct. You need to understand the dynamics of the lifestyle to know if it's for you.

Hmmm...maybe you should stick a fork in me...I think I'm done!

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 18

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/23/2006 4:14:25 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

Nothing wrong with CrappyDom's methods. It's pretty cool that he's actually attempting to educate people.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 19

RE: How I find great submissives - 5/23/2006 4:20:18 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

hmmm......wonder what farm raised Dominant might taste like?

Like chicken?? lol.......sorry, haven't had enough sleep here.....

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 20

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