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Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 2:43:17 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It was brought up on another thread that kink might attract a larger proportion of folks that don't quite fit in "normal" society because there is supposedly this blanket acceptance that exists amongst kinky folks.  No matter what a person's maladies, there's some supposed pipe dream that their hopes and aspirations can be fulfilled in the kink world.

One must ask themselves, is this really true?  Do physical or mental disabilities no longer matter just because a person is willing to be kinky in hopes of satisfying their own hopes of a companion?  Are the odds 'better' in some way?


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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 2:55:39 AM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		I really do not believe this is true. Most people who get involved in BDSM know nothing of the lifestyle or community before they enter it. And I see no advertisements saying we are more accepting to the general public. I think you only learn of that acceptance once you enter the community. IMHO

< Message edited by mummyman321 -- 9/23/2011 2:56:07 AM >

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 3:02:20 AM   
Mr4sg


Posts: 99
Joined: 9/2/2011
Status: offline 		You can answer that question yourself by reversing it: Would making BDSM mainstream help in fight prejudices against mental and physical disabilities?

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 3:06:04 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mr4sg

You can answer that question yourself by reversing it: Would making BDSM mainstream help in fight prejudices against mental and physical disabilities?

Is it prejudice or preference?

Would you take on a mentally disabled girl into your home?

At what point does mental disability make you swear off?


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 3:13:10 AM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline 		I think that impression comes from our being outside the mainstream. Sort of an "us against the world" thingy that makes people think that we band together. Or maybe the thought is that since we're kinky we're open-minded. Personally I think we're just like everyone else, we just like kink.

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 3:20:32 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		When i came into my awareness of my "oddness", i was completely unaware of the kink community as a whole - therefore, i wasn't expecting anything that i hadn't experienced in the vanilla world. If you can take me as a typical person coming into their own, then no, i don't think the OP's suggested premise is correct.



..... or in other words - What mummyman said......

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 3:23:33 AM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline 		Then how do you explain all the people coming here and expecting us to be more open-minded?

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 3:36:30 AM   
Epytropos


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline 		Kinky people are just people. Most are shit, some are decent, but all are people. There's no more (or less) acceptance here than anywhere else. I do think people are quieter about their bigotry when it comes to sexual things (ie transphobia homophobia etc) but I honestly bet if you ran an anonymous study you'd find no difference between bdsm and the general population. I mean, we had multiple people come out with blatant and unwavering prejudice against bisexual men not a few days ago. Imagine what all must be kept quiet?


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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 3:43:46 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I actually feel it is more the opposite.

I see A LOT of people that are disallusioned with 'regular life' and somehow have the assumption that a little slap tickle makes it more special.....magical even!

They bring their fuckedupedness along and expect that because we live some sort of exclusive magical 'lifestyle' we will accept their fuckedupedness and welcome them with open arms.

They toss a hissy fit when people start hitting them with a clue by four of reality. That is usually when dumbass phrases like 'old guard' come into play.

I am sorry, but if all of a person's relationships have been fucked up, a little slap tickle isn't going to be the 'magic' cure. But, most people just don't want to admit that. They just want to think that their fuckedupedness means they are 'special' and therefor belong in this exclusive 'magical' place that doesn't really exist. Except in their own 'special' mind.

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 5:18:23 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It was brought up on another thread that kink might attract a larger proportion of folks that don't quite fit in "normal" society because there is supposedly this blanket acceptance that exists amongst kinky folks.  No matter what a person's maladies, there's some supposed pipe dream that their hopes and aspirations can be fulfilled in the kink world.

One must ask themselves, is this really true?  Do physical or mental disabilities no longer matter just because a person is willing to be kinky in hopes of satisfying their own hopes of a companion?  Are the odds 'better' in some way?



The sad news is, I feel there is definitely a market group of people that would
gladly accept someone who may be otherwise challenged, if only for the ease
in which they can manioulate and have authority over them. Think of all the
many HNG's if you will, camouflaged under the blanket of BDSM, just waiting to
pounce on some unsuspecting victim.

All players aside, I would think that any Dominant that has good intent would think
twice before becoming involved with someone who has a great degree of mental or
emotional deficiency, as it would be hard to determine the validity of their consent.
For this reason, I feel the community is in fact less accepting.

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 5:42:06 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Aside from your general premise, I have found some who grew up in unloving environments and find contentment in serving as a submissive.  That gives them the ability to have an adult relationship while at the same time getting the rules and boundaries that they missed out on as a child.


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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 6:11:45 AM   
oneluckysub


Posts: 47
Joined: 7/26/2010
From: Chicago
Status: offline 		I do believe that there is more of a draw to BDSM by those who have disabilities but ultimately, I get the feeling (and I feel the same way) that kinky folks are seeking healthy, active relationships just like the general population except with kink angle thrown in for extra good measure.

I feel that people are drawn to BDSM because of the cloak of acceptance that is inherent here. But I do not think that kinksters are any more accepting that the rest of the world. I will freely admit that I would have a hard time being involved with someone who was emotionally disturbed or severely physically challenged as those things would not be compatible with my wants and needs in a relationship.

From what I have seen, we as kinksters are just as prejudicial as the rest. Just less shocked by some of the things we see, hear, and do. 

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 6:40:33 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Aside from your general premise, I have found some who grew up in unloving environments and find contentment in serving as a submissive.  That gives them the ability to have an adult relationship while at the same time getting the rules and boundaries that they missed out on as a child.




Wow! Now that's a very intriguing thought.

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 6:42:06 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Dude, People are weird as shit...all of em.
It's the human condition. We all got phobias, quirks, funky tendencies, skeletons, wild fantasies, hidden dreams, delusions that we operate from.
Some just happen to wear their idiosyncrasies a bit closer to the surface is all.

As for normal, in modern day America WTF is that? I hope someone knows, cuz I sure don't, nor do most the folks I know (And I run with folks from all walks of life, rich, poor, ghetto, silverspoon, park bench to Park Place). Heck, even the ones that appear normal, take some time, get to know em and they're all crazier than hell underneath. Point of fact, if I ever met someone who actually was normal,like through and through,  by the very nature of being normal they'd be in such a minuscule minority of the population that they would, by definition, be abnormal.

And there ain't a one of us who ain't screwed up sexually in some way, shape, or form.

Finally, about that famous lack of prejudice, shit, look at the boards. Nothing is funnier than watching someone who likes wearing diapers and having lollipops shoved up their ass judge  someone else cuz they don't approve of their fetish, or how they enact it in their life.
BDSMers are just as quick as the next subculture to get their panties in a twist when they don't like something.


< Message edited by Kana -- 9/23/2011 7:23:48 AM >

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 8:01:24 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

there is supposedly this blanket acceptance that exists amongst kinky folks



Having been earthbound after many failed attempts to return to the Mothership,
I have found this to be universal bullshit.

chia* (the pet)




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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 8:43:55 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		What she said.
Also, I am seeing this veering off into disabilities though it started out as maladies and I would like to see it as it was statted. There are all sorts of personality disorders that I see in abundance that might pass for kink, until you look further. Not quite fitting in eventually finds its way back into the situation. I think it might be because it is what they known and where their comfort level sits.
please excuse any mistypes. No glasses today and I am blind as a bat.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

but if all of a person's relationships have been fucked up, a little slap tickle isn't going to be the 'magic' cure. But, most people just don't want to admit that. They just want to think that their fuckedupedness means they are 'special' and therefor belong in this exclusive 'magical' place that doesn't really exist. Except in their own 'special' mind.



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 9:01:11 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Though I am by nature a caretaker, and I project my own desire to be rescued into "projects", I really do not seek out the damaged. Sometimes I work to avoid them. The world of kink is just a microcosm of humanity, no better or worse than any other group.

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 9:18:59 AM   
Hisprettybaby


Posts: 781
Joined: 4/13/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Do physical or mental disabilities no longer matter just because a person is willing to be kinky in hopes of satisfying their own hopes of a companion?  Are the odds 'better' in some way?


I can't speak for anyone else but I know that, for me, it would depend upon the severity and the nature of the disability.....how it would affect being in a healthy relationship. In otherwords, it's a very individual thing, person by person.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I am sorry, but if all of a person's relationships have been fucked up, a little slap tickle isn't going to be the 'magic' cure. But, most people just don't want to admit that. They just want to think that their fuckedupedness means they are 'special' and therefor belong in this exclusive 'magical' place that doesn't really exist. Except in their own 'special' mind.

I totally agree.

~Hisprettybaby~

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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 9:28:00 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Many believe that a physical or mental illness is a weakness and if that is their take on it, they might assume that the ill will do things that compromise themselves, simply to find a relationship. I don’t happen to see either as a weakness and often times, the people that are ill are far from weak. I have seen those that I wondered about because they didn’t understand bdsm or d/s at all and were desperately seeking someone, but I have seen this in a church and other groups of people that gather for any purpose. I’ve found myself trying to find out if they were in fact so isolated and alone that they were trying anything to gain a friend. The majority of the time, I haven’t questioned a thing.

People may have some concept that certain groups will be more accepting of whatever they have going on. Like those that are married, complaining about the response they get when they find out that many that are into bdsm or d/s, don’t lose all morals or relationship skills and think that we accept anything. I knew many that joined biker groups or gangs to find acceptance and ‘family’. It is a fact that people search out what they need and will sometimes try anything to get it and misconceptions are everywhere.

However, most that are ill, withstand a lot. Some can be so challenged and other factors may factor in, that they will compromise themselves. Many are challenged and meet the challenge and will not compromise themselves. The difference is in how they view themselves and their own emotional health or view of whatever is going on. So it happens… but there isn’t any truth to the things that were implied by the poster that prompted this thread. Just as there are fallacies about any group of people, it doesn’t make them true and it isn’t like the ill, or mentally/emotionally challenged are flocking to bdsm to cure their isolation or supply their needs.

Physical and mental/emotional illnesses can be found anywhere in any group or gathering and anyone that sums them up and projects that they do this or that because of this or that, without a foundation and knowing the person is talking out their ass.



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RE: Is it greater? - 9/23/2011 9:42:47 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		No.

Ugly & crazy is just as much of an impediment with kinky girls as with nilla ones....unless you luck out and find the one into ugly & crazy.

And that is the key right there, in the "kink world" it is acceptable for a woman to say "I want a fat ugly old man"...it makes it easier for us creepers to find the ones who are interested is all.


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