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I'm kind of disappointed.

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I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here idlely and read you tarnish Sandra Bullock's legacy.

Come, we settle this with rapiers.

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Here I was thinking it was predicting the World Series Victory parade by the cubs. Or the end of the world. Each one is about as likely as the other.

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ORIGINAL: SternSkipper

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Here I was thinking it was predicting the World Series Victory parade by the cubs. Or the end of the world. Each one is about as likely as the other.

You lie like a fucking rug... NOBODY sane or insane is fool enough to think the cubs will ever win ... CRAZYTALK!

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You've apparently never travelled to the Windy City. Those peeps are crazy enough to believe all sorts of crazy conspiracy theories up to and including a Cubbies win in the WS next year.

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You've apparently never travelled to the Windy City. Those peeps are crazy enough to believe all sorts of crazy conspiracy theories up to and including a Cubbies win in the WS next year.

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ORIGINAL: SternSkipper

Like many of you, we here in Gloucester have been worrying about all the awful possibilities the much touted Mayan Calendar's abrupt end on December 22nd 2012.
I mean, GOD, you name your disaster... Famine, Flood, Armed Conflict, Comet Strike, Earthquake, Polar Shift, Solar Event... Name it, BAD FUCKING NEWS NO MATTER WHERE YOU LOOK. Even SCARIER is the possibility that this could be an AGE OF WHATEVER moment and we all evolve to the next level of being.... ONLY TO FIND OUT THE GUY WE COULDN'T STAND FOR THREE FUCKING SECONDS IS NOW OUR GRAND LEADER...Yeah, FUCK, right?
   So we at the Glostaman's Colllaborative Think Tank have been working night and day to understand the Mayan Calendar and figure out it's hidden secrets and perhaps avert disaster.
  After weeks of studying algorithms, working through complex mathematical formulas, and even working over a few of the local Andean Illegals here working under the table at the leather factory to see what they knew (what a waste... these guys are lucky they can find the train).... After all that, WE HAVE CRACKED THE ALGORITHM AND KNOW THE CALENDAR'S REAL MEANING.

    As it turned out, there is a glitch in the algorithm that leads the interpreter in error to December 22nd 2012 instead of the intended date, which THANKFULLY, HAS ALREADY PASSED. The very same clue that sucked all the new agers in (being CLOSE to the solstice). We looked at the date and said "HEY! What the fuck. Put another hit in this bong and get me the Ace Hardware Calendar... Let's see if these Mayan fuckers can stand the scrutiny of the REAL AUTHORITY on time and space .... HALLMARK!".
   Sure enough, all hallmark calendars (Not just the cool one with handy tips from Ace) peg December 21st as the solstice.... So then the seacrch for bad math started. And eventually, we found an error, which when corrected reveals a new date of October 23rd, 2004.
   Yeah Baby, you guessed it The Mayans were predicting an even more cosmic event than the mere end of the world. They were predicting the Boston Red Sox first win of a World Series since 1918!  Which can only be a truly catastrophic event if you are a Yankees Fan (aka one of the people Michele Bachmann talks about in regard to vaccines).
   Our archeological team, that we sent to south and central America to find clues began to find things that hinted at, and later confirmed the conclusion we reached. Such as the One found in the burial chamber of the great Mayan king El Tiante. It is pictuired below and was imprinted on a stone humidor full of still tasty ancient cigars...
Other proof such as ancient predictions of future Red Sox greats such and Big Pappi, Pedro Martinez, and even the most famous of ball players of Mayan descent, Carlton Fiske.

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Here I was thinking it was predicting the World Series Victory parade by the cubs. Or the end of the world. Each one is about as likely as the other.