RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU?

RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (Full Version)

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myotherself -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/28/2011 11:59:36 PM)
People beg for a wide variety of reasons. I lived in London for many years, as well as being a pretty regular visitor to New York. Welfare is usually enough to give people shelter, food and clothing. However a lot of the people who are begging tend to have other issues than unemployment - quite often it's addiction to some kind of drug or alcohol. Some are scammers. If you go into any London Underground station you will likely find a notice saying not to give to beggars and an explanation why. I believe those notices, primarily because a good friend of mine is in the Met Police and has spent a lot of time working in the organised crime division. But even if the person is NOT a scammer, giving money to a beggar is not always a kindness. Would you give an alcoholic money to go buy more booze? What you WILL see in big cities is people being smart about helping. Some will volunteer at homeless shelters. Others (like me) would donate direct to a charity that supports people who live on the streets. Others (again like me) will buy food or a meal for someone who says they are starving (and looks like they are starving). First impressions are never a good way to judge people, whichever side of the breadline they are living on.

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/29/2011 7:02:26 AM)
awww just nm!! [>:]

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/29/2011 7:41:54 AM)
In my city, there are those people with signs that seem to stand at every busy free way intersection. They practically work in shifts, since you see the same people on the same corner at the same time every day. I am hesitant to give them money, but my sister gave me an idea of carrying McDonalds gift certificates. Maybe you aren't doing someone a favor giving them food from McDonalds but at least it is a meal if they really are hungry. Since it isn't cash, I know they aren't going to head off to the liquor store with it. I tend to believe most meth dealers prefer cash, so I know it won't get used to buy drugs. quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself People beg for a wide variety of reasons. I lived in London for many years, as well as being a pretty regular visitor to New York. Welfare is usually enough to give people shelter, food and clothing. However a lot of the people who are begging tend to have other issues than unemployment - quite often it's addiction to some kind of drug or alcohol. Some are scammers. If you go into any London Underground station you will likely find a notice saying not to give to beggars and an explanation why. I believe those notices, primarily because a good friend of mine is in the Met Police and has spent a lot of time working in the organised crime division. But even if the person is NOT a scammer, giving money to a beggar is not always a kindness. Would you give an alcoholic money to go buy more booze? What you WILL see in big cities is people being smart about helping. Some will volunteer at homeless shelters. Others (like me) would donate direct to a charity that supports people who live on the streets. Others (again like me) will buy food or a meal for someone who says they are starving (and looks like they are starving). First impressions are never a good way to judge people, whichever side of the breadline they are living on.

lobodomslavery -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/29/2011 8:54:12 AM)
i take your point but surely not all beggars are bogus although there are bogus beggars and i have fallen victim to one and hence i dont go into my city any more because i am recognised and i have been followed by beggars ever since i gave one $15 as a kindness when she looked miserable cold and had a baby and was begging please give me money i have a baby, but now like i say i dont go into the city centre because i fear i will be followed like happened a week later after i gave the money the same person came up to me looking for and expecting more, sometimes too you are right if you give someone money it s not the best thing to do because they will come up the next time asking for more, as happened me, a lesson learned to my cost kevin

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/29/2011 8:58:21 AM)
My cousin Tony used to work downtown at the GM building. Some homeless dude hit on him for some change, and Tony said that he wouldnt give him any cash, but if he wanted some food, he would take him to the GM cafeteria (which was GOOD!) and he could eat to his heart's content. Tony said he never saw someone eat so much at one sitting! [:)] I do give money to panhandlers sometimes, I really kind of use my gut to tell me, and yanno? If they want to buy booze, hey, booze has calories. If they are smoking, no. Got money for smokes, ya got money for the value menu.

Phoenixpower -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/29/2011 9:15:41 AM)
I thought thats what kids are for....to live at your full expense but to do all the chores you hate doing [8\|] My answer is no....I had one contact like that last year (though not as extreme as the person who keeps coming up with that on the boards) and could not stop laughing about him considering himself being a dom...ok ok, he might be one...but simply not one according to my view what I am looking for in one....as he considered me to be the workoholic anyway (which is bullshit, as I am not one, I only work more than I have to WHEN I HAVE TO and so I can sort of finance all the important stuff for him and me (relocation, mortgage, having kids together etc) and he can just work absolute minimum and most likely end up as the house daddy one day....snort....he was really hillarious....... Aaaaaaaaaaaanyhow, as I said, my answer is no....I don't mind the housework which has to get done but before I would drag through another person I am not related to, I would rather live on my own.... I also consider the fact that it can be a fair bit dangerous to when another adult becomes that dependent on you, cause if you want to get rid of that person but that person has nothing in his CV for years....then very likely it will be quite tough for him to get back onto his own feet....and I wouldn't want any potential emotional drama a la "I served you for so many years and now you dump me" in my life.... So thanks but no thanks, I do value that every person keeps a fair amount of independence....

littlewonder -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/29/2011 9:26:58 AM)
I'm so far behind on my housework due to studying and crap that right now a live in maid and someone to run my errands would be really really nice!!

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/29/2011 7:45:50 PM)
quote: living quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse To derail a derail...... Do you (whomever you are and whatever your part of the power exchange/service dynamic) feel that having a person entirely devoted to caring for.....home, personal affairs, whatever... is worth the expense of properly providing for that person. If yes, why and how? If no, why and how? If not now....when....if not you....who? If not me....where's my beer?

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/29/2011 8:04:37 PM)
quote: living quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse To derail a derail...... Do you (whomever you are and whatever your part of the power exchange/service dynamic) feel that having a person entirely devoted to caring for.....home, personal affairs, whatever... is worth the expense of properly providing for that person. If yes, why and how? If no, why and how? Well...I've always been looking for a woman who could take care of me in the style I've become accustomed to.....so I'm not entirely certain how this (may) answer your question.

Awareness -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/30/2011 3:45:28 AM)
Ultimately what this thread does is reinforce my notions about "Dommes" more than anything else. Men have been providing for their loved ones for millenia, but all we see in this thread is so-called dominant women trying to evade any notion of responsibility. It's weak. It's pathetic and all it does is reinforce the idea that so-called "dominant" women are simply playing a role. They're simply not ready for the responsibility of providing for another. Indeed, they try and reframe this as 'service'. As though dealing with your responsibilities is service. I suppose taking care of children is also "service" too, is it? These are the reasons why femininity is regarded by many men as lesser than masculinity. Because when it comes time to step up to the plate - women balk. All I've heard is a bunch of convenient rationalisations in this thread for why allegedly dominant women can't handle their responsibilities. The tragedy - if there is one - is that this is entirely what I expected. The opportunity to demonstrate that my preconceptions were incorrect is lost because the women here keep falling into line with my expectations. And then the stupid bitches whine because I don't play into their nonsense. Astounding.

LaTigresse -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/30/2011 3:49:15 AM)
And see, it only reinforces MY view of 'dominant' men. They will buy into (quite literally it seems) just to have/serve, the pussy.

0ldhen -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/30/2011 4:57:50 AM)
I've not read all the responses. I'm strictly responding to Lat's opening question. Long ago, the ol man was still kickin, we had two wives. One worked, one did not. I worked, the ol man worked. Franny, we kept at home. She got an allowance of 50 bucks a week, all her expenses were met out of the household fund just like everybody elses where. When we shopped for the normal stuff, her things went into the cart, just like everybodys did, to be paid for out of the household accounts. We shared the weekly cleaning, the yard work, the cooking. And we all worked. Yet Franny stayed home. WHY? First and foremost, because we loved her. Franny just did not do well in the real world. In our nest, she was happy, busy, fulfilled, productive. Out in the world, not so much. She was easily led into powdering her nose. A thing forbidden at home. A thing she had a terrible weakness for. Kept in her safe place, she never thought about it. Between all of us and the farm, we had plenty of money for stuff, and for savings. She was there when I could not be to see the kids off the bus. When I wanted to go to a bike event, she was there to pick up the slack. She pulled her weight. Tomatoes coming in heavy, I'd come home she'd have them picked, sorted, ready for canning. Kids wanted a playhouse, she'd be up so the rest of us could sleep in, out in the words with a hammer and a picnic basket for them. All the above are some of the reasons, yes, it was worth it to us as a family to keep Franny home. Let me go back to the 1st reason, the most important reason, we loved her. It was was best for her. It kept her safe.

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/30/2011 5:15:33 AM)
Chiiiiiiiiiiiiickie Poo, you're missed!! [:)] And what a lovely tale of when things go right for all the right reasons.

OttersSwim -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/30/2011 6:16:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse To derail a derail...... Do you (whomever you are and whatever your part of the power exchange/service dynamic) feel that having a person entirely devoted to caring for.....home, personal affairs, whatever... is worth the expense of properly providing for that person. If yes, why and how? If no, why and how? I am sort of in this situation with my Lady wife. We are married and she holds the good paying job with the insurance. I own my own storefront business and spend my days servicing debt. I don't bring in more than a couple hundred a month outside the bills for my shop which means that most of the financial load falls to her - mortgage, utilities, insurance, etc., etc. This she does without complaint. However...my situation gives me a much more flexible schedule. As I have stated in previous posts, this affords me more time to put in time - for our home, our pets, do the cooking, and the thousand other things that need doing in your common 2010 household of 2. I get up with her each day before 6:00 even though I don't have to be at work till 11. I prepare her lunch, make her breakfast, iron her work clothes, fix her hair, and generally see her out the door with love. I would do this even if we were not in a power exchange relationship because I love her and view that as valuable time to spend with her - much more important than sleep. I cook our evening meal most nights. Is it worth her spending most of her paycheck to give us both a place to live, food to eat, and generally provide for my needs as well as her own? She seems to feel that it is. I have to say that I do my best to put in financially into our relationship and I sometimes feel discomfort at the very vast disparity. It makes me work all the harder I think. Each partner has something to give into relationship. Each partner has a perception of "value" in the other. Each partner has a capacity for input in to their relationship with the other. I think in the end, it comes down to "Are you flying a close chase?" Are you and your partner working hand in hand to accomplish your common life goals, and are you both -putting in- to the relationship and in the life of the other in whatever capacity you have? My 2c [:)]

AAkasha -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/30/2011 10:41:53 AM)
I think it's absolutely worth it provided there's a mutually affectionate relationship in place. I don't think it would work as just "friends" or BDSM barter for "service." I'm the breadwinner in my relationship, my husband doesn't have a job or a career per se and his #1 priority is taking care of the domestic things and making sure my life is streamlined so I can put all my energy into my career. I don't go to the grocery store, I don't cook, I don't do laundry (well, sometimes I help fold), I don't put gas in the car, run errands, clean up after dogs, pay bills or stand in lines. If I feel like it, he knows enough about my preferences to even do my clothes shopping, buy my make up. If push comes to shove, the single thing I ever have to concern myself with is my career, and having that focus enables me to have good earning power and we can both live off of that. It also means he has flexibility, I can afford his expensive hobbies that involve buying bikes and hockey gear, we can travel together frequently. If he got a full time job, and he is more than capable, we'd have a shit load of money and could be in sports cars, buying boats, and I would have fat diamond rings -- however, I prefer the serenity of the lifestyle we have to just having more cash. He worked part time for a couple of years because he's got a hobby that can generate some income, but I found that even part time caused friction, because in order for me to work efficiently, I don't like to have to work around his schedule. He found that supporting me was more rewarding as well. The thing is, he's not a drone, or just a house husband. He's well rounded, highly educated, very motivated and a self starter. Even though he had no hand in my business, he's been able to pick up enough of it by supporting me for 7 or 8 years that now he spends about half the time doing domestic stuff and half the time working for me in the business, and we're probably just going to hire a maid to do the household chores. But it didn't start out that way, it just evolved. Is having a full time support person worth it? Absolutely. And it also resonates with my personality. Would any man suffice? Hell no. I have had lazy boyfriends who sit around and watch tv and sleep late. He gets up and makes my breakfast every day and his efficiency is was allows me to do well in my career. I don't have a domestic bone in my body. Akasha

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/30/2011 1:40:31 PM)
Your post was very interesting AA. Perhaps my visceral reaction to the whole question is because when my ex tried to become a house husband on my dime, it was kind of under the table. He basically just quit working, and expected me to take up the slack. It probably would be different if it was discussed and negotiated before the fact. In any case, I am happy that it works for you.

AAkasha -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/30/2011 1:59:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet Your post was very interesting AA. Perhaps my visceral reaction to the whole question is because when my ex tried to become a house husband on my dime, it was kind of under the table. He basically just quit working, and expected me to take up the slack. It probably would be different if it was discussed and negotiated before the fact. In any case, I am happy that it works for you. I think I would have had a negative reaction if a man I was with tried to push toward that situation instead of me deciding that or us deciding together. It was my intent all along, when I envisioned what my married life would be like, that it would be Dual Income, No Kids, and two workaholics who made a great living and paid a maid and/or a cook or ate out a lot since I wasn't domestic. It wasn't a life that envisioned - having a 'stay at home husband.' - not at all. I had lazy boyfriends before and didn't want to be supporting someone. My husband wasn't from the US so he could not legally work here during a large chunk of our courtship, so he spent the first several months trying to help out in any way he could while not drawing a paycheck, and he became amazing at taking care of my life. I got very spoiled. When he could legally work and went to do that, full time, it was only a matter of months before I realize that I preferred him at home taking care of life than at work. What also factored heavily into it was that he was starting a career (low pay) and I was self employed and doing well, but could be doing better if I didn't have other things to worry about. It was a natural step for us. I hated it when he worked. Akasha

Endivius -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/30/2011 3:39:27 PM)
While I do not entirely agree with what Awareness has said, I do have to say that there is a double standard being raised. A very valid point, not one that I personally practice; I do see what he is saying though. If I am understanding him correctly, he views men as providers, and when dominant women are trying to step into that role, they do not want to provide on the same level of expectations. It may be a matter of interpretting what he sees as a provider and what the dominant women see as providing.

LadyPact -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/30/2011 4:13:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Endivius While I do not entirely agree with what Awareness has said, I do have to say that there is a double standard being raised. A very valid point, not one that I personally practice; I do see what he is saying though. If I am understanding him correctly, he views men as providers, and when dominant women are trying to step into that role, they do not want to provide on the same level of expectations. It may be a matter of interpretting what he sees as a provider and what the dominant women see as providing. Or perhaps it comes down to very much the same way as some might see the difference between "full time" and "part time". There actually are females on the thread that have gladly said when there was more to be done the situation is different. I think others are looking at it as a cost as related to benefit ratio and one is way above the other. I think earlier in the thread I said something about having, reasonably, ten hours a week of things that actually need doing around here. That's not worth thirty grand a year to Me. Especially when I'm not really looking at a full time relationship where it's the primary involvement in My life. I already have a full time involvement, a part time involvement that is spaced at intervals throughout the year, and another that is developing for certain times on an irregular basis. If you were comparing it to a business, where it was Myself and already three other people and not all that much to do, you'd look at Me like I were crazy if I hired on a full time person (with benefits) for the little bit of work that they would actually have to contribute. I'm not raising kids, I don't own a farm, and I'm not in need of extensive home renovations. All that's left is dick on demand, and I've already kind of got that covered. [:D]

Lockit -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/30/2011 4:25:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Endivius While I do not entirely agree with what Awareness has said, I do have to say that there is a double standard being raised. A very valid point, not one that I personally practice; I do see what he is saying though. If I am understanding him correctly, he views men as providers, and when dominant women are trying to step into that role, they do not want to provide on the same level of expectations. It may be a matter of interpretting what he sees as a provider and what the dominant women see as providing. I believe that Awareness believes that being a dominant, is a responsibility to provide for the submissive. Men/dominants have been doing this and women/dominants balk when it comes to doing what they should be doing as dominants. When it is time for the females to step up... they balk and they are simply playing a role as dominant and by shucking this role we are calling what a submissive must do, service. So it seems that Awareness thinks that dominants should be supporting it all.

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