RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU?

RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/26/2011 11:39:21 AM)
Around here, most farm wives work. Many are teachers or nurses. It keeps the farm solvent and provides health insurance.

gungadin09 -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/26/2011 11:48:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse To derail a derail...... Do you (whomever you are and whatever your part of the power exchange/service dynamic) feel that having a person entirely devoted to caring for.....home, personal affairs, whatever... is worth the expense of properly providing for that person. If yes, why and how? If no, why and how? If taking care of their personal affairs involved having and raising their kids, then yes, i would consider it worth the expense. If not, then i probably wouldn't. It depends on what being "entirely devoted to caring for home, personal affairs, whatever..." means, EXACTLY. Does it mean, doing a bit of housework, or much more. pam

lobodomslavery -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/26/2011 12:11:22 PM)
Mea culpa. i thought You were referring to that. i misconstrued my apologies and yes i agree 100% people with illnesses of any description require medical insurance cover kevin

kalikshama -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/26/2011 3:13:50 PM)
Ya, without childcare or helping with a business, it's no where near a full time job.

AneNoz -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/26/2011 3:59:01 PM)
quote: My objection is "Hundreds of millions of husbands the world over" that is not backed by stats. I have not statistics but in my country and surrounding countries (Balkan area), the wife staying home is indeed the normal way of things. It is thus as well in Malta and also as well through most of the Middle East and also further east. Singapore is an exception to this to a large degree. This is, of course, a conclusion from simple observation without any research, as it is an issue of little import. Be at peace Aneka

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/26/2011 4:53:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Regarding the 'millions making it work'. I know quite a few couples/families, where only the adult male works. The financial situation of those family units are not one that I would want to put myself into. Most have not been able to purchase a home and are forced to rent. Usually in a less than desirable environment. Most drive less than safe, vehicles. Several push the legal limits by not maintaining required insurance of vehicles because they cannot afford it. None will be able to send a child to college unless that child gets scholarships and lots of student loans. Most have had less than stellar health care over the years (lack of good dental care, etc). All live, paycheck to paycheck, one crisis away from a major financial catastrophe. Certainly there are many people that do it. Certainly there are many people that are financially able to do it well, as a few here have written about. My personal experience is that it is often a life on the edge, in many ways. It comes down to what risk we are each comfortable with. Because I am financially conservative and not comfortable with a lot of big risk (been there done that, don't ever want to be there again) my choices will be influenced by that. Others, that either do not care, OR, are comfortable with risk........will have a different method of measuring what choices to make. And others are fortunate to have the resources to make it work with very little risk. Is there a cultural reason or for that matter just a belief that the male should be the bread earner? Or did it just work out that way?

Awareness -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/26/2011 9:22:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AneNoz quote: Having a slave is a privilege afforded to those who have the will and have demonstrated the ability to do well enough to afford one. This is as it should be. One who would claim a slave as owned yet refuse the responsibility for said slave is but playing Let Us Pretend. Be at peace Aneka Exactly. If someone uses the word 'slave' to describe a partner and isn't paying for everything, then they're engaging in a farce, not a power exchange.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/26/2011 9:41:57 PM)
I had a few minutes this evening to do a cost vs benefit comparison as applies to my household. Currently 5 people contribute to the wants and needs of this household: 2 long-term male partners, one occasional domestic sub, one paid gardener and one paid housekeeper. None of them live here. Fixed expenses of the household: Mortgage Taxes Property insurance. Insurance/maintenance/repairs for 3 vehicles. Upkeep that would not vary with another individual living here: $90 per month for the general housekeeper. 5 hours a month which is all this small house needs. $20 per month for the gardener. Absolutely fcking priceless:Privacy, without somebody underfoot who wants to be 'taken up and smacked, and toilet trained by a Mommy-Domme'. The gentlemen who serve here enjoy the same grown-up lifestyle proclivities I do. Additional household expenses to provide for live-in sub: -$100 increased utilities usage. -$350+ per month grocery allowance for a proper, healthy diet since feeding someone just 'bread' as he likes to call sustenance would cause him to sicken and die. -$1000 per month health insurance/medically related expenses. Read it and weep, but that's life in the good ol' US of A. -$90 per month to add a responsible, mature person with a clean driving record to my car insurance so he can legally do the expected duty. -Somebody underfoot all the time who expects to be 'taken up and smacked, and toilet trained by a Mommy-Domme': No effing amount of money would justify me tolerating this (see last line of 'fixed expenses' above). Sorry kev, that counts you out. Now, for the sake of this example let's give all the established paid and unpaid Lair household contributors the heave-ho. Add a live-in-sub who would need to have the wherewithal to replace the contributions of 5 separate people (and somehow provide a seaworthy 46' sailboat.) That's not likely but let's pretend there is someone who could/would do all that as listed in the quote below. He would cost* me an extra $1390 per month. Since that's about my actual income per month these days I would be homeless, without medical insurance or vehicles of any kind, and starving to boot...just so some diaper-boy could fry me up a banger once in awhile (ooops, forgot...no food, no stove to cook on, and without a roof over either of our heads.) As always YMMV, but for me it's still a resounding NOPE! quote: The way it works at the Lair is: Cabin Boy owns, lives on, maintains and handles the heavy lifting on the boat in port and underway. He does the cooking and massage-on-request at sea, the serious repair jobs like plumbing, electrical and mechanical fixes on my house and the vehicles. S does the oil changes on the daily driver, provides 'spouse-like' backup where medical and practical daily matters are concerned and will inherit the kittehs should I pass before they do. He is also my long-time 'partner-in-crime' when it comes to music, dancing, culture, fine dining, long-distance driving and family-related matters. S has his own house and long ago we vowed to keep it that way. I like my space. Nobody really enjoys the minimal yard work so I do it myself or hire a gardener when it needs something. I have a wonderful Guatemalan housekeeper who comes twice a month, which financially 'forces' me to keep my clutter in check. Since there are so many...ummm...'things' in the bedroom that might frighten her, I have a fastidious, highly organized and thorough domestic sub who occasionally tackles the carnage in that area, weeds and sweeps the cat-house, and bakes or cooks when I need something nice to take to a potluck. He also has his own place and occasionally serves other dominants. All of us provide for our own financial needs. The combination has been working well for a few years now; in S and Cabin Boy's case more than a decade. Do I want any of the boys living here (contributing financially or not)? Nope. With this arrangement they get me at my best: happy, relaxed, content, affectionate and in doses that mesh well with their lives. I get them at their best doing what they feel strong, fulfilled and happy doing without feeling put-upon.

Cherylmazana -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/26/2011 9:43:57 PM)
Huh? Strange thinking when you consider that the whole purpose of a non-consensual slave was to work and make money for the owner. It’s only in kink related consensual slavery that an owner would ever consider not having a slave work to provide extra money for them. Everywhere else that is a slave’s primary function. Cheryl

Aynne88 -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/26/2011 9:44:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse I do think the fantasy is fabulous. Lord knows I would love to come home from work, take care of my animals (because that is MY thing) and then do whatever the hell I wanted on evenings and weekends. But yeah, I am a big picture kinda person. I demand that I prepare as best I can for worst case scenarios. Illness, forced retirement, just everything. I know that while I could feed, clothe, and house another person......I cannot afford a health insurance policy for them, I cannot afford to insure another driver with....? driving record. I cannot afford to create another nest egg/retirement plan. And, I know that caring for me and mine is NOT a full time position. There is only so much cleaning this cute little house on the hill needs. I suppose I could demand they trim 3 acres of lawn with scissors or shovel the lane with a soup spoon but that really isn't my kink. No. I work full time and I cook, clean, and do all the shopping etc. and I still pay my share of the bills, it might not be an equal amount since he makes more than me, but I also work for him so it's equitable in my eyes. I also take care of all the animals and deal with all of his clients, if anything I feel like I do more than my share lately because he has been into a fucking victim mentality lately, and a poor pitiful me thing. I am so sick of it. I don't think that domestic duties in any way negate having to earn an income.

LaTigresse -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/27/2011 4:01:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Regarding the 'millions making it work'. I know quite a few couples/families, where only the adult male works. Is there a cultural reason or for that matter just a belief that the male should be the bread earner? Or did it just work out that way? I snipped to just address the part that I believe you were asking about. If I am wrong, please correct me. I don't think it is any one reason, other than the men all had higher earning potential. Usually children are involved. Child care is so expensive that there is a point where the scales tip in favour of the lesser earning partner staying home. My sister married into a quasi Mennonite clan and that mindset did, I believe, had a huge effect on her and the choice to not work and home school her boys.

LaTigresse -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/27/2011 4:03:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Cherylmazana Huh? Strange thinking when you consider that the whole purpose of a non-consensual slave was to work and make money for the owner. It’s only in kink related consensual slavery that an owner would ever consider not having a slave work to provide extra money for them. Everywhere else that is a slave’s primary function. Cheryl Cheryl this is my mindset as well but it seems that many 'dominant' men have discovered a way to serve a woman and cloak it in ownership with a lot of romantic ideals.

LaTigresse -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/27/2011 4:05:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aynne88 No. I work full time and I cook, clean, and do all the shopping etc. and I still pay my share of the bills, it might not be an equal amount since he makes more than me, but I also work for him so it's equitable in my eyes. I also take care of all the animals and deal with all of his clients, if anything I feel like I do more than my share lately because he has been into a fucking victim mentality lately, and a poor pitiful me thing. I am so sick of it. I don't think that domestic duties in any way negate having to earn an income. Aynne, I am sorry you are going through a difficult time.

xssve -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/27/2011 8:10:36 AM)
So where do I find one of these people? Room and board seems like an adequate exchange for housework, there's not so much to do that a live housekeeper/au pair couldn't work part time or even full time if they needed perks, I'm not that into financial domination or micromanaging peoples careers, lots of people have lives outside the bedroom.

hausboy -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/27/2011 7:43:44 PM)
I'll jump into the mix here. There are several websites out there devoted to houseboys/bois. Most of the "reputable" websites are pretty clear from the start, that each living situation is different and must be carefully negotiated, but the goal of the sites: match the houseboy with the "employer." Arrangement vary--most are live-in. Some offer free room for services, others offer room & board, and a few offer room, board & a stipend. Some involve sex, many don't. Some involve money, some don't. I have not once heard of health benefits being offered, and in some arrangements (I know of a only one or two boys who connected with their Households online), the boy was expected/encouraged to hold a job outside the home (part-time or otherwise) to provide them with benefits and/or spending money when it was not provided. My long-winded point is that it isn't all or nothing--my current Sir was seeking a live-in sub/slave and would offer a room (reduced rent or who knows, poss. even free for the right person) in exchange for regular cleaning & errand services, and that person was expected to work a job full or part time, but the Household obligations must be met on their own time. If I were younger, I'd totally go for a live-in position again and work part-time for benefits.

Awareness -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/27/2011 9:30:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Cherylmazana Huh? Strange thinking when you consider that the whole purpose of a non-consensual slave was to work and make money for the owner. It’s only in kink related consensual slavery that an owner would ever consider not having a slave work to provide extra money for them. Everywhere else that is a slave’s primary function. Cheryl That's because consensual slavery isn't and slaves were basically work units which you could mistreat and beat to death if so inclined. This fundamental ability to exploit the living shit out of slave labour was the underpinning of the South's whining that abolition would kill their economy. Most near-sane slaves in this lifestyle are generally looking for an arrangement which fulfills some of their needs - even if that need is serving the needs of someone else. However nobody sane is going to want to enter into an arrangement in which they're a work unit to be exploited at will with absolutely nothing in return. Most recognise TPE as an exchange of power for responsibility - specifically including the responsibility for ensuring the primary needs of the slave are also met. The damaged individuals who think their own needs are irrelevant don't really make for much of a counter-argument, although it does raise the spectre of just how easily this lifestyle attracts dysfunction.

Awareness -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/27/2011 9:32:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aynne88 No. I work full time and I cook, clean, and do all the shopping etc. and I still pay my share of the bills, it might not be an equal amount since he makes more than me, but I also work for him so it's equitable in my eyes. I also take care of all the animals and deal with all of his clients, if anything I feel like I do more than my share lately because he has been into a fucking victim mentality lately, and a poor pitiful me thing. I am so sick of it. I'm very sorry to hear that - your arrangement is clearly on borrowed time.

Aynne88 -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/27/2011 11:41:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse quote: ORIGINAL: Aynne88 No. I work full time and I cook, clean, and do all the shopping etc. and I still pay my share of the bills, it might not be an equal amount since he makes more than me, but I also work for him so it's equitable in my eyes. I also take care of all the animals and deal with all of his clients, if anything I feel like I do more than my share lately because he has been into a fucking victim mentality lately, and a poor pitiful me thing. I am so sick of it. I don't think that domestic duties in any way negate having to earn an income. Aynne, I am sorry you are going through a difficult time. Thanks LaT, it is difficult to say the least, I appreciate that. [:)].

Aynne88 -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/27/2011 11:43:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Awareness quote: ORIGINAL: Aynne88 No. I work full time and I cook, clean, and do all the shopping etc. and I still pay my share of the bills, it might not be an equal amount since he makes more than me, but I also work for him so it's equitable in my eyes. I also take care of all the animals and deal with all of his clients, if anything I feel like I do more than my share lately because he has been into a fucking victim mentality lately, and a poor pitiful me thing. I am so sick of it. I'm very sorry to hear that - your arrangement is clearly on borrowed time. I didn't want to admit that but I fear it is so, my frustration level is nearing max capacity. Thanks Awareness.

Awareness -> RE: Is doing all household tasks worth a person's living expenses TO YOU? (9/28/2011 2:04:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aynne88 quote: ORIGINAL: Awareness quote: ORIGINAL: Aynne88 No. I work full time and I cook, clean, and do all the shopping etc. and I still pay my share of the bills, it might not be an equal amount since he makes more than me, but I also work for him so it's equitable in my eyes. I also take care of all the animals and deal with all of his clients, if anything I feel like I do more than my share lately because he has been into a fucking victim mentality lately, and a poor pitiful me thing. I am so sick of it. I'm very sorry to hear that - your arrangement is clearly on borrowed time. I didn't want to admit that but I fear it is so, my frustration level is nearing max capacity. Thanks Awareness. A sub cannot tolerate a Dom without strength. And a victim mentality is the antithesis of this. I suspect this will be a hard time for you - and for him. Unfortunately, like it or not, pain is the most effective teacher of us all. His challenge will be to learn from this and strengthen his own resolve. Yours will be to not blame yourself for feeling the way you do. I am genuinely sorry to hear this, but such things are a part of life. You will both survive and you both have the capacity to prosper. I wish you luck.

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