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RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/26/2011 8:37:35 AM

Epytropos

Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: needsaroom

If I notice conflicting thoughts I resolve them before making a decision. It's like socks first then shoes.

How do you ever get anything done? I still have conflicting thoughts on things I did 5 years ago, let alone things I'm planning to do.

_____________________________

They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

(in reply to needsaroom)

Post #: 21

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/26/2011 8:41:28 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

Because you have uncertainly about the future of the relationship and certainty about school, the answer seems obvious. It isn't worth abandoning your education. "just to have fun".
I always like it when the bulls gore someone. Seems only fair when you consider the truly ghastly fate those poor animals are about to suffer.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tolovetolaugh

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Having said that though, you obviously see him as someone you could spend your life with. Is he stable in his life right now?

Yes. He is where I aspire to get to in a few years.

quote:

Does he also see you as someone he wants to spend his life with?

No idea. We honestly haven't known each other long enough for that. At this point it is less about lifetime comitment, and more about just having fun.

quote:

Will you realistically be satisfied being apart and will you be able to make it work?

No. I have to be able to touch, to be held on a very regular basis. When he makes rape jokes I want to see that eyebrow wiggle and creepy funny wink. Out of respect for me because I asked him to at paintball, he kept from touching me past what is normal for friends there. I had to settle for just getting my hands on him when I did my normal drunken massages. The whole time I had to fight myself to not touch.

quote:

Obviously you don't find someone who is this perfect for you on every corner.
What are your reasons for wanting to finish school? Is it just to get a degree (which can be pretty meaningless' these days)? Will your degree actually improve your life, such as by making you more employable? Are you sure? Or is it just something you feel you should do because of family expectations, etc?

I have no desire to be a server the rest of my life. Also, with the things I want to do and hobbies I enjoy, I will need to make more money. My other reason is I love animals, and want to work with them. Yes, my degree will make me more employable. I fully believe it will improve my life, and I am excited to get to the classes that deal with the actual animals.

quote:

In short, I think you should use your head. However, what it ends up telling you might be different than what you think. As for the running with the bulls thing, I think you should use your head on that too. Lol.

But...but... they are big and can kill me! I want to hug them all!

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 9/26/2011 8:43:20 AM >

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to tolovetolaugh)

Post #: 22

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/26/2011 8:54:18 AM

tolovetolaugh

Posts: 648
Joined: 4/30/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos

quote:

ORIGINAL: needsaroom

If I notice conflicting thoughts I resolve them before making a decision. It's like socks first then shoes.

How do you ever get anything done? I still have conflicting thoughts on things I did 5 years ago, let alone things I'm planning to do.

I have no intention of moving in with anyone anytime soon.
I would have to know someone so much better and longer.

The problem would be ever getting to that point through long distance, and surviving until that point.

To those who mentioned just staying friends.
We both agreed thats what we will do... and yet we still cannot seem to help ourselves with flirting(ok maybe starting a random act of boob line of texts may have interfered with that

), talking about the future and talking for up to four hours a night.
Keeping to it seems a bit hard since neither of us really wants to, but see it as the "smart" thing.

_____________________________

That which yields, is not always weak. —
Jacqueline Carey (Kushiel's Dart)

I wrote a porn!
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3840531

(in reply to Epytropos)

Post #: 23

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/26/2011 9:58:35 AM

RexDarcy

Posts: 597
Joined: 6/23/2010
From: Arizona
Status: offline

I have chose to go with My hwad in the past with situations, and My heart with others. I have experienced good and bad with both. I feel its important to listen to listen to both your head and heart, and try to understand what you are thinking and feeling. If you can find a good balance of head and heart with someone, the risks and benefits might be worth it no matter if the person is across the street or across the country.

_____________________________

"Don't fall away, and leave love bleeding."

"I am who I am today because of choices I made yesterday."

"To bring the pieces back together - rediscover communication."

(in reply to needsaroom)

Post #: 24

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/26/2011 10:02:01 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I have done long distance relationships successfully. The relationships ended for reasons having nothing to do with distance. With these days of skype and cam, shoot, party on! Just dont let yourself get entrenched to the point that you are ignoring what might be right under your nose.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 25

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/26/2011 11:04:11 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Not to confuse things with yet another body part, but what does your gut tell you to do? Gut is usually a combination of head and heart.

Personally, I would sign the year lease, start school and look at what educational options might be available near him with a plan of transferring next year. In the meantime, allow your relationship to progress naturally.

You will be working and going to school. With that comes the need to study, so those 4 hour phone sessions will likely cut down.

A year can go by so quickly. Think of it this way, if you fell for someone who then joined the military and was deployed, would your love survive? If the answer is no, you probably didn't really love them. Love removes obstacles even when you think they can't. Like "Dear Abby" said, imagine your life without him. If it seems better without him, you have your answer. Likewise if you can't imagine life without him.

gine life without him.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 26

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/26/2011 9:06:34 PM

Awareness

Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline

Look, it's like this. I don't buy into this ludicrous soulmates guacamola which women are obsessed with. I don't believe there's just one person out there for each of us. I think probably one in every 300 matches us, which means there's ten million of the fuckers - in the entire world.

Education, status, wealth, financial security - these are all things which are mostly amenable to effort and scheduling. Finding someone who inspires passion and brings joy into your life and matches you in so many ways - is not.

Regardless, anything worthwhile can be built slowly. Fact is, the distance does inspire your passion, but regardless of whether this works or not, the value in life is not the ledger which says whether or not things turned out well. The value in life is our experiences. There's nothing sadder in this world than the poor motherfucker who's played it safe all their life and has no highs or lows to show for it.

Yes, you need to finish school but intelligent people can work shit out. Take it slowly, but don't simply keep running around saying you won't do long distance. 5 hours is workable, Christ you could see each other every weekend - depending on finances. And frankly, every single thing we know about human nature tells us that a relationship you have to work hard for is more likely to succeed than one you don't - go figure.

Feel your way, make sure he's on the same page before you go the whole hog. And don't necessarily ask him until you absolutely positively have to. Keep it light, fun and flirty and see what eventuates.

_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to tolovetolaugh)

Post #: 27

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/26/2011 9:47:51 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

OP you are wayyyyy over thinking this.

BadOne

_____________________________

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Awareness)

Post #: 28

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/26/2011 10:47:28 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

IJMHO, but I think that love finds a way.
Sappy, but true.

And I say this from the perspective of a guy who swore no LDR, then got involved with the lilone, who lived 3+ hrs away, and we made it work for almost five years till she could move to me.

So yeah, it can, and does work. But the parties need to be committed. :-)

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to needsaroom)

Post #: 29

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/26/2011 11:54:23 PM

NocturnalStalker

Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline

I really enjoy reading all this stupidity such as, "I really think I found my match BUT he/she lives far away so no." Really? You have made this post that could rival an almanac detailing your feelings towards this friend and then do this whole, friend-zone business that leads you nowhere even more than a LDR would.

I have a question for you: "Why?" Why do you think an LDR (which isn't much of one, 5 hours is called traffic in Toronto) would not work out? Oh right - because you're of the "instant gratification" mind-set. What you want, you want it now. Doesn't always pan out that simple. Sometimes if you want that proverbial carrot, you're going to either chase after it until you catch it or you're going to become lethargic, let it pass you by, and wait around aimlessly.

Either way, you're driving yourselves crazy. Do you want the good crazy where you both are on the "reserved" list or the bad crazy where you're wondering where they're going out to? Friends that choose to remain friends when they obviously harbour feelings for eachother will always end up with somebody getting hurt or maybe both.

I see your situation as an obstacle and people have gone through more vast distances and more tribulations to make that extra step of being together and for every negative LDR experience there's a positive one. Right now it makes me roll my eyes reading about how you have such chemistry and such a spark with this guy but won't even give it a try or consideration.

Any guy can just have sex with you. Not every guy can make that sex have that elusive ingredient called love mixed in.

_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to tolovetolaugh)

Post #: 30

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/27/2011 12:41:39 AM

DeviantlyD

Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

I really enjoy reading all this stupidity such as, "I really think I found my match BUT he/she lives far away so no." Really? You have made this post that could rival an almanac detailing your feelings towards this friend and then do this whole, friend-zone business that leads you nowhere even more than a LDR would.

I have a question for you: "Why?" Why do you think an LDR (which isn't much of one, 5 hours is called traffic in Toronto) would not work out? Oh right - because you're of the "instant gratification" mind-set. What you want, you want it now. Doesn't always pan out that simple. Sometimes if you want that proverbial carrot, you're going to either chase after it until you catch it or you're going to become lethargic, let it pass you by, and wait around aimlessly.

Either way, you're driving yourselves crazy. Do you want the good crazy where you both are on the "reserved" list or the bad crazy where you're wondering where they're going out to? Friends that choose to remain friends when they obviously harbour feelings for eachother will always end up with somebody getting hurt or maybe both.

I see your situation as an obstacle and people have gone through more vast distances and more tribulations to make that extra step of being together and for every negative LDR experience there's a positive one. Right now it makes me roll my eyes reading about how you have such chemistry and such a spark with this guy but won't even give it a try or consideration.

Any guy can just have sex with you. Not every guy can make that sex have that elusive ingredient called love mixed in.

Wow NS, you're a romantic? Who knew. ;)

I think I've said it before, if I were younger, I'd be all over you. :D But...don't let that get to your head. :P

On a serious note, great post.

_____________________________

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(in reply to NocturnalStalker)

Post #: 31

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/27/2011 12:45:22 AM

DeviantlyD

Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Look, it's like this. I don't buy into this ludicrous soulmates guacamola which women are obsessed with. I don't believe there's just one person out there for each of us. I think probably one in every 300 matches us, which means there's ten million of the fuckers - in the entire world.

Education, status, wealth, financial security - these are all things which are mostly amenable to effort and scheduling. Finding someone who inspires passion and brings joy into your life and matches you in so many ways - is not.

Regardless, anything worthwhile can be built slowly. Fact is, the distance does inspire your passion, but regardless of whether this works or not, the value in life is not the ledger which says whether or not things turned out well. The value in life is our experiences. There's nothing sadder in this world than the poor motherfucker who's played it safe all their life and has no highs or lows to show for it.

Yes, you need to finish school but intelligent people can work shit out. Take it slowly, but don't simply keep running around saying you won't do long distance. 5 hours is workable, Christ you could see each other every weekend - depending on finances. And frankly, every single thing we know about human nature tells us that a relationship you have to work hard for is more likely to succeed than one you don't - go figure.

Feel your way, make sure he's on the same page before you go the whole hog. And don't necessarily ask him until you absolutely positively have to. Keep it light, fun and flirty and see what eventuates.

Well puddin', if this were true, I can tell you I don't need ten million...I just need one.

_____________________________

ExiledTyrant's groupie. Catering to his ego since May 26, 2007. :D

(in reply to Awareness)

Post #: 32

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/27/2011 5:37:05 AM

tolovetolaugh

Posts: 648
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline

Thank you everyone for the advice, and place for me to vent.

NS...that was actually really helpful, like a smack upside the head almost.

_____________________________

That which yields, is not always weak. —
Jacqueline Carey (Kushiel's Dart)

I wrote a porn!
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3840531

(in reply to DeviantlyD)

Post #: 33

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/27/2011 6:14:49 AM

needsaroom

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/22/2011
Status: offline

quote:

How do you ever get anything done? I still have conflicting thoughts on things I did 5 years ago, let alone things I'm planning to do.

Thinking things through to the point of resolving conflict is the first and necessary step in preparation for action. That lets you be sure about what you do, and so you can do it without conflicted thoughts, which would prevent success and lead to confusion, regret and ongoing conflict.

You: I can't see where I'm going but I am going to leap anyway.
Me: I won't leap yet until I have had a good look first.

You: I leaped blindly and still don't know where I landed.
Me: I landed where I knew I would.

If your pleasure is to struggle with emotional chaos your method is perfect, but if peace of mind is what you would prefer then you should do your homework before making decisions and taking action.

(in reply to Epytropos)

Post #: 34

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/27/2011 10:54:08 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Problem is that a lot of people tend to spend too much time analyzing decisions to death. That in itself causes much anxiety and confusion.

I don't necessarily jumping blindly into things, but taking a leap of faith is often what makes life worth living.

Many people are able to "analyze" some decisions very quickly. Others spend so much time researching their options that life passes them by.

(in reply to needsaroom)

Post #: 35

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/27/2011 3:11:48 PM

Nanako

Posts: 222
Joined: 2/7/2011
From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline

i've followed my heart a few times, and gotten burnt. Since then it's fair to say i follow my head. sex is about the last thing to discuss with a prospective partner.

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Post #: 36

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/27/2011 5:07:33 PM

tolovetolaugh

Posts: 648
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nanako

i've followed my heart a few times, and gotten burnt. Since then it's fair to say i follow my head. sex is about the last thing to discuss with a prospective partner.

We haven't really gotten to much into talking about sex yet, other than stupid jokes.
Mainly when cuddling, jokes about the flashlight poking me, and twisting it to turn it off.

He is a gentleman.

_____________________________

That which yields, is not always weak. —
Jacqueline Carey (Kushiel's Dart)

I wrote a porn!
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3840531

(in reply to Nanako)

Post #: 37

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/27/2011 10:00:36 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Like Master I also swore that I wouldn't do a ldr again even though I knew that I was going to be moving somewhere in the near future but had no set destination in mind.

When I met him I was hesitant on having to travel back and forth. It was a lot of hassle, having to arrange schedules, leaving right after work, making sure everything was ok with the kiddo, etc...and it was exhausting. But we made it work because we loved one another and wanted this to work.

If you just simply see it as an inconvenience to you then it won't work for you. If you look at it as being determined to have a loving relationship and that it's worth the hassle then it will work.

Now had it never progressed past long distance then I would not have done this. We both had it in our minds that I would move to him. That's something you'll both have to discuss.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Post #: 38

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/28/2011 8:47:51 AM

MasterofRopes66

Posts: 16
Joined: 9/25/2011
Status: offline

Honestly(sadly?) I haven´t yet made a long distance contact that could cause the "heart" to take over the "head", so if the distance between us has been too far, the "relationship" has ended in conscent by both "heads".
With todays´travel costs one unfortunately HAS TO to let "head" be on top of "heart", but it´s not fun at all, but only to accept...in MY personal thought.

Normally(this far in life) I don´t fall head over heels in love and "head" starts the contact and over time if "chemistry" and everything else is in place I GROW into sincere love and the "heart" takes over with "head" supervising the whole thing in the background...*L*

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 39

RE: Heart VS Head-How far would you go? - 9/28/2011 11:32:08 AM

Epytropos

Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline

I'm taking away your quotation mark privileges. You're abusing them.

_____________________________

They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

(in reply to MasterofRopes66)

Post #: 40

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