Too Similar?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Too Similar?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Too Similar?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 6:26:57 AM

AdorkableAiley

Posts: 920
Joined: 9/12/2011
Status: offline

We all know the old adage 'opposites attract' is a bunch if malarkey; that we are much more apt to fall into a relationship that really works if the person we are with is more like us, than different. You have to match on key points, have interests and hobbies in common and generally like the same things (and it doesn’t hurt if your political views are the same,) in order for things to really work nicely, but, can you be too similar? Can you have too much in common? Is being too much like your other half just as damaging as being too different?

I ask because, well, I generally look for a partner who, not only likes the same things I do, but is strong in areas where I am weak. My faith is shaky-his should be strong, gravity hates me-he should be steady on his feet, I am a walking disaster-he should be well organized... things to even out my short comings so life doesn’t become one colossal cluster fuck (same things visa versa. I should be strong in areas that he is weakest so that I can even out those as well.)

So… what happens when you are SOOO much like your other half that not only do your strength compound but so do your short comings?

Is this relationship just as doomed as if he was into RPG and you had a hard limits of nerds dressing up to play card games?

Inquiring minds want to know!

Ailey the inquisitive

Post #: 1

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 6:35:21 AM

tolovetolaugh

Posts: 648
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline

I can see this. I lack self preservation. Normally having a guy with a strong sense of it, as well as the big hand to pull me away from things that will get me killed could be seen as a good thing.
Dating someone who shares the same desire to play with death could be seen as the quickest way to an early grave as you feed off the others excitement until you land in an early grave.

I don't feel too much similarity dooms a relationship. So long as you share the same hobbies, and get excited over the same things, you will never run out of things to talk about/do- and you will probably find that as they are so similar in other ways, they will probably enjoy things you have experience with that they do not, and vise versa.

Then whenever you find a new piece of music or a new sport that is related to one you already do together, you can get that excited feeling and joy of sharing it with them.

_____________________________

That which yields, is not always weak. —
Jacqueline Carey (Kushiel's Dart)

I wrote a porn!
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3840531

(in reply to AdorkableAiley)

Post #: 2

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 7:19:12 AM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

I have always been attracted to opposites. I often find myself argueing with those that are to like myself because they seem to think they know what is best for me based on what they want, believe, etc.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to AdorkableAiley)

Post #: 3

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 7:23:23 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

We all know the old adage 'opposites attract' is a bunch if malarkey;

Umm, no. WE don't all know that...only YOU do

As to your question.

I would never be so un-imaginative as to pick a partner who was too similiar to me.
I mean, come on...can we say BORING.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to AdorkableAiley)

Post #: 4

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 7:28:34 AM

tolovetolaugh

Posts: 648
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

We all know the old adage 'opposites attract' is a bunch if malarkey;

Umm, no. WE don't all know that...only YOU do

As to your question.

I would never be so un-imaginative as to pick a partner who was too similiar to me.
I mean, come on...can we say BORING.

That's a bit harsh. If you are similar enough and if you are an interesting person, they would be as well...
Oh...

I always thought I would hate someone like me. I was very very wrong.
Apparently I love me!

_____________________________

That which yields, is not always weak. —
Jacqueline Carey (Kushiel's Dart)

I wrote a porn!
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3840531

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 5

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 7:58:27 AM

TenzoDom

Posts: 12
Joined: 7/22/2011
Status: offline

No hard and fast rule for this. I think some similarity is important, gives you something to share, but I think some differences help too because they provide opportunities for a little distance and a kind of healthy tension as well. Mostly a matter of a heart check, though, isn't it?

(in reply to AdorkableAiley)

Post #: 6

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 8:03:45 AM

AdorkableAiley

Posts: 920
Joined: 9/12/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

We all know the old adage 'opposites attract' is a bunch if malarkey;

Umm, no. WE don't all know that...only YOU do

As to your question.

I would never be so un-imaginative as to pick a partner who was too similiar to me.
I mean, come on...can we say BORING.

Well besides my own personal experiance it is the professional opinion that opposited don't attract similiar people attract (we can blame my education again if you'd like but this is what I was taught and what I have learned through life.)

Ailey

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 7

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 8:05:25 AM

AdorkableAiley

Posts: 920
Joined: 9/12/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tolovetolaugh

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

We all know the old adage 'opposites attract' is a bunch if malarkey;

Umm, no. WE don't all know that...only YOU do

As to your question.

I would never be so un-imaginative as to pick a partner who was too similiar to me.
I mean, come on...can we say BORING.

That's a bit harsh. If you are similar enough and if you are an interesting person, they would be as well...
Oh...

I always thought I would hate someone like me. I was very very wrong.
Apparently I love me!

Academicaly speaking she has the same misconseption that many people have, but then I guess nothing is 100% and she has different experiances. On a whole statiticaly, no it is not opposites that atract.

Ailey

(in reply to tolovetolaugh)

Post #: 8

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 8:20:17 AM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley
So… what happens when you are SOOO much like your other half that not only do your strength compound but so do your short comings?

Is this relationship just as doomed as if he was into RPG and you had a hard limits of nerds dressing up to play card games?
Inquiring minds want to know!
Ailey the inquisitive

Imo, opposites do attract and also similar people do attract. I dont think that opposites stay attracted for long however. Imo, the things someone is opposite to you in can often start as attractions but over time become annoyances and wear on the other person & relationship, perhaps eventually contributing to its end.

Imo, no, you can not be too alike. I have a dear friend who describes his relationship with his wife as two-peas-in-a-pod... They have been together for a long time and he doesnt see ever divorcing her (or vice versa). I want my next guy to be as similar to me as possible. I think there will be certain areas where we will be different/opposite since I dont believe 2 people can be exactly alike but hopefully those are in minor areas and not important enough to negatively affect our relationship..

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to AdorkableAiley)

Post #: 9

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 8:26:40 AM

AdorkableAiley

Posts: 920
Joined: 9/12/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley
So… what happens when you are SOOO much like your other half that not only do your strength compound but so do your short comings?

Is this relationship just as doomed as if he was into RPG and you had a hard limits of nerds dressing up to play card games?
Inquiring minds want to know!
Ailey the inquisitive

Imo, opposites do attract and also similar people do attract. I dont think that opposites stay attracted for long however. Imo, the things someone is opposite to you in can often start as attractions but over time become annoyances and wear on the other person & relationship, perhaps eventually contributing to its end.

Imo, no, you can not be too alike. I have a dear friend who describes his relationship with his wife as two-peas-in-a-pod... They have been together for a long time and he doesnt see ever divorcing her (or vice versa). I want my next guy to be as similar to me as possible. I think there will be certain areas where we will be different/opposite since I dont believe 2 people can be exactly alike but hopefully those are in minor areas and not important enough to negatively affect our relationship..

I happen to be starting a relationship with a man who's thaught process is very much like my own. We are so on the same page that he often says what I am about to say. I have never met another person that is more like me than he is. He is the geek to my dork. The things is we are so alike he shares many of the faults I have and that makes me nervous, I know the things we most dislike in others is often the things we most dislike in ourselves but that isnt the issue. I am worried that things will compound and what might be a small fault in one of us may spell doom in our lives when multiplied by 2. It isn't anything we can't overcome, in fact as far as problems go I think I'll keep this one, but it still worries me.

Ailey the worry wort

(in reply to tj444)

Post #: 10

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 8:29:36 AM

needsaroom

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/22/2011
Status: offline

quote:

We all know the old adage 'opposites attract' is a bunch if malarkey

We don't all know this. It happens that people tend to be of one of two types in terms of attraction to opposites. Textbooks are magical repositories of the information called scientific knowledge.

(in reply to AdorkableAiley)

Post #: 11

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 8:41:40 AM

tolovetolaugh

Posts: 648
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley
So… what happens when you are SOOO much like your other half that not only do your strength compound but so do your short comings?

Is this relationship just as doomed as if he was into RPG and you had a hard limits of nerds dressing up to play card games?
Inquiring minds want to know!
Ailey the inquisitive

Imo, opposites do attract and also similar people do attract. I dont think that opposites stay attracted for long however. Imo, the things someone is opposite to you in can often start as attractions but over time become annoyances and wear on the other person & relationship, perhaps eventually contributing to its end.

Imo, no, you can not be too alike. I have a dear friend who describes his relationship with his wife as two-peas-in-a-pod... They have been together for a long time and he doesnt see ever divorcing her (or vice versa). I want my next guy to be as similar to me as possible. I think there will be certain areas where we will be different/opposite since I dont believe 2 people can be exactly alike but hopefully those are in minor areas and not important enough to negatively affect our relationship..

I happen to be starting a relationship with a man who's thaught process is very much like my own. We are so on the same page that he often says what I am about to say. I have never met another person that is more like me than he is. He is the geek to my dork. The things is we are so alike he shares many of the faults I have and that makes me nervous, I know the things we most dislike in others is often the things we most dislike in ourselves but that isnt the issue. I am worried that things will compound and what might be a small fault in one of us may spell doom in our lives when multiplied by 2. It isn't anything we can't overcome, in fact as far as problems go I think I'll keep this one, but it still worries me.

Ailey the worry wort

Awwwwwwww

Look at it from the other side to. With someone so similar there is a good chance he has accomplished some things you wish to one day, and vise versa. And you will be able to help each other out with that.
The friend who I cannot seem to think of as just a friend has done many things I would love to, but was always worried about doing alone. Now we are always talking about different events, and places.

He introduced me to pirate metal, and since we are so similar... I loved it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ta-Z_psXODw
I dare you not to smile watching this!

Having the same problem can just mean someone to work through it with who knows where its coming from.

_____________________________

That which yields, is not always weak. —
Jacqueline Carey (Kushiel's Dart)

I wrote a porn!
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3840531

(in reply to AdorkableAiley)

Post #: 12

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 8:43:44 AM

Epytropos

Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: needsaroom

quote:

We all know the old adage 'opposites attract' is a bunch if malarkey

We don't all know this. It happens that people tend to be of one of two types in terms of attraction to opposites. Textbooks are magical repositories of the information called scientific knowledge.

Truth. They say all the old truisms have a grain of truth, and that tends to be the case. Certainly 'opposites attract' is the ONLY way to explain my romantic history.

_____________________________

They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

(in reply to needsaroom)

Post #: 13

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 8:48:55 AM

tolovetolaugh

Posts: 648
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos

quote:

ORIGINAL: needsaroom

quote:

We all know the old adage 'opposites attract' is a bunch if malarkey

We don't all know this. It happens that people tend to be of one of two types in terms of attraction to opposites. Textbooks are magical repositories of the information called scientific knowledge.

Truth. They say all the old truisms have a grain of truth, and that tends to be the case. Certainly 'opposites attract' is the ONLY way to explain my romantic history.

You just haven't found someone similar enough to yourself yet than.

Though granted when you bring the D/s bit into it you do kind of want a bit of oppositeness!
Hmmm.... Ailey would that be derailing to go along that vein, or fitting in with the thread?

_____________________________

That which yields, is not always weak. —
Jacqueline Carey (Kushiel's Dart)

I wrote a porn!
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3840531

(in reply to Epytropos)

Post #: 14

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 8:55:53 AM

AdorkableAiley

Posts: 920
Joined: 9/12/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tolovetolaugh

quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos

quote:

ORIGINAL: needsaroom

quote:

We all know the old adage 'opposites attract' is a bunch if malarkey

We don't all know this. It happens that people tend to be of one of two types in terms of attraction to opposites. Textbooks are magical repositories of the information called scientific knowledge.

Truth. They say all the old truisms have a grain of truth, and that tends to be the case. Certainly 'opposites attract' is the ONLY way to explain my romantic history.

You just haven't found someone similar enough to yourself yet than.
Though granted when you bring the D/s bit into it you do kind of want a bit of oppositeness!
Hmmm.... Ailey would that be derailing to go along that vein, or fitting in with the thread?

No because I take that into account when I talk about complimentary differences (IE gavity being my arch enamy and him being steady on his feet,) and other things such as him being a male and me being a female yadda yadda. There are complimentary differences which are almost essential for a relationship to work. (And no I am not saying gender has to be different, just to clear that up before people jump on me for THAT, for people who are straight it is an essential difference...)

Now as for everyones problem with my first sentence well

(Mature I know) but it is hardly the focus of this thread and you arent likely to sway me in my beliefe that for most of the world (there are always some exeptions) it is similarities that makes relationships thrive.

Ailey the mature

(in reply to tolovetolaugh)

Post #: 15

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 8:58:04 AM

AdorkableAiley

Posts: 920
Joined: 9/12/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tolovetolaugh

Awwwwwwww

Look at it from the other side to. With someone so similar there is a good chance he has accomplished some things you wish to one day, and vise versa. And you will be able to help each other out with that.
The friend who I cannot seem to think of as just a friend has done many things I would love to, but was always worried about doing alone. Now we are always talking about different events, and places.

He introduced me to pirate metal, and since we are so similar... I loved it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ta-Z_psXODw
I dare you not to smile watching this!

Having the same problem can just mean someone to work through it with who knows where its coming from.

I LOVE your attitude!

Ailey

< Message edited by AdorkableAiley -- 9/26/2011 9:03:53 AM >

(in reply to tolovetolaugh)

Post #: 16

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 10:01:11 AM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley
The things is we are so alike he shares many of the faults I have and that makes me nervous, I know the things we most dislike in others is often the things we most dislike in ourselves but that isnt the issue. I am worried that things will compound and what might be a small fault in one of us may spell doom in our lives when multiplied by 2. It isn't anything we can't overcome, in fact as far as problems go I think I'll keep this one, but it still worries me.

Ailey the worry wort

Well, if you both recognize and agree that certain things are faults and you both want to change that, then you both could work on that together. Imo, each person should be trying all the time to be a better person in some way, shape or form, for some it could be working on their faults turning them into strengths, for others it could just be learning something new each day, for others it might be being more giving (as in charity, either financially or giving their time/knowledge), etc. Whatever the goal, taking little bites over time, not trying to climb Mount Everest in a single day..

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to AdorkableAiley)

Post #: 17

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 11:10:30 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I have found from past relationships that I simply cannot do the opposites attract thing. It ends up being short lived and we end up driving each other insane.

I opted for more similar to me and for us it seems to work out wonderfully. Imo our similar weaknesses actually strengthens us because we understand the hows and whys and we can help each other out along those lines.

When I was with someone who was opposite, he couldn't understand my shortcomings at all and it felt like I was constantly put down and made to feel like the worst person on the planet.

With someone similar I have his sympathy, his understanding and we pull each other through those.

The thing is you both have to be able to communicate well and pay attention to each other. If you can do that then it can work.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to tj444)

Post #: 18

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 12:17:46 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

We all know the old adage 'opposites attract' is a bunch if malarkey;

Umm, no. WE don't all know that...only YOU do

As to your question.

I would never be so un-imaginative as to pick a partner who was too similiar to me.
I mean, come on...can we say BORING.

Totally!

I mean come on!!!!......with G.D. and I, picture a Felix and Oscar of opposite genders and totally different sexual interests and triggers. I am not sure you can get much more opposite than he and I in most ways. I could write all the differences but it would take up too much bandwidth. Straight and mostly gay. Vanilla as that scary ice cream cone the newbies get and kinky as an old bread tie. Catholic born and bred, anti religioun. Conservative and....NOT! Monogamous and Poly! And so on and so forth..

It works because we want it to.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 9/26/2011 12:18:05 PM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 19

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 12:37:20 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

M and I are opposite in character and nature. We share a very similar outlook though, and appreciate each other for the way we are.

I bring passion, wildness and the ability to live in the moment into his life, he brings calmness, logic and practicality.

It has it's moments of fireworks but we both genuinely appreciate the strengths each has at the fore.

I think that we work very well because he has an underlying wildness and I have an underlying practical and logical side so we recognise and understand it. They just aren't the parts that we *rest* in as a rule.

No-one would ever say that we were alike.We just *get* each other the majority of the time.

agirl

_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to AdorkableAiley)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Too Similar?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078