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RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 12:51:26 PM

Epytropos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tolovetolaugh

quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos

quote:

ORIGINAL: needsaroom

quote:

We all know the old adage 'opposites attract' is a bunch if malarkey

We don't all know this. It happens that people tend to be of one of two types in terms of attraction to opposites. Textbooks are magical repositories of the information called scientific knowledge.

Truth. They say all the old truisms have a grain of truth, and that tends to be the case. Certainly 'opposites attract' is the ONLY way to explain my romantic history.

You just haven't found someone similar enough to yourself yet than.
Though granted when you bring the D/s bit into it you do kind of want a bit of oppositeness!
Hmmm.... Ailey would that be derailing to go along that vein, or fitting in with the thread?

Heh, I suppose that's irrefutable, isn't it lol? I usually find that people who are very similar to me get friendzoned pretty quickly. There was one girl in particular I'm thinking of that was like a mirror image of me and I really couldn't picture myself with her at all so it stayed strictly platonic. Of course, if she'd been the submissive version of me that might have been different...

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(in reply to tolovetolaugh)

Post #: 21

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 3:14:45 PM

uncertainlyizzy

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I think you also have to bring in whether the opposite is surface nature or not. D and I are on the surface opposites. I'm the City Mouse to his Country Mouse. I listen to metal and rock and he listens to Johnny Cash and country. I am sensitive emotionally and you can scream at him all day and he won't blink. I'm wound tight and he's laid-back. He talks like a hick and I have a large vocabulary and some semblance of grammar. He's stereotypically Southern and I get called a damned Yankee regularly (Despite being born and raised in the south). I wear lots of black and skulls and pink and heavy eye liner and he wears stained jeans and sleeveless shirts with wrestlers/sports/racing crap on them and a ball cap. But we're both freaks, we both have the same sense of humor, we both love video games, we both love horror movies and explosions, we both have a thing for criminal justice and a twisted fascination with the psychology of killers, we share the same political beliefs and moral values and stances on many many social issues. We also both agree that Johnny Cash's rendition of Hurt is one of the best songs ever and that both our laptops are possessed by the devil . On the surface we couldn't be more different but we get along wonderfully on the things that count. All the ways you are the same at home with just the two of you are much more important than all the differences the outside world gets to see.

(in reply to Epytropos)

Post #: 22

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 4:02:12 PM

tolovetolaugh

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I see nothing wrong with opposites, I just believe similar can be great.

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(in reply to uncertainlyizzy)

Post #: 23

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 4:17:54 PM

Iamsemisweet

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The man I am dating now is very similar to me in values and life priorities, and we share a lot of interests and hobbies. He likes training Labrador Retreivers to hunt, I like training Belgian Tervurens for Agility. He likes being outside, although he likes to fish, and I am more into hiking and horseback riding. His relationship with his daughter is important to him,. my relationship to my kids is important to me. He likes to garden, so do I. Having a comfortable retirement is important to him, as it is for me. We both enjoy community service, although he works on a water shed council and I work on a local food advocacy board. The point is, I am really enjoying being in a relationship with someone who in general likes the same things I do, but we are not mirror images. Having come from a long relationship where we had nothing in common but the kids, this is like a breath of fresh air. I love it.

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(in reply to tolovetolaugh)

Post #: 24

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 8:32:22 PM

RaspberryLemon

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Compatibility is very important. Part of compatibility is a match in morality, views on certain important things, and common interests. There needs to be understanding between the two. But I also think that there is something to be said about one's strength's complementing the others weaknesses. I think that is also very helpful in compatibility. To be with said person makes you stronger, "completes" you.

For instance, where I have faults, my Master has strengths, and vice versa. What I lack in social confidence, he makes up for. What I lack in physical prowess, he makes up for. What he lacks in memory skills, I make up for. What he lacks in articulation, I make up for. I am calculating, analytical and down-to-earth; and he is a risk taker, a dreamer. We balance each other out. We are similar, we match, but we are also different.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 25

RE: Too Similar? - 9/26/2011 9:16:20 PM

AdorkableAiley

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Joined: 9/12/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon

Compatibility is very important. Part of compatibility is a match in morality, views on certain important things, and common interests. There needs to be understanding between the two. But I also think that there is something to be said about one's strength's complementing the others weaknesses. I think that is also very helpful in compatibility. To be with said person makes you stronger, "completes" you.

For instance, where I have faults, my Master has strengths, and vice versa. What I lack in social confidence, he makes up for. What I lack in physical prowess, he makes up for. What he lacks in memory skills, I make up for. What he lacks in articulation, I make up for. I am calculating, analytical and down-to-earth; and he is a risk taker, a dreamer. We balance each other out. We are similar, we match, but we are also different.

Yes this is what I am talking about!!

My relationship is still so new, I don't know all out compliments and similiarities yet there were just a few similiarities that I thought... 'oh damn this could be messy' but nothing huge or anything but it did get me wondering about all this.

Ailey

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)

Post #: 26

RE: Too Similar? - 9/27/2011 10:34:54 AM

MasterofRopes66

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Joined: 9/25/2011
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I generally look for women who ARE NOT too similar in too many areas of a relationship.
I find it very attractive when a woman is strong where I´m weak/uninterested and when I´m strong where she´s weak/uninterested and together we COMPLETE each other to ONE fully working compatible unit, a sense of US is present.

It would be strange if we had our strengths and weaknesses in exactly the same areas of a relationship...risking TWO people not interested in cooking, two people NOT interested in hauling gravel with a shovel in the garden, TWO people can fix the car and so on.
Since I´m totally into the traditional form of a relationship with agreed divided areas of interest and knowledge for a man and a woman and everyone is doing "their" area of experteeze, not forced to do something they have no interest whatsoever in doing, TOO alike in too many areas of a relationship wouldn´t feel right at all.

So I actively look for women with the traditional sex-divided household duties as their selfevident philosophy of life in a relationship, creating ONE unit fully working moving forward, completing oneanother instead of "continuosly crashing into eachother all the time in household-work...

MP.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 27

RE: Too Similar? - 9/27/2011 10:41:56 AM

MasterofRopes66

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The thing with "balance each other out" overall in relationship is exactly what I was searching the words for, completing each other balances things out in general in relationships, according to MY personal experience.
Some views in different areas MUST be similar too for a relationship to form at all...

MP.

(in reply to MasterofRopes66)

Post #: 28

RE: Too Similar? - 9/27/2011 4:02:40 PM

AdorkableAiley

Posts: 920
Joined: 9/12/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterofRopes66

I generally look for women who ARE NOT too similar in too many areas of a relationship.
I find it very attractive when a woman is strong where I´m weak/uninterested and when I´m strong where she´s weak/uninterested and together we COMPLETE each other to ONE fully working compatible unit, a sense of US is present.

It would be strange if we had our strengths and weaknesses in exactly the same areas of a relationship...risking TWO people not interested in cooking, two people NOT interested in hauling gravel with a shovel in the garden, TWO people can fix the car and so on.
Since I´m totally into the traditional form of a relationship with agreed divided areas of interest and knowledge for a man and a woman and everyone is doing "their" area of experteeze, not forced to do something they have no interest whatsoever in doing, TOO alike in too many areas of a relationship wouldn´t feel right at all.

So I actively look for women with the traditional sex-divided household duties as their selfevident philosophy of life in a relationship, creating ONE unit fully working moving forward, completing oneanother instead of "continuosly crashing into eachother all the time in household-work...

MP.

I may be getting nit picky about your choice of words but this kinda stood out to me a little in that, I feel generaly you should be a complete person BEFORE entering a relationship and not need another person to complete you. I do however get what you are saying and this is what I was asking about. There need to be a general idea of you being compadable as in being similar. Having the same views and beliefs as well as likes and dislikes but at the same time be different in complimentary ways. Which is why I asked, can 2 people be TOO similar to work out.

Ailey

Edited because I just left out entire words and letters...

< Message edited by AdorkableAiley -- 9/27/2011 4:03:51 PM >

(in reply to MasterofRopes66)

Post #: 29

RE: Too Similar? - 9/27/2011 7:11:33 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley

...can 2 people be TOO similar to work out.

I need to preface my answer with this... when considering the "opposites attract" thing, I believe most view whether they are "opposite" or "similar" to each other based on the external (i.e., personality traits, likes, dislikes, lifestyle, interests, etc.), where the reality is, it's the internal (i.e., core beliefs, convictions, values, life goals, etc.) that often determine compatibility.

So, taking account the above, I would answer your question this way:

If based on the external -- not likely compatible if the internal is not in sync.

If based on the internal -- more likely compatible, despite the external.

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(in reply to AdorkableAiley)

Post #: 30

RE: Too Similar? - 9/28/2011 5:56:36 AM

MasterofRopes66

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Joined: 9/25/2011
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I have to add to my post that I AM a complete person before entering a relationship, but inside the relationship she still completes me in my weaknesses and I complete her in her weaknesses, making a strong US-unit, separate fully capable of running an entire household alone.
Still I prefer to be in a relationship with a sense om completion present, without that wonderful feeling I wouldn´t be looking for a relationship in the first place, since I´m fully capable on my own.

I agree that it would be wrong to build up ones own life completely around another person. The incoming person shouldn´t have to carry their partner through life/relationship.

MP.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 31

RE: Too Similar? - 9/28/2011 9:09:47 AM

AdorkableAiley

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterofRopes66

I have to add to my post that I AM a complete person before entering a relationship, but inside the relationship she still completes me in my weaknesses and I complete her in her weaknesses, making a strong US-unit, separate fully capable of running an entire household alone.
Still I prefer to be in a relationship with a sense om completion present, without that wonderful feeling I wouldn´t be looking for a relationship in the first place, since I´m fully capable on my own.

I agree that it would be wrong to build up ones own life completely around another person. The incoming person shouldn´t have to carry their partner through life/relationship.

MP.

I told you I was just being nit picky

Naughty Ailey... naughty naughty...

(in reply to MasterofRopes66)

Post #: 32

RE: Too Similar? - 9/28/2011 9:48:58 AM

MasterofRopes66

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Hehehe.....It´s OK! Better for poster to get the true meaning across in further explaination in the end, than left uncommented not giving the true picture/room for further misinterpretations...*L*

MP.

(in reply to AdorkableAiley)

Post #: 33

RE: Too Similar? - 9/28/2011 10:09:30 AM

agirl

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Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley

I may be getting nit picky about your choice of words but this kinda stood out to me a little in that, I feel generaly you should be a complete person BEFORE entering a relationship and not need another person to complete you. I do however get what you are saying and this is what I was asking about. There need to be a general idea of you being compadable as in being similar. Having the same views and beliefs as well as likes and dislikes but at the same time be different in complimentary ways. Which is why I asked, can 2 people be TOO similar to work out.

Ailey

Well, I'll never be a *complete* person..so M's been lumbered with that for years.

These are the phrases that get bandied about and which mean virtually nothing without explanation.

agirl

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(in reply to AdorkableAiley)

Post #: 34

RE: Too Similar? - 9/28/2011 10:58:38 AM

AdorkableAiley

Posts: 920
Joined: 9/12/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterofRopes66

Hehehe.....It´s OK! Better for poster to get the true meaning across in further explaination in the end, than left uncommented not giving the true picture/room for further misinterpretations...*L*

MP.

LOL I am guilty of not making sence, a whole lot of times around here.

(in reply to MasterofRopes66)

Post #: 35

RE: Too Similar? - 9/28/2011 11:00:33 AM

AdorkableAiley

Posts: 920
Joined: 9/12/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley

I may be getting nit picky about your choice of words but this kinda stood out to me a little in that, I feel generaly you should be a complete person BEFORE entering a relationship and not need another person to complete you. I do however get what you are saying and this is what I was asking about. There need to be a general idea of you being compadable as in being similar. Having the same views and beliefs as well as likes and dislikes but at the same time be different in complimentary ways. Which is why I asked, can 2 people be TOO similar to work out.

Ailey

Well, I'll never be a *complete* person..so M's been lumbered with that for years.

These are the phrases that get bandied about and which mean virtually nothing without explanation.

agirl

This is why I said *I* feel. This is my opinion.

Many people go into relationships at all different stages. I just happen to think they work better if both people are in a good place within themselves while on their own.

If you NEED another person to complete you you are putting an awful lot of pressure and expectations on that relationship.

< Message edited by AdorkableAiley -- 9/28/2011 11:02:31 AM >

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 36

RE: Too Similar? - 9/28/2011 11:11:28 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley

I may be getting nit picky about your choice of words but this kinda stood out to me a little in that, I feel generaly you should be a complete person BEFORE entering a relationship and not need another person to complete you. I do however get what you are saying and this is what I was asking about. There need to be a general idea of you being compadable as in being similar. Having the same views and beliefs as well as likes and dislikes but at the same time be different in complimentary ways. Which is why I asked, can 2 people be TOO similar to work out.

Ailey

Well, I'll never be a *complete* person..so M's been lumbered with that for years.

These are the phrases that get bandied about and which mean virtually nothing without explanation.

agirl

This is why I said *I* feel. This is my opinion.

Many people go into relationships at all different stages. I just happen to think they work better if both people are in a good place within themselves while on their own.

If you NEED another person to complete you you are putting an awful lot of pressure and expectations on that relationship.

Those are two different things.

I wasn't in a good place at all when M MET me, I was in a slightly better place when he owned me.

Chances are, I'll always be a bit of a nut, and he'll continue to be Mr Sensible.

If *complete* means being able to live well enough without someone, well yes. I can. It's just better if he's part of the whole shabang.

agirl

_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to AdorkableAiley)

Post #: 37

RE: Too Similar? - 9/28/2011 12:16:14 PM

AdorkableAiley

Posts: 920
Joined: 9/12/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley

I may be getting nit picky about your choice of words but this kinda stood out to me a little in that, I feel generaly you should be a complete person BEFORE entering a relationship and not need another person to complete you. I do however get what you are saying and this is what I was asking about. There need to be a general idea of you being compadable as in being similar. Having the same views and beliefs as well as likes and dislikes but at the same time be different in complimentary ways. Which is why I asked, can 2 people be TOO similar to work out.

Ailey

Well, I'll never be a *complete* person..so M's been lumbered with that for years.

These are the phrases that get bandied about and which mean virtually nothing without explanation.

agirl

This is why I said *I* feel. This is my opinion.

Many people go into relationships at all different stages. I just happen to think they work better if both people are in a good place within themselves while on their own.

If you NEED another person to complete you you are putting an awful lot of pressure and expectations on that relationship.

Those are two different things.

I wasn't in a good place at all when M MET me, I was in a slightly better place when he owned me.

Chances are, I'll always be a bit of a nut, and he'll continue to be Mr Sensible.

If *complete* means being able to live well enough without someone, well yes. I can. It's just better if he's part of the whole shabang.

agirl

Yes this is what I meant... LOL if I meant sane I'd never be in a relationship. I am off my nut, I freely admit to that, but I'll always be a tad bit-erm- Different? I am not certifiable but I am rather hmmm... let’s just say I know I dont possess all my marbles!

If being sane was a requirement for a relationship there would be far more single people out there...

Ailey-imma gonna go look for my marbles now

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 38

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