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ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

OK, Doms and Dommes with a "mean streak", please don't take this as derogatory.  I was reading another thread, and in one of the posts, the poster mentioned a Dom she knew, who she considered to be a pretty nice guy, but who told her he got a charge (presumably sexual) out of harassing a high school classmate.  How about you?  Would you consider yourself to have been a bully when you were younger? 
Just to clarify, I don't in any way consider myself sadistic.  However, I do remember certain people who I felt compelled to bully when I was younger.  I also remember things being a lot different then.  Some of what would now be considered bullying seemed to be pretty acceptable when I was in grade and high school.   

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ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA
  99% of the typical idiots who claim to be Doms/Masters are often nothing more than insecure bullies, and unfortunately, newbies of the sub/slave sort too often confuse "bullying" for "dominance" -- only to later learn the difference (generally after a few bad experiences) when finally encountering one of the actual dominant sort.

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ORIGINAL: NiceGuyNihilist

I suspect there may be some wishful thinking in the notion that bullying is, by definition, an act based in weakness and insecurity. In some cases, it could be just the opposite: an expression of an absolutely sincere feeling of blissful arrogance and entitlement. Compassionate, democratic values tend to want to deny this kind of possibility. For oppressed people (and those who have empathy for them), it's consoling to believe that the oppressor must be suffering himself on some level, or at any rate, is destined to suffer eventually (Judgment Day, karma, whatever--take your pick). I see absolutely no evidence for this notion, and admit that I cringe at what I see as the craven self-deception inherent in it. In fact, the worse a person is, the more sociopathic, the more shameless he is in his infliction of pain, and the more easily he sleeps after inflicting it. Being a little bit rotten may entail a gnawing conscience, but being rotten to the core comes with no such penalty.

That's not to say that I condone bullying. Precisely the opposite is true. I stand more adamantly against it because of my belief that there's absolutely no barrier between ill-intentioned people and their victims but those precious few of us who are both kind-hearted enough to care and bold enough to make a stand. I say "precious few" not to flatter myself but because it's a simple fact that I have almost always been the only one. For example, about a week ago, I happened to come upon four of my male coworkers having the typical escalating good-ol'-boys chat about being callous and cruel to animals. You may have encountered it: One shitbag mentions the time he had to kick his little dog across the yard for chewing on the fence, or something similar--the necessity of discipline seems to be a common theme--and the other shitbags jump in from there. In this case, one shitbag, who happened to be my boss, lamented the fact that his brother, in possession of several dogs which had become a burden, lacked the heart to take them out to [remote area in my region].

"What's at [remote area in my region]?" I inquired, feeling my eyes narrow.

"Oh, it's just a good place to dump a dog," said the shitbag. As if it was nothing.

Feeling my skin start to tingle, I locked eyes with him and said flatly, "I think anyone who does that should be shot. I'd shoot him myself." I stared between his eyes as if I might put a bullet there by looking.

He looked up at me, trembling visibly. I top him by more than a foot and could probably toss him half a dozen paces. I wondered dimly, through the wall of rage, if I was going to lose my job, then realized I didn't care. Fuck it. I might be jobless, but my balls and heart would be intact.

As if to lighten the mood, a coworker who happened to be standing nearby said with a chuckle, "That's when you say, 'Come on, dog, we're going hunting'"--and mimed shooting the dog with a rifle. Chuckles all around, from everyone except me. I felt my face blazing with barely restrained malevolence. Turning to face him squarely, I said, "Not funny to me." Dead silence now. My hands begged to be fists; I made them hang open at my sides. I was going to become violent if this went on much longer. I know how much anger I can endure without breaking someone or something, I know what the line feels like when I cross it, and it was coming up fast on the radar. So I started walking, numbly and mechanically. No direction in mind. I just went. That was all. I never heard more about it.

What I find most galling in this situation, and similar situations I've been in, is that generally, nobody has the guts to join me even after I stick my neck out. Okay--I can accept that you fucks don't have my courage (or rashness, or passion, or insanity). But can't you have some? Do you have to be such thorough jellyfish?

I think it's important to distinguish between people who bully and accept bullying in the gutless, milquetoastish way that seems so common to so many of my fellow "men," and say, Napoleon, who inflicted staggering misery but had unimpeachable balls, an unimpeachable will. I respect a stalwart black heart infinitely more than a flimsy gray one.

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA
99% of the typical idiots who claim to be Doms/Masters are often nothing more than insecure bullies, and unfortunately, newbies of the sub/slave sort too often confuse "bullying" for "dominance" -- only to later learn the difference (generally after a few bad experiences) when finally encountering one of the actual dominant sort.

I don't know if I'd say 99%, but I've always maintained that there is a difference between being dominant and being domineering. Many people don't understand the difference and think that dominance equates to being domineering.

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ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

To clarify, on the "99%" thing, what I mean is the vast majority I've personally encountered on sites such as CollarMe are anything but dominant, but mroe as you describe "domineering" -- which is rooted in insecurity. 

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ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA
99% of the typical idiots who claim to be Doms/Masters are often nothing more than insecure bullies, and unfortunately, newbies of the sub/slave sort too often confuse "bullying" for "dominance" -- only to later learn the difference (generally after a few bad experiences) when finally encountering one of the actual dominant sort.

I don't know if I'd say 99%, but I've always maintained that there is a difference between being dominant and being domineering. Many people don't understand the difference and think that dominance equates to being domineering.

To clarify, on the "99%" thing, what I mean is the vast majority I've personally encountered on sites such as CollarMe are anything but dominant, but mroe as you describe "domineering" -- which is rooted in insecurity.  To be blunt, I've found more actual dominants on the Vanilla side than those on the BDSM side -- which I've found are little more than insecure losers who've accomplished nothing, have nothing, and offer nothing beyond some foolish belief that just because they call themselves a Dom/Master, that they are so, when they're absolutely not!!!  Given we're both "coupled", as they say (and I believe you're married?), there obviously ARE some great ones out there... but they're vastly outnumbered by the gaggle of idiots who, as you correctly state, foolishly think that "dominance equates to being domineering".  To me, "domineering" equates to "bullying" -- which is rooted in insecurity.

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I'm also going to say that sometimes it lays in the perception of the submissive personality...

It was their lack of confidence that fueled that perception, not his behavior.

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ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

OK, Doms and Dommes with a "mean streak", please don't take this as derogatory.  I was reading another thread, and in one of the posts, the poster mentioned a Dom she knew, who she considered to be a pretty nice guy, but who told her he got a charge (presumably sexual) out of harassing a high school classmate.  How about you?  Would you consider yourself to have been a bully when you were younger? 
Just to clarify, I don't in any way consider myself sadistic.  However, I do remember certain people who I felt compelled to bully when I was younger.  I also remember things being a lot different then.  Some of what would now be considered bullying seemed to be pretty acceptable when I was in grade and high school.   

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ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

On a personal note, I experienced some bullying at school, but not too much.  I was very much bullied by my brother at home, and I never have forgiven him for what a misery he made my childhood.  So, bullying is very much a hot button issue for me.

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ORIGINAL: lizi

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ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

On a personal note, I experienced some bullying at school, but not too much.  I was very much bullied by my brother at home, and I never have forgiven him for what a misery he made my childhood.  So, bullying is very much a hot button issue for me.

I'm a bit curious about this if you don't mind sharing. Why do you think your brother bullied you and why didn't anyone step in like your parents to stop it? Has he ever apologized to you as an adult?

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ORIGINAL: VideoAdminXi

This required a massive cleanup. Please stay on topic or the thread will be locked.

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ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I am not really sure why my parents didn't intervene. My dad travelled a lot, si he was gone most of the time. My mother favored my brother and she was kind of tired of being a parent by then. We were the 4 th and 5th child, and there was a 10 year gap between us and the other three. Consequently, she played bridge a lot and was gone a lot, so didn't see it. But sometimes even when she did, she wouldn't intervene.
I didn't speak to my brother very much when we became adults. We saw each other at our respective weddings and a handful of other occasions. He seemed contrite about our childhood, but would also behave kind of offensively.
He died in January of this year. I visited him the summer of 2010' for a few days, but his family situation was so difficult that I couldn't take it for long. We had a reconciliation, of a sort. I called him the day before he died, and told him I still wore a bracelet he gave me in high school.