LafayetteLady
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Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Chances are it isn't the church, but the new wife. He didn't do it until she came into the picture (and married him).
Possible, but it still doesn't make sense. The Jehovah's Witnesses ruined their planned wedding by suddenly refusing to let them marry in the church. They ended up marrying at the courthouse. Why would Bob's father want to stay with a church that shunned his son for refusing to stay with someone who tried to kill him and why would either of them stay with a church that ruined their planned wedding day? None of it makes any sense at all.
To some people, their faith is very important. My ex-husband and his family were die hard Catholics. I was raised Catholic, but abandoned them after some unpleasantness revolving around my father's death. When I was pregant, one of his sisters was going on and on about how "Mommy" would die if our child wasn't baptized in the Catholic church. We weren't married in a Catholic church (my ex was divorced once), and after listening to her babble on for what seemed like forever, I told her that I appreciated that their mother had decided to raise all ELEVEN (Catholic, Italian and Irish. Could ya tell?) of her children Catholic, that was her perogative. However, I was not Catholic, her son (my husband) was not welcome in the Catholic church and we would make our decision according to our beliefs. When she acted shocked that I would go against "Mommy" (yes, they called her that, and she was pushing 40), I told her if they kept pushing the issue, I would dedicated my child to Satan just to spite them. She shut up after that, go figure.
Point is obviously for Bob's father, his faith is a core part of who he is. Obviously, I would not stay with a church that had issues with my child, parent or spouse, and neither would you. But we aren't them, right? Curious though, does the church recognize his marriage that was performed in a civil ceremony, or do they consider them living in sin?
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Obviously, there are steps Bob can take to be "un" excommunicated. He chooses not to do so and that's fine. You don't mention whether or not Bob called his father to discuss this message or not. Personally, I would consider it an "emergency."
Unlike his father, he's not stupid.
I don't agree with the situation you described either. But I have seen stranger and more offensive things done by parents and children. Your friend's faith is obviously very important to him, as he still attends church, although of a different faith, I guess. We all have to live with the decisions we make. Bob did not turn his back on his father or on God, that should be a comfort to him. Bob's father, on the other hand, chose his faith over his son. He has to live with that decision. Sounds like it was a recent event, so perhaps in time, his father will see that his priorities are somewhat out of order and make a change. If not, your friend can't change someone else's decision. He can simply remain open to accepting his father when, and if his dad wants to re-establish their relationship.
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If you are really Bob's friend, you aren't doing him any favors by referring to the religion he grew up in as a "cult." I get the feeling you feel the same about all relligions. A friend is supportive without being judgemental.
Considering what they did to him, I'm doing him a huge favor by referring to them as a cult. I'm not non judgemental toward any person or organization that treats my friends like shit. I do not feel the same about all religions - only denominations that treat people like shit.
The church really didn't do anything to him. Many faiths have very strict beliefs when it comes to divorce, including when violence is involved. Think of all the Catholic women who thought they had to stay with abusive, philandering husbands because the church told them they would go to hell. Doesn't make it right, but chances are they did him a favor by leading him to a new church. Even the situation with his father, they aren't responsible for. His father still has free will, and could have said that no matter how much he loved his faith, his son was more important. It's late, and I can't remember who it was in the Bible that was going to kill his son because God told him to. He was following God's will blindly. If I remember correctly, not only did God stop him before he killed his son, but there was something about common sense. Sounds like this would be the part of the bible the JW's used on his dad. Of course, there are other places in the bible that would have said something else, so who knows.
Ultimately, we are all responsible for our own decisions, regardless of whose name we claim our actions are. Bob's father is sadly, likelly making a huge mistake. I say you should be a bit more neutral because when the day comes when his father is back in his life, it will be easier for you to be supportive if you have been a bit more neutral.
ETA: Fixing those silly quotes
< Message edited by LafayetteLady -- 9/28/2011 8:51:20 PM >
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RE: Jehovah's Witness rant - 
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