RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (Full Version)

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DarkSteven -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/1/2011 3:30:37 PM)

My previous post was made under the impression that we were discussing profiles.  Since we're talking RL relationships, I'll add:

Lying to me.
Trying to manipulate me.
Disparaging me when in a relationship.
Acting in a way to discredit me.



Tantriqu -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/1/2011 4:42:22 PM)

Nope, guys who actually use the phrase in their profile, rather than just thinking or knowing it, are the ones who are late, drunk, arrested, irresponsible, lying, lazy, etc., and the cause for their drama, or are dumb enough as an adult to date 'hot but batshit crazy'.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CountDice
However, I disagree with the drama llama observation; not everyone who wants to avoid drama has a history of drama himself or herself.  Some, having witnessed such, have decided they simply do not want to endure it.
[/font]


And forgot some basics dealbreakers:
females, doms, right-wingers, and guys who put boytoys [including television, soccer games, golf clubs and snowmobiles] before relationships.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/1/2011 5:01:51 PM)

i kinda hope my sex drive mellows out a little (though, if it does, i'll be wishing for it to come back -- that's how humans are)




Endivius -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/1/2011 7:18:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

hmmmm,.. so all ya males get all the sex you want, huh?
I would have thought that not getting it often enough or type you want (oral, anal, etc) regarding SEX would be mentioned. Makes it seem that in the D/s world everyone is gettin "it" as often as they want, cuz sex not often enough, etc a major complaint/deal breaker for most vanilla guys that i have ever talked to...


Many vanilla relationships have this problem because sex has been turned into a power dynamic by one of the parties. Usually the women, certainly not allways. Because of this they do not percieve sex the same way BDSM relationships do. BDSM relationships have some form of power dynamic that usually extends beyond sex. There are certainly relationships that only have a power dynamic in the bedroom. However, BDSM relationships usual use sex as a vehicle for expression of thier desires and needs in a far more profound way; even if the PE is only temporary, it should be well defined and absolute between all parties participating. I imagine this is true for many, certainly not everyone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CountDice
Nasty Nancys? Unfamiliar reference.



No slobs



tj444 -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/2/2011 9:12:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Endivius


quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

hmmmm,.. so all ya males get all the sex you want, huh?
I would have thought that not getting it often enough or type you want (oral, anal, etc) regarding SEX would be mentioned. Makes it seem that in the D/s world everyone is gettin "it" as often as they want, cuz sex not often enough, etc a major complaint/deal breaker for most vanilla guys that i have ever talked to...


Many vanilla relationships have this problem because sex has been turned into a power dynamic by one of the parties. Usually the women, certainly not allways. Because of this they do not percieve sex the same way BDSM relationships do. BDSM relationships have some form of power dynamic that usually extends beyond sex. There are certainly relationships that only have a power dynamic in the bedroom. However, BDSM relationships usual use sex as a vehicle for expression of thier desires and needs in a far more profound way; even if the PE is only temporary, it should be well defined and absolute between all parties participating. I imagine this is true for many, certainly not everyone.

Yes, I guess its the D/s that gives men (at least the Dom males, not sure about sub males) all the sex they want,.. unless they have tried to covert a vanilla female into a kinky sub and failed (when she gets bored of trying to be something she is not). In those situations I would guess the vanilla reappears and she starts saying no (then all hell breaks loose lol).. Imo people that try to convert someone are most often wasting everyone's time. Same with trying to covert someone not into pain into a pain slut..

It also helps when people read a persons profile and they dont ignore important things that will cause major conflict later (duh).. Imo, many people do list their primary deal breakers there in black and white... To me, there are various levels of deal breakers, some take time to recognize as a problem (as the stinky thing mentioned by hisprettybaby, or cheating, etc)...

eta- i think the D/s dynamic increases my libido, great sex for me is very much a mental thing.. [:)]



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/2/2011 10:25:12 AM)

Here's another thing... marriages tend to last a bit. What's the average lifespan of the d/s relationship? How many have you seen that last more than a year?



MissToYouRedux -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/2/2011 10:37:07 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Here's another thing... marriages tend to last a bit. What's the average lifespan of the d/s relationship? How many have you seen that last more than a year?


If that's a rhetorical question, sorry, but anecdotally the three I've had through meeting people here on CM were all over 2+ years and ended because of life circumstances, not acrimony.

I don't know how that skews the data. (And yes, I know it's certainly not golden anniversary noteworthy. lol)



CountDice -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/2/2011 10:40:35 AM)

My last lifestyle relationship lasted 10 1/3 years.  I know of 4 others that have lasted in excess of 5 years each, with 1 of those approaching 7 years.



voidbrat -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/2/2011 11:04:20 AM)

fat, stinky, old looking face, dumb political views



Iamsemisweet -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/2/2011 11:06:58 AM)

Thought of another deal breaker. He can't be religious.



voidbrat -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/2/2011 11:08:16 AM)

ya seconding this
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Thought of another deal breaker. He can't be religious.




LadyHibiscus -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/2/2011 11:16:20 AM)

I am not saying that SOME relationships last, and I confess that my view might be skewed by my previous social life. Overall, though? Six months to explosion, not necessarily acrimony, jut that point where more work isn't worthwhile.

Big issues with all relationships: money, kids, religion, politics. NO REPUBLICANS no devout religionists. I thought I could deal, but the other party had that need for conversion. The guy who said his god actually spoke to him? Skeery.



Tantriqu -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/2/2011 12:18:13 PM)

I would have said this before, too, but one of my best subs was a devout catholic, and several others were quite religious, so it boils down to how they treat others, and women in particular. So I've developed a taste for good catholic men :-) very obedient and repressed yet *very* sexually [cough] open.
quote:

ORIGINAL: voidbrat
ya seconding this
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet
Thought of another deal breaker. He can't be religious.




kalikshama -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/2/2011 12:31:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I'm 48 Kalilshama. Just startin menopause. Granted, I've been on antidpressants forever, but that only affects my response, not my desire. Now, I have to actively THINK to engage that part of my brain.


Years ago, I took Paxil or Zoloft and was completely unable to orgasm. Later, I used Wellbutrin, and did not have this problem.

This may be of interest to you:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/antidepressants/AN01739

Sexual side effects are common with antidepressants in both men and women. So your concern is understandable. The severity of sexual side effects depends on the individual and the specific type and dose of antidepressant. For some people, sexual side effects are minor or may ease up as their bodies adjust to the medication. For others, sexual side effects continue to be a problem.

Antidepressants with the lowest rate of sexual side effects include:
Bupropion (Wellbutrin)
Mirtazapine (Remeron)

Antidepressants most likely to cause sexual side effects include:

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). These commonly prescribed antidepressants cause sexual side effects in most people. SSRIs include citalopram (Celexa), escitalopram (Lexapro), fluoxetine (Prozac, Prozac Weekly), fluvoxamine (Luvox), paroxetine (Paxil, Paxil CR) and sertraline (Zoloft). Fluvoxamine may cause less bothersome sexual side effects than other SSRIs.
Serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), which include venlafaxine (Effexor) and duloxetine (Cymbalta). The recently approved SNRI desvenlafaxine (Pristiq) may cause fewer sexual side effects than some other antidepressants, but more research is needed to confirm this.

Tricyclic and tetracyclic antidepressants, such as amitriptyline, clomipramine (Anafranil), amoxapine and desipramine (Norpramin).
Monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs), such as isocarboxazid (Marplan), phenelzine (Nardil) and tranylcypromine (Parnate).



Iamsemisweet -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/2/2011 12:43:45 PM)

LOL. Well, ok, maybe, except that I never want to hear him talk about it, except for the one conversation when we discuss why I never want to hear him talk about it.
OL.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

I would have said this before, too, but one of my best subs was a devout catholic, and several others were quite religious, so it boils down to how they treat others, and women in particular. So I've developed a taste for good catholic men :-) very obedient and repressed yet *very* sexually [cough] open.
quote:

ORIGINAL: voidbrat
ya seconding this
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet
Thought of another deal breaker. He can't be religious.





LadyHibiscus -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/2/2011 1:15:04 PM)

Thanks for the intel, Kalikshama! I have been down all those roads...and while I miss my old self, I have reached solutions. :) it was quite a roulette, though, and I have learned that many men can't be bothered to "learn" my body. I am not "broken", ffs! That made me wonder about a lot of women wh "lost interest". Maybe they don't have someone that finds them interesting?

The menopause, now...and YAY!menopause...is odd. For instance (and pardon the tmi) no one is home! Screaming session of self gratification totally possible! Yet I am doing other things. It's peaceful, and perplexing. I can still get in the zone, but it doesn't cross my mind. Which is convenient, since I'm single...



LookieNoNookie -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/2/2011 2:02:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisprettybaby

I don't want to be a pest anyone, but I'm just curious....Dommes and subs alike, and anyone else who chooses to answer...what are some "deal breakers" for you? Things that, even if everything else was right, would kill it for you. Some that come immediately to mind for me are dishonesty, thievery, horrible hygiene, and continually trying to manipulate me.

The reason I'm asking this is (1)I'm just curious and (2)I just released someone because he would not clean up his hygiene, even though I gave him detailed instructions. I know, I know, I should have known but, honestly, he wasn't stinky at first.[8|] Anyway, what are some of your deal-breakers?

~Hisprettybaby~


1)  If the Domme isn't willing to ensure that my car is spotless every time I get in it.

2)  Lack of concern over my financial needs and a complete lack of interesting in providing me with the lifestyle I've become accustomed to.

3)  Late dinner, regardless of when I walk through the door (that really pisses me off).

4)  Towels folded with the labels showing.

5)  Not having cash when I need it AND as importantly, in my hand before I ask for it.





LadyHibiscus -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/2/2011 3:40:56 PM)

JJ is the shiznit.



LookieNoNookie -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/2/2011 6:14:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

JJ is the shiznit.


Some things are just vital to a relationship.



tj444 -> RE: Deal Breakers Anyone? (10/2/2011 8:59:58 PM)

oh yeah.. another definate deal breaker for me... guys that fuck like rabbits... (nothing personal against rabbits, ok?)

i am afraid i dont really know how to describe it other than that,..
guys that just fuck really, really fast in and out like they are trying to win some kinda freakin race!.. for some reason a guy like that makes me think of rabbits.. guess cuz rabbits are supposed to be really fast, right?
Anyway, its that their rythum is just too frantic and disjuncted,.. it just doesnt work for me...
[sm=gaah.gif]

I need to be able to get into the same rythum as the guy.. course, thats not something you can actually find out until you do the nasty.. [8|]



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