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RE: Asexual play - 10/1/2011 7:59:26 PM   
Hisprettybaby


Posts: 781
Joined: 4/13/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		If I were single, a novice, or curious....and I'm none of those....I would play without sex at first until I found someone I thought suitable for having a relationship with. Even not being any of the aforementioned, I would not have sex w/o a relationship. I don't won't. That being said, Daddy Tops me in play but no one else does and I will Top a sub of mine in play. I will also service Top others that I would not consider having sex with. For me, having sex with someone requires a lot more commitment than play does. In this day and age, without instant results to STD tests, one can't afford to just have sex willy nilly.

~Hisprettybaby~

(in reply to DeviantlyD)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Asexual play - 10/1/2011 8:08:59 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Define safer


Geezus Simply, 6,000 posts and all that r/l experience yet you're unable to take a crack at a new member's OP without turning "lawyer" first...?

C'mon, take a cue from the OP and make an effort - or pass.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Asexual play - 10/1/2011 8:16:49 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50


quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Define safer


Geezus Simply, 6,000 posts and all that r/l experience yet you're unable to take a crack at a new member's OP without turning "lawyer" first...?

C'mon, take a cue from the OP and make an effort - or pass.

Focus.


Oh, I wish I was SimplyMichael so I could respond with...


Define effort.


:)






(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Asexual play - 10/1/2011 8:24:01 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Silly Bitch

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Asexual play - 10/1/2011 8:30:56 PM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline 		Sadomasochist chiming in here.

I won't engage in sex unless I'm in a monogamous relationship. I do, however, enjoy pain/impact play at my local dungeons. I quite enjoy the different styles of various tops/sadists there. I can get my rope fun and single tail delights at the parties (or at our Fetish Photo club) and meet any number of different people. Hell, I've been called on to be the demo bottom (yay fire play!) or assist as a co-top. For me, play parties are more about socializing and checking out friends' new cool owies.

In my personal relationship, we mix s & m, rope bondage & sex. However, we basically still leave out the d/s aspect. That may or may not change as things progress. Only time will tell.


_____________________________

Cat Quotes

Count Boogie's Foot Fetish Anti Creepy Training video


(in reply to RopePlease)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Asexual play - 10/1/2011 8:41:33 PM   
hangemhigh1953


Posts: 245
Joined: 7/8/2011
Status: offline 		That's all I've done so far. I personally see BDSM as a separate activity entirely that can be incorporated into sex but doesn't have to.

_____________________________

"Chains of love got a hold on me,
when passion's a prison you can't break free"

(in reply to DeviantlyD)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Asexual play - 10/1/2011 9:32:09 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		In a relationship it's always sexual and I want and like it to be that way. I don't, as a general rule 'play' I have relationships. However if I was to take part in bottoming or topping with someone I was -not- in a relationship with, I would not invest emotionally, and that means no sex. For me sex is an emotional thing. I want sex to be an emotional and intimate experience, something special.

I cannot however say even 'play' with no sex would be 'non sexual' because it probably would be arousing in some form. I don't think I can be 'nonsexual' when it comes to doing something I enjoy that turns me on.. it's not a switch I can flick off at leisure. I can abstain from sex, but I can't be nonsexual at will.

(in reply to hangemhigh1953)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Asexual play - 10/1/2011 9:37:43 PM   
RopePlease


Posts: 39
Joined: 9/15/2011
Status: offline 		Wow! i stepped away and got some awesome replies! I'll try to respond to them all now lol

To some saying that sex requires a deeper connection for you, i agree. And that's why i asked the question should novices have sex as a part of a scene according to you in your opinion. I don't feel they should, at least i wouldn't (anymore)


For others saying that it's about the control for you, thanks so much for answering! I get off on control too, it's not about the sex, and It's great to see some people feeling the same way. I know some people in this lifestyle (or life choice or whatever you wish to call it) feel that play is more important than sex, and sex is kinda like kissing, and play is like sex. you can kiss everyone, but you only play with one person. I can understand that. but I also know that threat of STD's and pregnancy are real, as someone mentioned, and when your just starting out, you may not want to scene and screw everyone you meet.


Thanks everyone for your feedback. I started to feel that maybe i was asking way to much of people. I mean scene and no sex!! GASP! LOL.



_____________________________

~Birdy

(in reply to hangemhigh1953)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Asexual play - 10/1/2011 10:29:20 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		We don't play. We fuck, and BDSM is involved in some way. Sometimes there is BDSM without sex. But I do not see any correlation, as the dynamic has to do with BDSM not the sex.

< Message edited by Endivius -- 10/1/2011 10:31:16 PM >

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to RopePlease)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Asexual play - 10/1/2011 11:56:04 PM   
audiodiva


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/25/2011
Status: offline 		Back when I was a single, novice, curious newbie I loved going to local parties and playing with the knowledge that sex was rarely a factor. It was very liberating to be sexual without it ending in sex. I actually found it odd that some people did not understand how I could get so involved in a scene and then go home happily alone, but until I found the right person sex was never really an integral part of my BDSM play (yes for me it was play). I won't say it didn't happen, but it was rare.

(in reply to Endivius)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Asexual play - 10/2/2011 12:33:43 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I don't have casual sex. I also view pain play and other bdsm stuff (bondage, for example) as foreplay.

I don't want to do foreplay without the sex. Where's the fun in that?

Therefore, for me, it follows that I don't do casual 'play'.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to RopePlease)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Asexual play - 10/2/2011 4:28:18 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

1. I don't "play." I'm in a relationship with him. Not a play.
2. It's sexual between us. If he ties me up and beats me, you can bet your ass it will always end with him fucking me.



The OP asked about "a single person, novice, or curious person" and not the individual reader's opinions on themselves.




I don't know why you've singled out my answer, but ok.
I think single people, novices and curious people should explore and fuck.

In my opinion, not fucking leaves out the best parts of doing all of this.
It's like going to a great restaurant because they have great creme brulee and then leaving before dessert.


_____________________________



(in reply to DeviantlyD)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Asexual play - 10/2/2011 6:28:26 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Focus

I asked about safety because physical and emotional safety are very different as are the risks of playing privately verses publicly.

Some people fuck and get attached and that makes casual play and sex P
problematic for them.

Play is usually safer for newbies at a public space with or without sex.

Personally I love casual play but avoid it as it all too often doesnt turn out to be casual enough. Which brings out a common problem that fucks up a lot relationships. You can play with experienced people casually who would never enter a relationship with you. Then your boyfriend/hubby/new dom sucks in comparison or getd frustrated trying to match what the experienced guy did.

Add that to the intensity and often bonding that accompanies first time experiences it makes later relationships harder until those onitial experiences start to fade.

So yeah, how you define "safer" matters...

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Asexual play - 10/2/2011 7:05:23 AM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I don't have casual sex. I also view pain play and other bdsm stuff (bondage, for example) as foreplay.

I don't want to do foreplay without the sex. Where's the fun in that?

Therefore, for me, it follows that I don't do casual 'play'.


Bunneh likes to get the carrot.



_____________________________

Cat Quotes

Count Boogie's Foot Fetish Anti Creepy Training video


(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Asexual play - 10/2/2011 7:08:50 AM   
roscho


Posts: 54
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RopePlease

*Edited

Many different define asexual differently according to them, such as many aspects of B&D and S&M. My point of my question is to gather opinions.



In this question, asexual play will be defined as engaging in B&D and S&M activities with the absence of sexual play, even though sexual feelings may arise.


The question is as follows:

In your opionion, is it better [or smarter, or even safer] for a single person, novice, or curious person to explore play with or without sex? Sex can be defined as you please, and so can play ( LOL! come on guys....)



I'll give me look on it once i hear from you all =D


This feels like a "chicken vs Egg" question if you sit and think about it for a few minutes. That may be part of that particular sessions goal, activity without satisfaction, denial in essence.

There are people who do things from an emotional base, and people who do things from a physical base.

Wait, what was the question again? Seriously... asking a question like "Do you like red or green better, and when I say red I will also include any other color, and when I say green, also feel free to include any other color in that description."

For me, it can only work as part of a relationship - so it is going to include a sexual relationship whether or not the scene includes sex.

(in reply to RopePlease)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Asexual play - 10/2/2011 8:17:06 AM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		I wouldn't have used the word asexual but to answer anyway. I am a sadist, but not a sexual sadist. WHAP, pain can be shared with anyone. Sex is only shared with few as it requires a deeper level of understanding and commitment.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to RopePlease)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Asexual play - 10/2/2011 8:47:35 AM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		For some reason, I can't imagine playing with someone without having sex. I have never gone to a play party or anything like that, so I don't have that perspective. But, if anything, I am more casual about sex than I am about letting someone tie me up and beat me. it may be that I don't require that deeper commitment others keep mentioning because I had a lot of casual sex when I was in my 20s ( which was pre AIDs).
I am in a relationship now, but when I was just playing, it always ended in sex.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Asexual play - 10/2/2011 11:01:12 AM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		It more than likely is just an opinion (from person to person) thing, sweet. But for some very messed up reasons sex is very deep for me. Where as people piss me off in general, so I have no problem with the idea of hurting anyone that stands still long enough for me to do it.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Asexual play - 10/2/2011 11:11:36 AM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		Sex is very deep for a lot of people, Miss IP. I am fully aware my attitude is out of the norm, believe me. On the other hand, I can't think I would ever enjoy physically hurting someone. People are different.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Asexual play - 10/2/2011 11:15:49 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BurntKitty



Bunneh likes to get the carrot.



It's important to get my 5 a day...

*coff*


_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to BurntKitty)
Profile   Post #: 40
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