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RE: Asexual play - 10/2/2011 1:58:46 PM   
LookieNoNookie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RopePlease

*Edited

Many different define asexual differently according to them, such as many aspects of B&D and S&M. My point of my question is to gather opinions.

In this question, asexual play will be defined as engaging in B&D and S&M activities with the absence of sexual play, even though sexual feelings may arise.

The question is as follows:

In your opionion, is it better [or smarter, or even safer] for a single person, novice, or curious person to explore play with or without sex? Sex can be defined as you please, and so can play ( LOL! come on guys....)

I'll give me look on it once i hear from you all =D


(Fuck!  I had this ALL wrong....I thought asexual play was when the Domme bit your head off at the neck when you were done with a session and then a spider came along a little later and ate you).

(in reply to RopePlease)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Asexual play - 10/2/2011 2:50:26 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Focus

I asked about safety because physical and emotional safety are very different as are the risks of playing privately verses publicly.

Some people fuck and get attached and that makes casual play and sex P
problematic for them.

Play is usually safer for newbies at a public space with or without sex.

Personally I love casual play but avoid it as it all too often doesnt turn out to be casual enough. Which brings out a common problem that fucks up a lot relationships. You can play with experienced people casually who would never enter a relationship with you. Then your boyfriend/hubby/new dom sucks in comparison or getd frustrated trying to match what the experienced guy did.

Add that to the intensity and often bonding that accompanies first time experiences it makes later relationships harder until those onitial experiences start to fade.

So yeah, how you define "safer" matters...


Well there ya go - kudos.

Personally, I think the OP's question of "safer" was generic rather than of getting all entangled with potential emotional attachments. And I'm not so sure most people would place emotional insecurities under a general umbrella of "safety", anyway. In which case, it would kinda make it unfair of you to assign your personal experiences/issues to the OP's topic, no?

What you have highlighted is the two distinctive philosophies toward bdsm play. I'm one where play doesn't need to include sex but I still regard it as intimate as sex and as such, I don't indulge with just anyone willing. So you won't see me at some dungeon, club or party playing with the night's "submissive special" then going home to my girl for something (allegedly) more intimate. I guess I'm the dinosaur for not regarding love, sex & play as being separate entities than can be met by different partners....

I agree that emotional attachments happen even when not always intended or desired. The simple solution to me is don't mess with people I have no desire to get attached to. But guarding the heart still doesn't count as safety....

Focus.

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(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Asexual play - 10/3/2011 5:08:43 AM   
kalikshama


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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

In your opinion, is it better [or smarter, or even safer] for a single person, novice, or curious person to explore play with or without sex?


Well, I initially explored BDSM with my then-husband, so that was safe, but if I were a single woman starting out in BDSM, I'd feel safest with BurntKitty's route:

quote:

I won't engage in sex unless I'm in a monogamous relationship. I do, however, enjoy pain/impact play at my local dungeons. I quite enjoy the different styles of various tops/sadists there. I can get my rope fun and single tail delights at the parties (or at our Fetish Photo club) and meet any number of different people. Hell, I've been called on to be the demo bottom (yay fire play!) or assist as a co-top. For me, play parties are more about socializing and checking out friends' new cool owies.


(in reply to RopePlease)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Asexual play - 10/3/2011 5:11:33 AM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

In your opinion, is it better [or smarter, or even safer] for a single person, novice, or curious person to explore play with or without sex?


I'm going to always vote for the "with sex" one.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Asexual play - 10/3/2011 10:53:04 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Since other folks got hung up on the word "play" I'll take the other route and change the term "asexual".  Instead, I'm going to use the term 'physical sex' for an act that includes two people engaging in a sexual activity that even non BDSM folks would call sex.

I play.  I happen to call it play because it's fun.  Anytime I'm on these boards discussing casual play (meaning outside of a relationship) I'm referring to S/m that doesn't include physical sex.  I need a higher level of intimacy to go to bed with someone than it does for Me to flog them.

As to being new and curious, I'd absolutely say yes.  Try things out with a person that you trust and you have reason to know (read carefully because that doesn't say think, it says know) can let you do some exploring without being harmed.  Play parties are great for this kind of thing.  It gives a person a chance to try things out in a safe environment just to see what they are like.  With sex off of the table, you get to just concentrate on the sensations and just enjoy having a taste of different things. 



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(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Asexual play - 10/4/2011 9:34:39 AM   
NakisisaX


Posts: 57
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Status: offline 		Sex can complicate a lot since you share spirits, thoughts etc, during intercourse. I think its safer to not engage in sex unless you have the ultimate trust for that person. He's out there, Queen.

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Asexual play - 10/4/2011 2:47:12 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline 		To me play is sex. So if you leave out the crashing orgasms it's just a tease.

(in reply to RopePlease)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Asexual play - 10/4/2011 3:06:49 PM   
NiceGuyNihilist


Posts: 194
Joined: 3/25/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

To me play is sex. So if you leave out the crashing orgasms it's just a tease.


Every woman I've ever played with (I was about to write "virtually every woman" to be conservative, but then realized there was no need) has felt the same way. I'm different. Certain intense, nonsexual sensations have an appeal for me that's entirely independent of sex, and sometimes stronger. When a bullwhip turns my back to meat, I explore realms of consciousness that make a crippling orgasm seem quaint. But then, maybe your orgasms are better than mine. Damned lesbians have all the luck.


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(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Asexual play - 10/4/2011 3:40:38 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
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quote:

But then, maybe your orgasms are better than mine.
Well I won't even guess if they are better, but there are a lot more of them. And an orgasm isn't the end of play, most of the time Hanners just ramps things up when I cum, and the more I cum, the crazier things get, so it's really just part and parcel of that exploration you're talking about.

(in reply to NiceGuyNihilist)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Asexual play - 10/4/2011 3:54:40 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		At this point I would like to freely admit that I envy Heather her youth. Good times!

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Asexual play - 10/4/2011 4:09:22 PM   
voidbrat


Posts: 115
Joined: 10/2/2011
Status: offline 		yes. it is much safer emotionally to play without sex when you are a novice. that way no one feels violated or abused. it is too risky to play with both bondage and sex especially if a male top is playing with an inexperienced bottom
quote:

ORIGINAL: RopePlease

*Edited

Many different define asexual differently according to them, such as many aspects of B&D and S&M. My point of my question is to gather opinions.



In this question, asexual play will be defined as engaging in B&D and S&M activities with the absence of sexual play, even though sexual feelings may arise.


The question is as follows:

In your opionion, is it better [or smarter, or even safer] for a single person, novice, or curious person to explore play with or without sex? Sex can be defined as you please, and so can play ( LOL! come on guys....)



I'll give me look on it once i hear from you all =D


(in reply to RopePlease)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Asexual play - 10/4/2011 4:39:47 PM   
RopePlease


Posts: 39
Joined: 9/15/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL:voidbrat
it is too risky to play with both bondage and sex especially if a male top is playing with an inexperienced bottom



that is exactly how i feel about it.

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(in reply to voidbrat)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Asexual play - 10/4/2011 4:45:03 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I play.  I happen to call it play because it's fun.  Anytime I'm on these boards discussing casual play (meaning outside of a relationship) I'm referring to S/m that doesn't include physical sex.  I need a higher level of intimacy to go to bed with someone than it does for Me to flog them.


Most of my "casual" play experience was more than a few years ago, I tend only to play with my pet in the last few years but this is exactly how I feel.
Im not bi, but I can happily play for hours with males and fems without touching genitals.

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(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Asexual play - 10/4/2011 5:40:25 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
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quote:

it is too risky to play with both bondage and sex especially if a male top is playing with an inexperienced bottom
Why? It's not a snarky question, I'm serious. I'm wondering because we have a female top here who plays with bondage and sex with three inexperienced bottoms all the time and we have zero problems, so I'm wondering just what risks we are running, or is it somehow only a risk in your mind with male tops?

(in reply to voidbrat)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Asexual play - 10/4/2011 5:47:23 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

At this point I would like to freely admit that I envy Heather her youth. Good times!


Yes indeedy.

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Asexual play - 10/4/2011 5:51:55 PM   
voidbrat


Posts: 115
Joined: 10/2/2011
Status: offline
quote:

Why? It's not a snarky question, I'm serious. I'm wondering because we have a female top here who plays with bondage and sex with three inexperienced bottoms all the time and we have zero problems, so I'm wondering just what risks we are running, or is it somehow only a risk in your mind with male tops?


i think a male top who is playing with a bottom he does not know and trust AND who does not know herself well enough to know how she will react to sexual penetration while restrained runs an unacceptably high risk of being accused of rape.

of course anyone who tops in any power exchange runs similar risks. there are dommes who have been accused by experienced male subs who knew exactly what they were doing long after a consensual scene that involved bruising or cutting of assault and who have either been punished or at minimum legally hassled just because the male wanted to get back at them for something.

but honestly in answer to the op, if the top isn't experienced, the bottom isn't experienced, and they don't know each other pretty well, i can't imagine it being worth the risk. it's up to the individuals involved, but that's how i'd play it. that's all.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Asexual play - 10/4/2011 7:23:09 PM   
SuzeCheri


Posts: 483
Joined: 7/19/2011
From: Outside looking in
Status: offline
quote:

I guess I'm the dinosaur for not regarding love, sex & play as being separate entities than can be met by different partners....
And I guess that would make me a Cherissasaur, cause I'm with you in this respect.

**Waves to the Focusaurus**



(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Asexual play - 10/4/2011 7:58:41 PM   
Arpig


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Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		You have some really whacked ideas about things dude.

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Asexual play - 10/4/2011 8:00:40 PM   
DystopiaDreamboy


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did you want to elaborate on that and advance the discussion in any way?
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

You have some really whacked ideas about things dude.


Edit:

Sorry. Just noticed who you were replying to. There's not much need to add anything.


< Message edited by DystopiaDreamboy -- 10/4/2011 8:02:18 PM >

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Asexual play - 10/5/2011 11:54:53 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Love your new avatar!


(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 60
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