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Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 4:23:23 PM   
dh76513


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Greetings to All,
Several Masters/Sirs have emailed me requesting information on “Honor Training” (for Masters only) and I have had a few Slaves inquire about how one can differentiate a true Master from a fake or a player.  Although many Masters may have some interesting and useful information regarding how to help those new to the lifestyle understand and differentiate among the Masters, Doms, players, and fakes, I think that many Slaves/Submissives are likely to offer the best insights.  As such I have posted this thread on “Ask a Submissive/Slave” as to explore the submissive side.  In addition, I have prepared a list of the proper traits or principles sought in honor training and wrote this in a manner that may satisfy both questions. I have attempted to make a small list here to note a few of the focus “traits” or principles taught in this structured training as these are not always obvious. Some of these you may have been heard before, but in my opinion a true Alpha male will make every effort to be consistent in the following actions:

· Treat all with respect, even while you cynically watch them. Everyone will fail at something, but less often when they feel they have a stake in keeping your respect. It makes most people try harder, especially your Slave.

· Lead by example. It is good for any Master to set high standards for his slut, but establish higher standards for yourself. Among Masters in the Old South Legion, we have a simple equation, Words + Actions = Honor.

· Resign yourself up front to doing more work in a Lifestyle relationship than anyone else. It's your job as a true Alpha and there is no cause for arrogance. Nobody ever does enough in a relationship, so don't get snippy. Yes, all good Alphas must learn to embody humility so get to work.

· Give praise generously, but not falsely. Accept praise graciously. You can share it, but never reject it, unless it is patently phony. It's good for people to lift up others, so give and take. Yet never be caught needing it.

· Always remember the “exchange” in a lifestyle relationship; safeguard and ensure its presence in TPE (Total Power Exchange). All too often I have seen “Masters” become selfish and egocentric to that point where their relationship is all one-sided. Remember low costs and high rewards and benefits keep people together. Why would anyone remain in a relationship with no benefits or rewards? This is unhealthy. So what is the “exchange” in TPE? Sexual validation (reward for the Alpha) in exchange for emotional validation (reward for the Slave).

· Persist. Persistence is the one Alpha virtue without which all others are meaningless. You are called to the doing, not the succeeding. The path is the effort and always placing your best foot forward is the privilege. Yet, celebrate any and every accomplishment and accept every failure.

· The leader always eats last. This principle is nothing more than making sure everyone else is taken care of first. Remember the Alpha male is truly both protector and provider. This applies to all physical comforts and most privileges. Be the one who needs them least, but works the hardest.

· Discipline should be effective for your whore and always benefit you. For example, if you are a Master, like I, who enjoys cuddling with your bitch then why make her sleep on the floor? This is senseless.

· A true Alpha male will never be consumed by jealousy. He strives to be in control of all his emotions in a productive manner. Jealousy represents deep seated insecurities and usually leads to irrational, unproductive behaviors. If you are a man who is controlled by his jealousy then stop fooling yourself because you are certainly not a true Alpha male.

· Never let the relationship bog down in the incidentals. Keep your eyes on the goals, missions, and what is really important; the method is the variable. The testimony is how you handle everything from a major disaster to a simple crisis.

· Never be abusive to your slut or anyone else. Abusive behavior is detrimental to any relationship. So, never punish your whore in anger and be fair and reasonable in your discipline. Losing control, especially over your own emotions, is never honorable and is certainly inconsistent with being an Alpha male.

· Be frank, even blunt, but tactful and never lower yourself to incivility. It's not dishonesty to repress laughter when you see your slut in a ridiculous outfit. It is wrong to falsely laud the outfit. Civility is the art of keeping back the truth no one needs to hear as well as talking the truth that everyone needs to hear. So, know your emotions and get in touch with the true you. How else can you be honest with others or yourself much less expect it from others?

· Organize. Seldom can you organize circumstances, so organize yourself. That's not to say you should be locked into one set of responses, but that you have tried to plan an appropriate response to any and every thing imaginable. Draw the lines before anyone yet has opportunity to cross them.

· Take the fall. Humbly accept the blame even when you could not possibly have prevented the bad outcome. All the more so when it really is your fault. Reject the blame only when it clearly benefits no one for you to take it. Stand your ground, but do it with honor. When you know you are right, never surrender. It really is the principle. Only you can release yourself from this one.

· Be human. Laugh, cry, shout, and whisper, "be all things to all men." Add drama when it helps. Do not take yourself too seriously. Learn to laugh and poke fun at yourself before any else has a chance.

The list above is only some of the principles reinforced in Honor Training and may not be right for everyone. However, I am of the opinion that if you are a Master who demonstrates these characteristics in a lifestyle relationship you are likely a true Alpha male.  And if you are a true Alpha, then you are likely to qualify for membership in the Old South Legion of Honorable Masters.  Please note that I enjoy responding to any and all private emails, but try to use this thread to post your questions and statements because I am certain they will only add more value to our discussions.  Also, I would like to hear from others as to their thinking on this entire issue of differentiating between a true Master and a fake?  Thanks everyone ~ Sir.
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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 7:53:59 PM   
juliaoceania


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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I very much agreed with your list, but not all of our Ones refer to us as "slut", "whore", "Bitch"... etc... Im not referred to this way (not that I would have a problem with that if my Dom wanted to call me those things, but some subs do). Some of my fellow submissive might take offense at that, and I do not see it as necessary to refer to submissives this way, but that is a small critique from me as the rest of the list is exactly what I look for in a dominant. I would put the humor aspect higher on the list.... and one more thing,... if I am dressed in something I look ridiculous in I hope he laughs his ass off right before he bangs me crosseyed in the outfit... but as usual I could be wrong.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to dh76513)
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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 8:00:08 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Honor training, wow another new one on me.

What else will people invent to make themselves feel more special than the ones who are already just nice courteous people?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to dh76513)
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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 8:14:43 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


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A lot of this I can see stems from your military background and though all highly desireable traits for any to follow wether it is Dominant/submissive/male/female or even "vanilla"..realistically,maintaining such on a consistent basis would in my opinion be excessively difficult.As I have said though desireable,you have not taken in factors of human nature,everyday frustrations or external influences.Now I know that being ex-military that these standards are often strived for the honor the control the analytical nature,the summing up of situations at a moments notice have been ingrained as much as possible...human nature always steps in to trip you up....Tempting

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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 8:22:19 PM   
slaverosebeauty


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From: Cali
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I wrote the following over a year ago, it defined what I believe a 'True Master' is in a nutshell. This is the 'guide' that I use when I look at a potential Master. Those are the ways I seperate the 'fakes' from the 'Real' Masters, as they understand what I wrote and embody it.

quote:

A True Master ~
 
Knows the differance between a Top,
Dominant and Master (Owner).
 
Knows the differance between a bottom,
submissive and slave (kajira). 
 
Knows there is a differance between
"discipline" and "punishment."
 
Knows how to use His toys,
instruments and how to care for them.
 
Respects His slave and her gift to Him.
 
Knows that at the end of the day,
He is as much hers and she is His.
 
Knows the power of a look.
 
Knows a slave cannot be mindless.
Knows His slave will punish herself
far worse than He ever can.
 
Knows His slave's heart.
 
Has balance in His life.
 
Knows that the "little things" matter.
 
Would give His life (or kidney or blood)
for His slave.
 
Is rare and Hard to Find.  


_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 8:23:36 PM   
juliaoceania


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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Honor training, wow another new one on me.

What else will people invent to make themselves feel more special than the ones who are already just nice courteous people?


LOL.... well having honor is a good thing, the only question I have is if one can REALLY train for it or do they just possess it innately?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 8:27:05 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
LOL.... well having honor is a good thing, the only question I have is if one can REALLY train for it or do they just possess it innately?

We all know the NATURALLY honorable are just WAY cooler than anyone else.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 8:38:41 PM   
Tempestv


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Joined: 3/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dh76513


· Discipline should be effective for your whore and always benefit you. For example, if you are a Master, like I, who enjoys cuddling with your bitch then why make her sleep on the floor? This is senseless.



This one has always bothered me- why punish or dehuminize a slave if she is well behavied and doing things right? (unless that is what she wants) this particulary becomes aparent when it goes so far as to make life difficult/less enjoyable for both involved- the above is a perfect example. if you expect a slave to act as a maid, don't keep her tied up all the time so that every time you want her to do something you have to go do something you have to untie her- by that time you might as well have done it your self.

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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 8:44:01 PM   
CrappyDom


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Sorry but this is already obsolete.  I am starting a High Honor school and we teach vastly superior ways of being honorable that obsolete all prior methods. 

This is the sort of crap that makes me almost wish I had picked another name.  I really really really almost chose "Captain Platitudes" but I certainly would want to be considered true by any who buy into this sort of artificial crap.

(in reply to Tempestv)
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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 8:53:08 PM   
somethndif


Posts: 136
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Honor training, wow another new one on me.

What else will people invent to make themselves feel more special than the ones who are already just nice courteous people?


Well, they will make up the "Old South Legion of Honorable Masters" of course!!  I really can't believe some of the stuff that I see on these sites.  What's worse is that some people actually take stuff like this seriously. 

Dan 
 
 

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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 9:00:14 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
LOL.... well having honor is a good thing, the only question I have is if one can REALLY train for it or do they just possess it innately?

We all know the NATURALLY honorable are just WAY cooler than anyone else.


LOLOLOLOL

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 9:08:44 PM   
MrRodgers


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Once again, Iam in agreement with juliaoceana and LA. Trouble I have with so much of the general commentary and technique is that I understood almost all of these qualities over 20 years ago. Much of the same with so much of what I read in the forums. Because of my passion for the Queen's english, and my love of words, they ALL have meaning, sometimes 2 or 3. I have known many 'alpha' males and females for that matter which is BTW a vanilla term, and they wouldn't have the slightest idea what we are talking about. Also, bitch, slut and whore for me are used only when it is time and usually in personal contact such as play or with humor and never as a pejorative. In fact, truth be known, my feelings are if anybody is a slut, we are all sluts and maybe even whores if we could be...now a bitch...no, Iam not a bitch.

I may already have a few hundred words on each point, some of it with which I agree and some with which I disagree. I read much here that simply does not come up because those charteristics and situations in a M/s experience has long since been settled. I discovered years ago successfully that it is not a weakness at all to compromise and thus so many of this just wouldn't apply. Most of life for some as much as 90% or as little as say 70% is in fact vanilla and what we have remaining is what I call our 'invisible reality' (future post) and that summed up is a 24/7 feeling that we both know how we feel, like never, never does a slave ever have to say 'Iam sorry' because I already know how she feels. That doesn't eliminate discipline or punishment, but I do know the slave feels sorry and almost all of what happens that would require the action of a master, she instinctively knows she was wrong and awaits her reminder, as it were. In the end, the behavior of a master is not as a mass of scowling anger or as strictly the obessed disciplinarian...or the dour martinet, but a teacher and a lover.

The mastering of a slave to me if I may be so bold, is well past most of this if the master is real and honest and this is not a large part of his ego, as just only so much show. As Iam sure just about everyone here knows, a master simply must master himself and his life before he collars a slave. He must set and be the example in all things. As for players, Iam not the least bit inclined to tackle that because seems we all play..and don't we all play on the way to a relationship ?

< Message edited by MrRodgers -- 5/23/2006 9:11:49 PM >

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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 9:09:00 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


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Awww geesh!..are yall saying I responded seriously to b.s.?..hanging head in naive shame..grrrrr...lol....Tempting

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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 9:11:49 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Awww geesh!..are yall saying I responded seriously to b.s.?..hanging head in naive shame..grrrrr...lol....Tempting

LOl we've all done it at some point.

The issues is- most of the post made sense.  Most of the post is actually pretty good stuff.

The problem is when you go tacking some label on it to make it "coolder" than it is, and then dogmatizing it (is that a word?) as a way to gain disciples and make ordinary daily stuff seem "cooler" for the masses.

The same way saying "TRUE submission" makes a whole mess of things- it's just people being people.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 9:18:47 PM   
BitaTruble


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From: Texas
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There are several things in your post with which I agree and several with which I do not agree.

quote:

Be human. Laugh, cry, shout, and whisper, "be all things to all men." Add drama when it helps. Do not take yourself too seriously. Learn to laugh and poke fun at yourself before any else has a chance.


I don't see what it really has to do with BDSM or M/s, but as general life advice it's certainly sound. What I've kept bold though is that with which I cannot agree.  I see no honor in such. You suggest in these two sentences to be untrue to either self or situation. One cannot simply be all things to all men. There is too much diversity in man, too much conflict. To be all things to all men, means one sits on a fence at best.. or continual jumps over it from one side to another failing to adhere to his own convictions and his own standards. The second bold.. 'add drama when it helps' is nothing more than fueling fires. It smacks of falsity to me. Where is the veracity, the truth when you must 'add' drama?

Like Julie, I find the use of 'pet' names to be inappropriate in general posting. Save it for your pet, but please have a bit more courtsey for those of us whom you do not own. Better yet, follow your own standard..
 
quote:

Be frank, even blunt, but tactful and never lower yourself to incivility.


If that one doesn't apply.. this one should..

quote:

Treat all with respect,


Those are your own words in what it takes to be an honorable man. Do you believe them or are they just lip service? How respectful is it to call women who do not belong to you 'bitch' 'slut' and 'whore'?

Also, giving advice to take the 'blame' when something is beyond your control does not seem, to me, to be an honorable course of action. I can't even begin to wrap my brains around the concept and there are a myriad of variables in which I could see taking the blame for something which was not due to a fault of your own and allows for the truth of incidents to be buried.

And last, but not least.. one need not be a man, nor an alpha nor a dominant to hold honor and integrity close to their heart. I certainly hope you know that already.

Celeste







_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 9:22:20 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Awww geesh!..are yall saying I responded seriously to b.s.?..hanging head in naive shame..grrrrr...lol....Tempting


I did too, because I think doms should try to be honorable... but I did not understand the "training" thing when I first read it... I thought it was in relation to training subs for some reason.. mainly because I did not think of training as something doms do...lol

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 9:23:53 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
mainly because I did not think of training as something doms do...lol


Just because someone is born with a particular relationship orientation doesn't mean they have good relationship or life skills.  Those need to be trained in dominants just like in submissives.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 9:29:21 PM   
MrRodgers


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LA I think if it isn't a word, we may have a new one. It is in fact to speak or write dogmatically. Now you won first place kiddo, 1 week in Phil. all expenses paid. Good thing too, 2nd place was 2 weeks.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 9:29:35 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Yes LA, that makes very good sense to me, but it is still not something I am used to reading yet, like I am used to seeing "How can I train my sub to X or Y or Z"..  I do not think I have read "I am a dom in need of training"...LOL... but it makes sense that doms would need even more training in certain areas than subs... such as how to use certain equipment and what not... But the Dom I am seeing says constantly that some people never learned in grade school how to act, they are unlikely to learn it at 40 or 50...lol (I hope he is wrong about that and there IS hope for the emotionally stunted after all).

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Master, Dom, Player or Fake? - 5/23/2006 9:54:19 PM   
LadyHugs


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Dear dh76513, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Lovely post and rather lengthy but, I realize life has length as well.
 
I would request consideration of my following observations and comments on them.
 
Women have also been known to have the fine virtues that you have spelled out in the original posting.  I the Daughters of the Revolutionary War, Daughters of the Civil War and other honor based organizations with strict codes of enrollment and continued membership.
 
Women have also served in the military and also honorable. 
 
Your posting really is similiar to the existing "military principles" and "military leadership principles." 
 
For those ladies among us, who enjoy men who not only speak of honor and good manners but know how to execute them well, please let us know where they are hiding.  Seems the ranks are pretty thin.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 

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