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I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/5/2011 7:54:58 PM

Benswitch

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/5/2011
Status: offline

Hi, I'm pretty new to this but I've been talking to a domme who I really like, but I'm not sure if she's really who she says she is, but don't want to be demanding and ask for things to 'prove' her identity, as of course, that's not my role as a submissive or as a slave, and the first time I asked to webcam with her she assumed this and nearly cut communication

Luckily enough I was able to find myself in her good graces again, but I'm still unsure

She said she's going to give me a picture tomorrow, but this could just be another picture off a beautiful girl's facebook

What do I do?

Also, she's not in my country, and I plan to go over there and meet her (I was already planning on moving there to live eventually), so meeting her in a public place isn't really an option before I guess I've really committed

Can anyone help me with this? Thanks for your time in advance

Post #: 1

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/5/2011 7:58:31 PM

MkeMaster

Posts: 1
Joined: 9/9/2011
Status: offline

If she is threatened by the webcam, your gut feeling is pretty much spot on and she's a fake. #1 Rule I tell all subs and slaves, trust your instincts

(in reply to Benswitch)

Post #: 2

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/5/2011 8:03:02 PM

Benswitch

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/5/2011
Status: offline

Thanks for your advice Mke, although some of the details she has told me seem very accurate in that she can describe very clearly certain aspects of her life, although these may also be enjoyed by a man I guess

Wouldn't a man just say no and not try to cut communication?

Also, I'd love to hear from a mistress on this one, it might be different for masters and mistresses?

(in reply to MkeMaster)

Post #: 3

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/5/2011 8:26:01 PM

AdorkableAiley

Posts: 920
Joined: 9/12/2011
Status: offline

How long have you been talking?

Has she given any pictures?

If you are leaving the country to meet her, yeah you have a right to know who you are actually talking to. Maybe a phone call at least before you book a flight. You need to think with that big head on your shoulders not that small head in your pants.

If you are seeing blinking red lights and red flags that make your gut scream

WARNING

WARNING

It is probably a good idea to listen to them, at least until it is proven that they are wrong.

First and formost you need to keep yourself safe. I wouldn't be traveling, especially not out of the country on my own if I didn't know exactly who it was I would be meeting.

If she jumps all over you for wanting to know more about her than maybe she isn't the right person for you. I am not saying she is hiding anything but the fact that she doesnt want to provide proof and you need it, shows a bit of a miss match right off the bat.

Ailey

< Message edited by AdorkableAiley -- 10/5/2011 8:29:38 PM >

(in reply to Benswitch)

Post #: 4

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/5/2011 8:29:27 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

quote:

Wouldn't a man just say no and not try to cut communication?

No. The threat brought you to heel very quickly, didn't it, and you're not that anxious to broach the cam idea again are you? Just saying no wouldn't make you scared to ask again, but cutting you off does.

Now there's something in your OP that needs addressing as well, this bit here:

quote:

but don't want to be demanding and ask for things to 'prove' her identity, as of course, that's not my role as a submissive or as a slave

At this point you aren't anybody's slave or submissive, you are a person like any other, so your role is to protect yourself however you see fit.

My gut tells me that she is a scam of some sort, maybe a man, maybe a lot older, maybe married, whatever. If it were me, I'd be inclined to say "cam or scram" to her.

(in reply to Benswitch)

Post #: 5

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/5/2011 8:34:44 PM

Benswitch

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/5/2011
Status: offline

Thanks for the response Ailey

We've been talking since yesterday and so far I only have seen the pictures on her profile, which could be of any random girl
I've not had my gut screaming, but more unsure - like is it likely that after she "cumed" for her to then say that she'll see me later if she's a girl? Do note though that we had already planned to stop at that time, that was something that made me a little unsure.

I'll ask her if I can call her instead of using her mic, thanks for the suggestion

Are there any Mistresses out there that get upset when a sub or potential sub asks for some proof of their identity?
Also, I'll see if I can get her to write my name on her hand or maybe her foot and see if she can take a picture of that for me, that would settle my nerves but I'm not sure if she'd be open to that

(in reply to AdorkableAiley)

Post #: 6

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/5/2011 8:37:26 PM

Benswitch

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/5/2011
Status: offline

Thanks for your response Heather, if she says no to the two things I've said I'll ask for in the previous post, I'll probably have to cut my losses

(in reply to Benswitch)

Post #: 7

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/5/2011 8:41:21 PM

AdorkableAiley

Posts: 920
Joined: 9/12/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Benswitch

Thanks for the response Ailey

We've been talking since yesterday and so far I only have seen the pictures on her profile, which could be of any random girl
I've not had my gut screaming, but more unsure - like is it likely that after she "cumed" for her to then say that she'll see me later if she's a girl? Do note though that we had already planned to stop at that time, that was something that made me a little unsure.

I'll ask her if I can call her instead of using her mic, thanks for the suggestion

Are there any Mistresses out there that get upset when a sub or potential sub asks for some proof of their identity?
Also, I'll see if I can get her to write my name on her hand or maybe her foot and see if she can take a picture of that for me, that would settle my nerves but I'm not sure if she'd be open to that

I didn't need to read past that... You need to sllllooowwwww down hon! You've known her less than 48 hours and you are already worried about caming and going to meet her in a different country. You are moving way to fast and this will often lead to problems and danger.

I for one don't cam, I wouldn't even cam with C (I still don't,) I just don't like it and I won't do it. She reacted a little harshly to your request but given that you knew her a day, I can see why she may have. I always flat out say no and if I am pressed I just move on.

Be careful, you may identify as slave but as Heather said, and you'd do well to listen to her-she is smart, you aren't anyones slave yet so you need to protect and take care of yourself, what ever that means you have to do. If a D type can't respect how you feel you need to keep yourslef safe you need to move on.

Ailey

< Message edited by AdorkableAiley -- 10/5/2011 8:44:24 PM >

(in reply to Benswitch)

Post #: 8

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/5/2011 8:42:49 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

If you're talking about stupid internet shit, then yes, I do. I've got more than enough RT references than to have to some silly thing than be directed to take special pics with a person's name on them, or "prove" Myself in other ridiculous ways. Thanks, but instead of some stupid little cardboard sign, I would put someone in touch with owners of clubs where I've done demos, organizers of major events, or just plain folks that I've met on CM. Anything else just isn't worth My time.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Benswitch)

Post #: 9

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/5/2011 8:47:39 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Benswitch

Hi, I'm pretty new to this but I've been talking to a domme who I really like, but I'm not sure if she's really who she says she is, but don't want to be demanding and ask for things to 'prove' her identity, as of course, that's not my role as a submissive or as a slave, and the first time I asked to webcam with her she assumed this and nearly cut communication

Luckily enough I was able to find myself in her good graces again, but I'm still unsure

She said she's going to give me a picture tomorrow, but this could just be another picture off a beautiful girl's facebook

What do I do?

Also, she's not in my country, and I plan to go over there and meet her (I was already planning on moving there to live eventually), so meeting her in a public place isn't really an option before I guess I've really committed

Can anyone help me with this? Thanks for your time in advance

Your profile says you joined CM today. So whats really going on here?

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to Benswitch)

Post #: 10

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/5/2011 9:24:27 PM

davidx77x

Posts: 13
Joined: 10/3/2011
Status: offline

I've had similar concerns before. Just play it cool and go with your heart or your gut, it'll usually tell you the right thing to do

< Message edited by davidx77x -- 10/5/2011 9:27:45 PM >

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 11

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/5/2011 9:33:05 PM

Benswitch

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/5/2011
Status: offline

Thanks for the responses Ailey, LadyPact, and Janax

Thanks for your views on this Ailey, this indeed may have been why she said no

LadyPact she doesn't even have anything written on her profile, let alone outside references. I would believe anything like this but nothing has been offered up, so I don't know

Janahx this is because I didn't want to post from my real account, given that it might give away her identity, which is something I would consider rude and thoughtless

(in reply to davidx77x)

Post #: 12

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/6/2011 3:13:35 AM

COINT

Posts: 45
Joined: 4/29/2010
Status: offline

The fact someone is being evasive and indeed, even hostile with regards to their basic identity would make me very much suspect they had something to hide.

With regards to the specific nature of it, even if someone does not like going on cam, they should still be willing to do so to show that they are who they claim to be and to give a basic, 'real' image of themselves to someone they are supposedly serious with.

I think this person is hiding something and I would be demand cam or I would cut the communication.

< Message edited by COINT -- 10/6/2011 3:33:26 AM >

(in reply to Benswitch)

Post #: 13

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/6/2011 3:23:53 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I don't know. She is talking to him with her mic. (apparently) I wouldn't get on the phone or cam with someone I just met (even in a vanilla way) when I was free.
Then again, I wouldn't have "played" on the first day we met either, and had him "cum" for me, (a decidedly male thing to do imo)

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to COINT)

Post #: 14

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/6/2011 3:34:15 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: COINT

The fact someone is being evasive and indeed, even hostile with regards to their basic identity would make me very much suspect they had something to hide.

With regards to the specific nature of it, even if someone does like going on cam, they should still be willing to do so to show that they are who they claim to be and to give a basic, 'real' image of themselves to someone they are supposedly serious with.

I think this person is hiding something and I would be demand cam or I would cut the communication.

You'd demand, huh? If you met a Domina like Me, you and your demand would go home empty handed. Don't like My personal dislike of cam or phone? I pretty much figure that's your loss. There are sixteen men (at least) that will take your place.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to COINT)

Post #: 15

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/6/2011 3:49:55 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Benswitch
LadyPact she doesn't even have anything written on her profile, let alone outside references. I would believe anything like this but nothing has been offered up, so I don't know

For the first six months or so that I was here (CM) I pretty much had a profile that said "I'll fill this out later". Yes, I committed the internet cardinal sin. Frankly, I didn't care. I wasn't here looking for anything. I had at least fifty folks who were posting on the forums (at that time) who knew Me in real time. I didn't care about the internet thing. I was too busy having fun in the community.

If a person can't do that and leave a paper trail, the cynic in Me says check them out.

The decision really is yours.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Benswitch)

Post #: 16

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/6/2011 3:51:37 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

With the exception of the fact that I don't do demos and get involved with the local BDSM community......so that nixes that part.......

What Lady Pact said!

I do not understand the drama over someone you've only been communicating with for a couple of days. There are people, on the other side, that I've been communicating with for months and they sure as hell wouldn't convince me to get on a webcam.

Slow the fuck down man. Take the time, via written word, to get to know the lady. Let her words tell you who she is. Then, if you have some sort of connection, it MIGHT be worth any trouble you may go through, to actually meet her.

This is what frustrates me about internet dating. Everyone expects it to be the McDonalds of relationship building.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 10/6/2011 3:52:59 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 17

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/6/2011 3:58:48 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

OP: Why would you 'commit' to a person you've never met face to face? Would you send your money to an 'investor' you've never met or had real life solid facts on? No? (If the answer is yes then you're beyond real help.) Stop being a prat.

You distrust this faceless internet person because common sense is trying to vie for the upper hand over what your sex-drive is hoping for.

You don't have to make demands, but likewise you don't have to commit to a complete stranger over the internet. Just say up front "Hey, if we're getting serious, I'd like to know who I'm really dealing with, and that's hard to do with nothing but text to go on." Maybe this other person really ISN'T wanting to be serious with you. Try to balance reality with expectation.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 18

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/6/2011 4:17:42 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Perhaps it is time to do another "fast food" society thread? I happen to enjoy those.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

Post #: 19

RE: I love being her slave, but am I his slave? - 10/6/2011 4:55:27 AM

lanakael

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/20/2006
Status: offline

How much information she chooses to give you, within a certain period of time, is certainly up to her. If the two of you have only just met, then you honestly have no business even contemplating being hers, or traveling, especially out of state, to meet her! Take your time and gently feel her out, so to speak, as she gets more and more comfortable with you and more willing to open up. Use common sense and trust your gut instincts. If say, after a year or so she's still unwilling to give you ANY info about herself that's concrete, then there's a problem. And you have EVERY right to know more about the woman you hope to someday trust your heart, body, and safety with. As long as you're respectful about it, I fail to see a problem. I'D be the one worrying if a prospective sub didn't ask questions pertaining to my identity at some point!

Also, something to keep in mind. Even if she does give you pictures, or video, it STILL doesn't mean it's really her! Several years ago, before my best friend met her Husband, this guy she met at our regular chat room pursued her. They chatted on yahoo, MSN, Skype, phone, the whole 9 yards. This went on for 18 months or so, and they started talking about him flying her out to visit him. At first he seemed as excited as she was, but as the time got closer for her to go out there, he started to change. He got evasive, kept pushing back their meeting date and giving every excuse under the sun as to why she couldn't visit at that time. Finally, after much begging, pleading, then finally threatening to break things off did she find out the truth: It's well known at our old chat that my friend prefers Black men. This guy was white, but wanted a chance with her and was afraid that she wouldn't have been interested in him had she known he was White. So for over 18 months, this guy was using his best friend as a go-between! When he and my friend would set a time for a phone call or a web chat, he'd get his friend to come over and they'd go over what the friend was supposed to say, mixing bits of their lives together which was easy since they'd known each other since early childhood. Naturally, she dumped him but I really hated seeing her hurt like that, because she'd really cared for him, and she said she'd had little warning flags from the start, yet ignored them because she really liked this man. So even if you "know" someone online for a long time, there can still be deception, so keep your ears and mind open, and follow your first instincts. I hope this all works out for you!

(in reply to Benswitch)

Post #: 20

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