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needy vs independent - 5/23/2006 9:04:15 PM

texasbutterfly

Posts: 84
Joined: 4/17/2006
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for all the dominants out there:

do you prefer a submissive who needs your input often...not micro management, but reassurance that you still are interested, frequent contact in the getting to know you stage, etc?

or do you prefer the independent submissive who does not need the extra care or attention? the one who would be fine if you went weeks without contacting her.

i don't know if this makes any kind of sense. if it does, great. if it does not, let me know and i will try to rephrase the question.

Post #: 1

RE: needy vs independent - 5/23/2006 9:09:20 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Here's a secret- dominants have insecurities and feel needy at times also.

The beauty of relationships is that we can all help eachother when we need it.

What level we consider "too much" of dependence vs independence depends on the person and relationship. I think as long as it comes from a place of mutual respect and security, you're good.

That being said, I probably prefer partners on the more "independent" end of the general spectrum. It's the "white knights" and "protectors" out there who really dig the "dependent" oens.

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Post #: 2

RE: needy vs independent - 5/23/2006 9:31:05 PM

MasterMoody

Posts: 133
Joined: 4/19/2006
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thyat is right it all depintes on you 2 or more people in the relationship and what they all like or dislike

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: needy vs independent - 5/23/2006 9:31:51 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear texasbutterfly, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I would like a combination of the two types.

I like someone mature enough as to not need me to be some warden or jail guard. I also wouldn't want a slave not touch bases with me for several weeks. I am a confessed "worry wart."

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to texasbutterfly)

Post #: 4

RE: needy vs independent - 5/23/2006 9:48:05 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I don't think I would want to be with anyone who is fine with weeks of no contact. Might as well marry a convict. Lol. I would think that it would be difficult for a sub to be needy if she puts her Master's needs first.

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Post #: 5

RE: needy vs independent - 5/23/2006 11:15:39 PM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

"for all the dominants out there:

do you prefer a submissive who needs your input often...not micro management, but reassurance that you still are interested, frequent contact in the getting to know you stage, etc?

or do you prefer the independent submissive who does not need the extra care or attention? the one who would be fine if you went weeks without contacting her.

i don't know if this makes any kind of sense. if it does, great. if it does not, let me know and i will try to rephrase the question. "

It's life like almost. Everything depends on the situation....some do, some don't some will some won't some shouldn't!

If it doesn't work for the both of you whatever balance on the scale you have then well it just doesn't work.

If it works great!

D (owner of j)

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Possibly.

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Post #: 6

RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 3:13:17 AM

Level

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There's no way I would go "weeks" or even days without contact, relationshipwise. Nor do I want someone that's "up my ass" all the time.

(in reply to Wolfie648)

Post #: 7

RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 3:33:24 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
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Ok, I'm not a dom but I'm answering anyway. I have to go with a combination. If you're not in a 24/7 or living together, having a REALLY need sub could be a major hassle. I mean, we all have to exist outside of our relationships, dont we? But, I can't imagine a dom who would truly want a sub who was ok with going weeks without contact.

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Post #: 8

RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 4:16:51 AM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
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I also wouldn't want a relationship with someone who didn't want to touch base with me at least in some way...daily. I don't need micromanagement nor several phone calls a day, but i think i do need some daily contact.
If someone thought it was ok to not talk for weeks (even several days) they just wouldn't be the person for me.
Of course...i think needs change over the years, When my children were young, i didn't feel like i had the time or energy for LTR and i preferred someone who wasn't interested in making huge claims on my time. As my life has changed so have my needs/desires.
As in most cases it , boils down to the two people involved in the relationships and their needs/desires complimenting one anothers

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 9

RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 4:22:46 AM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

Ok, I'm not a dom but I'm answering anyway. I have to go with a combination. If you're not in a 24/7 or living together, having a REALLY need sub could be a major hassle. I mean, we all have to exist outside of our relationships, dont we? But, I can't imagine a dom who would truly want a sub who was ok with going weeks without contact.

This a-way:
https://www.dunkindonuts.com/aboutus/store/Results.aspx?&LOC=41.8841543302439%3a-87.6324540324766&CT=41.8841543302439%3a-87.6324540324766%3a68.8%3a51.6&DSN=MapPoint.NA&GAD2=&GAD3=Chicago%2c+Illinois%2c+United+States&IC=41.8841543302439%3a-87.6324540324766%3a32%3aChicago%2c+Illinois%2c+United+States&recNum=5&radius=10

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Post #: 10

RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 5:05:18 AM

talibahh

Posts: 389
Joined: 4/9/2006
From: NSW Australia
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texasbutterfly... excellent question... i have been kind of wondering the same thing... sometimes it's hard to know what is too much, and what might seem like you're no longer interested, or not as interested. (if that makes sense)...

tali

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in giving You my freedom, i gain the freedom to be me ...
~ tali ~

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Post #: 11

RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 7:33:29 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I want daily contact. It's part of my soon-to-be-finished household manual. I do realize, however, there are times when it is impossible for the slave to do this, such as with my jason. If at all possible, I want to know about the absence in advance. Even then, I worry after a week.

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Post #: 12

RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 7:46:11 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
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I prefer a combination. I have a girl that does not live with me and we talk at least once a week. At most it's two or three times a week. But when she's physically with me she's always at my side. Even if I'm working that day, I'll have her with me. If it wasn't this way (meaning no contact for more then a week) then I really would call them my submissive/slave. They'd just be a play-partner.

On the other side, I have a companion that I live with. About the only thing we don't do together is work. And even then we have occasion to spend time together.

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Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to talibahh)

Post #: 13

RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 8:08:12 AM

MoonGoddessIsis

Posts: 38
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear texasbutterfly, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I would like a combination of the two types.

I like someone mature enough as to not need me to be some warden or jail guard. I also wouldn't want a slave not touch bases with me for several weeks. I am a confessed "worry wart."

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

I would VERY much have to agree with this. I am the exact same way. I want someone who is independent yet needs Me as much as I need them.
Very good point Lady Hugs... Hugs to You!

Lady Moon

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Post #: 14

RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 8:32:53 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL:
do you prefer a submissive who needs your input often...not micro management, but reassurance that you still are interested, frequent contact in the getting to know you stage, etc?

As a slave, I do need that 'reassurance' and I do expect some level of 'assuarance' and in my expereince any Master who is interested in me will at least calm my feels, whether it's by text messaging me out of no where or leaving an off-line message or email or even calling my cell just to tell me I am on his mind. By asking the Would be Master for his input I can see if he and I are compatable and how things may work if we were to take this to the 'next level.'

quote:

or do you prefer the independent submissive who does not need the extra care or attention? the one who would be fine if you went weeks without contacting her.

If someone when weeks without contacting me I would move on, no quesitons asked. If I knew before hand he would be unavaliable on a business trip for a few weeks that's different, but their is always the phone, so it's just a load of bs and a cop-out. I have been with Master's who went on business trips and they always managed to call me and say 'hi' or that they were thinking about me. It takes 15 seconds for a Master to show that he cares, that's not a lot of time.

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Post #: 15

RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 8:46:31 AM

chrisy

Posts: 34
Joined: 10/10/2005
Status: offline

i am having problems finding any dominant willing to deal with an independent sub that has a lot of opinions. i am starting to think dominants are that way bc they lack self esteem? please enlighten me. i am new to the life and have only been real time for six months (with a mistress).

(in reply to texasbutterfly)

Post #: 16

RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 8:49:12 AM

chrisy

Posts: 34
Joined: 10/10/2005
Status: offline

wow. i am in the minority here. i can't stand daily contact. it is annoying and overbearing! as long as i know i can contact HIM/HER and that they know i will answer them ASAP when they demand it..i am fine with that.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 17

RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 8:51:50 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

In my life I have to be independant to an extent since I am a single parent and I have soemone who depends on me so I am an 'independant slave' as far as that is concerned, but I so still liek havign a Master check on me, it makes vanilla life that much mroe interesting and the days go by faster, not to mention that it keeps M/s on my mind even when I am greeting clients or answering phones all day. For a few moments, I get to go back to M/s even though I am at work. Its a nice change of pace.

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"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

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Post #: 18

RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 8:58:20 AM

KnightofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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seems to me you think independence is also detachment. I enjoy an independent woman. I have two of them that are both very independent self-starters that are very much capable of making wise and intelligent decisions. But, I don't want person that is emotional detached from me. I want them comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. Being able to not talk to me for weeks doesn't reflect independence... it reflects a lack of attachment. needy is not a question of being overly attached, but someone that can't function on their own without me. Shit happens, I want to know that if something happens to me... my girls will go on and prosper, wth the appropriate morning period... lets say about 50 years *g*

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 19

RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 9:02:32 AM

akisha

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Joined: 6/25/2005
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I'm very independant in the sense that i can support and care for myself, but when i'm in a relationship i don't need constant contact but i do need consistant contact.

One of the reasons i have trouble with LDR's. If i don't hear from him for a day i wonder but don't worry. If it's been more then a day I start to get that horrible feeling in my tummy, but refuse to be clingy by calling/messaging/e-mailing repeatedly. If it's been a week, i'm starting to withdraw and disconnect emotionally. Meaning in my mind it's pretty much over.

As it is i have relationship trust issues. I refuse to beg anyone to want me or love me. and I'll withdraw first if i feel i'm not wanted. Then again it takes me a while to even attach emotionally.

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Post #: 20

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