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RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 9:39:57 AM

naughtyboystoys

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Thank you akisha, that is my feeling as well, if i have to ask for the contact or the attention then maybe i do not deserve it and i refuse to ask for it. i tend to detach in that situation as well. Of course somehow Master feels the detachment begins and jerls the chain that reminds me of my place.

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RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 10:34:07 AM

texasbutterfly

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Joined: 4/17/2006
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i appreciate everyone's input. for me personally, i find myself needing that daily contact and tend to worry if i don't get it. like someone said earlier, it doesn't have to be much, a 30 second phone call, an email, an im just to say hi.

i guess i just fear that i am not wanted or needed. i can function on my own, i have for years, but my head is in a much better place when i know that someone cares...

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RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 12:35:36 PM

Darkraven6

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Joined: 3/5/2006
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Texasbutterfly, I agree 100%, and am as well, having a hard time with never really knowing where I am with a new situation. I can and have funcitoned on my own, for many years, that isnt a problem. Id like to know one way or another where I stand with a new Dom, or when Im first starting out a relationship with one. As it is now....Ive been talking almost daily with one, who at one point tells me hes interested, by his calls, usually its emails here and there during the day, as well hes written a wonderful story for me. Yet, keeps saying things to me when we do talk on IM or email etc., like...when you find the right one...things like that. Im never really sure what...Im doing. Should I search for another Dom? Should I stick it out and see where its going? I really dont know. It really frustrates me. As well, he seems to now really like to open up about his interests..its like pulling teeth just to get him to talk. When he does, its like, almost joking around. I like to know, when Im talking with a possible new Dom, if our interests at least somewhat match. Id hate to find Id be dissipointing as a sub later because maybe my limits are not what he would wish or except. So for me at least, its important. I expect that there will be differences, as well, challenges, and I would hope so...lol. I love that edge, or being taught new things. But as well, every one has some form of limit as to things they will or wont do. Im not sure if this is a needy thing, to want to know these things or not.
In anycase, it gets very frustrating, when you dont know where you are or stand. I do agree. If you know your wanted, and cared about...it helps so much, and really makes you want to be a good sub.

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RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 4:33:26 PM

juliaoceania

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darkraven,

maybe you could ask this dom wherehe stands right now, but I would take those comments as a hint that while he is enjoying your company he is not ready in the near future to make you his... I would definitely ask though

As to how I feel about it, like knights says, there is dettachment, and then there is independence. Needy is even different from dependent. I think of needy as a negative thing. Someone who is a charity case is "needy", someone who needs someone to tell them when to pee and eat and what to eat is dependent within the structure of a D/s relationship.. some doms and subs get off on that level of micromanagement... thats their thing.... good for them!

I am not that dependent of a sub. I want my dominant to become a part of my decisions over time, help me make them, and help me implement them. If he asks me for advice, or my opinion I will give it, and I will trust that he will trust my insight enough to consider my words. I want a partnership (not 50/50.... but whatever it takes for US to make a life). I am not needing 50 calls a day for what I call the trivia of daily living (like "may I take a shit Daddy" for me is not necessary to feel cared for and thought about and I would see that as wasting my Dom's precious time.. He works A LOT, and I would not want to become another job).

My situation is new, and every relationship is different when it comes to how much freedom a sub will be given, and how much her time is managed. It is agreed upon at the start and may change over time as the relationship changes and deepens. Nothing is static, all things are fluid, especially what our needs are in a relationship. Just my opinion...smiles

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RE: needy vs independent - 5/24/2006 4:52:47 PM

feastie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

I also wouldn't want a relationship with someone who didn't want to touch base with me at least in some way...daily. I don't need micromanagement nor several phone calls a day, but i think i do need some daily contact.
If someone thought it was ok to not talk for weeks (even several days) they just wouldn't be the person for me.
Of course...i think needs change over the years, When my children were young, i didn't feel like i had the time or energy for LTR and i preferred someone who wasn't interested in making huge claims on my time. As my life has changed so have my needs/desires.
As in most cases it , boils down to the two people involved in the relationships and their needs/desires complimenting one anothers

I couldn't agree more, spankempink!

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RE: needy vs independent - 5/25/2006 6:10:01 AM

mastersayed

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Joined: 3/21/2006
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dont play games with your dom. if you're needy talk to him, if you're not then dont. playing games like (should I call him today or tommorow? or I wont say I love him until he says he loves me) make me sick. Just express your feelings whatever they are and as frequently as they hit you. honesty is best.

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RE: needy vs independent - 5/25/2006 3:00:19 PM

texasbutterfly

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i guess i worded my post badly. it is the dom who is not responding to me as much as i would like. i don't want to be in need of his attention so much that i get on his nerves, but then again, sometimes he goes a week without contacting me. do i move on or do i try to stick it out? that is my dilemma.

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RE: needy vs independent - 5/25/2006 3:26:24 PM

subjected2006

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how can you go a week?
why does he go a week?
seven days..too many moments there to have oppurtunities to make contact..
and if you are needy then tell him..the squeaky wheel gets the grease always,
even more so when it involves a D/s relationship...
do you think hes feeling any kind of contempt for you for being needy
if so how would you handle that.?

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RE: needy vs independent - 5/25/2006 4:09:18 PM

slavejali

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My attitude is this: When you like someone you want to spend time with them and the more you like them the more time you desire to spend with them.

If a submissive/slave type likes someone enough to want to surrender to them...they are naturally going to become needy of that persons attention...and that doesnt signify a weakness...just their submissive state.

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RE: needy vs independent - 5/25/2006 4:15:59 PM

texasbutterfly

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thanks jali. you put that very well. i guess that also answers some questions i have been having about our relationship. i will voice my concerns and see what happens.

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RE: needy vs independent - 5/25/2006 10:38:56 PM

gardenbluebird

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Joined: 5/9/2006
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i see my Master every week or two, and we chat online maybe a couple of times a week. To me that level of contact seems very comfortable. We both lead very busy lives, but we both make sure to make time for each other.

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Post #: 31